Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Survivors

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 20: The Kryptonians first Christmas

Kara stood by Alex behind the curtain of the stage in the junior high auditorium. Looking through the heavy drape with her X ray vision she saw one hundred and twenty two people sitting in the packed viewing area.

The blonde was sweating, her heart racing fast and her breathes coming quickly.

“Hey, calm down.” Alex whispered. Kara nodded her head while digging her clenching her fists, trying to tear her fingernails into the the skin of her palm. She had learned two nights before if she did this it did hurt, for a moment, not a lot and didn’t last long but just enough. Tonight it wasn’t enough.

The idea of singing with the eleven others in the choir in public had not bothered Kara. She felt she could blend in. She was even excited, though she would never admit it, that the teacher had asked her to perform a solo. Eliza and Jeremiah had been so proud of her and Alex, taking multiple photos before leaving for the venue. The red and white robes were not very fashionable according to Alex but they seemed to be standard wear for a choir, from what Kara had gathered from television.

“I can’t calm down. I can’t go out there.” Kara whispered. “Its too dangerous.”

The older sister sighed, noticing not for the first time that any time something involved crowds, Kara would deem it too dangerous.

“It’s a Junior High Recital not flying in underground tunnels. You have a great voice…”

“Alex!” Kara whispered harshly, not wanting flying or anything else about powers ever being talked about in public. “It is not just my voice. My glasses! People have cameras, they are going to take pictures of us. My picture will be distorted on all the photos. Parents will want to borrow other parents photos of their children. My face will be distorted in every one of them. This will be noticed! Someone is going to notice or a lot of people. They will ask Jeremiah and Eliza if they can see their pictures and they won’t be able to explain why they didn’t take any. Don’t you see? I cannot go out there!”

Alex listened to Kara with patience then growing concern. Her paranoid little sister was right this time. It would complicate things. Alex shook the thought off.

“They will mostly focus on their own kids. We can just say the light reflected off your glasses in some weird way. You got this.”

Kara looked out over the crowd once again.

Photos, questions, social media sites, security cameras, Facebook… people. The people were so loud.

“I can’t do this. I can’t go out there Alex.” Kara told her once again, her chest visibly rising and falling as her breath picked up. Alex tried to rub her shoulders, something that usually calmed her when she was only slightly anxious at school, but it wasn’t going to work this time. Kara was moving into full blown panic mode. It also didn’t escape Alex’s attention that Kara’s nails were digging so hard into her palms that a very small spot of blood could be seen. Checking her phone, Alex saw they had 15 minutes before the curtain opened and she estimated Kara would be on the floor having a full blown panic attack in less than three minutes.

“Close your eyes, calm your breathing and I will be right back. Do not move Kara. Do not run to the bathroom, just breathe slowly and give me a minute.”

The blonde nodded her head and did as instructed while Alex raced quickly to the side of the stage and walked out into the audience. Her parents noticed her and Alex beckoned her mother over to her. Eliza handed Clark to Jeremiah and moved quickly, not bothering to ask what was wrong but following Alex back.

In the back, Eliza saw a shaken, pale Kara who looked as if she were barely holding it together. The girl was not crying but when she opened her eyes they were red.

“Kara, whats wrong sweetie?”

Kara’s lower lip trembled but she grabbed Eliza’s hand and pulled her to the back.

“Tell her Alex.” Kara pleaded.

Alex recounted Kara’s theories about the cameras to Eliza and how dangerous it was for the blonde to go out there for all of them.

“Is that the only reason?” the mother asked, and gently took Kara’s clenched fist. The girl shook her head.

“I’m scared. I didn’t want to do this in front of so many people. I just wanted to sing and… I… but you and Jeremiah were happy and I…”

“You are frightened of singing in front of people.” Eliza correctly guessed.

“I don’t want to have a panic attack, I don’t want pictures taken of me or all those flashes from the camera phones, I don’t want just anyone’s camera pointed at me, or people looking at me…”

“Kara, you just have stage fright. Its going…” Alex started until Eliza held her hand up.

“Kara, Jeremiah and I are here to support both of you. You aren’t letting us down if you don’t do this. This is your decision. If you don’t want to go out and sing you don’t have to. You can sing at home, you can sing during choir practice, you don’t have to do it in front of people or anything else you aren’t comfortable with. I don’t want you to worry. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I don’t?”

“Say the word and we can leave or sit in the audience and listen to Alex. I will tell your instructor that you are not feeling well. This is not something you have to do. Would you do me a favor and loosen your fist up a little? I think you might be cutting yourself just a bit with your strong fingernails and we don’t want that, do we? It will probably sting. Can you loosen it up and hold my hand?”

Kara did loosen her fist, flexing her hand and taking Eliza’s gently.

“Want me to tell your teacher that you aren’t feeling well?”

Kara nodded her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Never be sorry. Maybe you might try it again one day. The important thing is to keep singing if you love it. It doesn’t matter if it is in the shower or in front of a bunch of strangers. Just do what makes you happy. I will let him know and you and Clark can watch Alex…”

“Whoa! I joined up for her. If she goes, I go. There isn’t any reason for me…”

‘

“You have gotten a lot better. Since we started? You have gotten very good. I would like… to hear you sing. If you don’t want to I understand but…” Kara stopped, trying to control her breathing and deal with the pain in her gut. “I would really like to hear you sing. I bet your parents…”

“Our parents.” Alex corrected, like she always did.

“I bet they would like to hear how much better you have gotten. You have a beautiful voice.”

Alex shook her head. “Kara, I wouldn’t even be heard with all those other kids. Its…”

“I always hear your voice. Please? Sing for me?”

Alex took a deep breath, caught by sad puppy dog eyes. “Okay Blondie. I’ll sing for you but you have to relax. No squeezing your fists, or anything else. Deal?”

Kara nodded her head and Eliza walked off after giving Alex a hug and taking Kara’s robe from her. Kara’s teacher understood of course. The faculty knew of Kara’s panic attacks and though he loved the girl, the instructor had noticed how distraught she was becoming and wondered if she would be well.

A shy Kara, not wanting to know what Jeremiah’s reaction would be, was pleasantly surprised when Eliza seated her between the two parents. Jeremiah smiled and handed her Clark, then put an arm around her.

“You okay?” he asked. Kara nodded timidly.

“I’m…”

“Don’t you dare apologize. You have nothing to apologize for. I’ll let you know I have always had stage fright. Its why I have always done research and never taught. Eliza is the teacher. Me? I can’t stand the idea of talking in front of people I don’t know. Now lets relax and listen. Maybe Alex has learned something from you. She inherited my singing ability which isn’t great. After this, tomorrow we pack and leave and the fun continues, right?”

“Right.” the girl told him with a relieved grin. Clark patted her cheek and gave her a sloppy kiss on the forehead, causing the last of her nerves to leave.

The concert began and true to Kara’s words and her pleasure, Alex did sing, more than lip syncing. Her voice could be heard among the others, clearly and she had gotten much better. Eliza took photo after photo and Jeremiah let Kara hold the camera recording her. After thirty minutes the event was over and parents mingled waiting for their children, then slowly dispersed. All that was left was the Danvers.

“Alex, you sounded so good.” Kara told her.

“Listening to you, it had to rub off. So their aren’t any security cameras in here and I’m about to lock the doors. Old man Maran said we could have the place for a while. You want to give it a go? Maybe take those eye glasses off and let Mom get some pics of both of us for the wall?”

“What are you talking about? Everyone is gone. Why would I sing here? I can sing at home.”

“Yeah but you have some guests that wanted to hear you. Want to give it a go?”

“Who?”

Alex walked to the front and ushered in the familiar males and females. Connolly and his team, including Vivian who actually looked somewhat normal tonight and Jessica walked in.

“What about it?” Hawk asked her, kneeling down. “I’ll let you slam me through a table again if you let me hear you sing.”

Kara nodded her head and hesitantly took off her glasses. Alex slipped off the robe she found hideous and the two girls in blue jeans and green matching sweaters walked to the front of the stage while the gathered sat after Connolly made sure the door was locked and the back was clear.

“No one here but us Kara. Your choice. If you don’t want to, I can sing for everybody.” the man offered. Kara laughed, genuinely amused.

“I have heard you sing. I think Alex and I will sing.”

“Yeah, I’ll help you out with harmony but the solo is yours. Amy butchered it. Let them hear how Silent Night is supposed to be sung.” Alex told her.

Kara took the mic and began, Alex joining in after a solo that had a tear running down Dan Hawk’s big cheek. For the next thirty minutes, no one made a sound, not even Clark, who was in awe of his cousin’s voice. It was one he knew from his earliest days, perhaps forgotten but engrained in his mind. When Kara sang he always felt better.

The songs continued for twenty minutes, the girls, Kara for the most part, completing the set quicker without the teacher making announcements and thanking everyone for something between each number. After twenty Alex sat while the crowd begged Kara to take requests. After four more songs the transfixed Seal team and others gave her a break and both girls were rewarded with standing ovations by the small crowd.

Connolly pulled Jeremiah to the side, once he was satisfied that Kara was talking animatedly with others, He suspected when she was engaged in conversation she was able to block out sounds around her more easily. The man still spoke in a whisper.

“Your family is leaving tomorrow for the mountains, right?”

“Yeah, and no, neither will be training again till after New Year.” the father told him firmly.

Connolly rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to train them now. I have to get huge holes in concrete walls restructured. Damn Jeremiah, give us some credit.”

“Sorry.” the man told him. He recognized he still, after all these people had done for Kara and his family, jumped to the worst thoughts.

“I get it, okay? I don’t trust easy either. The cabin you are staying at has a small basement. If you seen anything strange you all go into the basement and hit the button on this.” the Seal handed him a small remote with only a single button protected by a plastic case. “Pop the guard up and push once you are inside the basement. Carry it with you. The guard will make sure you won’t accidentally hit the button. Once inside, the cabin is going to be surrounded by a very powerful electromagnetic shield. It is going to shock the hell out of anyone who approaches. That is why it is so important you and your family are in the only safe area of the cabin.”

“You think something is going to happen? Ast… her and… him?”

“Nope. I actually think nothing is going to happen. I am certain of it.”

“Then why go through the trouble?”

“I am paranoid so you don’t have to be. Keep the thing on you somewhere or in the basement if you have to but within easy reach and protected. It will also alert us of you need us. You still have your sat phone. So go have fun, merry holidays and all that stuff.”

Unfortunately Kara did hear, maintaining her cheerful banter with Ty and Dan, and not letting anyone know that she heard everything. The Danvers couldn’t even go on vacation without taking extreme precautions because of her. The blonde decided the time to mull that over was later. Tonight, what had started as frightening turned out to be fun. Alex had done well, Eliza and Jeremiah were so proud of her. She was brushing off praise but Kara knew Alex liked it and that made the whole night worth it in her mind.

Early the next morning, before sunrise, the family was up, or in Kara’s case had never gone to sleep, packing the bags into the Jeep Cherokee Jeremiah had rented for the trip. The packing went quickly, Kara moving at slightly faster than normal speeds, grabbing three bags at a time and seemingly very excited. In reality she was. The idea of seeing someplace new that she wasn’t running through, only stopping to look for shelter or food, was an intriguing idea and for once something other than Non kept her up all night. Alex was excited as well but in true Alex style hid it well. Clark was asleep in the car seat in between Kara and Alex in the back. Forty minutes into the drive, Kara and Alex’s heads were both leaned against the carseat, the girls lightly snoring in unison.

Eliza leaned back from the front and snapped a photo of the three.

“Kara seemed really excited this morning. Do you think it was an act?” Eliza whispered. She always suspected an awake Kara heard everything and doubted that she had not heard Connolly’s talk with Jeremiah about the safe basement.

“No, I think she is genuinely excited. Alex is excited even if she won’t admit it. Could you believe how well she sang last night? She has worked hard. That was amazing what she did.”

“I know. I ordered the performance CD before the teacher left. I wish Kara… I’m glad she was okay. I suppose we need to anticipate things like this. I never even thought about the glasses and so forth messing with pictures and everyone being suspicious. She shouldn’t have thought of that. She shouldn’t have to think about things like that.” Eliza finished quietly.

“Connolly told me last night that he was paranoid so we wouldn’t have to be. I think Kara is always going to have that in her. She will always be looking for ways to further hide when she is with us. I don’t think that is something we can change. Maybe it will lessen with time and… she is making a lot of progress. They both are. Lets just focus on fun. I can’t wait to see you attempt to ski again. I have our insurance cards ready and have mapped out the nearest ERs. There is a resort not far from us with beginner trails so…”

“Jeremiah, shut up. I am going to ski circles around you. I always do and if you keep talking trash I won’t pick you up when you get stuck in the ground again.”

The man did just that, remembering getting stuck in the drift the last time he skied an unmarked trail and was very stuck and very cold until Eliza pulled him out.

Six hours later and two pit stops, one for burgers and fries and another for bathroom breaks and changing Clark, the first flurries began to fall as the family neared its destination. Kara was transfixed, once again realizing how different seeing something on television and seeing it in person were. The snow was beautiful, and there was a cleanliness to the air, the farther into the woods they went. Kara remembered how fresh the air was when she first landed in the forested region. By the time the Danvers had slowly made their way down the nearly deserted trail and arrived at the cabin, the entire ground had been covered in snow. Alex beat Kara to grabbing Clark and wrapped him up tightly in his red blanket. The older girl had tried it once and admitted the Kryptonian fabric was extremely warm. Kara didn’t bother with a jacket, jumping out of the backseat when Clark was taken and looking around the small yard, the trees circling it the snow flakes falling, everything. She closed her eyes and felt the flakes land on her nose gently, listened to the sounds of thousands of birds nesting in trees, animals walking the forest,

The blonde thought she heard shuffling that reminded her of the bear she had closely and unfortunately briefly encountered on her travels. She knew they generally hibernated this time of year but not always. She could also hear squirrels running the tree limbs. Kara heard the quick, graceful strides of deer. Despite the cold the sounds of life were abundant. One other thing she noted was the silence from humans. She only heard her Earth family and Kal El. No other human voices for miles.

“Where is everyone? I mean other people? What if one of you is injured? How far away is a hospital?” she asked the parents.

“It’s Monday so things are quiet as far as visitors. The weekends are the busiest.” Jeremiah explained. “We can walk about two miles or drive to a series of ski trails that belong to a small resort. People are around, but here in nature they tend to stay silent. The peacefulness of this place can do that to a person. As far as the hospital we are less than twenty minutes but there are also Rangers around. They can be called and in extreme emergencies a helicopter can be here in minutes. Relax Kara, it is going to be okay.”

Kara silently agreed, and tried to relax, closing her eyes once again and letting the flakes fall onto her face, enjoying the moment.

“Kawa?Play?”

Opening her eyes the blonde smiled at her little cousin, whose nose was already turning red despite the rest of him being bundled up to the point she doubted his arms could hang flat on his sides.

“Not until you get warmed up little one.” she told him. “Then we will bring you out into the snow.”

Her racing mind would not stay still long, no matter how much meditation she had practiced with Dante. The girl began unloading the Jeep as quickly as she had loaded it, placing all the bags in the living area of the large cabin in minutes. It was only then that she took in the place. It was large, very large. She looked using what Alex had dubbed her X ray vision and saw three bedrooms on the second floor, a bathroom, kitchen and large living room she was standing in on the first. There was a fireplace and a back door at the end of the kitchen. The yard behind the cabin was non existent. Trees surrounded the house. While beautiful, Kara recognized that it could provide cover for anyone wanting to access the house from a hidden vantage point quickly.

The three others stood and watched Kara, not even sure if she realized how obvious she was being. The girl was turning about, looking up and down but instead of wonder on her face there was a look of intense concentration. She finally looked down, obviously at the basement, confirming Eliza’s suspicion that Kara did hear about the safe room and then looked back up to the bedroom. Taking a deep breath, she looked at everyone and blushed. Kara had been so caught up in scanning the building and surrounding area she had forgotten she was being watched by her new family.

“It will be difficult to get from the bedrooms to the basement in less than one minute. Perhaps we should bring the beds down here? I can move them myself.” the blonde suggested.

Jeremiah shook his head and knelt before her. “Relax? The beds are where they are supposed to be. If no one can find us in Midvale no one can certainly find us here, right? Those guys are just being overprotective, kinda the way Alex can be with you. Nothing is going to happen.”

“You have the detonator?” Kara asked. Eliza winced at the term.

“Yep and it won’t be needed. I am only keeping it on me so you will feel better. I can leave it in the basement but I am scared of something accidentally setting it off. Then we would be in trouble, right? So relax, we are here to have fun, right? What do you think of the cabin?”

Kara smiled a bit and really took in the structure with its beautiful wooden walls and high roof. The hardwood floors and the large windows she noted in the upstairs bedrooms. The wrap around porch would allow them to enjoy the scenery without getting wet from melted snow.

“Its beautiful. Much better than the last cabin I stayed in.”

This caught Alex’s attention. “When did you stay at a cabin?”

“Those three days I ran, I was in unfamiliar woods and there were storms. I don’t know why but the though the thunder scared me I did not have a panic attack. I could not afford one, taking care of Kal El. Still it was wet and his blankets were only keeping so much water off of him. I tried to stay under tree cover as much as possible but I feared him getting colder if the water got into his blankets. We eventually found a very old wooden residence. It was obviously abandoned and in complete disrepair. There were holes in the roof but enough left that there were dry spots we could sit under. We stayed there for two days, waiting on the rain to stop. As I said, this is a lot nicer.”

No one said anything about her recap of those three days she had run from Alex, no comment was needed. The five began exploring the house, taking bags to bedrooms and Jeremiah preparing the kitchen, storing the groceries they had brought and making a mental list of what was still needed. The gifts were due to arrive the next day and as promised by his friend, there were many trees to choose from and a tree stand in the closet, along with an axe.

Kara asked Eliza if it would be alright if she took a rebundled Clark up a very small mountain that she was certain would give her a view of the whole area. Alex was immediately tense, wondering why Kara would want to be alone so soon after arriving but a look at her mother and father told her to leave it alone. She had to trust the girl. Besides she wouldn’t do anything to herself with Clark there. She just wouldn’t. Clark kept her calm, just like he did in the storms. Even now, he still took priority for her.

Kara placed Clark’s face in between her neck and shoulder and with a quick look around to ensure she was alone, Kara ran, climbing the small mountain with ease. Once at the top she sat on the ground and allowed Kal El to turn in her lap and look over the vast wideness, snow covered trees and larger mountains in the distance.

“Beautiful, isn’t it Kal El? I suppose I better use English since you have forgotten our language. Perhaps I will use Kryptonese to tell you about your father. That way I can be honest and you won’t be upset when you find out the kind of man he was. My parents were no better, so I guess you could say we are in the same boat.

I am so glad we found Alex. I don’t know what I would do during this time of year. You would definitely get sick if we were still living in a cave somewhere. I wouldn’t have a clue what to give you. It is so weird. I can feel the cold, I recognize it is cold but my body does not respond. I do not shake, I do not lose feeling in my extremities. I love hot showers because the heat feels so good but it doesn’t not bother me if it is too hot. I have turned off all cold water before and set the heat as high as possible, enough to scald any human and while it does not feel as good as warm showers, it does not have any effect on me. Not even my skin turns red.”

Kal El stood up, walking around and taking in the majestic scene before him. The nearest ledge was far away but Kara kept a close eye on him. He turned and looked at her with a smile, then walked in circles, finally gracelessly dropping into the snow, which he pushed around with his gloved hands.

Taking a look back down the mountain she could see the cabin far off, Alex helping her father build a fire while Eliza placed what looked like an apple pie in the oven.

Kara reached over and snapped her index finger, gritting her teeth so she wouldn’t cry out and worry Clark. Popping it back into place and holding it where the bone began mending itself, fusing back together, she chanced another look at Kal El who still was paying more attention to the snow than her.

“ We don’t have to tell them. It is… was necessary, just once. I will not ruin this Holiday for them. I don’t really like new places. It is fascinating and I am glad I came but new surroundings make me nervous. I will not have a panic attack here, even if I have to burn my entire leg. They can follow me around when we are home, not here. You aren’t saying anything, are you?”

Clark looked at her and laughed.

“ Thats right little cousin, I mean brother. I will always protect you, always love you. I am broken, but what is not broken belongs to you and not because of your worthless father. You are the closest I will ever have to my own child. I will not have a child using the matrix, I will not carry one naturally. I will never know romantic love or a mate. But I have you and I have Alex and her parents. I have love which is more than I expected when I landed on this planet.”

Kara took in her finger. The bones had mended and she wiped the tears off her cheek, flexing the hand.

“ If I ever encounter Non he will assume I have never felt pain on this planet. How wrong he will be. I am my own pain, and one day, I will be his. When I am ready, I will make this world safe, for you, for Alex, for Jeremiah and Eliza. I will become better, and I will defeat my demons. I will stand in the storm and not flinch. You just have to trust me Kal. Who I was, is no longer who I am. I know too much. Soon I am going to swim, dive underwater and retrieve those crystals. I will hide them and take a sample of your blood, just a small pin prick, like Eliza has done. It is necessary. I need to know everything.” the blonde told her cousin and though he didn’t understand 90% of what she was saying, she had his complete attention.

“ I will atone for the woman and child I let die. I will save others and when Non notices, and he will notice, I will kill him. I may even wear a skirt while I do it, just to anger him. Won’t that be funny? A girl in a short skirt taking out the big tough soldier. The symbol of our house will be on me as well. I am still blood and I want the symbol of the House of El to be the last thing he sees before I send him to Rao’s flames.”

Kara laughed at the image, seeing herself in a red skirt and blue top with the symbol of her house large on her chest, like a giant target. Let them come for her, let them all come. Perhaps she was insane, perhaps she had a death wish but one day the blonde knew it would happen. One day she would control these powers and use all her anger, all her grief and all her love and defeat the ones who followed her here. She will make them wish they had never been born, much less arrived on this planet.

Then her and Astra would meet and Kara honestly had no idea what would happen.

Kara shook her head. She had to get these thoughts from her mind. How could she do that though? Alex looked at her at times as if she could read Kara’s mind. She knew when the alien was angry, sad, worried or happy. Kara wanted to be nothing but happy around her, show the family that she wasn’t completely broken, but how to do that?

“ I have to become two people Kal El. Not literally. I have a monster inside me. Part of me wants to use my powers and go to war. That part scares me but it is the part I will need if I am ever going to survive, if all of us are going to survive and win. But I can’t keep it in me all the time. The others want me happy and sometimes I am but it is clouded. I have to separate them. I truly have to become two people, the girl I used to be and the girl I am. They have seen too much of how I am. I need to show them the girl I used to be. The girl who laughed with you and tickled you, the one who played when allowed, the one who went to bed smiling and never had nightmares. That is the person I have to show the world. I have to hide what I have become from everyone, because they would be scared of me. They would be scared for me and worry. Only Alex can know the real me. The rest, even you, will have to see the old me. I understand now. When I am alone, when I am training I can let the monster free. When I am with others, I must play the part. It is the only way I can make them happy and find any happiness myself.”

“Having a long conversation in Kryptonese without me?” Alex asked, almost scaring Kara. She had been so lost in her thoughts she hadn’t heard her heartbeat.

“You are very sneaky. How did you get up here?”

“I walked, duh. It isn’t that high. More like a rocky hill with a great view. It just took me longer than thirty seconds. Its fine though, I wasn’t running on your back regardless. Wow, this is amazing. We are a long way from the beach, huh?”

“It is beautiful. The snow makes everything look so fresh, new. I remember when I first saw mountains, I had to stop despite being chased after landing. I was struck silent by the sight of them. I always wanted to find a place I could relax with Kal, some place safe where we could eventually set up residence and come back to visit the places I had seen. I doubted it was possible but I hoped one day when he was older… but here we are. I am glad you found me Alex.”

“I think we probably found each other. Not to be a total dork but we need to talk about school for the Spring semester. I know I told you that you were going to help me with my science fair project but I think you should enter your own. You are smart and…”

“No.” Kara told her, leaving no room for discussion. Alex attempted to discuss it regardless.

“You shouldn’t have to help me. I don’t mind Kara. We can help each other….”

“My father’s smile and the feel of my mother when she hugged me. Those are the things I want to remember from Krypton. Nothing else. I never want anything to do with science or law. I will never work in those fields and have no desire to conduct any type of experiment. You do not need my help but I will give it if asked. You are brilliant. If my brain was not running at a faster processing speed than a human brain I could not compete with you in academics, nor do I want to. If there is an art contest I may enter that, so long as my picture will not be taken if I win. But I want nothing to do with science.”

Alex was shocked by the conviction in Kara’s voice. The girl was calm, eerily calm but focused and not timid in the least. Alex had never heard her talk with such certainty.

“Okay. But seriously it is okay to have your picture taken every now and then. Who is going to look at the Midvale Gazette?”

“Alex, after Hank Henshaw, I would expect you to have a better understanding of the danger me being discovered brings us. Aunt Astra will not try to use your life or our family’s lives to get me to obey. She will kill you all and take me. She will most likely kill Kal El. A year ago I would have told you this was impossible but I have come to terms with the fact that she is a killer, as much as Non. She would try and take me and though she may not harm me, she will expect me to do as I am told, because she is my elder. She will not hesitate to slaughter you all, Alex. I am happy, I have you, I have all of you and I am with Kal El and we are in this beautiful place. I do not need recognition. I need to be hidden so I can feel more comfortable. Do you understand? I do not need anyone to tell me I did well except the three of you. Nothing else matters except keeping me hidden. If I could be picked up on a school security camera I could certainly be picked up in a newspaper no matter how small.”

Alex listened to her, her chest starting to hurt a bit. Kara’s resignation was tough to listen to. The blonde had already determined her life. Of course, it was important to stay hidden but would she really never open up to anyone besides her and her parents?

“Now, Clark is getting cold and I am guessing the pie Eliza started is near finished. We have plans to develop and design the perfect snow woman, skiing to plan, sledding, and I am thinking we can try snowboarding. Anything you want to do?”

Alex smirked. “I will have you know I have skied before. I was like five and it was a bunny slope but I still skied. I am a natural. You are going to have a hard time keeping up. Super speed isn’t going to help you with this.”

Kara nodded her head seriously. “You are right, but it will help us get down the mountain faster. Its starting to snow harder. Its getting colder. Are you going to get on my back while I hold Clark in front and let us go down or be stubborn and do this yourself?”

Alex dropped her head, knowing Kara had her. The trip up had been bad enough. She would slide a dozen times heading down before she reached bottom. Swallowing her pride, Alex wrapped her arms around Kara’s neck and wrapped her slightly longer legs awkwardly around her waist.

“This is so embarrassing.” the older girl mumbled.

“Yes, because it is so much more comfortable for me. I feel like a pack mule.”

“Did you just use sarcasm? I am so proud of you! Now move horsey. Don’t make me kick your sides. I left my spurs on my other boots.”

Alex closed her eyes and held on tight, face in Kara’s hair. She had run with Kara once for a short distance and nearly vomited when she was done. Luckily this was a shorter distance and the two were in the living room before Alex could register the change in temperature. She opened her eyes and found her amused parents shaking their heads.

“Thats one way to go sledding. Clark buddy, I think you need a warm bath.” Jeremiah noted. “You mind Kara? I need to unload his bath toys anyway.”

“Of course.” Kara handed the baby to Jeremiah and turned towards Eliza.

“I smell apple pie.” the alien stated.

“You actually smell two apple pies. I was kind of hoping that the fresh mountainy air might restore your appetite.” Eliza hinted.

“Is there vanilla ice cream?”

“Of course. What is apple pie without vanilla ice cream? Hungry girls?”

Both girls were eating pie soon enough, enough that Alex skipped out on the dinner that evening of sandwiches and chips. Kara had two sandwiches which was the equivalent of skipping out. Both parents were relieved. She seemed so much like the happy girl they knew she could be and showed sometimes. Neither would admit to themselves that they were waiting for the other shoe to drop but if traveling could keep her mind and heart happy, then more trips would be needed in the future.

The next morning, the family was up early, Clark even leaving his usual grumpy morning moods back in Midvale for the chance to get into snow again. Alex assured both parents that Kara had seemed to sleep through the night with no nightmares as she was downing a huge breakfast this morning.

Kara for her part had slept well. Her epiphany on top of the mountain had caused her a bit of peace, gave her something to focus on, instead of being afraid. She had a plan, she knew she would have a chance at killing Non one day, she knew she would have a chance to confront Astra and demand answers, but when she did, her monster would be ready. Until then, it would only be allowed out at certain times. And if it came out sooner, Kara knew how to handle that as well. Her behavior had caused trouble for the Alex and her parents. She was a burden because of harming herself. Jessica was her therapist, not her friend and would rat her out at every opportunity. Kara would have to become a better liar, at least when it came to doing what had to be done to protect herself and her family from what was inside her. The rage, the panic attacks, it could all be hidden behind a small amount of pain. But she had to hide it better.

The day was filled with Alex relearning how to ski, Jeremiah admitting he was never very good and Kara giving it a half hearted try before begging off to play with Clark while Eliza took off down the slopes, the only real skier in the family. Kara did discover the joy of sledding, and the joy she got from the laughter of her baby cousin in between her legs, racing down a mountain.

The days passed by until Christmas eve was around the corner. That day, while Eliza and Alex baked Christmas cookies and fought off Kal’s attempts to eat them as soon as they came out of the oven, giving his new teeth a workout, Kara accompanied Jeremiah on trip to decide which tree would be cut down and decorated. After searching through the many options, an appropriately sized tree was chosen, full and tall.

“It seems shame to cut it down. It is so beautiful.” Kara whispered. “They all are.”

Jeremiah caught the sad tone in her voice. “We can get an artificial tree. It wouldn’t take us long to get to the nearest town. I don’t mind.”

The blonde shook her head quickly. “There are many. Alex and Eliza will like this one. The smell is amazing. I have always liked the smell of pine. Maybe before we leave we can cut it up and I can use the wood for something. Would you like me to chop?”

Jeremiah shook his head. “Nope. I know you can do it in one swing. Actually this axe probably wouldn’t hold up to that. But I told you I wouldn’t use you to take short cuts and I meant it. You can help me carry it. Alex is very relieved she doesn’t have to do it this year. We usually go to a tree farm. This is a new experience. So have you had fun?”

“Yes.” Kara told him. “Thank you for bringing us here. I don’t know that I have ever had this much fun. You have all been so good to us…”

“Kara, you and Clark are part of us. You have got to start remembering this. We have quite a lot of fun with the two of you. Before you came along, Alex would have never dared thought of snow boarding.”

Kara laughed, remembering the attempt both of them had made.

“I am afraid neither of us are very good but Alex is getting much better.” the blonde admitted.

“Yep, and I was very impressed by you.” the father told her.

“Me? I was horrible. I fell over and over.”

“And yet you never fell on your face or in anyway that could harm your glasses. I think you are a little better at snow boarding than you let on.” Jeremiah guessed. Kara shrugged her shoulders.

“Yes,” she admitted, “I could move as gracefully as I wanted. I could ski better than any of you. What would be the point? I can only do these things because of this strength and speed and gracefulness that I did not possess on Krypton. I had more fun playing around with Alex, falling. What would be the point of doing tricks like the other children on the half pipe? To show Alex how good I can be? To make her feel less? I do not have this talent because I worked for it. I don’t need to show off. If I am truly going to do any good in this world because of these nightmarish talents I have been given, I doubt it will be for showing off snowboarding skills.”

Jeremiah nodded, impressed as always by the girl. It would be so easy for her to show off, to be the center of attention. Instead she did everything she could to ensure she was not the center of attention. She performed as well or as bad as Alex did, perhaps a bit worse always. Deciding while they were alone, it might be a good time to bring up another subject everyone had avoided but kept an eye on.

“So how have these hikes you have taken in the forest been? Find any animals you and Eliza can track? She has really been enjoying observing wild life with you.”

“Thank you, Jeremiah.”

“For what?”

“For not asking outright if I have been hurting myself when I am alone. I know that is what you want to know. I have not broken any fingers, or burned myself.” Kara lied. “I know everyone wants me to pull my sleeves up when I return and I am glad I have not been asked. I have felt normal here. My anxiety has lessoned and I have really enjoyed myself.”

In truth Kara had not felt as much anxiety as expected. She had not broken a bone since the day she arrived. She had not burned herself… yet.

She had discovered that she could cut her arms with her fingernails.

Jeremiah was relieved that he hadn’t had to ask outright, Kara as perceptive as ever. He didn’t see any traces of lying on her face. The girl had never been a good liar, thankfully.

“I am really glad Kara. So really, how have the hikes been? Enjoying the wildlife?”

“I have but there is not much present. I have actually been working on Christmas gifts for everyone.”

This caught the man by surprise.

“Kara, you do not have…”

“This is a holiday with a tradition of giving gifts, correct? I want to participate. Since I am low on funds and no longer living a life of a crime on the run, I have had to rely on my artistic skill. You shall see my results in the morning. I hope you enjoy them.”

Jeremiah nodded his head and smiled. “I am pretty certain we will love them. You haven’t looked in the closet have you?”

“No,” Kara told him truthfully, “I promised I would not use X ray vision to peek. I only use my vision to ensure we are safe. We have been. It has been very nice.”

“Glad to hear it,” he told her, “not that I doubted it. You are one of the most honest people I have ever known in my life, child or adult.”

That statement caused a sharp feeling of guilt inside the girl but she had worked on schooling her face to give away nothing. It was necessary.

No matter how well she had thought she schooled her face, Jeremiah caught something there. He couldn’t say for sure what, but Kara had… saddened for a bit. Now her smile was back in place so he turned and began cutting. The job did not take long and carrying it back was easy, even if both were covered in pine needles by the time the trip ended at the cabin.

While the two had been tree hunting, Eliza and Alex had been working steadily on making enough cookies to feed everyone and Kara. Kara’s appetite had returned thankfully and the two females did not want to run out of food causing her to starve herself.

“How are you doing Alex?” Eliza asked, while working on cutting out tree shapes. Alex had been in charge of the star shaped cookies.

“I’m great. I’m having a great time. Why? Aren’t you?”

Eliza took a look at her oldest, working so hard, concentrating on making everything right and sneaking Clark bit of cookie dough when she thought Eliza wasn’t watching.

“Of course. I don’t mean… how are you? The two of us focus on Kara quite a bit but I don’t want you to lose yourself in this either. How are you? With everything? With Kara’s problems and Clark and school and having new siblings, I… things are very different from last Christmas. Sometimes it seems like this hit us so fast I have a hard time remembering when life wasn’t the five of us. Then I remember that it was less than a year ago. A lot has changed. How are you?”

Alex thought about it a second, then took a bit of cookie dough and stuck it onto Clark’s nose, while the baby sat on the kitchen counter giggling and vying for his big sisters attention.

“Happy.” she finally answered. “I mean I worry a lot, not about her aunt and uncle. I worry that she is going to never let herself be happy, never get over her fear and anger. But me? I hate to say it because of how hurt she is sometimes but I am really happy. Even when she scares the heck out of me, I would rather have that than nothing at all. I guess I just feel like… this was supposed to happen. Do you ever feel like that?”

“Yes, I do. I want to tell you in case you didn’t know, how proud I am of you. I don’t know of any girl that would ever do what you have done. Not only taking them in but loving her, trying to protect her even from herself. You sleep with her when you know she needs it, whether she asks or not. You give Clark baths without being asked. You have made this transition so much easier than it would be in other circumstances. You are amazing Alex.”

Alex face reddened a bit. Her parents had expressed pride over her academic accomplishments before but this was different.

“Thanks.” she mumbled, sniffing her nose a bit. “It isn’t hard. I want them as much as you do… by the way, thanks for believing me.”

Eliza looked at her, trying to understand what she was talking about. “When…”

“When I first told you and Dad about them. I told you a story I would have laughed at if someone told me and you believed me. That meant a lot to me. You kept them hidden, you never turned them away even after the whole Henshaw thing. But you and Dad believing me? That is something I will always remember. I love you Mom.”

“I love you daughter. Never forget that. I will never doubt you.” Eliza told her, wrapping her in a hug.

The moment was cut short when Clark threw a chunk of cookie dough at Alex’s cheek, just as the front door opened, indicating the husband and daughter had returned from a successful tree hunting trip.

All four family members over two foot tall decorated the tree that night while Clark chewed a ground up cookie to mush and stared at the pretty lights once it was lit up. The lights were all glowing a soft white and were very impressive to Kara. The tree was absolutely beautiful. Eliza insisted on pictures of course, forcing Kara to relinquish her glasses which she had begun clinging to like a safety net. While she did not need them when inside or alone without the presence of cameras, she had unconsciously began wearing them at all times. The irritation she had first felt at having to look through lenses had long since passed.

Alex and Kara slept on the first floor, sharing a blow out mattress and several blankets.

“I really love Christmas.” the blonde told her sister. “I don’t understand the basic tenants of Christianity or any human religion but it is a beautiful holiday. The lights, the weather, the cookies… just everything. It is so beautiful and warm. By the way your feet are touching mine. I can feel your cold feet. If you want to sleep down here then at least put your socks back on. I won’t have you getting sick before a holiday.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “I don’t like to wear socks to sleep. My feet itch.”

“It is too chilly to not wear socks. I would rather your feet itch than you not be able to feel them. Put your socks on or we go upstairs.” Kara told her firmly.

“Don’t be bossy with me. I will put my socks on but only because you won’t stop whining until I do and I don’t feel like listening to it.”

“Oh really? I will have you know I would not whine. I would just wait until you fall asleep and put them on you myself.”

“You would? Seriously? You think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I never said you wouldn’t notice. I said I would do it. I have to take care of my Alex. Unlike my Kelex you can get a cold and then who would do my hair?”

“You are asking for it, brat. Seriously, have you had fun?”

“Yeah, I have probably… I don’t know if I have ever had this much fun.” Kara told her. “and please don’t ask, Alex. Let me pretend to be normal.”

“We will never be normal. We are too cool for that. But I won’t. You would tell me at least, right Kara?”

“Alex, the lights are beautiful, the tree is beautiful, and it is so quiet I can’t hear a car anywhere. Can you please hold my hand and for a while we can just be?”

Alex reached across and grabbed Kara’s warm hand. “Anything you want little sis.” she agreed, doing her best to ignore the fact that Kara had not answered

The two drifted off eventually, waking at 6 AM as the sunlight filtered through the trees and into the large windows in front of the cabin. Eliza and Jeremiah came down and laid out additional gifts that were unwrapped for Clark. They decided it was never to early to teach a child about the concept of Santa Claus. Kara went outside and moved quickly to a nook in the ground she had found days before, pulling out three pieces of circular shaped thing wood. The cedar was rough, unfinished and the girl preferred it that way. She had discovered a new way to make art, one that humans would not be able to do. While it was not as precise as pencil, Kara found she enjoyed the crudeness in a way.

She had also discovered while doing this that she could cut her arms if she dug her fingernails in hard enough. Shaking her head to get rid of that thought, the girl moved quickly back. She didn’t bother with wrapping paper, just wished Eliza, Jeremiah and Alex a merry Christmas and handed them each the circular inch thick piece of cedar. All were impressed, even in awe.

Kara had used her fingernails to carve into the wood, a picture of Kara, Clark, Eliza, Jeremiah and Alex standing close together as if in a family portrait. She gave all three a piece of cedar, different poses but the same, detail. Though drawn in rough wood, the likenesses were amazing.

“I thought when we returned if you wished to, the cedar can be polished and varnished, making it stand out a bit more. I realize it is a bit rough.”

“I think they are perfect the way they are. Thank you so much Kara.” Eliza told her, relief and joy mixing in her. “So this is what you were doing on your hikes.”

“Yes. It was difficult to cut the wood, but I found a manual hand saw in the basement.”

“A handsaw? You cut through a thick piece of cedar with a handsaw?” Alex asked. “How did you carve these?”

“With my fingernails. I am glad I can’t get splinters.” Kara joked. “No one saw me, I promise.”

Jeremiah hugged the girl. “I know you would never let anyone see you. I also know you don’t like doing things like this often and you did it for us. Thank you so much. They are beautiful.”

The pieces of wood set aside, the rest of the gift giving began. Clark had been brought down by Kara who had taken a moment to look over the scene from the top of the stairs.

“ Can you believe this has happened, Kal El? I never thought in my wildest thoughts that we would have this life. I honestly thought we would run for years. Perhaps Rao hasn’t abandoned us completely. We have been very, very lucky. Enjoy this, little cousin. Life could have gone very different for both of us. Never stop appreciating it. Never disobey them. They are better people than you your father was. They will never lie to you, not like my parents. They are good people, not like our murdering family. Now lets go see what toys you have.”

Clark was not the only one overwhelmed by gifts. Though not as numerous, the two teens benefited from Santa Claus as well. Kara even received a couple more skirts to Jeremiah’s dismay and both were stocked up on Spring Clothes for the next few months at least.

Kara stared for a while at the canvases and paints, water colors and acrylic paints. Both her adopted parents told her to please never stop making art, no matter what kind. Eyes and hearts like hers were rare in this world.

Alex was giddy, like a young child, something Kara rarely if ever saw on her. Even when having fun Alex always had a sense of maturity and control, so to see her squealing was a shock.

“This is a OM2330S- GX 4 stereo boom microscope! I can’t believe you bought this for me! You two are awesome! Kara, do you have any ice what I can see with this? What we, I mean I can research, discover, I can go deeper into… thanks you Mom and Dad! You are the best!”

Kara relaxed and smiled, her attention diverted from her art supplies to see Alex’s excitement. She then heard the roar of an electric battery catching her attention as Clark took off on his small electric tractor inside and bumped into the sofa, falling off. Of course Kara was under him in a blink, catching him gently and placing him back on the tractor. The baby then got off and decided to explore more, not being able to focus on one toy at a time.

Cookies were handed out, and turkey served, fried this time unlike the roasted one at Thanksgiving. Kara had read the history of that particular holiday and was not sure why anyone would want to mark that day. It seemed everything went downhill from that point for the Native Americans. She was also fairly certain a turkey was not eaten that day, more like a bunch of pheasants. The atrocities that were committed at that point in history were especially brutal in Kara’s mind but she put aside actual history for the accepted story of Pilgrims and Native Americans enjoying turkey for the sake of her appetite. Turkeys, though cuter than chickens, were still acceptable birds to eat. By this point Kara had only sworn off birds that could fly.

The remaining time passed too quickly for the family, Alex and Kara building snowmen with Clark, Alex getting better at skiing while Kara drew scene after scene to commit to canvas when she returned home. She also used this as an excuse to be alone while Alex played with her microscope. The girl had tried to hold off as long as possible but it became too hard after a day. She began noticing things she had let go earlier. She noted boys watching her. An amused Eliza and grumpy Jeremiah told her it was because they thought she was cute but now the blonde wondered. Were they shape shifters? Had they been sent to search for her and were reporting her activities to other escapees or worse, Non? Why did they want to know her name? Kara used different names when having to introduce herself at Alex’s insistence. Once she used Linda and came up with Carol after watching A Christmas Carol the night before. Alex didn’t want to know where she came up with Ariella. The anxiety would wear her down and she would slip out, slip away, long enough for her to mark her arm, hold snow to the fresh cut until it went away and she would be able to pull her sleeve back down. Once done, the girl she used to be came to the surface.

If only she could get rid of the guilt that came with lying to the ones who loved her.

The day before New Years Eve, the Danvers had returned and Kara found herself with Jessica once again.

“So I have spoken to everyone else. They seem in agreement that this was the best holiday ever. How about you Kara? Did you enjoy yourself?”

“I did. It was wonderful. How was your holiday?”

Jess ignored the question. “So no panic attacks, no incidents where you might have harmed yourself?”

“Nope. The change of scenery made a lot of difference.”

“I have no doubt. You slept better? No nightmares?”

“Nope, no nightmares.” the blonde answered. Jessica seemed please.

“I was wondering how long it would take you. You are smart so I figured it wouldn’t be long. Eliza showed me the gift you made her. Art with your fingernails huh? How long did it take you to figure out that you could cut your skin with your nails?”

Kara tensed immediately but kept the her pleasant face firmly in place.

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I have not cut myself.”

“Okay.” Jess agreed. “So you have figured it out. You haven’t harmed yourself, have you? She has though.”

Kara clenched her teeth and balled her fists. “Who is she supposed to be? Do you think I have some sort of dissociative personality disorder?”

“Its interesting to me that you know about that. Been studying? No, I know you don’t. You know exactly what you are doing. Instead of getting better, you are going to hide, hide the rage away. Your dark passenger, your monster, your demon? When life gets to tough you let it come out and play?”

“I do not know what you are talking about.” Kara insisted again, her voice more neutral.

“The first time I met Connolly was at a bar. He seemed like a good guy, good looking, charming, a bit roguish. We left the bar and the serial killer I had been closing in on was actually a cult. Six men had us surrounded in a dark parking lot, all armed. I pulled my firearm and killed one. When I had come to terms with what I had just done, I realized I didn’t hear anymore nosies. I turned around and there he was, standing over five bodies with a knife in his hand. He looked at me and I didn’t recognize him. He was the same, but he was a different person as well. Once he was back from wherever he went, he smiled and made some sarcastic remark about hanging around me. He had learned long ago before he met me to separate the part of him that made him dangerous, from the rest of him. Its not healthy. Its a struggle for him. Now you are starting down the same path, becoming a better liar to those you love the most all and justifying it by telling yourself you are protecting them. Using your rage when you need it but pretending to be someone else the rest of the time. Now Kara, you told me you wanted to feel better, to come to some sort of peace in your life. Is that still true or do you want to become twisted, guarded, always fearful? Because I am not here to help you become a better liar.”

Kara’s painted on expression finally lessened, her face becoming neutral then angry. She said nothing though and Jess was very glad the girl’s eyes weren’t glowing.

“Kara, I need to know. Are you still committed, or is this what you want to become? I won’t help you become this and I won’t be someone to try out new lies on. You are not a liar.”

“Everyone lies about something.” she whispered.

“Have the Danvers lied to you about anything?”

The blonde looked at the floor.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. So how many times?”

Kara did not raise her head, not wanting the tears to be seen. “I cut myself nine times, I broke three of my fingers, once when only Clark and I were together. I also… I also burned my ankle once. I didn’t want to but I did not want to… I don’t do well with new surroundings and… I didn’t want to ruin the trip for them. If you tell them they will wish they hadn’t taken us, it will be all they remember. You cannot do that to them! You will hurt them!”

“I’m not going to tell them and they won’t be hurt. You are going to tell them and they are going to love you, protect you, and they will not remember this trip only because of what they didn’t see. Now lets talk a little more. I want to know what the triggers were that made you so anxious. We have to identify them and be prepared for next time they occur. We can beat this Kara, but I need you with me. I can’t do it for you. Are you going to help us? Me and you?”

“Yes.” she agreed.

“Look me in the eye and tell me. I want your word. No more rationalizing, no more trying to separate yourself from your actions for what you consider the greater good. We continue, we continue to identify triggers, feelings, and working on dealing with them in a better manner.”

“I promise.”

“Good, then we are going downstairs and you are going to show me how brave you are. You have done some difficult things in your life. You are going to have to keep doing difficult things. They won’t be angry.”

“Alex will be furious.”

“I think after the last time she will probably handle it better. Give her a chance and if she is, try not to run this time. You say you want to know how to fight so you don’t have to run from a fight. Start by not running from anything, even if it is dealing with other’s emotions. Then if she gets mad and calms down quickly like she always does we are going to talk about ways to modify your safety plan, because what we have is not working as well as we would like. Now, lets talk. Tell me about the first time you hurt yourself on the trip. Where were you, what were you doing and what were you thinking about?”

Kara took a deep breath.

“I was with Clark on a small mountain top looking over the wilderness. My first thought, my first real thought was how glad I was that Jor El was dead. It was horrible but I thought it anyway.”

“Good. Honesty. Lets keep going.” Jess encouraged.

So Kara took a deep breath and did continue. If she ever wanted to defeat her demons she really didn’t have a choice.