Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Seeing Red

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 14: Choosing a path

“So let me get this straight.” Leslie said, stopping Kara’s recounting of her Kryptonian childhood. “Your best memory from your childhood involved you having a life threatening illness and an uncle who whispered horrible things into your ear while you were hallucinating. I got that about right?”

“Yes… but my Mother and Aunt…”

“Yeah, got that part. You had their attention. So lets go back to earlier. When did you begin to understand your father was emotionally distant from you?”

Kara sat up straighter, starting to get a bit annoyed.

No, she passed a bit annoyed an hour ago.

“He wasn’t… I mean he was busy… I guess. He took a sculpture I made…”

“From hundreds you had made. Stop defending him. You know and I know he was emotionally distant. When did you figure this out? When did you begin to suspect?”

Kara took a deep breath and thought about things she had tried not to think about in a very long time. She had easily focused on things that had happened since she landed. The good and the bad, enough that she never really thought about her early years.

“What does Zor El have to do with anything?” she asked, deflecting the question. Jessica would usually call her for answering a question with a question as a form of deflection but the blonde was already trying to figure out how to handle this woman.

“Zor El, huh? I get that you call Eliza, Mom and Jeremiah, Dad because they have been the most nurturing parental influences you have ever had but you won’t even call him father. You still call Alura mother when you talk about her, don’t you? I suppose not since I doubt you talk about her. But the whole question with a question thing? I’ve known Bruce Wayne since he was a little boy. I didn’t let him get away with any crap and you certainly don’t have a chance. Answer the question.”

Kara blinked and opened her mouth then closed it, not sure what to do with that. Finally she tried a new technique.

“You’re rude. Could I get another therapist?”

“I’m rude? Is that what you think? No, you can’t have another therapist. No one would take on this challenge. Bruce Wayne may be a therapists dream but you are their nightmare. I never got the opportunity to help him but you are stuck with me and I won’t go away. I’m not hear to coddle you, Kara. We both want answers, to find out what is wrong with you and…”

“Yes.” Kara interrupted. “You want to fix me.”

Leslie shook her head and leaned back in her seat, stretching out her legs with a groan and placing her hands behind her head.

“We should probably get some things straight.” the woman told her. “You seem to think you can be fixed, that something is broken. Maybe we can weld it back together? Thats not what we are doing here. These medicines they are designing are going to be a great help. They can help you sleep, stop the crippling depression that prevents you from getting out of bed in the morning, help regulate the severe mood swings. Maybe keep the depression from driving you to kill yourself in really bad moments. What they cannot do is solve the root of your problems. You have a million triggers and no drug is going to make those go away. They will probably never go away. The key is learning to live with them, accepting you aren’t perfect and everything bad that happens isn’t on you.”

“Then why am I taking them if they can’t do the most important thing I need?” Kara interrupted.

Leslie stared at her for a moment, making the blonde begin to squirm. She had a look that seemed to cut right through her. Dr. Thompkins did not like being interrupted.

“You done cutting in?”

“Yes.” Kara mumbled.

“We are going to start at the beginning. We are going to go over every single aspect of your life. You really want to know why it is important? Fine. Zor El was the start of a lot of these problems in my opinion. At least he played a major part of it. I also suspect growing up there may have left you emotionally stunted. The feeling of being a failure started long before you arrived here and I think your parents were a big part of that.”

Kara snorted and shook her head.

“So what? I wasn’t hugged enough as a child?”

“Were you?” Thompkins asked. Kara looked away from her quickly, not wanting to think about that. Not hearing anything, she met the woman’s eyes and realized she actually wanted an answer.

“We were not as demonstrative with gestures of affection as humans are.”

“So, no, you weren’t hugged enough as a child. Your father…”

“Rao, would you get off him? You make it seem like I have some sort of Daddy issues. I don’t!”

It was the therapist’s turn to snort.

“You were asleep for four hours while I had your case history. I read fast. You killed your first alien less than a month into your college career. Your Dad became upset that you let the alien hit you. Your answer to this was to go straight to the bathroom and attempt to burn your arm off. I believe you told Dr. Ryan at the time that you thought if he was worried about you then he wouldn’t be mad at you, right?”

Hearing no response and taking that for confirmation, Leslie began flipping through the file in her lap.

“Oh yeah. Your father was angry with you for breaking into the DEO. You asked why you couldn’t impress a father, shouting that you would study science like Alex if that is what it took. Your answer to the disagreement between the two of you was to fly to Metropolis, find a bar, get drunk and then kill a Kryptonian prison escapee, correct?”

“That is absolutely not true.” Kara told her quickly.

Leslie raised an eyebrow, waiting for further elaboration.

Kara cleared her throat and looked at the ceiling.

“I… uh… I actually killed the Kryptonian and then I got drunk.”

Leslie stared at her for a moment and didn’t say a word until Kara finally looked her in the eyes again.

“Wow, you set me straight. Thanks, that clears up everything. The times you have hurt yourself the worst are after arguments with Jeremiah. Jeremiah was the one who finally called you out on your drinking right? He found a bottle in your fridge and asked you about it. He wasn’t happy. You didn’t react well to him not being happy, refusing to get out of bed for days until he came over and asked you to. I’m going to take a wild guess and say you began cutting yourself again not long afterward, or am I completely off base?”

Kara said nothing, eyes still locked on the woman and wondering how the hell she could know this. Kara never told Jessica, she never told Alex that she had started cutting herself again. The idea of anyone knowing she was cutting herself was terrifying to her. The last thing she needed was to be 22 and still followed into the bathroom and checked on at night to make sure she didn’t have blood on her. She kept the blade hidden and hardly ever did it but she made sure she was completely alone when she did. Was this woman a mind reader? Could she, unlike J’onn, actually read Kara’s mind?

“Yeah, thats what I thought. You may be the toughest bull I have ever rode, but you aren’t the first. Zor El never showed you affection and you crave it from Jeremiah. Always have, always will. He is protective over you more than any of the other two, so he eats it up and subconsciously encourages it. Daddy issues? Yeah, you got them in spades. So tell me why. Why didn’t Zor El have much to do with your upbringing?”

“Because I was stupid, okay?” Kara shouted, irritated to an extreme now.

For once the therapist looked surprised. Stupid? That was not the impression she had gotten from everything Jessica had said. Supposedly this girl was smart at physics and math, probably smarter than the best Earth had to offer.

“You were stupid? Help me understand because everything I have read tells me you are a genius.”

Kara shook her head, annoyed at that assessment. There was a reason she did not like science, why she never tried to excel at biology, more than she had to. She absolutely hated astronomy for the sake of science. The girl loved star gazing with her Dad but that was more about the beauty of the universe and not the density of a star.

“I wasn’t a genius, not by Kryptonian standards. The only reason I am so smart on Earth is because my brain moves at a higher speed. I learn the same as other humans but at a faster rate. Something that would have taken me months to learn on Krypton, I can learn in days here, sometimes in an hour or less. I was designed to be a scientist or a judge. I should have drifted to one or the other as I grew older but I really never had a choice. Science wasn’t… I wasn’t good at it.”

“Define good.” Thompkins encouraged.

Kara took a deep breath and began talking about something she had never spoke of to anyone. One of her worst memories of her childhood.

“I was supposed to be the next great scientist in our house. Yes our house needed lawyers but I was not the only child in our house to be designed as a lawyer and scientist. Some were bred strictly to be a lawyer. I was supposed to excel at both but my primary purpose was to step into the two brother’s role as they aged and died. It didn’t work though. Something was wrong with me.”

Leslie shook her head, pleasantly surprised at her opening up but deciding she would be meeting with Alex and learning more about Kryptonian culture.

“Why did you think something was wrong with you?”

“We begin formal courses when we are three Earth years. As soon as we can speak we learn basics, basic math, Kryptonian history, proper spelling and pronunciation. Its more of an immersion process. When we are approximately five we are brought one by one to the educational council and tested on every aspect of our purpose, to make sure we were developing as expected. I answered all the questions about law correctly. The science was more difficult. There were only fifty questions but I answered 2 incorrectly. At that point, as was standard, I was placed in specialty classes, basically isolation with Kelex until I knew every aspect of the questions I got incorrect and became an expert. It didn’t matter though. I hated those sessions. I despised them. I hardly saw my mother and never saw my father. It was just Kelex and I for over a month. I was not to be disturbed because that may interfere with my learning.”

“No wonder you hate science. So I guess you had to be retested?”

Kara’s cheeks turned red and Leslie knew she had hit on something.

“I got a different question wrong. Afterward I had a choice to go back to solitude or chose law. I focused on law. Law was easy to memorize. Science had so many intricacies. I didn’t like it. I was supposed to but like I said, something was wrong with me. Maybe my DNA was not developed correctly. Maybe it was just me. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, more focused on art and trying to impress… I don’t know. The council convened and it was decided that I could focus all my time on law as I requested. Zor El never said anything, even smiled, but I knew he was disappointed. I could tell he thought I took the easy way out. I didn’t see him often after that. I studied with Kelex and my mother would visit often and always kiss me at night. When I was pulled out of second form law and told I would be Clark’s… nanny I guess you could call it, I thought I had failed again, something had happened, one of my assignments was not correct. I didn’t know why but I knew I screwed up at something.”

Kara was lost at the moment, reliving memories she had avoided for a long time, the memory of never feeling good enough.

“Father was always busy. I thought after I landed that he was perhaps trying to save the planet. Then I learned the planet was doomed anyway. I accessed some files from the Fortress, project files he had worked on with other houses, military houses. I didn’t understand at first but it became obvious. They were developing super soldiers, monsters really, to assist General Zod. I think the real reason was they were to be our army, the guards who protected the new Kryptonian race that would come from Clark, against humans. They were deemed too dangerous and unstable to exist and were destroyed though. I hope they was the kind of legacy my house left.”

Kara finished talking in barely a whisper. Leslie watched her closely and wondered if the girl realized what she was saying. For the first time, it appeared Kara was lost in the past and judging by the sad look on her face it was not a pleasant past. The blonde finally shook her head.

“Mom and Dad love… I mean loved my art. Dad kept it all, even the ones I hated, he still has them. But I haven’t painted or drawn in a long time. I just haven’t felt like it. The first Christmas gift I got here was an easel, canvas and paints.I felt so happy. I used to love to paint. I could make the world whatever I wanted, capture the beauty and ignore the ugliness. I can’t… I can’t ignore the ugliness anymore.”

Leslie nodded her head in understanding. It was a common symptom of depression to lose interest in hobbies a person loved. The woman cleared her throat to bring Kara out of the past and back to the present.

“Good. If you can be that honest in our following sessions, we are going to make progress. You are lucky, you know? You were given a choice whether you wanted to be here or not. You were given a chance to leave and made the decision to stay yourself. That helps.”

Kara laughed a bit but Leslie could tell she found none of it humorous.

“I was drugged and dragged here, kept under red lights for days…”

“And given the choice to leave once you dried out. Trust me, if you were human and one of my patients I would have kept you here. You wouldn’t have been given a choice. Humans who are deemed a danger to themselves and others are kept in mental health facilities until they are safe to be released into society. You should have been hospitalized many times in your life. The first time would be after you tried to rip your arm open when you turned 14. Wait, I forgot about you breaking your own fingers. You would have been medicated, perhaps right after you began having panic attacks but definitely after you almost killed Henshaw. You have had too many years without medication. Ryan did the best she could but… yeah.”

Kara nodded her head, expecting as much. She had told Eliza two weeks after her first suicide attempt that she understood why Eliza did not trust her around Clark alone. She knew she would have been in a hospital if she had been human.

“If I had been born human, to Mom and Dad, I wouldn’t have the problems I have.” Kara countered.

“Maybe, maybe not. You think all depression is a result of bad things happening to people? Sometimes. Sometimes its a combination of things. Its a disease, like alcoholism and addiction. You don’t have to be traumatized as a child to be affected. It can be a lot of things, like low self esteem which you are the definition of, sensitivity to critiscm, nothing needs to be said there and traumatic events in the past or, you chose to stay here. You made a good decision and you have been open with me. Keep it up and we may get somewhere.”

Leslie stood up and stretched her arms out.

“I will see you in… four days. I believe you are going to meet with a substance abuse specialist who will work with you on… I could give you a fancy term but he is going to help you deal with the strong cravings you are going to have for the rest of your life for alcohol and whatever it was you were snorting. The next day,unless the drugs are making you loopy, you will meet with someone about dealing with PTSD. These people are part of my team and you will be honest with them or I will know. After that you can have a day off before you meet with me again.”

Kara was surprised. She expected to meet with the woman everyday. After her last enforced stay at the DEO and with her parents, following her last almost successful suicide attempt, she saw Jessica everyday.

“So… where are you going to be?”

“You don’t need to see me everyday. When you do see me we are going to dig deep. Its going to be tough. I don’t want break you and doing this over and over everyday is going to break you. No matter how upset Bruce is about it, I will be leaving in the dark and flying back to Gotham. I have other patients who need me. If something happens I can be here in two hours. Your other two counselors will be here as well as Shay. Jessica is your friend now. Do not talk to her about what goes on in therapy.”

This was a surprise. The girl knew Jess said she wouldn’t be involved in her treatment but assumed she could at least talk to her about some of this. Jess was her friend. Despite the rocky relationship the two had over the years, Jess was a constant in Kara’s life.

“Why not?” Kara settled for.

Leslie grinned a bit. She may not be a telepath but she had dealt with many patients over the years. She knew the games they played and one thing she could tell from Jessica’s information was that Kara was a sweet, loving person who was also a master manipulator and liar. She would say or do anything to be loved. She tried to be whatever it took to be the person she believed her loved ones wanted her to be or at least make them think she was.

“Because I am not her and she is not me. You won’t play that game. I don’t ever want to hear that Jess didn’t do it this way or complaining to her about my methods. I am your therapist now. Jessica Ryan was placed in a bad position. She wasn’t a therapist but she became one. Instead of gaining experience by dealing with a multitude of clients across all walks of life she had four patients, four members of the same family. She did a decent job considering, but the circumstances never allowed her to be successful. Its no ones fault. She has lost perspective though. It is impossible to only focus on one family for over ten years and remain clinically neutral. She is your friend. Alex and Clark are your siblings and your parents are your parents. I am your therapist. Now you are due some medication and you need to begin eating again.”

Kara shook her head.

“Food makes me want to vomit.”

“Then vomit and eat some more. They will work on the drugs. Shay knows what she is doing. This Snow seems bright. Get out of here and do what the doctors tell you to do.”

Leslie stood up and left the room, leaving Kara sitting alone, wondering what the hell just happened.

Central City

Barry sat on his couch, sharing a bowl of popcorn with Iris, avoiding every one of her questions while a movie he was paying no attention to played on front of them.

“So the last date with Kara went well then?” Iris tried once more. Barry had told Joe and Iris that he had met with Kara which wasn’t a lie. He neglected to say he was meeting her outside her underground rehab facility. What was going on with Kara was no one’s business.

“Yeah, it was great. How many times are you going to ask the same question?”

“Until I get details.” Iris told him. “I tell you all about my dates.”

“Yeah, and I still don’t want to hear about them.”

“Sorry, grumpy. I will sit here and not say a word.” Iris promised.

Her promise was broken less than five minutes later.

“You going to see her this weekend? Have the two of you raced?”

Barry shook his head. “No we haven’t raced. I’m not sure if I will see her this weekend. She kind of stays busy protecting the entire world, you know?”

“Yeah but Batman or her sister are with her sometimes. If she can work with Batman, she can work with you, right? You have superpowers. What does he have that you don’t?”

Barry thought of his last conversation with Clark. What did he have? Billions of dollars, physical fitness that didn’t come from a lightning bolt, weapons, intelligence and fighting skills and a tactical mind that likely surpassed Oliver’s. Barry had no doubt that when the man was in S.T.A.R. he had a plan to neutralize him that didn’t include Supergirl. He knew Batman didn’t want Kara involved because of her anger and the fact that she had probably been drinking that night. So what had been his plan?

Batman also had Kara. Barry knew Clark was screwing with him, as he found the little boy loved to do, but there was a kernel of truth. Bruce Wayne stayed with Kara, bought her what she needed, what she wanted and obviously placed her wellbeing as more important than the safety of Gotham City since he wasn’t there. In his last text message conversation with Alex, he asked how they got her to the facility in the first place.

Batman drugged her.

And he was still alive while Kara had her powers.

The two obviously had a bond. While Barry had been watching her from afar for six years, the handsome billionaire had been at her side, not just in Gotham. The three, four sometimes if Nightwing tagged along, had been seen fighting metas and aliens in Africa and Europe as well.

“Nothing I guess. We just haven’t had the opportunity. She can handle things herself and so can I. This idea of team ups is great for the newspapers and social media but it isn’t a normal thing. We prefer to take…”

“But you and Oliver worked together before.” Iris interrupted. “If you are seen with her the two of you…”

Iris stopped talking thankfully when Barry’s phone rang. The man was grateful for the interruption and almost excited when he saw it was an unknown number. It could be Kara.

Or it could be her little brother, bored and wanting to play Destiny or Call of Duty or some other game. Maybe he had some more Batman fan boy stories to tell.

“Clark?” he answered.

“Do I look like Clark?” an unfamiliar voice asked him. “This is Ty Gavin… damn it!”

Barry heard explosions in the background.

“Barry, you still there?”

“Yeah…”

“This is Ty Gavin. I let you borrow my Corvette to take Kara out, remember? Time for me to call in that favor. We are kind of fighting a damn war right now in Missouri. Since Alex is busy taking care of Kara whose life of sin done caught up with her and our green friend is pretending to be Kara in Metropolis right now, we could use a hand. I’m having coordinates sent to you. Once you are in your suit a guy named Winn is going to cut into your feed and lead you here. Anytime now would be great.”

Ty hung up the phone, or com, or whatever it was. Whatever they were involved in, sounded serious.

“I have to go.”

Before Iris could say a word, Barry was gone in a streak of red, moving towards the West. True to Ty’s word, his feed was cut into by a guy named Winn.

“Yeah, keep on that heading… wow, you are really fast. So do you work with the DEO often? I knew about… but didn’t know you were part of the crew.” the man asked.

Barry wondered why he didn’t say Supergirl. He had no idea and neither did Winn that J’onn placed a mental block on every DEO employee that literally prevented them from speaking about Supergirl or the Danvers as far as their relation to the DEO or each other. outside of the building.

“I’m not part of the crew. How far away am I?”

“Five minutes at present speed. Go around the South. You are going to enter the Ozark Mountain range and have to do some climbing. DEO agents have them surrounded but it is a fight so watch out for space lasers and stuff.”

Space lasers? This guy obviously wasn’t an expert in technical jargon.

“What are they facing?”

“Better if you see it for yourself. Turn right, 48 degrees and over the mountain in front of you. Once you reach the bottom you will find Agent Gavin. Agent Connolly is in charge but Gavin will tell you what he needs. He is in a snipers perch, higher than the rest of the team.”

Barry did as instructed. Once he reached the top, the man stopped, amazed by what he saw below. The entire valley was lit up with… space lasers, on both sides. Of course considering Alex’s weapons, it made sense that the DEO would have confiscated alien weapons. Fire was coming from the some creatures around the vehicle, a space ship he guessed, in the middle of the action. The DEO had whatever creatures those were surrounded but they were tough and covered by their ship and strong boulders surrounding them.

Shaking himself out of the awe he was feeling at seeing an actual space battle, the Flash moved quickly. He almost missed Gavin, covered in black and firing from a height above the others. Only the flash of his rifle alerted Barry to his presence. It appeared he was using normal bullets, probably to protect his cover.

“Hey… uh… hows it going?”

The man in black pulled off his mask and smiled.

“Barry Allen. Damn good to see you, man. These damn guys are loaded. We have them pinned down but they are a couple minutes away from getting in their ship and Han Soloing out of here at light speed. Take this bag next to me. Inside are a bunch of tiny bombs with putty on them. We need you to run down there, stick one to each of those things and about ten inside the ship. Once they are in place, let us know and we will blow the damn things remotely. Get clear cause it is going to be a gooey mess.”

Barry stood still, trying to understand what he just said.

But it was really simple, wasn’t it? Ty Gavin wanted him to plant bombs on the enemy, bombs they intended to detonate.

“I… I thought you guys arrested them or something?”

Ty remained calm, not showing a hint of the annoyance Barry suspected he was feeling.

“Move.”

“Move?” the Flash asked. Instead of explaining Ty tackled him, Barry too shocked to stop him. A split second after the hit the ground a bolt of energy flew over the place he had just been. Ty looked at him, on top of the man.

“How come I never get to do this to any hot women? Stay down and crawl back to my rock with me. I had a new perch but your red suit is noticeable. It won’t take those guys long to see you and fire if you are standing in the open not moving.”

The two scurried over to the boulder Ty had been on. The man took his gun and fired. Barry watched the bullet in slow motion and saw it enter the head of an alien, killing the were at least twenty more on the ground and who knew how many still in the ship.

“What are they?”

“Governments been calling them Dominators since the 40s. They aren’t that tough physically, no special powers other than slightly enhanced strength and being obnoxiously tall, but they are good shots, heavily weaponized and their ship’s shields are impenetrable from above. Only way to take it out is from the inside. We can’t arrest them, because they would die first and take others with them, namely my crew. If we let them retreat, that scout ship is going back to their planet and let their leadership know we are weak, ripe for invasion and that Supergirl didn’t become involved. They have to die. If you can’t do it I understand. We will figure something else out.”

The Flash thought for a moment, wondering if he could do this. Yes, they were aliens but… so was Kara. They were living creatures…

“Kind of need an answer, Barry.”

“Give me the bag.” he decided.

Taking the weapons he moved, the tall creatures seeming to stand still, telling the Flash they were no faster than humans. He didn’t even have to rush by his standards, making sure the bombs were all attached to the creatures backs and then moved inside the ship. He planted at least twenty, ten around a glowing object he believed was the engine. Out of explosives, Barry ran back to Ty.

The whole act took less than five seconds, most of that time due to Barry thinking about where he would plant the explosives on the ship.

“O… okay. Can you set those bombs to stun or something? I only saw two in the ship and…”

Before he could give a scouting report, Ty told Connolly to go over the com and a massive explosion lit up the entire valley.

Barry looked at the remains. All the Dominators were in pieces, the ship nothing but flame and torn metal.

“Good job, Barry.” Ty told him, patting him on the back.

Barry wasn’t sure what to do, staring at the bottom of the valley and watching the DEO agents come out of cover and carefully approach the wreck.

At the bottom he recognized Connolly, sort of. He seemed light hearted, jovial at the dinner at his house, before Kara had a melt down that night. Now he looked grim and satisfied.

“Appreciate the assist, Flash. You saved a lot of agents today.” Connolly told him when Barry reached the bottom.

Barry looked around again, seeing the destruction around him, the parts, no… pieces of bodies.

“Yeah, no problem.” he muttered.

Connolly wasn’t fooled. The mask may have covered his face but he recognized the eyes.

“Talk to Jessica about it when you see her Friday or call her sooner if you need to. What you did wasn’t easy but thats what is involved in protecting this planet. Sometimes its you or them. Like I said, you saved a lot of lives tonight.”

Barry nodded and backed up. He had seen enough. He took off, a lightning trail behind him. The Flash had a lot to think about tonight. It wouldn’t be a problem because he doubted he would sleep at all.

The four members who remained, the four of the original five that protected Kara and Alex, trained them, turned them into weapons in their early teens, watched him go, making sure the lightning trail was gone before they spoke. Jack Webb gave out orders to the other agents to begin clean up and then shook his head.

“I could have taken this ship out with the antimatter grenade.” Hawk reminded Connolly. “We have never had problems with these guys or their ships. We didn’t have to do that.”

Connolly shook his head. No, they didn’t have to do that. He made the call. In the field he was in control. He ordered the DEO agents to herd the Dominators and keep them circled. He ordered Winn to jam any outgoing signals and screw with the ship’s systems just enough to keep them from taking off.

He also made the call not to advance. This one was on him. Maybe it was right, maybe it was wrong. No, it was probably wrong but it didn’t matter to him.

“You know why I had to do it. He wouldn’t have killed Zoom and according to J’onn, if those Time Wraiths hadn’t showed up, Kara would have probably had to handle the problem. He is going to have to make a decision at some point and he did tonight. Kara has a lot of enemies and if she gives up this Supergirl stuff, gives up her powers, those enemies aren’t going to just let bygones be bygones. If he plans to be a part of her life he needs to protect her, be ready to do anything, even kill. If he can’t do that, he needs to stay away from her. He made a choice tonight, and it was the right choice.”

“I don’t like it.” Webb countered. “We may not have meant to, maybe we did, but you know we turned Kara and Alex into killers. At least we played a big part. We really have to do the same to this kid?”

Connolly shook his head. “Price of getting involved in this world, Jack. Kara and Alex understood that at a young age. They always knew they would have to kill to save the world. Kara always knew she would eventually have to kill Non and Astra and probably the rest of the Kryptonians. You know this. It isn’t a game. He lost his father, he nearly lost Caitlin Snow and his foster father to Zoom. Despite all that he hesitated when he had a chance to kill that monster. We haven’t protected Kara for years so she can die when she gives it all up and tries to be happy. If he can’t do what is necessary, I would rather her wind up with Grayson. At least that kid will do what it takes to protect her. Barry did good tonight. I feel better.”

“I still don’t like it.” Ty mumbled.

“Every one of you had a chance to tell me no.” Connolly reminded them. “Right or wrong, I did it. We all bought into it. Its done now. What happens next is up to him. Besides, I’m the one who pushed the detonator. We all know Kara may come out of what is being done different. She could be weaker, slower, more vulnerable or she may not be able to do it at all. If he wants to protect innocents and one day protect her, he needs to learn how. Lets wrap this up. I get to go home and tell Jess what happened then spend a few nights at the DEO or with one of you guys. Assuming she doesn’t shoot me of course.”

The Block

“So are you ready for this day to be over? Feeling sleepy? Is the sedative working?” Alex asked.

“Which one of the three should I answer first? Yes, I am, yes I am and apparently it is since I said yes to the second question.”

Alex started at her for a moment, wet hair, cotton robe, freshly showered and grinning.

“Sometimes I wish I had never taught you sarcasm. Lets go to bed.”

Kara shook her head.

“Not you. You can’t sleep with me anymore, not while I have my powers. I know there are bruises all over you.”

“I’ll wrap pillows around myself.” Alex argued.

“Please Alex? I would feel better if you slept in your own bed. Once I am cleared for red sunlight you can use me as your personal teddy bear but not until then. Besides Streaky has been missing my hair and needs some sleep as well.”

Alex was a bit frustrated because Kara knew when she used that tone of voice Alex would always give. She was also worried because Alex knew if Kara had a nightmare, her older sister wouldn’t be able to stick her finger into her ear. That was the only proven method, short of throwing a pitcher of water on her face, to wake her up.

“Fine, But I am staying with you until you fall asleep.”

Figuring that was the as much as she was going to get, Kara agreed.

The two lay next to each other on their backs, neither closing their eyes, just staring at the ceiling. It was something they often did in stressful or contemplative times. Nothing would be said, no noise from a TV or stereo. Just the two, being content with each other. It lasted for ten minutes and Alex was quickly figuring out this was not going to help Kara sleep as it usually did.

“Why aren’t you relaxed?” Alex in asked. “This is supposed to work.”

Kara laughed softly.

“It worked sometimes when we were kids. Now though, I want a drink so bad I can’t stand it. Even these medications… my new therapist is scary.”

Alex was glad she hadn’t been drinking, because the abrupt change in topic would have made her choke.

“Uh… okay… your new therapist makes you want to drink?”

“No, everything makes me want to drink. She is just… scary.”

“What did she say that makes you scared?” Alex asked. Kara stayed in a low grade state of fear most of her life even when powered. Lex Luthor frightened her, A.R.G.U.S. frightened her. The blonde was not afraid for herself. She feared what would happen to her family if she were discovered and they went after them. Jeremiah and Eliza working at the DEO did not help. Kelex and their supercomputer Justin kept a close eye on all those Kara considered a threat but the fear was still there.

“She just… I think she can read my mind. I know J’onn can’t but I think she can. Plus she is rude. And she wants to talk about Krypton before I showed up here. You know she thinks I have some sort of Daddy issues? Can you believe that?”

Hearing nothing but the increase in Alex’s heartbeat, Kara turned her head, noting her sister was still staring at the ceiling.

“Alex? I asked if you can believe that?”

“I don’t want to lie to you and if I tell you the truth that will make you angry. You should go to sleep…”

“Alex! Answer me! I know we are all close but its not like I seek his approval over everyone else. All I do is disappointment him. Mom too. I’ve given her nightmares.”

The brunette too a deep breath and propped herself up on her elbows, finally looking at her little sister.

“You have Daddy issues.” Alex told her bluntly. “Yeah, we are all close but when Mom or me are disappointed or upset with you, you can handle it. When Dad says anything negative you totally freak out. You always have. Everybody knows it. If you think he is mad at you, then you react badly. The only things you have kept doing that really upset him were drinking and Dick Grayson and you tried to hide both from him.”

“Thats not true.” Kara whispered.

“It is, Kara. We all know it. You know it. Dad says he wants you to go to college, you go. Dad says you should think about a job in the media, graphic arts or whatever and you ask Cat Grant for a job. Not a job involving art but enough that he thinks it is a stepping stone, enough to keep him happy for a while. He tells you not to wear a certain costume, you don’t.”

“Cat has more to do with that than anything. She is the one who is always telling me what looks okay for public perception and…”

“And you have worn the same costume for years. You wear the blue one when you are behind the scenes with the DEO or night missions with no media but if there is a chance he can see you, then you are in red and blue.”

Kara shrugged her shoulders. “So I don’t like for him to think I look like a super ho. Whats the big deal?”

“No big deal, I guess. I’m just saying that Mom and I both know that Dad babies you more than Clark and you are constantly seeking his approval above all others. It wasn’t as bad after you started drinking heavily. You stopped trying to impress anyone. But growing up and before that, yeah, you… yeah. The two of you have always been…”

“She said me and you are co dependent and you are afraid to live a life without me.”

Alex stopped speaking at that interruption. She watched Kara’s face and saw the tick, the crinkle in her forehead the blonde desperately tried to control. But when Kara was sober it was impossible for her to do so.

“You are lying. Maybe you don’t like her because she isn’t afraid to say what everyone else has always been afraid to say. You hate Zor El, I know you do. I have shared a room and a life with you for eleven years but it doesn’t take that level of knowing you, to understand how much you hated your childhood. You never talk about it. Your best memory was having a life threatening illness during which Non whispered violent things in your ear and you hallucinated all of them. That was your best memory because you had your mother and aunt’s attention.”

Kara lay very still, wondering if Alex had listened in to her session. But of course she hadn’t. Alex would never do that. She just knew.

“Your other favorite memory was falling and hitting your head on a table because your mother and father paid attention to you and he finally took one of the sculptures you made for him. Your childhood sucked, Kara. It wasn’t made any better when you got here and found out your mother lied about the destruction of your planet, your father and uncle were the reason why it blew up and your uncle told you that you were nothing better than a protector for the Codex. Krypton screwed you up before Hank Henshaw and Astra ever got the chance.”

Kara took a deep breath and closed her eyes, hating how well Alex knew her at times. It was true though and she knew it.

“I need to go to the bathroom and then I am going to sleep. Get to your bed. You look like a walking bruise. Stop trying to hold me when I am asleep. I appreciate the gesture but it is going to make me feel worse if I keep hurting you.”

Not hearing agreement or disagreement the girl rose and made her way to the small bathroom. She closed the door and looked at the mirror, doing her best to ignore the fact that Alex followed her and was right outside the door, no doubt making sure the door did not heat up.

And then she was there behind her. Kara saw her in the mirror and knew the woman really wasn’t behind her. She knew this had to be a delusion, something caused by withdrawals that lingered or a medication she had taken. She was given a new type of medication today. That had to be what this was.

Until she felt Astra’s warm hand on her shoulder.

“Murderer.” the woman whispered in Kara’s ear.

“You didn’t give me a choice.” the blonde whispered back. She heard Alex ask from somewhere who Kara was talking to but paid no mind. She was focused on Astra. The woman had a deep bruise circling her neck. It was ridiculous because Kara didn’t strangle her. She snapped her neck. Yes, both their faces had been swollen from the fight but there shouldn’t have been bruises on her throat. She wasn’t real.

But she felt so real.

“Its too late. You should have ended this after Non. You should have ended yourself. You aren’t stable. Look where you are. These humans who have taken you in, are in a hole in the ground, waiting for you to try to resemble something sane. They brought you out of a cave once and all you do is drag them back into the cave with you again and again.”

“Shut up. You are dead. How many times will I have to kill you, for you to stay dead?” she asked, anger taking over despite knowing this woman was not real. She felt real, she smelt real but she was not there.

“How many times? How many times are you going to bring me back? I am always with you. I told you I loved you and you broke my neck. You never hesitated. Something was wrong with you on Krypton and something will always be wrong with you. You are a monster, the same as all of your family. The same as me. How many psychiatrists have they brought in to control you? They need you to save the world so they drug you, attempt to control you because they are afraid of you. They cannot kill you until you no longer have a use. That is the reason this place was built. You are just another tool in Batman’s belt.”

“That is not true.”

Astra smiled and placed her other hand on Kara’s shoulder, pulling the girl close to her. The girl could swear she felt her aunt’s breath on her ear, she was so close.

“Worthless murderer. Hero? You aren’t a hero. You aren’t strong enough. Begging for approval from everyone. Do you think they approve of you now? End it Kara. Stop being a disappointment and join the rest of us, where you belong. Take your medicine, find a red light and end it. Perhaps you can leave? They cannot stop you. Freez… remember the warnings that slime told you? You can snort enough lines to destroy your heart. You just have to be fast. They can’t track you. There are so many ways you can end it. All you have to do is have the courage to do what you know is right.”

“No… you aren’t…”

“I am!” her Aunt shouted and Kara felt her warm hands around her neck, squeezing. She felt her air being cut off. This was real! Somehow she had escaped death and wanted to pull Kara back with her.

“No!” the girl screamed and moved quickly, crashing through the door. She struggled on the floor, trying to get Astra off of her back. Her aunt had an arm around her throat. Astra was going to break her neck!

“Get off me!”

Alex picked herself from the floor, throwing the door off of her to see Kara rolling on the ground, clutching her throat with her own fingers. Before she could say anything multiple nurses were running into the room, her parents pushing through. One orderly tried to grab Kara’s arm to pull it away from her throat. Kara twisted and the man was thrown into a wall.

“Stay away from her!” Alex shouted to prevent anyone else from getting hurt and rushed to her side. Kara was shaking, rolling all over the floor. Then the blonde stood up and ran, crashing through the television and the wall into the hallway. She stood and began swinging against an opponent no one could see.

Alex and her parents stood in the hall, tense, watching the blonde and keeping everyone else back. Kara had very real nightmares growing up but usually snapped out of them within a few minutes. They doubted this was a nightmare though.

“I need to sedate her.” Caitlin shouted, running through with a pill bottle in hand. “Can someone calm her down enough so I can put a pill in her mouth? I can’t pierce her skin and if we turn on red lights she could crash.”

“Just clear the area! I can talk her back, I always do, I just need an opening.” the older sister ordered.

Alex never got that opening, because a blur flew past her, right into Kara. Clark hit her in the chest, wrapping her arms tightly around her shoulders and placing his head on her chest.

“ Kara, stop! Its me! Kal El.” the boy shouted in Kryptonese, his accent horrible but it would have to do. He may not be advanced in his lessons but he knew the basics and he instinctively knew what she need to hear.

Kara stopped struggling, her arms still tight, eyes closed and flexing. Clark was straining, barely hanging on and knew if Kara was in her right mind and trying, he would never be able to hold her. He felt as if he was being torn apart now but thankfully his arms were long enough to wrap her completely up.

“I need you to hold me. Hold me Kara, I’m scared. I still need you to protect me.” the boy whispered.

Kara stopped fighting. The feel of Astra’s hands on her replaced by small hands that she recognized as well has her own. She felt his hair on her cheek and recognized that voice.

“Clark?”

“Yeah, its me. Can you open your mouth? Please, for me? I want you to taste a cookie I made. Please?”

Kara nodded, her eyes opening and taking in the boy, his eyes wet, only inches from her.

“Open your mouth. Alex has the cookie, okay? Its Chocolate chip. Tell me if I did good.”

Kara nodded and opened her mouth, unable to keep her eyes open. Alex rushed her and placed the pill in her mouth, followed by water from a bottle which the girl nearly spit up.

Clark and Alex continued to hold her, both whispering in her ear. She finally fell asleep. Jeremiah walked over and picked her up, walking her to his and Eliza’s bedroom, considering her own wall was destroyed.

Eliza followed him, leaving Alex and Clark alone with Caitlin Snow.

“She had a strong hallucination. It could be a lingering result from withdrawals but judging by the severity of it, it most likely has to do with the antipsychotic we gave her an hour ago. I’ll wake Shay. We are going to have to leave her unmedicated tomorrow so I can take a blood sample under red lights.” Dr. Snow explained, hoping her voice didn’t betray the fear she was feeling. Caitlin had seen Kara have seizures during detox but had never seen the blur and power of Supergirl fighting even an imaginary opponent up close.

Alex just nodded her head and motioned towards the unconscious orderly who had made the rookie mistake of grabbing Supergirl in the middle of an episode.

Left alone, Alex checked over Clark, noting the boy was covered in sweat but was not injured.

“You okay?” she asked the boy.

“I’ve been better. Kind of sore. I guess that medicine didn’t work. You think she was fighting her aunt or her uncle?”

“It doesn’t matter I suppose. How did you do that? You have never been strong enough to hold her down.”

The little boy took a deep breath and stretched his arms over his head.

“I never had to before. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’m not here just to loo good. Lets go check on her.”

Alex watched her little brother walk off, obviously tired and worried maybe even scared. She had prepared herself, knew Kara could have reactions like this but had not been prepared for the reality of them. The woman wanted to kick herself for not rushing into the bathroom when she first heard Kara talking to herself but it most likely would have not made a difference.

Having nothing else to do, Alex stood up and followed Clark to Kara, telling herself over and over that they would get through this. They had too. Failure was not an option.

She also made up her mind that no matter what it took the two girls would leave crime fighting behind. If killing Supergirl to save Kara was what it took, Alex would make it happen, no matter what she had to do or say to make it so.

Central City

Barry never had to wake up because he had not managed to sleep at all. The sounds of war and the destruction caused by the bombs he had planted kept running through his head, mixed with the reality that Kara saw such things and participated in them all the time.

How did she handle it?

Not very well considering where she was.

His phone buzzed and he checked it quickly. He hadn’t heard from Clark last night or Alex in a couples days.

Instead of them he got a rather strange message from the last person he would expect.

/You want to know how to fight and beat the most dangerous creatures on this planet? You want to learn to do what is necessary to protect the innocent? You want to reach your full potential, make the decisions others can’t or won’t make? If you do, take the offer. Connolly./

Barry shook his head, wondering what the hell he was talking about. Did they need him to plant more bombs? Did they have more aliens they couldn’t handle?

The Flash was not stupid by any means. The more he thought about it last night the more certain he became.

Those guys did not need him last night. It was a test. He had a feeling he passed but was it a test he wanted to pass? He hadn’t given it much thought during the battle. He wasn’t the one who pushed the detonator.

He was just the guy who planted the explosives.

He killed them all.

His fullest potential? Hadn’t he reached it? He had gotten faster and faster to beat Zoom. How much more could he give? How fast could he really be?

How dangerous could he really be?

The Flash tried to text a response back but the message was undeliverable. He supposed Connolly was not one for long conversations over texts.

Once he reached the office he was greeted by Captain Singh, calling him to his office. Barry was a bit surprised to see Joe in the office waiting as well and not looking very happy.

“Have a seat, Allen.” the Captain ordered.

Barry did as instructed, trying to figure out the worried look on Joe’s face and guess the millions of reasons it could be there.

“They tell me you didn’t apply. Is it true?”

To say he would be confused would be an understatement. Singh must have noticed the look and took it as truth.

“So you don’t have any idea. Got a call from the FBI this morning. They are conducting training for CSI’s into alien threats and techniques to determine the difference between metahumans and our visitors from the stars at crime scenes. Apparently they have been identifying CSIs from around the country and want you to take part in the training. It would mean being in National City for at least ten weeks. Its up to you. I personally think it would be a good opportunity for you. Joe thinks you won’t go for it. Your choice Barry.”

“Captain,” Joe interrupted, “we need Barry here. He is our top CSI especially in cases involving metas.”

“And he could be better.” Singh countered. “Just because alien criminal activity is low in Central City doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Any information we can learn about possible threats besides metas will be helpful. The Government never offers information on aliens. This is an opportunity that could improve the department and Allen. How the hell can you be against this Joe?”

Barry listened to the two going back and forth. He knew that wasn’t the FBI that made an offer and it didn’t involve being a CSI.

They wanted to train him. They had trained Alex and Kara and they wanted to train him.

Why now?

It was obvious though. Kara was out of action and it could be permanent. The world needed heroes strong enough to fight the threats it faced, threats that only Kara has really been able to handle. They wanted him to be that guy.

And they also wanted to make sure he would do what was necessary to protect her if anyone came for her, if she was vulnerable.

There really wasn’t a choice. The world needed him, not just Central City. One day, maybe if things worked out, Kara might need him too.

“I’ll do it.” Barry said, interrupting the argument Singh and Joe were having. Singh looked happy, Joe looked upset. Neither’s opinion really mattered. It was his decision.

“Go home and pack your bags.” Singh told him. “Your flight leaves in three hours. Go show those FBI guys how we do it in Central City.”