Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Survivors

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 17:

“So this is you and Alex’s room? I like it.” Jess started. Jeremiah had sat two table chairs up in their room so Dr. Ryan could begin her one on ones. They all had a time today but it had been decided that Kara would go first since the girl looked more anxious than she did on the first day of school, everyone wondering when she would shoot off into the sky and try to fly over the Atlantic.

“Alex decorated it. I stay here… she lets me sleep in here with her.”

“She lets you? That is an interesting way to put it. From what I understand Alex wouldn’t let you sleep anywhere else. Do you not consider this your room as well?”

Kara shrugged her shoulders. “Yes, I do.”

Jess took in the girl before her. She was obviously nervous, scared even, walking on eggshells.

“Kara, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. We can sit here the whole time and not talk about anything. I won’t tell.”

Kara looked at her doubtfully. “You wouldn’t? But everyone else is going to talk. I have to.”

“No you don’t. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m not here to find out information that you don’t want anyone to know unless you want me to know. There is a lot about you that I want to know. You are from another planet, someone I never thought I would meet. But I don’t want you to tell me if you feel you have to.”

“What do you want to know?” the girl asked.

“You squeeze your hands when you are nervous. Have you always done that?”

The blonde shrugged her shoulders. “I guess. I used to do it if I had a difficult assignment and wasn’t sure of the answer. It was important to be right.”

“I see. I have something you can try out if you want while we talk. It might help ease your nerves. Take a look at this.” Jessica reached into her handbag and pulled out a colorful cube then handed it to the blonde.

“What is this?”

“Its called a Rubik’s Cube. See the color squares should all be on the same side as their color. Once the cube is a solid color on all sides the puzzle is solved. It can be fun to play with. I used to play with it when I needed to relax. It took my mind off my problems and gave me something to focus on. It can be quite time consuming. Give it a try.”

Before Jessica’s amazed eyes, Kara’s hands and the cube in them blurred for a few seconds only to stop with a perfectly solved cube.

“Here you go.” the blonde offered, handing it back.

“Extremely smart and fast… right? Probably not the best prop. Thank you Kara. So what did you and your family do after I left yesterday? I hope you didn’t sit around the house on a beautiful Saturday.”

“No!” the girl brightened. “We went shopping! I actually wore a skirt. It was weird. I’ve never worn one around… I’ve never worn one. I swore I wouldn’t but Alex looks cool in hers. Its weird feeling air on my legs still even though I have gotten used to shorts and a swimsuit. It isn’t worse than the first time I wore a swimsuit. That was embarrassing. This just felt more free I guess, less confining. I could move easier.”

“Not many skirts on Krypton, huh?”

“No. Clothing like that was forbidden. But I kind of like them, they are very comfortable.”

“Sounds like you are going to be wearing a lot more skirts in the future. So you went to the Mall?”

“Yes, I had six Pot Stickers and we visited a Ben and Jerry’s before we left the city. Do you know what a Ben… of course you do. You are from here. I love Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I like cones too. They are fun to eat. I never tasted anything like ice cream on Krypton. All our food was made in laboratories and tended to have the same base flavor. Food on Earth is amazing.” Kara admitted.

Jessica was pleasantly surprised. The girl was opening up easily, as long as the conversation did not touch her emotional trauma. Getting her to open up was the first part and she was beginning to see the bubbly girl Connolly had told her he saw once or twice.

“What else do you like about Earth?”

“The animals, the birds, the sky, the ocean…”

“Thats right. Dante is teaching you how to swim, isn’t he? How is that going?”

“Good! I can do what he calls freestyle. I can also back stroke but it is hard because the waves crash over me and the water tastes horrible. The first time I entered the ocean, I wanted to taste the water to determine if it was safe in the event Kal swallowed some. Alex didn’t tell me it was… ugh. She thought it was funny. I didn’t.”

“That doesn’t sound like a very nice joke.”

Kara laughed a bit. “it was kind of funny. A wave crashed over me from behind and the look on her face was so funny, I tried to pretend to be mad but I couldn’t. She is a lot of fun. I wish she had been with me my whole life. I never had a friend before her and on Krypton parents were rarely allowed to have two children. My mother was a twin… but I never had a sibling. It is fun. She… she saved me. I don’t want her hurt.”

“I would say based on what has happened since you met her she is safe with you. You saved her life, you protected her from those men. You protected your cousin. You are quite a hero, Kara.”

“I am not a hero.” the girl responded immediately. Jessica shrugged her shoulders.

“Maybe you don’t think you are now, but you have the heart of a hero. A hero puts others first. You seem to have that down. So what do you do for fun besides swimming?”

Kara brightened at that. “I love to sing. Alex says I am really good. I also like to draw. She and my teacher said I am good. I drew that.” the girl finished, pointing at the framed charcoal drawing of Alex in the cave, Kara had done her first day in Art Class.

“Wow.” Jess said. “You did that? That is amazing. I struggle with stick figures. That is beautiful. Have you drawn anything else?”

Kara nodded her head but began looking anywhere besides Jessica’s eyes. The doctor noticed she seemed nervous again.

“Can I see them? Your drawings?”

“My art teacher keeps most of them. Alex asked for that one.”

“Oh, okay. Thats too bad. I really wanted to see more but I guess thats my loss. So you don’t have anything just lying around, anything you might just doodle on?”

Kara’s eyes shot to under her bed and then back to Jessica’s, realizing she had been caught. Ryan sighed.

“Kara, you don’t have to show me. It’s okay. They are yours.”

“I know.” she lied, feeling like she did have to show them. “I draw sometimes when Alex is in the shower or busy and I am alone. I don’t even show her. They are weird… scary? Strange. I would never draw them in art class. Do you really want to see?”

“If you want to show me. I have seen a lot of weird, scary things in my life. But they are yours as is the decision. I would be honored.”

Kara moved to the writing tablet she kept hidden under her bed and back to her chair too fast for Ryan to keep track of. When she realized Kara had moved, the tablet was in her hands.

“You are fast, aren’t you?” she observed with a smile. Being around that would take some getting used to. Jess opened the tablet and could see why Kara would want to keep these secret. They were strange but not unexpected. The first was of a dark haired woman Jessica assumed to be her mother. The second was identical only a streak of white hair differing the two women. Jess guessed this was her Aunt Astra from Connolly’s description. The third was disturbing. A man, not large, not small, average looking if perhaps a bit on the older handsome side. The frightening thing about him was the look on his face, one of disdain, anger, even hate.

“That’s Non. He always looks like that. He looked at me all the time, my family, he hated us. I could feel it. I wish he…”

“You wish he what?” Jess prodded.

“I wish he was dead like everyone else.” the blonde finished in a whisper.

Jessica moved on and noticed the drawings became increasingly violent. A drawing of her mother and a man she assumed was Kara’s father. They were surrounded by flames and looks of complete fear graced their faces.

“Thats how they look in my dreams. After I left. I think thats how they would have looked.” she admitted.

The rest showed scenes of a city from a window. Jessica realized that she was seeing an alien city. The city was crumbling though, piles of rubble down below, some buildings in the process of falling.

“I saw out my window when Mother was rushing me to the port. I do not think she wished me to but the noise, the city was falling apart. I didn’t have time to look very clearly but I see it in my dreams. I could hear the screams even as high up as we were.”

“I see. I am sorry you had to see that. Kara, this is your time with me. I am here to work on some things that are bothering you, some things you want to work on. But ultimately it is your decision how this goes. So I want you to think about this. You have had some problems. You aren’t eating as much as you want, are you?”

“No. I have to blend in though. Eating as much as I want… it is different than humans.”

“Okay, and you also have nightmares a lot, right?”

“Yes.”

“You miss your parents.”

“Yes, but… I am also…”

“Angry at them?” Jess guessed.

Kara nodded her head.

“Believe it or not, its okay to be angry at your parents and still love them, but you will figure that out one day. You have panic attacks and they scare you very badly, right?”

“I don’t like the feeling. I can’t think, I can’t see, I… wake up somewhere else. If I was still on my own trying to take care of Kal they would… he could be injured while I was unconscious.”

“You have been hurting yourself.” she continued. The girl nodded.

Jessica took a deep breath and a soft tone. “All of these things are related to each other. They stem from multiple feelings and traumatic experiences. However, we cannot work on them all at once. So of all the things you want to change, which one is most important to you?”

Kara said nothing, looking around the room and no longer meeting the woman’s eyes.

“Kara, are you suicidal? Do you ever think about killing yourself?”

Kara shook her head.

“Are you afraid of dying?”

“A little.” the girl admitted.

“But I understand you were prepared to face your uncle, force him to kill you. Did the idea scare you?”

“Yes, but I would have done it. It is… was necessary. I know, one day I know I will have to face him and Aunt Astra and I don’t know if I can win.”

Jessica nodded her head, expecting as much. “So you aren’t suicidal but you are not afraid to die. Are you afraid to live?”

“Afraid to live? I don’t think so.”

“Good.” Jessica told her, happy with the answer and happier that the girl meant it. “I see you having three main areas we need to work on. Grief, anxiety and guilt. You decide which one of these we should talk about in two days. Its up to you.”

Kara looked at her doubtfully. “I get to decide?”

“It’s your time. We can talk about what you want to talk about. Give it some thought and let me know when we meet again, okay?”

The blonde nodded her head. “Okay.”

“And Kara? What do you do if you feel the need to harm yourself?”

“Tell someone first…”

“And then don’t. Its going to be hard, but you have done hard things before. I believe in you. If it happens we can deal with it, we are all going to talk about our plan tonight and you need to think about some things others can do to help you if you need it. Sound good?”

“Yes, thank you. Are we… is it over?”

“Unless you have anything else you want to talk about.”

“No thank you. Bye.”

Kara was gone in a blur of blonde, leaving Jessica shaking her head. “That’s definitely going to take some getting used to.”

Alex walked in next, confident and doing her best not to appear intimidated.

“So, whats up? Everything go good? She was moving fast. I know you aren’t supposed to talk about what you guys said but it went okay?”

Jessica laughed. “Yes, I think it went great. How are you? Did you enjoy shopping yesterday?”

“Yep. Seeing Kara wearing a skirt, the look on her face and Dad seemed so sad made it all worth it. She looked so cute. We had ice cream and Clark got it all over his face and Dad’s shirt. Kara finally ate like she usually eats, at least more than she has. I’m worried she is going to pass out. I bring candy bars for her to eat in between classes but she has been refusing them lately. Did you talk to her about that? Did you tell her it is okay to eat as much as she wants? I’ve told her but she doesn’t listen. She gets embarrassed so easily and…”

“Alex, stop for a moment. We are here to talk about you, not Kara.”

Alex looked at her suspiciously. “I’m not the one burning my arms and starving myself and not sleeping and having panic attacks. I asked for someone to help her.”

“And I agreed provided everyone participate. That was the agreement your family made. That means you also. We can talk about all the problems during family time. This is your time to focus on you.”

“I’m fine. I’m worried about her.” Alex argued.

“So you were good with seeing the woman and baby die in the explosion that nearly killed you? You don’t have nightmares about Kara dying? You don’t have nightmares about your parents dying? You don’t stay up all night, worried constantly?”

Alex looked around and then whispered. “Listen, I can’t let her go to the beach by herself. Mom and Dad are playing with Clark but I have no idea if she is listening. She can’t just walk away and doesn’t have that great of control over her hearing. If she hears about my problems it will make her feel worse.”

“If you don’t work through your problems she will notice and not only feel worse but keep it inside. Your call.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Look, I do have nightmares. Who wouldn’t? But we knew, all of us, what we were getting into. Kara warned us constantly. Yeah, what happened with the DEO scared the hell out of me, but it worked out. We got lucky or they did until they weren’t lucky anymore. I knew we were taking a chance. We all did. But I would do it again.”

“Why? I notice the two of you seem to have an extreme bond for two girls that haven’t known each other that long. Despite what she has gone through on her own, what she has accomplished, she relies on you, she looks up to you. You on the other hand, seem to have made it your life’s mission to protect an invincible alien girl. Can you tell me why? I want to understand.”

“Number one, we don’t know if she is invincible and I would rather not find out. Thats why I didn’t want her touching that power line. Yeah, bullets and knives can’t harm her but electricity is a whole other ball game. The effect it could have had on her nervous system… she could have died if she moved that power line. Remind her of that. As far as our bond as you put it, she is my sister.”

“Sisters fight over clothes, they argue, they get on each other’s nerves. You two don’t seem to do this. Or am I missing something?”

“Look, I have never had many friends. I’m smart, okay? I am guessing by your PhD that you are smart too. You know how hard it is to make friends when you are like us. Kara… I don’t know. I always wanted a little sister. Mom couldn’t have anymore kids but it didn’t change the fact that I did. I wanted someone to look up to me. To be my best friend, someone I could share everything with and didn’t judge me. I love her. I don’t know what you want me to tell you. She needs me and I need her. The two of us work together. Clark is cute and fun, but Kara… I don’t know how to explain it. I just worry about her, okay? When she is happy, she has this smile that lights up a room. I want to see that more. But she has taken so many hits, her parents died and then running with Clark, then finding that message from Clark’s father, then the car wreck and the DEO thing. Its wearing her down. If she is wore down so am I. Now she is burning herself.”

“What message from Clark’s father?” Jessica asked, making note of it for the future.

“Thats between the two of you. If she wants to bring it up she can.”

Jess let it go, deciding that was something to bring up with Kara. “Almost every girl I know or could imagine at your age, would have tried to take them both to your parents within minutes of meeting them in that cave. You kept it a secret. Why?”

Alex laughed a bit but there was no humor. “You didn’t see her. You weren’t there. I followed her and I saw her in this dark corner. She was filthy, wore clothes that were obviously too big for her, but her eyes… she was so frightened. Then this baby crawls out from behind her where she had been protecting him. She was so scared. I watched her open a can of baby food with her fingernail and feed this baby out of her hand. It was probably the saddest… see I knew she was different. The fingernail thing clued me in, the language, that night when she looked to the stars… I knew if I tried t take her to my parents she would run. I just knew it. I couldn’t let that happen. I don’t know why but I just did. She was mine from the moment I laid eyes on her. I know if I was in her situation, she would have helped me.”

“Okay. Do you have nightmares beside the DEO raid on your home?”

“Yes.” Alex admitted. “I have dreams about the two of them in some sort of spaceship and everything blowing up around them. I have dreams of finding my family dead, all of them. I dream about this Astra and Non finding her, taking her away, kill… killing her. I….I am frustrated because she can’t fight for herself. I can’t fight. I am tired of not being able to fight. I need to learn how.”

“You? You want to fight this Non and Astra?”

Alex shrugged her shoulders. “I know I can’t but I can at least fight for her at school. People say horrible things, call her names and she can hear it all. She can’t fight because she is too strong. I should be fighting for her. And for the record, yeah, if I could fight this Non and Astra I would. They are destroying her with their actions.”

Jess nodded her head. “You said you never had friends? Do you think it is just because they are intimidated by your intelligence?”

Alex once again shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I never really tried. I have always been a loner until I met her.”

“Alex, normally I would just try to get to know someone when I first meet them. I can tell you are pretty pragmatic, probably the kind of person who keeps a tight lid on her emotions. I can’t change that, I just want to know a few things, give you a few things to think about. If you want to tell me, thats fine. If not, I hope you can figure it out on your own.”

“I’m not afraid to answer anything you want, so long as you help Kara.”

“Okay, you have been an only child your whole life. Your parents world has revolved around you. How do you feel about your parents getting a baby and getting a new daughter who needs a lot of attention? You won’t be the center of their world anymore. You are going to have to get used to sharing. Not your clothes or your room, you obviously have no problem with that. I mean attention. What are you going to do the first time you really need your parents to listen, the first time you are truly in need and Kara has a panic attack or Clark is sick and needs their attention? How are you going to handle taking a backseat in those situations, so to speak?”

“I know my parents love me. They wouldn’t have taken Kara and Clark in without telling anyone if they didn’t. When I told them where Kara was from, that she was an alien, they believed me. Kara is the one who doesn’t like their attention I think. She doesn’t feel comfortable. I am comfortable. Besides, if she needs attention, I will be there before they are anyway.”

“Even if it means putting your problems in the backseat?” Jess asked.

“Yes. I took her in, she trusts me and I trust her. If I ever lose my whole world and everyone I love, she can take a backseat to my problems and she would. She would now. She worries about embarrassing me all the time. I can handle it. I just wish she would open up to them more.”

“But a large part of you enjoys the fact that you are the only person she truly trusts completely, right?”

Alex nodded her head. “Yeah, I like that. Is there something wrong with that?”

“Absolutely not. I wish I had a sibling sometimes, but I doubt any relationship would be as intense as yours. You two came to each other in a unique way. That is to be treasured. You should be aware that the worries and nightmares won’t just go away. You may always have bad dreams occasionally. I would like for you to do something for me, if you want. I would like for you to keep a dream journal. Every morning write down what you dreamed about the night before, good or bad. We can talk about them, the next time we meet.”

“Why?”

“Because you need to face your fears. Once you understand they are fears and not reality, you will be able to handle them better, I think. Would you do that?”

Alex nodded. “Can I go now? Kara probably went to the beach so she wouldn’t listen. I want to make sure she hasn’t drowned.”

Jess nodded. “Of course. Until next time.”

“Yep, see ya.”

Alex hurried out of the room, nearly running downstairs. She didn’t see Kara or Clark. Her parents were in the living room relaxing.

“Where are they?” the girl asked immediately. Eliza looked up at her, noticing her on the stairs for the first time.

“How did it go? I know you aren’t supposed to say anything…”

“Where are Kara and Clark?” Alex asked again. Jeremiah noted the agitation on her face and in her voice.

“Kara didn’t want to listen and she wasn’t sure she could drown out the conversations. She took Clark to the beach.”

“By herself? Did she seem okay, was she freaked out? Why did you let her take…”

“Alex!” Eliza stopped her. “Sweetie, I can appreciate your concern but Kara isn’t a prisoner here. If she were going to run off she would have before now and she wouldn’t take Clark with her. She probably needs some time with Clark, just the two of them. It is going to be okay. She didn’t seem upset when she came down, she even took a couple sandwiches. It will be okay.”

“Yeah, unless she has a panic attack or decides Clark won’t say anything and burns…”

“Alex, be her sister.” Jeremiah suggested gently. “You don’t have to be her mother. We have talked about this and she probably needs to feel… normal sometimes.”

“She lights her arms on fire.” Alex unnecessarily reminded them.

“And we have to trust that she will tell us if she has the urge. How are we ever going to get her to truly trust us if we make her think we can’t truly trust her?” Eliza asked. “Maybe we are wrong. I have a million questions for Jessica but how would you feel if we didn’t trust you to go to the beach by yourself?”

“If I was lighting myself on fire, I would understand.” Alex argued. “I need to go. Ryan is waiting for whoever is next.”

While Alex was wishing she could move as fast as Kara, the blonde in question was sitting on the beach in the sand, Kal playing in front of her, digging seashells as if they were hidden diamonds.

“ I love you, Kal.”

“ Love you Kawa.”

Kara’s heart warmed a bit, hearing that one bit of her own language he had told her since he began talking.

“Please don’t ever forget how to say that. I understand you will lose the memory of our language. I am certain you have already lost the memories of our home, but never lose that. I’ll tell you all the time so you don’t forget.”

Kara enjoyed the ocean breeze and watching her cousin playing so carelessly. For a moment she had a thought of how unreal this was. Not long ago, less than a year in her mind, the two had been in their family’s complex, living indoors for the most part, watching the planet outside spinning around Rao. Now they were here in this paradise. Clark played under a beautiful yellow sun, birds flew over head… and she could lift cars and crush people’s bones with her hand.

Her phone buzzed, not surprisingly. She knew Alex probably wouldn’t be happy that she was out here on her own, but Kara could not have resisted the temptation to listen. It was better that she was here. She was taken back when a number popped up that she did not recognize.

“Hello?”

“Hello Kara.”

Kara froze, knowing who was on the line, but that voice, telling her he would take them all, placing her in cuffs she was forced to wear if she wanted her loved ones safe…

“Please do not use that voice.” she asked or begged quietly. The blonde heard a sigh on the other end.

“I am sorry, Kara.” the deeper voice of J’onn Jonzz told her. “I didn’t think. I have been in this form for days… I am sorry.”

“Its okay.” the blonde lied. “Jeremiah and Eliza aren’t with me. Do you want me to tell them to call you?”

“No, I wanted to talk to you. I… I know things didn’t go great the last time we talked. I am sorry about the DEO. Kara, I am not what you would call an easy man to open up to. Martians bonded, we shared a mind, especially with our families. It made it easier to communicate on an emotional level. This human style of talking about our emotions confuses me. I hope you like Dr. Ryan.”

“I do. She seems very nice.” Kara admitted.

“I am glad. Though I obviously wanted to be the one to talk to you, I see now that I was out of my league. I want you to know however, that if you ever need anything, anything at all, even someone to scream at, I am here for you and always will be.”

“Thank you, J’onn. I am sorry I attacked you in the hangar.”

“I probably deserved it. Thats what I get for pretending to be a therapist. I will never know what it must be like to go through what you did. I know we have some similar situations but we are both strangers to this planet with different experiences. I still feel out of place at times after 300 years sometimes. I just want to apologize and I… I don’t want you to be angry with me Kara. You mean a lot to me. I will always be here if and when you need me for anything.”

“Thank you J’onn. I am not angry. You have done much for me and the Danvers. I owe you my gratitude.”

“You owe me nothing. Just remember, you are a Danvers now too. Goodbye, Kara.”

Kara saw the call ended and placed the phone back in her pocket.

“Hey.” a soft and familiar voice called to her. “Who was that?”

“J’onn.” Kara told her sister who sat down next to her. Clark was so obsessed with digging through the sand he didn’t seem notice her arrival.

“He didn’t make you mad, did he? Everything cool?”

Kara smiled, amused at Alex’s constantly anxiety about her.

“No, he did not anger me. He was nice. I feel bad about what I did the last time I saw him in the hangar. We just, I guess neither of us are good with handling emotions. Alex, do you think I am broken? That I can’t be fixed? Do you think I will ever be normal?”

Alex was instantly alert. “Did she tell you that you weren’t normal? Because, I can go right back to the house…”

“Alex,” Kara stopped her, “relax. She did not say that to me. She told me the opposite but I am not sure I can believe her. I don’t know if I will ever be what I once was. When my world ended, I think everything I ever believed, everything I thought of as… I don’t know. It is hard to explain. I sometimes… I miss pain. I know that sounds crazy but… do you want to know how I got this scar by my eyebrow?”

“Of course.” Alex told her carefully. Pain was a topic that made her very alert.

“I was five Earth years. I was running in the common room. I had made my father a sculpture. It was small, only 6 inches tall, but I was very proud of it. Art wasn’t actively encouraged but I did it on my own time. I suppose you would say it resembled an angel. Krypton had stories of winged Kryptonians in the far past. Supposedly they were messengers of Rao, sent to provide wisdom to the families and unite the planet. The stories were fables, I guess you would call it, but the idea of flying, to me it was so wonderful. So I made a small sculpture. I never could get the wings right. I was running to the common room because I had heard him. He was gone quite a bit so to be home at that time was special. On my way in I tripped over my own feet and hit the edge of a small table. I only barely hit it but it cut my head slightly. I bled and Mother ran inside, putting pressure on the wound. I was a bit dizzy, but I remember being picked up in my Father’s arms and carried to his bedroom. I fell asleep and woke after two hours. Kelex was there of course but so were my Mother and Father. My Mother had been crying. She was worried about me. My Father, he was by my bed, holding the sculpture. He told me he loved it. He really loved it. It stayed on his desk until… but what I remember the most, was the way they stayed by my side. My head hurt but it was worth it because for a whole day, I was the center of my parent’s attention. Not court cases, or experiments, just me. It meant so much to me.

Now I cannot feel pain. If I fall my head will destroy whatever I fall on. I can’t even fall. I am confident I will just hover in the air. My parents will never again take care of any wound I might have. I am indestructible. I had Argo fever once when I was seven. Aunt Astra stayed by my side for four days. It was a serious case but not unheard of. Every time I woke, she was there, wiping my head with a cool towel, helping me drink, feeding me when I couldn’t feed myself. When I saw things that were not there, I felt her hand and knew she was real. You would think not feeling pain would be wonderful, but it is not. I feel like a machine, a robot, a statue. When I burn my arms, for an instant the loss of everything, the fear, the worry, it all goes away. I don’t know if I will ever be able to stop. I am scared of stopping because if I do, what will I feel?”

Alex wiped her eyes, and moved closer to Kara, wrapping her arms around the trembling girl.

“Can you feel this?” she asked, squeezing her as tight as possible.

“Yes.”

“Then you will always have this to feel. I promise. I will always be here.”

“You won’t. One day you will have your own career, your own life, a love who you choose. I can’t hold you back from that. I have almost accepted that I will be alone. Kal El won’t remember, my people are dead and cannot rest, and I will never have a mate. How can I ever love a person if I cannot be truthful? How can I ever love someone who I have to touch as if they are glass. Do you know how many times a day I want to hug you as hard as I can? But I can’t.”

“Kara, that isn’t true. I would bet money that you will find someone one day, if you want to. I take my money seriously. Thats why I spend Mom and Dad’s all the time.”

Kara snorted. “My luck, it will be some jerk from Daxam. I wouldn’t be surprised if they showed up here. I am certain the destruction of Krypton must have devastated their planet.”

“Uh, what is Daxam? Are they like really scaly, slimy or have fangs?”

“That is a good way to describe them, without the fangs, scales and slime. No, I think the slime is accurate. I have overheard stories. A horrible, war mongering race. Doesn’t matter. So how did your therapy session go? Do you like her?”

“Sure, but I like her boyfriend better.” Alex told her. “At least what he can do for me. You are going to help.”

“Uh… that doesn’t sound good. I suppose you had the same discussion I had once with my mother? The one that was more awkward than the tampon discussion we had.”

Alex nearly gagged. “Kara please. That isn’t what I am talking about. Lets go. Mom and Dad are having Doctor Phil time. It shouldn’t take long to figure out where they are living right now.”

Kara looked at her suspiciously. “You want to go to Jason Connolly’s house? I am guessing it will be a secret?”

“Our secret. Lets go. Clark is about to become one with the beach.”

Kara picked her cousin up and after Alex sent a quick text to her parents the three made their way into town. A short stop at the nearest convenience store and the trio had directions. Connolly was in the backyard of the cute one story wooden house. Not exactly what you would expect a Navy Seal to be living in with his serial killer hunting, alien therapist. Kara and Alex noticed him sweating in the backyard, working on a lawn mower, while practicing curse words Alex was fairly certain she had never heard spoken in person.

“Having problems?” she asked.

Connolly took a deep breath, stood up and turned to face the girls and the baby. “You know there are at least three companies in this small town that do lawns? They edge and everything. Hell they will plant a garden if you want. Jess says I have to do the lawn. Something about being a home owner or some shit. Sorry Clark, don’t repeat that. Anyway I buy this damn thing and it won’t work. I can take apart any automatic weapon you show me in seconds. I can wire a bomb to an ignition system and I can break nearly every digital lock I have ever come across. Believe it or not, cutting grass isn’t in my wheelhouse. She is doing this to screw with me.”

“And yet you are doing it. She really does have you wrapped around her finger, doesn’t she? While she is having Mom and Dad time we thought it would be a good time to have a discussion with you.”

“Whats wrong?” he asked, instantly alert.

“You learned to control your fear when you were young right? Because this guy took you in and taught you how to fight?” Alex guessed.

“No.” he responded immediately.

“Yes. We need to know how to defend ourselves and since you and your boy band obviously are experts at… fighting, you are the guy Kara and I need. You are going to teach me and I will show her what I learn from you.”

“No. This is exactly the kind of thing I was told not to do. There are other, healthier ways to learn to control your fears. Thats why Jessica is here. She would not be happy if I showed you how to fight. I only know one way and… thats not a way you need to learn. Ask your parents to put you in karate or something.”

Alex shook her head. “Nope. They won’t and karate isn’t what we need. I need you to teach us how to fight. If any…”

“No!”

Alex sighed. “I really didn’t want to do this. Kara, do your thing.”

Kara walked up to the man, Clark in her arms.

“I’m scared. Alex needs to know how to defend herself and if someone… stronger comes for us, I need to know how to hold them off while she gets away. I will run as soon as they are safe but how can…”

“No, This is exactly the kind of irresponsible sh… stuff I get accused of all the time. You want me… no Kara. Work with Dante on meditation, let your sister join in but…”

“Please? No one else will help us. We can keep it a secret. While I work with Dante you can work with Alex. No one will know, I promise. It will be just between the three of us. We won’t tell Jessica or Dante. But she needs to know and she needs to show me.”

“No. Absolutely not. Just forget it… what are you doing? Don’t do that! Are you seriously crying right now? How are you… close your eyes! What the hell? Are those space puppy eyes? No! Absolutely not… please stop. Please don’t do that… damn it! Fine, just stop the tears, how the hell do you do that?”

“She thinks about the Notebook and Jack dying because Rose wouldn’t move over on the board in…” Alex started.

“Yeah Titanic. I’ve seen it. Would have been plenty of room for him. You know some guys in Kabul actually built a board to those exact dimensions and proved that two… besides the point. Listen, if I teach you and you get in a fight at school you could kill somebody. I really don’t know many self defense moves. I can show you how to do an arm bar but the primary purpose is to break the arm and dislocate the shoulder. If you use any of what I teach you on someone else, everybody is going to know I taught you that.”

“I won’t use it. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just want to feel more comfortable in the event anyone ever…”

“No one is going to come! We took care of that… Kara, stop with the tears! Great, now the kid is getting upset. Tell him to stop looking… Clark, stop looking at me, Kara cut it out… damn it Danvers, you really don’t play fair.”

“Like you do?” a smirking Alex asked.

Connolly let out a deep breath. “You have a point. Look I can show you a few things. At least teach you some things you are not allowed to use ever. While Kara is working with Dante, if you can peel yourself from guard duty, then we can work on some things. I’m not teaching you how to knife fight. And forget about guns. Your parents, hell the whole town would hear the shots.”

“Not if you use a silencer. You guys did have a gun battle on our front lawn and the town didn’t notice.” Alex reminded him.

“No guns! You are going to need more space puppy tears for that. At least not now. Maybe in a couple years but not now. We work on what I decide you need to work on. Agreed?”

Kara and Alex grinned at each other. “I think we have a deal. So next Saturday?” the older girl asked, not really asking.

“Yeah, and if Jess finds out about this we are all in trouble. I am only doing this because Kara has a strange ability to cry, thinking about crappy romance movies. No more crying though. I don’t appreciate that kind of emotional blackmail. I’m not good with emotions.”

“I never would have guessed that.” the older sister told him. “I suppose now that you are a kept man who belongs to a psychologist you should probably work on getting better. Later Rambo.”

The three girls happily made their way back to the house, just in time for Jeremiah to walk down with Jessica.

“Great! We are all here. Lets talk in the living room and I can head home to make sure Jason has the lawn done. I can’t believe he is actually trying.”

The five and Clark sat down, Kara and Alex on the floor, Kara looking around and wondering if this would be bad. She was instantly paranoid about what everyone else may have said. Were Jeremiah and Eliza keeping her because they loved Kal El?

“Okay, so I think we had a good start together today. The important thing is that you all feel comfortable with me and with each other. I think all of us have identified some issues we could begin to address. As a family there also need to be goals. I have touched on some of these things with all of you but now I would like us to talk about what you all want together.”

“I want Kara to stop burning herself.” Alex said immediately. Kara dropped her head and Alex instantly felt bad. “Sorry. Its constantly on my mind. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“It is fine to bring it up. But I think we need to think bigger goals instead of just goals for Kara. Jeremiah you have some ideas?”

Jeremiah looked uncomfortable and cleared his throat. “I… I would like us to be one family. At times it seems Kara acts like a guest. I would like us all to bond. I realize we will never take her parents place but… this is her home now, not just a place she feels like she is staying. I would like us all to be ourselves and be open with each other. We have so many secrets that we cannot afford to keep any here, between us.”

“That seems like a reasonable goal. Does anyone have any objections?”

Kara and Alex looked at each other. No secrets? But wasn’t that what Alex and Connolly… Kara cut that line of thought off when she saw Alex’s eyes.

“Yes, that seems like a good goal.” the blonde agreed.

“Eliza?”

“I would like to… I realize each of my children need different things but I would also like us to all live on an even playing field. One where we all feel equal….and I think we need a plan, in case…” Eliza wasn’t sure what to say, not wanting to put Kara on the spot. “Also, I want my children to have fun, enjoy life, Alex you as well. I know you worry but you are not solely responsible for her. Kara, it is not your job or some duty to protect us. Every time something threatens us your first instinct is to fight while we escape. I hope you come to realize we are not leaving you, ever. We knew the risks, you warned us, and we accepted them. The first thing you ever said to me was that you were dangerous. I told you it didn’t matter and it still doesn’t.”

“Okay then. Reasonable goals. Kara?”

“Yes?”

“Do you have anything you want or would suggest?”

“No.”

“Kara,” Jeremiah started before Jessica raised her hand.

“If she has nothing that is fine. She may next time. This isn’t a one shot deal.”

“Can we talk about a plan, in case any of us, decide to burn our arms? Not singling out anyone.”

Kara glared at Alex. the older sister shrugged her shoulders. “Hey, if I ever do it I would want you to stop me. Just saying.”

“I won’t do it.” Kara said sharply.

Jessica shook her head slightly. “You might, Kara. But that is what it is so important that you tell someone before or after so we can all take measures. What would help you to resist an urge to harm yourself?”

“I don’t know. I guess… I don’t know. I guess they can ground me.” she told the Doctor, looking at Jeremiah and Eliza.

“Grounding is a punishment. No one is looking to punish you Kara. What would make you feel better?”

The blonde shrugged her shoulders. “I guess, when I am not by myself I feel less… I don’t know. When I am with Kal El I feel… better.”

“Uh, what about me?” Alex asked, a bit surprised.

Jessica answered when she saw Kara’s cheeks go red. “She feels guilty that she is taking your time, don’t you Kara?”

“A little. I don’t want to be pitied or Alex to feel like she has to take care of me. It is not… isn’t right. She has done so much for me and I feel I am letting her down, that she is having to stop her life to take care of me. I don’t want to be… I was chosen… I know why I was chosen and it had nothing to do with me being capable but I have been. I did the best I could and now I brought her into my life and she worries about me. I embarrass her at school…”

“You do not! Kara…”

“Alex, please let her finish.”

“She stands outside the bathroom when I am inside because she worries. I don’t want to be a problem for her.”

“Alex loves you.” Jess reminded her.

“I know. I love her. But… I feel guilty. My arms turn red and my skin starts to blacken. I don’t want Kal to ever know about this but what if…” Kara stopped talking, tears running down her cheeks. Alex moved closer wrapping her arms around the girl, whispering in her ear like she often did when Kara needed to calm down.

“What if we agreed to not use your heat vision in the house, ever? Because if you had an accident or lost control due to the pain you could catch the house on fire, right? So if you feel the need, you can let someone know and they can talk to you outside, but you have to let someone know. If it happens, would you agree to be with someone at all times? Thats reasonable, right? It could be Jeremiah, Eliza, or Alex. It can even be me. I only live a five minute walk…”

“Six… I heard.” Alex clarified, wishing she wouldn’t feel the need to correct everyone.

“Can we agree to that? And afterwards, you and I will talk and figure out exactly what you were feeling in the moment, okay? Maybe we can agree to see each other everyday until we can get a handle on it. Just when you have that feeling. Maybe a week after each incident? Does that sound reasonable?”

“Yes.”

“Good, we have a plan. Maybe not perfect but we can change it or modify it as we go along. So I guess you all need to have dinner and get ready for school and work in the morning and I have to make sure the pool boy has cut the grass and then find something to criticize him about. Living together is so fun.”

“Are you mated to him?” the blonde asked.

“No, he is mated to me. Remember, women always have the power.”

After Ryan left, the family sat down and Eliza was pleased to see Kara ate her usual amount of food, that she consumed when she had arrived in their lives. Perhaps the talk… no, the mother would not let herself get fooled again. Kara could be eating as much because they expected it of her. Her talk with Jessica had been eye opening. She knew it was important to be a mother so Alex wouldn’t feel as if she was but, she also knew the girls would have very different needs. Alex’s needs would change in relation to Kara’s and vice versa.

Kara and Alex walked upstairs to prepare for the night. Kara stopped at the bathroom door.

“Please don’t stand outside.” the blonde asked, practically pleading.

“Why?” Is… are you… why?”

“Because I just want to feel normal for a small amount of time. I don’t want to hurry because I don’t want you have to stay outside longer than normal.”

“Fine. Kara just don’t… okay, I will be in our room. Just… okay.” Alex gave up and walked to the room, standing in the doorway, not technically breaking her promise.

Kara for her part sat inside the bathroom on the floor, trying to digest everything that had happened that day. She stood and turned on the shower, washing herself quickly and after a minute, stepping out, drying off and leaving the shower running. She sank to the floor once more and looked at her left arm, eyes glowing.

“No, please no.” she begged herself. The girl held back as long as possible, and pulled her power back. Eyes blue once more, she stood up and looked in the mirror. Though it was only her reflection, she was struck by the sight of herself.

Steam was rising off of her from the heat and her thoughts immediately went to the picture she had showed Jessica that morning, the picture of her mother and father…

Alex heard the crash first, and ran, followed by Eliza and Jeremiah from their bedroom. Jeremiah tried unlocking the door, while Eliza called for her. The door was stuck, so he kicked it in. All of them saw Kara on the ground, curled into herself, shaking, her breathing out of control. They all knew there was nothing they could do by this point, just kneeling by her. When she passed out, Jeremiah carried her to her bed. Eliza sat by her side all night, till she woke at sun up. No one said anything about the panic attack and Kara was not inclined to mention it. She ate a normal breakfast for her and took the offered candy bars in between classes, seeming happy and content, ignoring those around her and focused on learning as much as she could, while trying to get 8% of the math questions wrong.

While the girls dealt with junior high and Eliza dealt with a teething Clark, Jeremiah sat at his desk, trying to concentrate on test results from the latest trial run, but his mind was not into it today. He was grateful Kara had not harmed herself but the panic attack she suffered scared the hell out of him. For the first time since they had arrived in his life, he considered learning more about how Kara’s body worked and Clark’s for that matter. Would certain drugs harm him? Were there anti anxiety pills he could give Kara that could help? Were they wrong to assume nothing would work on her?

His phone rang, that phone, the one that practically gave him an anxiety attack every time it was called.

“Hello?”

“Dr. Danvers, Jack Webb. We have some information you need to know.”

“Good information or bad?”

“Depends on how you look at it. I wanted to warn you that Kara is susceptible to electricity. Keep her away from large sources of power, especially downed power lines. I doubt they will kill her but they will hurt her and prolonged exposure could kill her. It worked on her aunt and uncle.”

Jeremiah’s heart began to race.

“How did you use that much electricity on Astra and Non?”

“You don’t want to know. Lets just say we set a trap and they fell into it. On the bright side they are looking for Kara in Northern Canada now.”

“Okay… how much electricity?”

“Think of a large power plant and then multiply it a couple times. It’s a lot and that was just to stop them. Kara being smaller, younger… just make sure she stays away from power lines and let her know. Like I said, she may not be killed but she could definitely be harmed, perhaps long term. Thats it. Astra is apparently still looking for her but we are setting a trail far away from the East Coast. They won’t find her. Just make sure she keeps wearing the glasses.”

“Definitely. Thank you Jack. I am sure you guys took a big risk.”

“Thats what we do. We will figure out a way to stop them. We are going to make sure those kids stay safe. Take care, Space Dad.”

The call ended, Jeremiah had made his decision. The records would be kept at home, off line. He could borrow the equipment, run the tests he needed to in secret but he had to learn more about Kara and Clark. He had to know what could harm them and stop it before it did. He needed to know what could help them.

Now he just had to convince Kara.