Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Claws

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 24:

Since I had first asked Charlie when I arrived in Forks to tell me about Renee, I couldn’t bring myself to find a picture of her. I’m sure Charlie had dozens stored away in the house and I could have asked him for one but I never did.

I didn’t want to know what she had looked like. It would have made it too real for me I suppose. Perhaps this wasn’t the right time either but honestly, I felt like I was losing my mind and had nothing to lose. The knowledge of what Mother did, the realization that everything I forced myself to believe was a lie, was too much.

I had seen Julie, talked to her and watched her move on. She wouldn’t be watching over me anymore. I had turned into a complete animal, tail and everything that went with it and felt my humanity slipping, until I met Chris. His presence calmed me and I felt an immediate connection to him, as if I had known him for years and yet I had never met him before.

I couldn’t explain this to anyone. Where would I begin? They probably assumed and rightly so that I had lost my mind. How could I tell them that I met a cowboy from Wyoming on a beach who was also some sort of magician and his 16 year old charge had taken me to some other world where I saw Julie? Now that the experience had passed it seemed surreal, yet I knew it had happened.

These things were better left unsaid. The experience was personal and I did not want it to be analyzed.

Instead I focused on Renee’s grave. Charlie had stopped by home so I could get actual clothes on and then a flower shop at my request. I bought two bouquets of White Tulips, as it seemed appropriate.

I had asked Charlie and Leah to remain in his cruiser. This was something I needed to do on my own. I knew she had moved on, just as Julie had and while I should have felt better about this, instead I felt farther away than before.

Perhaps she hasn’t moved on, still watching me. I never asked Julie where she was.

Placing the bouquets in the flower vases on both sides of her gravestone, I was surprised to see a picture of her glued into the stone.

I saw my real mother for the first time. Kneeling down I took in every detail of her face.

She was beautiful. She was ironically the opposite of me. It was obvious I had gotten my hair and natural eyes from Charlie. I saw my nose was similar to her, my bone structure the same. Her face carried a lively expression, one of true joy that I doubt I ever showed, not even in the best of times.

“Hello.” I said quietly as if not wanting to disturb her sleep. “You know who I am. Or who I could have been maybe. I wish I would have gotten to go on those trips you had planned, the ones you told Dad about. I have always felt guilty, responsible for your death. If I wasn’t who I was, even as a baby, they would have had no reason to take me. But it isn’t on either of us. We never had a chance. It was bad luck you went to a doctor that was under the employ of the Organization. It was their fault that they did this to all of us.”

I took a deep breath and sat down on the ground next to her Mom’s grave, staring at the photo of the woman and fighting back tears. The life I could have had with her was crushing me right now.

“I’m a mess. I have done things, been forced to do things that would break your heart if you saw me. I have done horrible things and liked it. I think that’s what bothers me the most. We weren’t supposed to feel any emotion when killing, but the first time I killed a man… I liked it. It made me feel like I had some power over another, some power in my life instead of being powerless to the whims of others. Dr. Hildebrand, I would have done what she asked regardless but she never tried hard. I did whatever she told me and killing was one of the few times I felt completely at peace with myself. I know I didn’t get that from you or Dad. I can tell by your face; you are no killer.”

I stared at the ground, not knowing what else to say, but knowing that she deserved an explanation.

“I’d like to have a peaceful life but I’m not sure if its ever going to be possible. I have a mission and I plan to kill more and I will probably like it. I’m sorry. I’m not sure what sort of daughter I would have been anyway. You probably would have been disappointed. I’m sorry about everything that happened. You didn’t deserve this. None of us did.

“I know where you are, vengeance probably isn’t big. But I am here and I will avenge you. I will avenge myself. I’ll be coming to see you more. I hope you don’t mind. I know you aren’t here but I guess maybe I feel like maybe I can imagine you are, I’m not really sure. I just want you to know I won’t let her get away with this. I may go to Hell with her, never see you or Julie again but this has to be done. If I don’t, I will lose what’s left of my mind. Turn the other cheek wasn’t a lesson we were encouraged to learn and I doubt it would have done me any good regardless.”

I stood and looked to the sky wondering if Renee had moved on. I wish I had thought to ask but being so surprised to see Julie it never occurred to me.

“I never knew you, but I know I would have loved you. I wish so much that I did. I have a feeling it would be impossible not to. I hope you would have loved me. Maybe I could have been different with you, not some child who got off on killing.”

I heard Charlie’s footsteps walking towards me, stopping at the foot of the grave.

“I should have been a better husband.” he said quietly.

I looked at him in disbelief that he would say that. “You still love her after 17 years. I doubt there are many men more dedicated to their wives.” I told him quietly.

“Yeah? Dedication wasn’t the problem. I should have made her happier. If I had… if I could have done something, taken her away from Forks more often, gave her more, gotten out of my shell, then maybe… maybe she would have never moved to Florida. Maybe she wouldn’t have wound up with that doctor who obviously reported all genetic testing to the Organization. It’s my fault. I didn’t make her happy enough.”

I was about to disagree, to ask him not to place the blame on himself until I realized something. Part of what he said was true. If she had been in Forks or even at any hospital where the obstetricians were not paid off to violate patient confidentiality, she never would have died and I would have never been taken.

“I know you tried your best and she probably did as well. Some things are just meant to be. That doesn’t mean they have to stay that way. Let’s go. Call everyone to the Cullens, and make sure Vivian is there. I have an idea, one that might save some kids and mother’s lives right now. We may not be able to take down the Organization today but we can cripple them a bit.”

Thankfully Charlie didn’t ask questions, just nodded his head and followed me back to his car. An hour later we were all gathered, the Cullens, my team, Leah and Charlie. Mac looked at me with some trepidation, not that I could blame them.

“Mac?”

“Don’t worry about it Bella. I’m fine. I know you were angry…”

“I wasn’t going to apologize. You of all people should know not to touch a distressed animal. You say you have been undercover for five years. You must have learned quite a bit. I need you to write out every program you have heard rumors about. I know about the Tigers in Africa and the Lycans obviously. First though, I want to know who collects the information on the children who might be genetic matches the Organization is looking for. They no doubt have doctors all over the world. They must be sending the information to one place where scientists can confirm the results, make the decision on who is needed and who isn’t.”

“One data base where the doctors send the information and it is sorted to the different programs.” Vivian realized.

“Exactly. We may not be able to stop them at this moment, but what if we destroyed the main database? Erase the profiles, deleted the genetic studies, the names of the children and parents. We would need a massive virus, something untraceable, something that would set them back months. If we could trace which doctors are accessing the databanks, we could place an algorithm alerting us before any information is sent by the doctors and intercept and destroy it before it reaches the main frame. Destroy the main frame, track the doctors under Organization pay and it will cripple their ability to find other children and take them at birth.”

“It may cripple them for a few months, but eventually they will figure it out or trash the server and start over.” Vivian pointed out.

I had thought of this. It wouldn’t be a long term solution. Only the destruction of the Organization would be able to manage that. Still…

“With those couple of months we could save a lot of children and make them believe they have an enemy on the outside but no clue who it is.”

Silence fell over the room for a moment before Carlisle smiled at me and told me it was a great plan.

“Vivian, can you do it?” I asked.

The woman nodded. “I can make a virus that will make them wish they had never touched a keyboard. The problem is, if we want it untraceable, I can’t do it from an Organization laptop. I can find the Mainframe, no doubt very securely guarded somewhere, but the virus will need to be planted manually. Getting in and out unseen without firing a shot will be difficult.”

“No it won’t.” Connolly spoke up. “Dante and I can sneak in and out silently without firing a weapon. We can do this. Edward can stay outside hidden and alert us to any guards that become suspicious.”

“I would like to go as well.” Carlisle spoke up. “I want to download every doctor feeding them information. When Mac exposes the Organization to the media, arrests are going to be made. These doctors need to be punished.”

Connolly nodded and looked at me for approval.

“Fine. How long will it take to get the virus ready?”

Vivian shrugged her shoulders. I would have preferred something more concrete.

“This might be an opportunity to send some descension in the ranks. I can design the virus, give it a signature from a Chinese Hacker that is wanted by Interpol. It could throw suspicions on the Chinese branch. Give me twelve hours and some tamales.”

I’m becoming impressed with her each day. It was easy to see how she handled herself for years around these guys.

“Perfect. One name I defintely want now, along with everything you can find out about him. His name should be on my Birth Certificate. Do you still have it Dad?”

“Yes… he was an older guy then. He may be retired. Why do you want it?”

“Renee bled to death because he didn’t save her, he might have even killed her and definitely lied about me dying. I’m going to take a road trip next weekend, find him and kill him. I’m going to make it messy.”

The silence that surrounded me wasn’t surprising. Most of those here weren’t natural killers. Ironically with the exception of Charlie and Vivian, the humans were the only natural killers.

And Jasper. Of course Jasper had changed, been changing for Alice and perhaps his own conscience. Becoming involved in this may set him back. Being at the Base had set me back in a way. It is scary how easy it can be to fall into old habits.

Not that I had any plans to change my habits. I will just redirect my energy at an appropriate target.

Connolly cleared his throat. “What if we weakened the Organization from the inside before Hildebrand takes over? Make them suspicious of each other. If we plant that virus and make them believe a Chinese hacker has done it, how much more can we get away with? Kill a guy here or there, never a pattern, just enough of the right targets to make them think they are betraying each other or setting up power plays like Hildebrand. Vivian can show our locations to be here on GPS. We start killing the right people, cause descension in the ranks, they may turn on each other.”

That would delay that bitch’s rise in power though. But if the Organization’s main infrastructure was cracking around us, if they turned on each other, her power base would be weaker and easier to take out once she is taken out.

“I like it. Mac?”

“I’m not sure this is a good idea.”

“Wasn’t asking for your opinion. When I say your name could you at least wait to hear what’s next? I promise it won’t be an apology or your opinion. Its a danger if we get caught. But what isn’t dangerous about this whole thing? If they find out… then we gather an army and fight whoever comes at us or go on the move and attack at weak points. I believe I can win the older girls to our side but it has to be done carefully and will take time. We may not be able to take on a few countries hit squads but we can take out their bases with guerilla attacks. Mack, I need a list of potential targets. Not small time either. Highly placed agents in political positions from every nation, whose death will be noticed but not by many besides the Organization. That bitch is planning her own power play and we are going to help her. No reason we shouldn’t have our own.”

Mac nodded, and I would bet the feel of my claws on his throat last night was on his mind.

“Good.” Hawk said. “I’ve been wanting to kill someone for months. Burning a half dead Wendigo just didn’t do it for me.”

I looked over the Cullens, trying to read their expressions. Unfortunately they were doing the stone faced statue thing they sometimes do. Never play poker with a vampire.

“None of you have to be involved in this. I won’t be. After I kill the man I am looking for I plan to do nothing else but train and go to school, do what she wants. Assassinations are more their thing anyway. Drugs are going to need to be involved, using heart attacks on some, illegal narcotics overdoses that governments will want to cover up, muggings, robberies gone wrong. Nothing that the worldwide media could link together. We have to continue building in Alaska…”

“We are going wherever you need us too and doing what needs to be done.” Carlisle told me. “I know of some drugs that can be administered, present as heart attacks or strokes. Its a solid plan. Nothing to alert the media or the legitimate governments but enough that the Organization knows something is coming for them, likely a group with inside knowledge.”

I wanted to shake my head. Carlisle had never killed anyone in five hundred years. Being around me was contagious I supposed. Or perhaps the idea of what the Organization was doing had pushed him to his breaking point. He was a compassionate man, wanting to stop innocents from being harmed. I had no doubt he would normally do this through legal channels but that would not work here and he understood that. Sometimes doing the right thing means sacrificing a part of yourself. I hoped he could live with that sacrifice.

I prayed to whatever god was listening that he ever felt the need to do this again.

“We will do what needs to be done.” Jasper told me. The others nodded, not looking away.

Even Esme.

I wouldn’t let her kill. I just couldn’t do that. Now was not the time to talk to her about that though.

“Mac, how long will you be here?” I asked, not sure how much time she had given him.

“Two more days. Hildebrand will be here in three weeks to see you personally. You gonna be able to play the part?” he asked.

I smiled despite myself, knowing his concern was legitimate but it wouldn’t be a problem.

“When she arrives, I will kneel at her feet, let her pet me, sleep at the foot of her bed, test me, do whatever she wants. I’ll do it with a smile on my face, knowing that soon my hand will be in her guts and I will be eating her burnt heart. I will play my part. Killing her would be too easy. When she dies, I want her to know her entire world has been destroyed and I was the one who did it. She taught me everything I know and I will make sure she appreciates her efforts before she dies. For now, we have some business to take care of, a lot of work to do. Cullen buddies, I think it’s time you learned to fight, not vampires, but everything. We can do this now in the back by the pond.”

Emmett laughed fortunately. Good, he would be the one who needed the most work.

“I think we can handle anything that comes our way, Bella.”

I looked over at Jasper who had cringed.

“Is it true Jasper? Are they ready for anything?”

He shook his head slightly. “They could use some work.”

“Let’s get started. It will be a fun way to spend a Saturday. You two coming to watch?” I asked Leah and Dad.

They both nodded though they didn’t look enthusiastic. I know they would rather me go home, spend some time with me, but we were at war. Home could wait.

But they had been through hell as well the past week. It wouldn’t get any easier. I also needed to talk to them about some things that would be happening. Things they will not like at all.

“On second thought, I haven’t spent a lot of time at home and probably need to relax. Tomorrow morning, we can train for a while in the morning. Sunday nights are reserved for baseball. Right Dad?”

The man cracked a true smile, much more enthusiastic about going home than watching his daughter fight vampires.

“I am going to need some work as well.” I admitted. “I need to practice shifting through my various forms. Vivian, I will need my kill code reactivated while we are training. I’m not sure what my reactions will be like if I shift full beast mode while training. Take me down if you have to. I’m used to the pain it causes.”

No one seemed thrilled about my plan but if I lost it while training, they would appreciate it then.

The room was silent so I decided everything that needed to be said had been said and motioned to Charlie and Leah to follow me out.

We arrived home, a place I had spent no more than a couple tense hours in the day before. Or was it two days ago? No, it was yesterday. So much had happened in the last week. It would take me a while to process it all.

“I’ll get started on some dinner. Game comes on in two hours. How does steak sound?” Charlie asked.

I cringed.

“What about the fish we still have from our last trip? I’ve had enough meat to last me for a while. Probably a good idea for me to lay off till next weekend.”

“Next… oh. About that, I want to come with you.”

“No” I told him quickly. “I don’t… I don’t want you to see me like that.”

Charlie shook his head and placed a hand on my shoulder in what he meant to be a comforting gesture.

“I have seen all of you, Bella. Claws or not, it doesn’t matter to me. I’ve seen you angry, I’ve seen you sad…”

“You have never seen me like I will be when I get my teeth on him. You don’t want to see that, ever.” I told him, trying not to sound as if I were begging but confident instead. I meant what I said, no meat till Saturday. I wanted to be hungry for this.

“We will talk about it later, okay?”

“Sure.” I agreed, hoping he would drop the subject. He hugged me and moved to the kitchen, leaving me alone with Leah. I moved my head towards the stairs. She silently agreed and followed me to my room.

This time neither of us sat, standing near each other, not sure where to start. I decided I should break the ice so to speak. Small talk is a good way to ease into serious subjects.

“So you are in love with me?”

Judging by the blush on her face, that probably wasn’t the correct subject to start out the conversation.

“Let’s start with something more basic.” I backtracked. “I would ask how your week has been but I know. I’m sorry I caused you so much pain. I didn’t know it would happen. I would have still gone regardless; I had no choice but perhaps Carlisle could have sedated you earlier. You missed a week of school, didn’t you?”

“Take off your shirt.” she told me suddenly.

“Wow… I thought my opening question was too forward. I’m not sure we are there yet…”

Leah sat down on the bed and I wondered what the hell was going on. Was she really… no…

“Take off your shirt. You have a bra on and we both know you have no problem diving after fish in your bra and panties. Take off your shirt. I want to see it.”

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I had thought I had gotten past blushing but apparently that was not the case. At this moment I think turning out the lights and having sex would be less awkward.

“You don’t need to see that.” I told her, my confidence shattering. “I don’t want you to see that.”

Leah reached forward grabbed my hand and tried to pull me closer. She had no luck. Due to the look on her face daring me not to do as she asked, I hesitantly stepped forward.

“Take it off.” she told me again.

“Aren’t you supposed to buy me dinner first?” I asked jokingly, holding out for as long as possible but knowing it was inevitable.

She didn’t look amused so I suppose my attempt at humor was a failure. Taking a deep breath, I relaxed as much as possible, pulled my shirt off and closed my eyes.

The sharp gasp I heard from her was exactly what I expected it to be.

“You weren’t fighting vampires.” she said quietly. “Why didn’t these heal?”

I opened my eyes when I felt her touch the long jagged scar that graced my body, from my belt line to my sternum. Then she touched my ribs on the left side where slight scars circled the regenerated flesh and muscle that had been a hole in my side. She stood and found the vicious bitemark on my right shoulder where a ghoul’s teeth had bitten through my skin and clavicle.

“I’m not sure. I believe my body was using all its energy to stay alive than worry about erasing scars. I don’t mind. Just more to add to the collection. I think there is a spot on the back of my left thigh that doesn’t have a scar. Its only a few inches in diameter but…”

“Shut up.” she told me, back to touching the scar running the length of my abdomen. At least vampire scars were clean lines, keeping my skin more or less smooth in some places, where only scratches had been inflicted. These were more like human wounds, roughly covered with scar tissue. I supposed I would be leaving midriffs out of my dwindling fashion options.

As much as I hate her seeing these scars her touch was soothing.

We were so close to each other, face to face, her only slightly taller than I was, she felt so warm near me. I wanted to touch her but I wouldn’t. I didn’t feel I deserved to.

She touched me though. She gently put her hands on my cheeks and leaned in. I realized she was going to kiss me and the events of the past week flashed into my head. Turning from her quickly I moved to my window, crossing my arms, trying to hug myself to stop the shaking that was wracking my body.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have but…”

“I want you to…” I told her, not turning around, not wanting to see the disappointed look on her face. “… but you have to understand something. Something that happened while I was gone. I wasn’t at the Base two hours before I had killed two humans. Another, a doctor… Mac said Mother put him up to it, set me up to kill. She sent him to a cell and tortured him while I slept. The next morning, Mother took me to him.”

I hated to say these next words but if she wanted to kiss me, she should know what exactly she was laying her lips on.

“She told me to kill him, to… eat him. I did it without hesitation. She left me alone with him and I gutted him, ripped the skin off his legs and bit. I ate his arms and legs to the bone, chewed the meat off his ribs and then pulled his heart out and bit it before he died. Leah… it was so easy. She gave me permission and that was it. She told me to do it but she never told me to like it so much. I’m not some monster hunting hero. I killed my first human when I was 12, shot him in the chest twice and stood over him as he died, drowning in his own blood. He was just some guy the Organization kidnapped, an innocent. I kept my emotions in check though. If I hadn’t, everyone would have seen an expression of joy on my face. Last night after I turned into an animal, a full animal, I ran across two deer and tore them to pieces in seconds.”

I turned around and saw her pitying gaze. I hated that look.

“Before you kiss me, you have a right to know what I am. I’m not just my scars. I’m a monster underneath. I wasn’t there 24 hours and that bitch had me under her sway again. I don’t plan to stop. I am going to kill and kill until I work my way to her then I will torture her and enjoy every second of it. If you really want to get involved with me… you need to understand…”

I saw her coming but couldn’t move. This time when she pushed her lips to mine, I didn’t stop her. I let myself go with the feeling of her possessing me, and I possessing her. It wasn’t a rough kiss born from pure lust but a gentle, slow kiss, her lips caressing mine.

I’m not sure if it lasted a second or minutes but it was over too soon.

“Yeah, to answer your first question, I love you. Imprint or not, I know what you are and yeah, its kind of fucked up to enjoy eating a person but we all have our things. I love to eat raw radishes and sweet onions mixed with baked beans. I get a part of you is a wild beast but you haven’t gone on a killing spree in Forks. Have you ever killed anyone that you weren’t told to kill or Hildebrand set you up to kill?”

“No… radishes with beans and onion. Seriously?”

She ignored my question.

“We don’t leave each other again unless we have to. If you are called to Peru, I understand but if you leave this area, I am going with you.”

“Not next Saturday.” I told her quickly.

She at least nodded her head.

“You’re right. Me and Charlie are both coming with you. I’ll stay in the car, have some clothes for you to change into, hydrogen peroxide and a towel to clean the blood off of you. I’ll admit I probably won’t kiss you until you have brushed your teeth afterward. I won’t ever ask you to kiss me until I have brushed my teeth after eating radishes and onions. I’ve been in this since I first looked at you. We are in this together. Get used to it. I’m not going anywhere and I won’t let you run.”

I shook my head, not sure what to say. Then her finger was under my chin and I looked into her eyes once again.

She kissed me, even more gently than the first time.

“Tomorrow’s Sunday. After you get done training the vamps think we could go on an afternoon date before bonding over baseball?” she asked.

“A date?”

“Yeah, that’s what two people who want to be together generally do. Go somewhere, do something, have fun. No Organization, no killing or plotting to do whatever you want to do to turn them against each other. Just the two of us, out having fun. There is a place I want to take you, somewhere I love and I want you to see it. I’ll bring pizza.”

A date. I had never actually been on one. I knew the concept of course. Dating could mean many things but a date was something definite. A date would be fun and I defintely needed fun in my life.

“I’d love to.”

“That’s good because I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.”

Of course she wasn’t.

“Do one thing for me?” she asked.

“Anything.”

“Unless you are talking to her, never call that bitch Mother again. She isn’t your mother. Got it?”

“It’s a habit.” I admitted.

“So is smoking. People quit smoking every day. It isn’t easy but it can be done. Please?”

I nodded my head, knowing she was right. I had to break a lot of habits. One of them was that underlying part of me that was attached to that devil, an attachment she took advantage of so easily at the Base.

And I knew a guy who was pretty good at understanding emotions. If I ever wanted to get past this, to break free and break old habits, I would have to open up to Jasper. He really was the only one who could understand me. He could help me in ways that Leah, Charlie and the other Cullens couldn’t.

So I would do it. It would not be easy but if I wanted to achieve reckoning nothing would be easy in my life.

My phone buzzed and I didn’t have to look at it to know who was calling.

“I have to take this. You can stay and listen but be very quiet, understand? Not a sound.”

Leah’s face paled but she nodded and moved to the rocking chair.

“Hello Mother.” I answered.

“My Bella. I just wanted to call and check in on you. I spoke to Mac who ensured me you were doing well. He said your team is satisfactory. How are you settling in?”

“As well as I expected. I miss you, Mother.”

“I miss you as well. Be patient daughter. It will take some time but soon we will have accomplished our task. Have you given any thought to it since we talked?”

Thought? Oh yes, I have given it much thought.

“I have thought of it constantly, Mother. I await your orders. You have done so much for the human race and the Organization, my sisters and me, no one deserves to be high councilor more than you. I swear Mother, I will make my life’s mission to ensure you get control of the Organization. I swear to you, I won’t stop until you get everything you deserve.”

Yes, I would make sure she got everything she deserved before I killed her.