Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Reborn

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 15:

As Kara’s memories rushed into her head, Alex tried desperately to hold onto herself. From the moment Astra appeared in front of them, every ounce of anger and fear Kara had experienced at that point, bombarded her, blowing through their joined minds in a torrent.

She felt herself flying in Kara’s early memories, felt the heat vision her little sister had unleashed, first on the bear and cave wall, then on Hank Henshaw and herself. But Alex had never experienced anything as brutal as the fight with the Kryptonian in that Metropolis bar as Kara’s memory of that moment blasted through her.

Now she was feeling that power radiating through her again. Kara had grown much stronger as she aged, and it was never more apparent than now.

The brunette knew her sister was with her, felt her presence wrapped around her like a warm blanket, but the two were merged so deeply now she could feel every bit of power as if it were her own. She had flown like a missile, moving at incredible speeds, blowing Astra through the wall and onto the beach, felt the worry for her family inside and her immense anger when she stood face to face with the woman.

As if she were a passenger strapped into an out of control car, Alex felt herself fighting Kara’s aunt.

The two traded blows, blasts of heat vision. The power Alex felt frightened her and for the first time, she understood just how powerful Kara truly was. Intellectually, she had known from observation but feeling it, feeling the burn from the depths of her body channeled through her red vision was a shocking experience. It was in that moment that Alex understood why Kara was so afraid of herself and what she could do if she lost control even for a second.

“You get used to it.” Kara’s voice told her. Alex couldn’t see the blonde since they were both inhabiting the same body now. Her sister’s voice spoke quietly in their shared mind space, calming Alex with its soothing tone. “The power I mean. The constant feeling of wanting to explode, waiting for a target to unleash it on. The high that accompanies finally releasing your anger.”

Alex shook her head, trying to focus on what was going on in front of her, to gain some control and clarity.

She was winning the fight. For every shot Astra landed, Alex and Kara were landing three. Their bones were breaking but so was their enemy’s.

“What has happened to you?” Astra cried out in anguish, her voice shaking upon finally seeing the monster she helped create behind the eyes of her beloved niece.

“I became what I had to be. Your journey ends here. You died when you touched them.” Alex heard Kara’s voice saying.

Kara’s anger never lessened, leaving Alex caught up in the whirlwind of her little sister’s dark emotions.

Until she had Astra in her grip. Alex knew this position well. She had used it to break a neck once. She knew what was about to happen. Fully submerged in Kara’s psyche now, she felt everything.

“Kara, please, I love you.” Astra was begging her… pleading with her.

The truth in those words shocked Alex. They grieved Kara. For a moment, Kara felt pity, remorse, hesitation, loss… and love.

Then their emotions were gone. Kara had turned herself off, just as Dante taught her. No anger, no remorse, nothing… just an underlying determination to do what she had to do.

A snap of the neck.

“I love you, too.” Alex and Kara found themselves saying, tears falling down their face.

It was true. Despite everything, despite not regretting what she was doing, Kara loved Astra. The worst part was Alex knew Astra loved Kara. She heard it in Astra’s plea, saw it in her eyes.

Their perspective shifted, revealing a green glow in the sky, sparkling dust falling on the beach. The images began to speed up as the memories of both girls assailed them.

Kara raging at the descending Kryptonians, before dropping, convulsing on the ground, knife in hand, being carried into the basement…

Alex’s training taking over as she raised her gun at the first target, a woman decked in the black of the Kryptonian military, she pulled the trigger.

The woman stood still for a moment, a quarter sized hole in her head, then dropped to the ground limp.

Kara felt Alex’s shock, and a prevailing numbness. Not regret, just disbelief that it had happened. Alex always knew before the war was over, she would have to kill. She had just not expected it to be tonight. Staring at the lifeless woman, Alex was momentarily paralyzed until she felt Connolly touch her arm. Steeling herself, she looked for her sister, Alex’s fright escalating when she couldn’t find Kara while Kryptonite particles rained down around her.

Panic, fear, anger, dread and so much pain relentlessly flooded through their joined mind, Alex staring in horror as Kara’s seizures grew worse, slowly drowning in her own blood, their father’s indecision and doubt, their mother screaming at him to stop stalling and save her… the cacophony of emotions literally shredding the sisters’ minds…

“Stop!” Kara yelled.

In the sudden silence, Alex found herself on her hands and knees, Kara in the same position beside her.

“I remember… all of it. I’m sorry, Alex. I never wanted to burden you with those feelings.” Kara said, her head down as she fought to regain control of her breathing.

Alex leaned back on her heels, steadying herself and reaching over to rub Kara’s back. “I’m not sorry. I understand a lot better now… for everything she did to our family, I do believe now that she really loved you… I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty either.”

Kara didn’t respond but reached out to Alex and stood, pulling Alex up with her. Both were shaking in the aftermath of their shared revelations.

Kara and Alex walked slowly over to where Astra’s dead body lay on the sand. The blonde knelt next to her and brushed a strand of hair off her face. “I told her… on the phone… I told her if she made me kill her, I would never forgive her. Do you remember?”

“Yes.” Alex whispered.

Kara ran her hand through Astra’s hair, smoothing it down, drawing her finger down the edge of her strong cheekbone, before reaching down to take her aunt’s hand. “Look at her. She was… she could have come to me in so many ways. She didn’t have to threaten them, try to kill them. She could have been part of us, part of our family. I told her I wanted to remember her as she was… to remember the way we were. But in the end, she lost her mind the same as I did. Astra was really no different than me in a lot of ways. She felt betrayed by my mother, she obsessed over finding me for years. She changed so much from the person I knew.”

Kara paused, reflecting on the tranquil look on Astra’s face. She saw the aunt she loved in that expression. “I know you saw her as a psychopath, but she wasn’t always like this. Being awake in the Phantom Zone for so long… Mother hid the truth from her. If she hadn’t… maybe Astra wouldn’t have killed to save a planet that was already doomed. My mother told me on the launch pad that she made sure Astra was safe. I understand now… she sentenced Astra to the Phantom Zone to save her life… because my life and Astra’s were more important to her than her own. She risked everything for us, and Astra never knew how much my mother loved her.”

Kara looked at Alex now with watery eyes and a small smile on her face. “I want to show you my Aunt Astra. I want you to see who she truly was before the cruelty of our circumstances destroyed both of us.”

Alex found herself in Kara’s body once again, a smaller body. She was a child on Krypton.

Astra was there in her room. This Astra was very different. The coldness was not present in her eyes. Instead, a bright smile lit up her face and she ran towards Alex, wrapping her in the warmest hug, lifting her off her feet. “How is my brave warrior today?”

Alex found herself giggling of all things, a feeling of joy sweeping through her body. “I missed you. Where have you been? What have you been doing? Did you have to fight? Are you okay? Did you bring me anything? Can I see your ship?” Alex heard herself asking in Kara’s voice, excitement building.

“Give me a moment. Let’s see. I have been orbiting the planet, running my guard through drills, I haven’t fought anyone because the universe knows better than to attack Krypton, of course I brought you something and the ship is still in orbit so no, you can’t see it this time, but one day soon, I promise. The ship will be in dock for maintenance next month and I will give you a tour.” Astra kissed Alex on the nose, her arms holding the young girl close even as Alex’s arms were wrapped around her neck.

“Yes! Do you think Father will let me go?” Alex’s face was even with Astra’s own, so the older woman had no trouble seeing the delight and desire in her beloved niece’s eyes.

Astra shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “I bet if I twisted his arm, or his leg, or back, really hard, he would agree to whatever I want. Where is your mother?”

“In court. She will be in session late into the night. I don’t know where father is. I believe he told Mother that he would be with Jor El, but I am not sure what they are doing. What did you bring me?” Alex asked excitedly.

Astra pulled out a crystal globe. A hologram appeared above it of a beautiful blonde female with large white wings open wide.

“She is beautiful. Why does she have wings?” Alex asked almost reverently, eyes transfixed on the globe.

In a conspiratorial whisper, Astra replied, “Some say these beautiful creatures inhabited Krypton long ago. They were called angels, messengers from Rao. They flew over Krypton, watching over our people, protecting them when they could not protect themselves. It was said there was never a more beautiful creature in the universe and if you were lucky enough to see one, you would cry tears of joy just from the sight. This angel reminded me of you. That’s what I feel when I see you.”

“Thank you.” Alex told her, feeling her heart warm, leaning in to hug her aunt.

“She made me feel so loved.” Kara’s voice said.

“She is beautiful.” Alex admitted to herself and Kara. This was not the Astra they had faced on the beach. This was a woman who would never threaten an innocent child. She was a protector, a warrior, one with warmth that Alex could feel around her.

“Now, let’s go to your room. I want to see your drawings and maybe we can draw some more. Then you are going to sing for me. I heard some new melodies while onboard. We should write some lyrics.”

Alex felt a sharp sadness sweep over her. “I cannot. I have lessons all day. Today is physics. I am scheduled for ten hours with Kelex.”

Astra smiled mischievously. “I have bad news my dear Kara. Kelex isn’t operational today. An unfortunate event occurred. Somehow the wiring from his main CPU was pulled and frayed. It will take a repair droid a day to rewire him and even longer to recovery his memory… perhaps several days considering the droid will not have his main memory chip.”

Astra reached behind Alex’s ear and pulled her hand back, revealing Kelex’s chip in her palm.

“So unfortunately, our good friend Kelex will not be able to conduct your lessons today. Now, shall we play?”

Alex stepped away, Kara next to her now and the two of them watched young Kara take Astra’s hand with a bright smile, the pair running away laughing.

“She wasn’t always a monster. She was…” Kara stopped, her voice cracking. “I wasn’t either. It isn’t fair.”

Still caught up in the memory, Alex absently nodded in agreement. She had seen the young girl’s smile in photos gathered from the Fortress but never in person.

The sisters found themselves back on the beach, standing over Astra’s dead body. Kara knelt next to the woman, tears flowing freely down her face.

“I forgive you.” Kara whispered to her Aunt. “I know you forgive me. I’m so sorry this happened but we never had a choice, did we? I know you loved me. I think you loved me so much it drove you insane. I am remembering what that feels like, to be insane. I couldn’t let you win. Non… I know you had to stay. I know Rao forbid you from leaving him. We were both his victims… he was my nightmare and your burden. I killed him though. He can’t hurt either of us ever again.”

“You never grieved.” Alex told her, wrapping her arms around Kara. “You never once let yourself cry over her. Let it out, Kara. It’s okay.”

Kara broke down, her body shaking while Alex held her tight, her own tears flowing as she felt all of Kara’s emotions. The grief was staggering but they held onto each other as always.

Kara wasn’t sure how long she stayed in her sister’s arms. Despite knowing she was in her own mind she felt the burn in her chest, the nausea, the physical pain that accompanied such profound anguish.

Then she was in a cold room, filled with dead bodies on stretchers.

“What is this?” Kara whispered. “I’ve never been here.”

“No, you haven’t. I have something to tell you, show you. Something that needed to wait until the time was right, if it ever was… and now, it’s time.” Alex told her. “This is the DEO morgue. It’s where they brought the bodies before they were burned.”

Another memory rushed Kara. She had told her Dad to burn Astra with the rest.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I told them to burn her with the others.” Kara remembered, horrified. “I shouldn’t have had her just thrown in with the others. No matter what she did, what she became, she still loved me. I should have at least prayed for her.”

“She was prayed for.” Alex told her quietly.

Kara was confused for a moment at the statement until her attention was caught by Alex and Connolly walking into the morgue.

“I need a moment alone with her.” Alex told the man. He patted her on the shoulder and walked out.

Alex walked to the stretcher where Astra’s body lay. She stared for a long moment at the woman before reaching over and closing the woman’s eyes.

“I hate you. You killed humans to try and find Kara. Do you have any idea what that did to her? What that made her feel? She loved you and… I just hate you. You tried to kill my parents, my brother, you wanted to take my sister, bring her to your bastard husband!” Alex’s teeth were clenched as she ranted.

She looked up for a moment and took a breath. “I’ve wished you were dead for so long. I wish I would have been the one to do it. It’s not right that she had to. You should have stayed away from her. You should have turned on your husband for her. You should have done what she asked on the phone, killed Non, stopped Myriad, and been there for her, to at least try and explain yourself. Damn you, woman! Do you know what she had to do tonight? Do you have any idea how hurt she will be over this?! For the rest of her life she is going to feel this pain and it’s because of you!”

Alex stopped shouting and turned her back on the dead woman. “But you loved her. She said her aunt died on Krypton… Kara told Dad that you were a monster and you could burn with the rest. She said you weren’t her aunt that she had loved.”

Alex crossed her arms and walked around the room, inspecting the other bodies, including the woman she had killed. She felt nothing looking at the woman’s corpse… she should feel something, but this woman attacked her family and Alex couldn’t bring herself to care one way or another that she was the one responsible for taking her life.

She made her way back to Astra eventually. “Kara tried to flush the necklace her mother gave her once. I stopped her, took it from her. I did it because I knew one day, she would regret it. So, as much as I hate you, I love her… so I’m doing this for her. I know it is customary for a surviving female relative to pray over the dead. Since she is your niece and I am her sister, I suppose that makes us related, no matter how much I despise you and wish you had never been born.”

Alex reached her hand out, stopping over Astra’s head and spoke softly in Kryptonese.

“ You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights your way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn and await the night we join you in the sky. Rao’s will be done.”

Alex stayed silent for a few moments more then turned to leave. Connolly was waiting for her at the door. “What do you want done? Jeremiah said Kara wanted…”

“Kara would regret it, one day.” Alex said, cutting him off. “Burn Astra separately and place her ashes in an urn. Keep it at your house. When I can figure out a way to get them to the Fortress, I will place them there. Kara doesn’t need to know right now. I will tell her one day, when she is ready, if she ever is.”

The two sisters were once again on the beach, this time alone.

“You did that?” Kara asked, deeply moved at her sister’s thoughtfulness.

“Yeah.” Alex admitted. “I thought one day… I know what she did, what she forced us to do, what she almost did. But I hoped one day, maybe you would forgive her for yourself. One day, maybe you would want… I’m sorry.”

Kara pulled Alex into her. “I’m not. Thank you. I love you so much.” The two held each other tightly.

“Where is she?” Kara finally asked.

Alex replied, “When we hooked up the transporters, I moved her to the Fortress. I had Kelex construct a subfloor in the Northwest corner. The urn is there.”

“Thank you.” Kara told her again. “I… I forgive her, I do. I’ve held onto that hate for too long. It’s time to let it go.”

The world spun before Kara could have time to process her revelation. Memories assaulted her once again while she tried to place them in chronological order.

To add to the chaos of her own memories returning to her haphazardly, Alex’s memories also revealed themselves: the time after Myriad, the relief she felt, the happiness she was experiencing, knowing her enemies were dead, her sister and family were safe and Cameron Chase was in her life. Although Alex’s life seemed to be on the upswing, she still sat up at night often, watching Kara mumble in her sleep, waking every time her little sister woke to go to the living room and stare out the window over the National City skyline. Kara felt younger Alex’s distress in that she didn’t know what was bothering her sister much less how to help her.

Younger Kara on the other hand, felt nothing. The hole inside her that should have been filled after Myriad was still empty, gnawing away at her, leaving her withdrawing into herself. With their merged minds, Alex now realized she had no clue as to how far Kara had pulled away from her nor how lost and depressed her sister had been. The feeling left her nauseous… then the scene changed.

Alex and Kara saw the blonde walk into a bar, a haunted look on her face. The bartender had come to serve her personally at the booth. The dark-skinned woman asked if she was really Kara Zor El.

Kara Zor El was dead she had told the woman. A few moments later Kara took a drink and gasped, Alex feeling it as well. Her skin tingled, her mind went fuzzy and she felt all tension leave her body.

“That tastes so good.” Kara admitted. “I got so drunk. I couldn’t stop. It made me feel numb. I didn’t think about… anything. I just relaxed. Doesn’t it taste good?” Kara whispered with longing.

Alex didn’t respond, shaking her head and trying desperately to separate her thoughts from her sister’s for the first time since they merged. Alex had drunk before but never to the extent Kara had. She had never really understood what it felt like for her little sister, why she would want to drink so much and so often.

“This is when it started.” Alex realized, fighting off Kara’s renewed desire for alcohol. “You couldn’t feel anything, you wanted the dreams to stop, your mind to focus on anything else and this did it for you, didn’t it? You became numb.”

“I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.” Kara hesitated, feeling the liquid burning her throat as she watched herself drink. “I still don’t want to stop. I used alcohol for the same reason I hurt myself… it made me forget… who I was supposed to be, what was expected of me, what I had done, the things I was still doing. You escaped into Cameron and I escaped into alcohol.”

A darkened room, Kara entering through the window, Dick Grayson sitting up in bed, surprised to see her. “Kara? What’s wrong?”

The blonde stepped forward and placed a red shining globe on the nightstand. “I need to forget for a while. Can you help me?”

No other words were needed. Alex shook her head, praying she wouldn’t have to relieve this memory. Instead of Kara’s lust, she felt her little sister’s shame and disgust with herself. But once again, she felt the need to forget.

“I kept coming back.” Kara told her. “Time and time again, when the alcohol wasn’t enough, I kept coming back to him. He was safe. There was no judgement, no pity, no danger. He let me do whatever I wanted… I used him… I used him, and he fell in love with me, didn’t he?”

Alex was thoughtful when she answered, carefully watching Kara’s reactions. “Yes, but you never once gave him hope you would ever love him in return. You were very upfront about the fact you were using him, and he was so obsessed with you that he believed he could get you to change your mind. I warned him time and again, but he never listened. Then again, neither did you when I told you he wasn’t good for you.”

Kara nodded, knowing the truth in what Alex was saying as she remembered. She admitted, “I always felt so ashamed afterward. I could never just lie down and sleep with him. I never wanted him to hold me. I just wanted to forget for a while. Alcohol was better, but sometimes I needed more.”

Kara sighed as the memory faded. She looked over to Alex, feeling comfort in her sister’s understanding gaze. Taking advantage of their closeness in this moment, she asked, “You don’t have to answer, but I’ve wondered, and this seems like a good time to ask but… did you love her? Cameron? Did you really love her or was it just easier because she knew the truth?”

Alex didn’t answer her directly, merely closing her eyes shifting the scene once again.

Kara looked around and froze when her mind unlocked the events that were about to unfold. She recognized the place and players involved. “Alex? Why did you bring us here?”

“This is the answer to your question. Just watch.” Alex said, taking Kara’s hand in hers.

A brutal fight was unfolding in downtown National City. The sisters were surrounded by two enemies. Almeracians. Kara was engaged in combat with Maxima, their Empress, while Alex held off her ally S’kirry, using every weapon in her arsenal.

As Alex was observing this fight, she thought back to Kara’s feelings during her fights with Astra and Non. Her sister’s strength, her power and rage gave her focus as she channeled every movement and action precisely as she’d been taught. The outcomes of those altercations were a forgone conclusion: the destruction of her enemy. But on this night, something was very wrong. Kara was not as powerful, not as fast, not as steady.

A cold chill ran down her spine when she realized the difference. Everything that happened during that fight and the aftermath became crystal clear. Kara was drunk and Alex had not been aware of it at the time. She had been at Cameron’s all night and the two only met when Maxima decided to release the aliens held in the downtown DEO headquarters before traveling to the desert facility.

The fight with Maxima was vicious, with the Empress finally landing several strikes to Kara’s eyes. Screaming in rage, Kara flipped the woman over her head, picking her up by the hair and throwing her towards her servant, not seeing her sister was in the way.

Alex felt a sharp stab of pain in her left knee as she watched herself fly into the air when Maxima’s body collided with her knees from behind. S’kirry moved towards a now disarmed and disoriented Alex on the ground. She watched her younger self throw her left arm up as she reached with her right hand for the serrated knife she kept tucked in her right boot. Kara appeared suddenly in front of her, grabbing the creature’s face and slamming it into the pavement several times, rendering him unconscious. The fight was over when Kara crashed her knee into Maxima’s face, shattering the woman’s nose as DEO agents mobilized around the fallen foes and contained them.

A frantic Kara ignored them all in her haste to get to her sister’s side. “Alex! Are you alright? Don’t move, okay? Medic! Get a stretcher over here.”

“Kara. relax, I’m fine.” Alex said trying to reassure her, sitting up, but the excruciating pain in her knee was too much for her to hide and she hissed when she moved.

“Please be still!” Kara implored her, wringing her hands. “You have a torn tendon in your left knee. Damn it! I should have thought before I threw her! I could have killed you!”

As always, Alex’s focus was on Kara, not herself. “I’m fine. Close quarter’s combat, it happens. Next time I’ll throw someone into you and we can call it even, okay? Relax and help me stand up.”

Instead of helping, Kara lifted her older sister in her arms and laid her on a stretcher, Eliza running over to Alex’s side.

“Mom, she has a torn tendon in her knee.” Kara frantically told Eliza.

Eliza nodded impatiently. “Both of you are hurt. I’ll take care of Alex. Your eyes are swelling. Get to your Dad in Med bay one. He is preparing the room for you. I want you under a sunlamp as soon as possible.”

Kara stood by and watched Alex being taken into the DEO facility, feeling helpless.

Alex herself felt a great amount of apprehension due to Kara’s face, both the injuries and the guilty expression.

After being given a pair of crutches, she walked out hours later to Cameron Chase’s car. Her father had told her Kara never did come to get checked out and he was heading to their apartment. Instead of taking her home as Alex instructed, her girlfriend drove toward her own place.

“Cameron, turn around, I need to get home!” Alex said vehemently.

Cameron shook her head. “No, you need to take pressure off your knee. You can stay the night with me so I can make sure you get some rest.”

Alex refused to get out of the car, instead saying, “Take me home. Now! I need to see Kara!”

Shutting off the car, Cameron gripped the steering wheel tightly with both hands. “Your Dad is over there with her. Can you relax for a moment? Please? Look, you can call her, check on her but maybe you can stay with me and give me a little peace of mind! I was scared for you! You shouldn’t have been fighting an alien that strong by yourself!”

“I was with Kara… we were containing the threat until the DEO finally decided to join the fight, which was pretty much after it ended… and we were right outside the damn building! So, care to explain to me what took you so long?” Alex asked heatedly.

Cameron took a deep breath to calm her nerves and apparently, her temper. “We had to charge the ion nets. They were the only weapons we had strong enough to capture an Almeracians.”

“I guess Connolly needs better weapons. Mine did enough damage.” Alex stated sarcastically.

Cameron snorted, obviously not amused in the slightest. “Yeah, until your sister threw her opponent into your legs. You are lucky they both aren’t shattered. What was with her tonight? If I didn’t know better, I would think she was drunk.”

Alex stiffened, not liking the accusation at all, mostly because she feared it might be true.

Cameron continued, apparently not noticing her girlfriend’s tense posture. “She was swaying every time she took a swing, never used her heat vision, fell back with every shot, hit the ground more times than I have ever seen her, wasn’t paying attention…”

Alex exploded on her. “Who are you to judge! Where the hell were you? You aren’t dressed in tac gear! You aren’t in the field! You were safe in ops, on the monitor… so what gives you the right to criticize her?!”

Alex didn’t feel Cameron had any grounds for ever criticizing Kara, she was never in the middle of the fighting, merely coming in with the containment teams afterwards.

Cameron’s face darkened, but she didn’t say anything obviously not wanting to escalate the argument. Opening the car door, she stepped out and walked around to open Alex’s door.

Alex reluctantly allowed her to help her out and took her crutches then began walking down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of the door.

“What are you doing?” Cameron almost shouted in frustration.

“Getting a cab since you won’t take me home.” Alex replied pointedly.

Cameron grabbed her by the shoulder from behind. “Would you please just stop? I love you and you scared the hell out of me tonight! Can I have a little of your time? Do you love me enough to give me that?”

Alex pulled back, stumbling slightly as she turned to face her girlfriend. “This has nothing to do with you or how I feel about you! I’m fine and I need Kara to see that… to see me. She’s going to feel guilty and I need to convince her it’s not her fault. Can you understand that?”

Cameron obviously didn’t like Alex’s lack of an answer as her expression grew darker still. This argument had played out in several different variations over their entire relationship. Pinning Alex with a stare that caused new agents to cower in fear, she said, “Once again, you change the subject back to your sister. You won’t answer my question because you don’t love me enough, do you? I’m always going to be second, aren’t I? Do you even love me at all or am I just convenient because I know all your secrets?”

Kara felt it then, Alex’s buried guilt rise to the surface as she watched her younger self having this particular argument with Cameron.

“She was just convenient.” Kara realized. She could see it now so plainly… Alex’s infatuation with the agent turning into a safety net, a relationship very similar to the one Kara had with Dick. Cameron was an escape from the stresses of her life. A friend with benefits, nothing more.

“I tried.” Alex admitted. “I tried to love her. I wanted it to work, I held on so long because I didn’t have to lie to her.”

“But you never really loved her.” Kara said, feeling such profound sadness from her sister.

Alex shook her head. “I told her I did. I thought if I said it enough, that it would be true. I thought living together might have been the answer, but it only drove us further apart. I cared about her, but ultimately, I used her every bit as much as you used Dick. At least you never pretended with him.”

The two found themselves in Kara and Alex’s old apartment, Kara standing by the window and the feeling of guilt and intoxication greatly startled Alex. Kara had a bottle in her hand, half empty, and was crying. She hadn’t even changed out of her costume.

She was so caught up listening to Alex and Cameron arguing miles away that she missed her Dad’s approaching heartbeat, taken by surprise when he knocked on the door. Kara moved to the fridge quickly and placed her bottle inside then moved towards the door.

“Your Mom wanted you in a solar bed.” he told her by way of greeting, the concern obvious in his voice. “Your right eye is swollen. Have a seat on the couch and let me take a look.”

“I’m fine. It will heal in a few more minutes.” she told him, walking back to the window. Kara heard Jeremiah sigh, letting her have her space.

“Alex is going to be alright,” her father reassured her.

“She has a torn tendon. She will need surgery. I’ve been listening.” Kara said softly, voice cracking slightly.

“You could have stayed at the DEO. You wouldn’t have had to listen across the city.” he pointed out.

Both girls felt the guilt cut through Kara’s younger self. “I threw an enemy into her like an idiot, hurting her. I doubt she wants to see me right now.”

“You know that’s not true.” Jeremiah said, “In fact, I’m surprised she isn’t here. Connolly said one of the agents gave her a ride home.”

“She… had to make a stop. She is hungry.” Kara lied, knowing full well her father would not be happy if he knew where Alex was and who she was with.

The man walked up behind his daughter and placed his arms around her. “What was going on tonight? You didn’t look like yourself. You looked dizzy when you first landed, you couldn’t dodge any strikes. I’m worried. If you are getting weaker, we need to know. I don’t want either of you out there unless you are at one hundred percent. If there is something wrong…”

“I’m sorry, Father. Please don’t be upset with me.” Kara begged. Kara’s sudden spike of fear was strongly felt by both sisters as they observed the exchange.

Jeremiah backed away. “Kara, look at me.”

The blonde slowly turned back towards him, not meeting his eyes.

“Since when do you call me father? You have always called me Dad. Kara, I’m not upset with you, or disappointed. I’m worried.” Jeremiah’s voice carried an undercurrent of concern.

Kara shook her head.

“I’m not Zor El and you know this. What happened was an accident. Alex will have her knee scoped and have to take it easy for a few weeks. She’ll be fine. You should rest as well.”

“I failed. I hurt Alex.” Kara whispered, crossing her arms, retreating into herself.

Jeremiah wrapped her in a hug that was not returned. He stepped back after a second. “Kara, what is that smell?”

Kara said nothing.

“Look me in the eyes.” Her father demanded.

The blonde slowly raised her eyes to his.

“I knew he would see it in my eyes.” Kara whispered to Alex, watching the scene unfold.

Jeremiah turned from her and moved to the refrigerator. He found the bottle with no problem.

“What is this?” he asked, already knowing the answer.

Kara turned back to the window. “Nothing. It’s just something I picked up at this… place. I didn’t expect to fight tonight. I thought I could just relax. It was a one-time thing, I swear.”

Jeremiah was incensed. “Do you realize how strong this has to be to have an effect on you? How much did you drink?”

Kara shook her head but wouldn’t face him. She raised her hands, threading them through her hair and clenching down, frantically trying to expel the images his tone evoked… because at this point all she heard were Zor El’s words: Not good enough, too weak, too stupid, always a failure no matter what she did. She could see the disappointment on her father’s face as he talked to her mother.

She heard Jeremiah open the trash can lid. Kara was very glad she had hidden the empty bottles under the sink behind the cleaning supplies until trash day.

Hoping she would stop hearing the disappoint in the voice of the man she now considered her father, Kara lied. “Not much, just that bottle. Only half of it. I guess it made me slower than normal. It won’t happen again, father, I swear.

“Stop calling me father! I am your Dad, and I love you, more than he ever did. I’m not him, Kara.” Jeremiah stared at her a few moments, then said, “I think you need to come to the DEO with me. I want to examine whatever this is that you drank and check you out. If it hurt you, we need to know the long-term effects and maybe it’s time we quit all this. Go back to Midvale. The two of you can finish college in Raleigh…”

“It was one time!” Kara shouted. “Half a bottle of some sort of alien whiskey, and it won’t happen again, I swear, okay? I’m sorry Alex was hurt! She will be home soon, and I don’t want her worrying about this… so, please… just drop it!”

Kara sounded angry but Alex knew better. She knew the feeling of panic that was breaking through even the intoxication.

Throwing up his hands, Jeremiah said, “I’ll leave… but don’t think this is over. We’re having a family meeting and we’re going to discuss this. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself.”

The two girls watched Jeremiah leave. As soon as he left the building, Kara sent her fist through the table. “Idiot! Worthless idiot!”

The two felt Kara’s hopelessness, fear and shame. They both screamed when Kara entered the bathroom and unleashed her heat vision on her arm for the first time in years.

“I hated myself.” Kara realized, as the bathroom faded from view. Alex pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back as Kara cried softly.

Kara calmed as she always did with Alex. She knew there was more Alex needed to know, more she herself needed to remember. A nauseous feeling began bubbling in the pit of her stomach as the memory materialized around them.

A dark alley, an orange skinned man with horns and black eyes, stood deep in the shadows.

He jumped when a shadow appeared before him, descending gracefully from the sky. Then the shadow spoke. “You. I’ve heard that you deal.”

The man’s black eyes widened as he realized it was Kara Zor El who had just landed in front of him. He backed away quickly. “I don’t want trouble! You don’t want me to deal, I’m gone okay? Just don’t hurt me. I won’t ever do it again.”

Kara stepped closer to the man and grabbed his shirt collar, forcing him into the wall. “I don’t give a damn what you do. I need your help. I need something… something that can affect me enough… when I drink, I’m sluggish. I need something to wake me up, understand? Do you have anything strong enough for me?”

The alien swallowed thickly. “I uh… I got this powder called Freez. I heard some of the Fort Rozz Kryptonians bought it. Before you killed them all I mean. It worked.”

“What does it do?” Kara asked.

The man was sweating now as he answered, “It will make you feel better than you ever had in your entire life. You’ll be ready to take on the world.”

Kara nodded. “How much?”

“$500 a gram…”

“No,” Kara interrupted him. “how much do I take?”

“Oh. Usually one gram a line, about an inch long will give you a high for an hour or so, depending on what you are doing.” He replied.

Kara smiled slightly. “Good. Give me ten grams.”

The alien grinned, “That’s $5000. You got a big wallet under that skirt?”

Kara stared at the man for a moment, his smile faded, and he began to squirm at the faint glow that appeared in her eyes.

“Okay! Okay! Here.” He frantically reached into his pocket and handed her the orange powder.

“You provide me with what I want, when I want it and I provide you with protection.” she told him as she dropped him at her feet.

“Protection from what?” the man asked, now obviously very frightened.

“Me.”

The two girls were back in Kara’s apartment. Alex was still arguing with Cameron on a sidewalk on the other side of National City while Kara carefully laid out a gram of her new drug on a sheet pf paper.

Both girls were nearly blinded by the rush they felt.

“How did I stop?” Kara whispered, her mind in a haze. “Did I?”

Alex shook her head, fighting off the effects of the drug. “We got through it.”

“I quit?” Kara asked frantically, “I quit, right? When I had that press conference, I said…”

“Yeah, you quit.” Alex interrupted her. “You were doing good, Kara. You were so strong. I never realized how… how easy it was for you to slip into this. I just don’t understand why…”

“Because, I was drunk… I was drunk, you got hurt… and I was the one who hurt you. I was never going to let that happen again.” Kara said, as she broke down at the devastated look on Alex’s face.

“Alex, it’s not your fault… It’s mine! You are not responsible for my bad decisions.” Kara pleaded, knowing Alex was going to feel guilty anyway.

Alex was shaking her head. “No, I never should have left you, I shouldn’t have moved in with Cameron… I should have stayed, protected you… I should have noticed, but I missed it because I wasn’t here. We were… no, we are always stronger together and I left you.” Alex cried plaintively, “I didn’t notice… how did I never notice?”

“Alex, what happened to me is not because of anything you did or didn’t do. You didn’t notice because I was a very good liar.” Kara admitted. “I’ve had a lot of experience.”