Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Claws

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 26:

Millwood West Virginia

Dr. Samuel Hargrove walked out onto his estate near sunset. His estate covered nearly thirty acres of land, mostly forested, just beyond the boundary of the large yard that surrounded his three story Victorian style mansion. Having tired of the sun of Florida all his life, the man moved after his retirement to this secluded land, for many reasons, not least of which was to be near his children and grandchildren. His wife loved the serenity of the land and he felt less exposed in his small kingdom. Hargrove had lived the last ten years of his life since retirement here and had become a staple of the community, donating a large sum of his millions acquired over his career to local communities and schools, making him quite popular in Jackson County.

At sixty five the man thought he had everything he could possibly want. He had his wealth, his health and standing he never would have had in Jacksonville Florida.

He did his best to not think of the manner of which he acquired his wealth. That was in the past and he preferred to keep it there, locked away as if it never happened while enjoying the millions of dollars he had accumulated from his benefactors. He was never sure of what happened to the babies he had a part in handing over and didn’t care. It simply wasn’t his problem.

Watching the sunset below the tall trees, he returned to his house and retired to his office that doubled as a library. His wife had taken a trip with their two children, their spouses and grandchildren to Colorado, while he stayed behind, deciding he wasn’t up for hiking mountain trails, instead watching through live video his wife was sending him daily.

Surprisingly the lights were off in his office when he walked in. Deciding to enjoy the dark he moved to his desk and flipped on the lamp.

“Hello.”

The retired doctor looked up, startled to find a man sitting in the back shadowy corner of the room. He couldn’t make out the man’s face, but that didn’t matter. Since his retirement, he feared the Organization sending someone to kill him since he knew too much. Instead they paid him a monthly stipend, a retirement package the woman had called it, for twenty years of service. As the years went by, he began to believe they were truly going to let him live.

“Who are you?” he asked shakily, reaching for the handgun he kept holstered underneath his desktop.

The man stood up and walked near him slowly, until his face could be seen in the dim light.

“I’m Charlie Swan. 17 years ago, you reported my wife and child’s genetic information to a group of people called the Organization. When my wife delivered, she died and you told me my baby was dying. Mind if I have a seat? We are going to have a short conversation.”

The man was tall, well-built and had dark hair and a mustache. This man was not with the Organization. They were well kept, the type of man that looked ex-military and every meeting he had with the nameless agents, they were dressed well in high dollar suits.

17 years ago. He had given many genetic results that matched the markers he had been given to watch for. A million dollars per child. All he had to do was report those he found matches for and send the information in. A set of nurses always arrived for delivery and made sure the woman died. He simply stood back, watched, then gave the bad news to the father. The physician in him was appalled by this but the greater part, the part that wished for money took over any misgivings and soon it has stopped phasing him. He would tell the bereaved father what the Organization wanted him to say, including the likely hood of the baby’s death. A man and woman would always talk to the father, offer him their help, assure him they could save the baby… for a price.

That was as far as his involvement went.

Hargrove watched the man carefully as he pulled a gun from behind his back and sat down.

Hargrove pulled his first, pointed at the father he had obviously wronged in the past and pulled the trigger.

A dry click was all he heard.

The man who called himself Charlie Swan chuckled.

“You should maybe check the gun for bullets before you pull the trigger. Feel the weight of the weapon at least.” Swan told the doctor then lifted his left hand, the one not holding the gun and dropped the bullets on his desk.

“For such a large place, your security is a bit weak. Ready to answer my questions or do you want to fire an unloaded gun at me again?”

The man tried to swallow but his mouth was incredibly dry. Instead of speaking he nodded his head, doing his best to relax, slow his rapidly beating heart and appear confident.

“Was it you who killed Renee Swan? Or did someone do it for you?”

Though speaking of the past was a sure way to get himself killed by the Organization, he felt his life was close to an end now. He had no choice but to talk if he wanted to get out of this alive.

“No… there were two nurses… brought in from a group… they ensured she would die. I had nothing to do with it.”

A hammer was pulled back on the gun, a very large revolver he could see now.

“You were in the room. You were her doctor; did it ever occur to you to save her?”

“I couldn’t. They would have killed me if I tried.”

Charlie Swan nodded. Perhaps there was hope, Hargrove thought. Maybe the man would understand the position he had been in.

“You sat by and did nothing. Of course why would you? You violated patient confidentially long before that, looked for genetic markers in mothers, suggested she take that procedure to make sure my daughter didn’t have, what? Downs Syndrome? Chorionic villus testing, right? Found what you were looking for, reported it to your benefactors and then committed murder, lied about the baby’s health and pushed fathers into doing anything they could to save the child’s life. How much were you paid for a successful find?”

“They assured me the babies would be well taken care of…”

“How much?!” the man shouted, his voice showing anger for the first time.

“A million.” he admitted.

“How many?” Charlie asked.

“Over twelve years, maybe a little over a hundred.” Hargrove told him quietly, his head down.

“You don’t even know the exact number. You killed over a hundred mothers in delivery and now you live here. I understand you have your own children and grandchildren. Did you ever test them?”

“No!” Hargrove told him quickly. Judging by the look on the man’s face, this may not have been the correct response, not that he could think of one at the time.

“Do you remember Renee Swan?”

Hargrove nodded his head quickly. “I didn’t want to do it but I was so in bed with these people…”

Charlie held up a hand, silencing him. “What color was her hair? What color were her eyes?”

Hargrove began to shake.

“You don’t remember her. You don’t remember any of them, do you? They were just paydays, not real people with dreams of being a mother, dreams of raising their child. You treated them for months, knowing they were going to die. Amazing. You might have one of the highest body counts among serial killers. Of course you weren’t the only one. Do you know the names of the nurses?”

“I’m not a serial… no, I don’t. I would tell you if I did. I regret everything. At first, I wanted the money, I knew it was wrong, I wanted to quit. But they threatened my wife and children. I feel guilty, I feel the burden of those women’s death on my soul, every day.”

Charlie nodded. “Yet you live in grandeur. You have no qualms about spending the money they gave you, that they are still giving you. Tell me, If I had done to your wife and children what you did to mine, what would you do?”

Hargrove had no answer.

“Stand up. We are taking a walk to the forest.” Charlie told him. “I want you to see what you helped create. I want you to meet my daughter.”

Hargrove shook his head. “If you are going to kill me, do it here.”

Charlie shrugged his shoulders. “I have a sniper watching your family in Colorado. They just set up camp for the night. You either come with me or all of you die.” The man pulled his phone out of his pocket and pushed it across the desk. On the screen, Hargrove saw his family, indeed camping at the ridge they had talked about earlier that day.

With a shaking hand he slid the phone back to the man.

Charlie took the phone, deleted the photo and placed it back in his pocket. He knew Ty wouldn’t kill women and children, he was only recording with his phone but Charlie could tell by the man’s face, he didn’t believe that. He thought his family was in danger. Ironic that he would care so much about them when he had destroyed so many families, killed so many people.

Chief Swan stood up and motioned for the man to move. The two walked silently outside, Charlie behind him with a gun and giving directions. When they reached the dark forest line Hargrove’s legs nearly gave out but he remained standing, leaning against a thick tree trunk.

She appeared literally out of nowhere it seemed, a small brunette who had nearly the same hair color as her father. This was his daughter.

“This is Bella. It was a name given to her by the Organization, since her mother didn’t have a chance to name her. Renee told me she wanted it to be a surprise. After the funeral I told my friends that Renee and Bella settled in Arizona. I had to live a lie my entire life and she was experimented on her entire life, tortured daily. Bella, this is the man who killed your Mom.”

The girl stepped closer, not close enough to reach him. Though it was dark, a cell phone light his captor held up showed him the girl in greater detail.

He watched in horror as her eyes turned yellow and her fingers shift, the tips turning to claws and rosettes appeared on her skin. Her jaw seemed to drop and long incisors appeared in her mouth.

After a few minutes, the girl suddenly appeared like a normal teen once again. She was only wearing a pair of cut offs and a white tank top, and he did not miss the scars that covered her exposed skin. Scars that still remained in her less frightening form.

“I have been waiting to meet you for 17 years.” the girl told him. “Do I frighten you? You should be frightened. It’s a natural human instinct around alpha predators. You stink of fear. You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Bella turned from the man and stepped away, disappearing behind a tree.

Then it came out and Hargrove wet himself. The largest jungle cat he had ever seen was before him, its face inches from his, its hot breath blowing in his face as the creature stood still.

“Don’t call her a lion. It will piss her off even more if possible. She is a Jaguar.” Charlie told the man. “This is what they turn innocent babies into. They torture them, manipulate their genetic makeup, inject them with drugs that sear their vein, mutate them and send them off to war. Many of them, most of them are killed at a very young age. They are tortured and brainwashed, turned into the perfect killers. This is what happened to my daughter.”

Hargrove heard him but could not grasp what he was saying. What he saw in front of him was impossible. No medical experiments or genetic manipulation could possibly do this.

But yet, the Jaguar stood in front of him, drool dripping from its long, sharp teeth. It sniffed him and he whimpered.

“You get ten minutes. A half mile from here is a rifle, your rifle in fact. Its leaned up against a very tall oak tree, directly on this path.” Charlie told him. “After ten minutes she comes for you. If you reach the rifle, you have a choice to make. It has one bullet. I wouldn’t recommend firing at her. It would just be an annoyance if it even had a chance of hitting her. She is very fast. You can either shoot yourself, let your family believe you committed suicide, or you can let her get you. Suicide would be the least painful action. I don’t know what she has planned for you if you don’t kill yourself but I have a feeling it will be worse than you can imagine. She does have over a hundred women and babies to avenge and right now, you are our only target. Run Hargrove. The clock just started.”

Bella moved to the side and roared.

Hargrove ran. The man ran faster than he ever had in his life, He was in shape for his age. He had no intention of killing himself. He was an avid hunter and one bullet would give him a chance.

Hargrove did his best to stay in a straight line. He had no idea of time but knew it would be running short. Avoiding the trees, he did his best to stay in line but knew he was probably not on a direct course to the gun.

A roar behind him let him know he was out of time.

The man continued to move, having no choice. A part of him wondered if he could climb one of the trees with low branches but that wouldn’t work. Predatory cats were experts at hunting in trees. They were experts at hunting everywhere.

To his left side, he heard brush moving and caught a flash of fur from the side of his eye. He ran to the right.

A few seconds later he heard a sound in the tree to his right and moved towards the left.

The man knew he was being herded by her, set on a course for the rifle, his only chance.

The cat was playing with him. He felt its nose behind him bumping him along and screamed, thinking this was it.

But no attack came, just the sound of four legs crushing the leaves underneath their feet.

He saw it, Despite the darkness, enough moonlight shown through to see a glimmer off the barrel leaned against a tree. He dove and grabbed it, leaning back against the giant trunk, his eye frantically looking for a target.

Instead he saw and heard nothing. No footsteps, no low rumbling, just nothingness as if he were alone in the dark.

“Last chance to kill yourself.” a quiet female voice said from the shadows. He could only tell the general direction but fired regardless, hoping to hit something.

Instead the girl walked from behind the trunk he was leaning against and stood in front of him. Bella kicked the rifle from his hand.

She was naked, a monster with yellow eyes and long fangs. He looked away from her where he sat on the ground and saw her feet had claws as well.

“I wish I could say this was a fight, but it isn’t. It’s just an execution.” the girl told him. “You realize it’s over, don’t you? You will never see your family again, when I finally let you die, you are going to straight to hell, suffer for eternity. I may see you there one day, but not today. I have many more battles to fight, executions to carry out. I’m going to burn it all, leave a trail of blood and guts. Your assets have been stolen from you. All of them, gone without a trace. No money, no investment funds. You are going to help finance my war. Your family will no longer lead a life of luxury. They will be left with nothing. Does that hurt? Do you think they can make it on their own? They don’t seem to be the most driven people.”

Hargrove tried to find his voice but only a squeak came out.

“Yeah, I didn’t think so. They are going to have to get real jobs, live a life my Mom never even got the chance to live. Did you really think you would live to a ripe old age, that you would never face justice, that you would just get away with the murder of those women and the children that were stolen? Maybe you would die peacefully and painlessly in your sleep at 90 surrounded by your big family. You really thought you deserved that?”

Had he? Hargrove didn’t know. He did his best to block those thoughts out of his mind since he first started committing the acts. The man assumed if he was ever killed, it would be by the people he had worked for, a quick shot to the head.

He never answered so the girl stood up and turned her back to him.

A shimmer of light lit up the dark forest. He saw her body grow for a split second until the fearsome Jaguar he had seen before was now in front of him.

Instead of going quickly for his face, the cat moved closer to his foot. He felt pain like he had never experiences in his life when the large jaws clamped at his ankle and dragged him from the trunk he had been sitting next to.

Then the pain was gone. The Jaguar had let go and he chanced a look, saw his foot was gone and screamed.

A claw ripped through his denim jeans, shredding the material on his left leg. He tried to scream when his thigh was bit but couldn’t. His voice was gone, but the pain remained as his upper leg muscle was pulled from his leg. He saw the Jaguar chewing, blood covering his face. A large part of him hoped she had torn his femoral artery but that was not the case.

She moved up to his deltoid, ripped his shirt, leaving searing claw marks in his arm and bit down, slowly chewing and pulling the muscle from his body. He found his voice again, but instead of screaming he begged her to kill him.

The man nearly lost consciousness from the pain as the cat continued to eat his body then ripped open his abdomen.

Before he lost consciousness due to pain and blood loss, Bella Swan was in front of him, in her feral humanoid form.

“It’s been about ten minutes. How do you feel? You taste better than I imagined for an older man and I have been imagining this a lot over the past week. I have sat in every boring class and dreamed of what I would do to you. Over a hundred women, huh? I am beginning to realize there is nothing I can do to you that would be sufficient punishment for the suffering you have caused, the lives that could have been. I wish your reckoning had come sooner. You didn’t deserve to see your children grow. I considered killing them as well but my therapist friend talked me out of it.”

Bella took a deep breath and smiled.

“I’m not without mercy though. I have left enough of you for whoever finds you to identify your eaten corpse. I’m afraid it won’t be an open casket funeral. They will never understand what compelled you to chase a wild animal in into the forest with only one bullet. Don’t you wish you had killed yourself now? Your muscles are gone and you are about to go into terminal shock. Should I end it now?”

Hargrove mustered up the energy to nod his head.

“Beg me for it.” Bella hissed.

“Please…” the man whispered.

“Please what?”

“Please… kill… me.”

Bella smiled and punched her hand into his chest, gripping his heart and pulling it out. He saw her bite it before he faded into darkness.

Bella stood up; her body covered in blood. Despite or perhaps because of the gruesome sight in front of her she smiled.

Rosalie stepped out from the darkness and handed her a towel.

“Thank you.” Bella told her, beginning to wipe the blood off her face. Another towel was handed to her and she began to clean her body then wrapped it around herself.

“I wish you could have done more.” Rosalie whispered.

“Me too.” Bella admitted. “But the human body can only take so much and I wanted him to beg before he passed out. I’m surprised he lasted as long as he did.”

Rosalie took in the sight before her and was reminded of the remains she had left behind of her rapists. The blonde wished she had taken more time with them as well.

“We should go.” Rose told her. “You need sleep before we catch a 6 AM flight. If we miss that one, we may not get to Seattle before 10 AM. I thought we could do some shopping before we drive back to Forks.”

Bella thought that sounded like a wonderful idea. “I want to buy Leah something nice.”

Charlie was waiting at the car and Leah was no doubt pacing in the motel. They had left her an hour away and her chest must have been killing her if Bella was uncomfortable with the pain.

Despite this they did not run through the forest, instead strolling slowly back to the place they had left Charlie.

Charlie saw Bella, a towel wrapped around her, holding hands with Rose as they walked towards him. She smiled at the man and he saw despite the towel around Bella and the towel Rosalie held, her teeth were still bloody and her body stained. She would have to be stealthy before entering her room at the motel.

“It’s done.” she told her father. “At least it’s a beginning.”

The man was relieved. No matter what happened to him from this point on, Renee had been avenged. Bella changed behind the tree she had left her clothes behind and he placed an arm around her as they walked towards the driveway in back of the mansion and left this part of their lives behind. The two of them understood this was not the end, only the beginning of what would be a very long bloody road, but at least they had started.

At the hotel Bella went straight to her room asking Rose to check on Leah. The rooms of the cheap motel opened to the parking lot so no one noticed her enter. She took a shower and considered walking to Leah’s room but decided against it. She was too wired, too restless and she knew what that meant. She needed relief in the worst way possible or she would never sleep. She resisted the urge though. Bella would not give into desire. Tonight hadn’t been about a hunt, it had been a simple execution.

She knew the knock on her door twenty minutes later was Leah. She opened the door reluctantly and stepped back, inviting her inside.

Leah didn’t touch her, didn’t try to kiss her, instead walked over and stood by the bed.

“I can feel you, your emotions. I know what you need. Let me be what you need.” Leah told her.

Bella noticed her hands were shaking as she reached for the button on her shorts.

Bella moved quickly before she could undress, and picked her up by the waist, dropping her on the bed.

The two kissed urgently, leading towards a frenzy. Leah reached for her shorts again and Bella jumped back to the wall of the room.

Leah looked at her in confusion. “This is what you need. I can feel it. Let me be what you need.” she told her again.

Bella kept her eyes closed and shook her head furiously.

“Is it because…”

“No.” Bella told her quickly, knowing she was about to ask about Julie. “It’s not that. She has moved on and wants me to move on.” she said then opened her eyes, taking in her imprint, her heavy breathing, her skin flushed and she could smell Leah’s arousal.

“Then what is it? I know you need this. I want this.”

“Not now, not like this.” Bella told her, keeping her distance and fighting every instinct in her that cried out for the tan goddess before her.

“What do you mean not like this?”

Bella slowed her heart rate, controlled her breathing, and forced herself to relax before approaching the girl.

“You’ve never done anything like this before.” Bella told her.

“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Leah replied, not a trace of fear in her voice. “I love you, Bella.”

Bella reached out and gently took her hand. “I love you too. That’s why this isn’t happening, not now, not here and not when I am like this. When we make love for the first time it won’t be in some cheap motel because I am coming down from a blood frenzy. It’s going to be gentle and you will be comfortable. I won’t just use you for relief. Never. I will give you what you deserve. I do need you tonight, but I won’t take advantage of you. You mean more to me than that.”

Leah said nothing, staring at Bella, half sitting up on the bed.

“You’ve never told me you loved me before.”

Bella was surprised by that statement. She supposed it was true. Leah had confessed her feelings but Bella had stayed away from the subject.

“Well… I do. I love that you didn’t mind my patheitc lies and horrible conversational skills when we met. I love how you always call or text just to see how I am doing. I love that you saw me fight a vampire and didn’t run. I love that you aren’t scared of me, all of me. I love that you aren’t scared to be seen with me, that you stood up to your father and don’t hide your feelings, even in La Push. I love the way you touch my scars and still make me feel beautiful.” Bella told her.

“I love that you have seen me at my worst and don’t care. I love how damn stubborn you are, how passionate you are. I love that when I drive like a maniac on a motorcycle, I hear you laughing behind me. I love that you can hang out in a house full of vampires and feel absolutely no fear. I love that you can make me feel human and not just animal. I love everything about you, even when you make me so frustrated. I love that you took a flight and have been staying at a roach motel while I killed a guy in the slowest way possible and here you are, offering to give me what I need because you love me. That’s why this can’t happen tonight. You deserve more and I will give it to you. But not here, not tonight.”

The two girls stared at each other for a moment, neither saying a word. Leah rose from the bed and walked towards Bella, kissing her gently.

“We have six hours before we have to be at the airport. Do you think we can handle just holding each other tonight?”

Bella took a deep breath and nodded. “Do you think you could not snore?”

“No.” Leah admitted. “I only do it when I am completely comfortable.”

“In the future we are getting you nasal strips.”

Leah smiled brightly. “You just admitted there is a future. It’s a start. So, are you calm enough to sleep? I’ll hold you. I won’t let you go.”

So the two did, fully clothed, they lay under the covers, Bella burying herself in Leah’s arms. She had not slept so soundly in a long time and woke up too soon.

They reached the Cullen Mansion late Sunday night and found the family, the team together, Ty already having returned from Colorado. Connolly, Dante, Edward and Jasper appeared especially happy.

“I suppose by the smiles on your face, you succeeded?” Bella asked.

Connolly shrugged his shoulders. “Between Edward warning us of anyone even thinking of coming in our direction and Jasper dispelling any curiosity, they kind of take the fun out of covert ops. Carlisle got the information he needed on the markers that could be modified and the virus was planted. Chatter over the system that Vivian has broken into shows the Organization is in a panic. Their techs have already identified a Chinese hacker but have no idea how to fix it.”

Vivian laughed. “Because they can’t fix it. I’ve made some nasty viruses in my life but this may be my Mona Lisa. They won’t be able to recover the information; their network of private doctors is being tracked as we speak. They will have to replace the server and reestablish the networks. It will take months.”

“Mac, you are going back tomorrow morning. Have you any ideas on who the first target might be?” Bella asked.

The man looked her in the eyes. “You sure?”

Bella continued to stare at him.

He let out a sigh and motioned with his head towards Vivian. “I’ve given a list to Vivian. I’m sure you guys will have no problem making this look like natural deaths until a pattern is established. They are the names of some influential people in Canada. Its a good place to start. Overseas targets will be more complex. I have a secure phone Vivian gave me. I’ll keep you up to date, feed you intel, whatever we need. At some point in the next two months, a team will need to enter China, kill a heavily guarded man who is the head of their Navy. I would recommend making it seem like a straight up murder and try to pin it on the Russians. You will know everything I know Bella. We have to trust each other.”

“I do trust you, Mac.” Bella told him. “I realize I have been a bit rude, threatening your life and throwing you around like a toy but I have been going through a lot. It isn’t an excuse and I apologize. I am glad you are with us. We will see this through the end. Promise me though, if something happens, If I’m dead, kill Erin Hildebrand. Don’t let her live, no matter what.”

The man moved towards her and wrapped his arms around the much smaller girl.

“I swear to you, but it won’t happen. You are going to be the one to do it. I’ll make sure of it. See you soon, kid.”

Later that night after Bella had dropped off Leah at her home she went to her bedroom and opened the window. As he had been the last week, Jasper was there and took his place in his chair quickly while Bella lay on her back on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“Do you want to talk about Hargrove?” Bella asked.

“No.”

Bella crossed her arms behind her head and closed her eyes.

“So what are we going to talk about tonight?”

“I want you to tell me your earliest clear memory of her.”

“She has always been in my life, for as long as I can remember.” Bella told him.

“True,” Jasper admitted, “but what is your earliest clearest memory of her? What memory do you have, not just seeing her or knowing she was there but making you feel special?”

Bella thought for a moment, emptying her mind and forcing herself to relax. It came to her easily.

“I was probably five. We didn’t know our birthdays, we only had a class day once a year, a day when we were all placed in a class and became sisters. I know the venom injections start when a girl turns five so I must have been five. I had just received my first injection and I felt like I was on fire. We were all in the large lab, strapped to the beds so we wouldn’t run, or tear at ourselves trying to get the poison out. I didn’t cry though. I didn’t want to cry. A little girl who had been crying on the bed next to me, she had quieted after an hour of crying and feel asleep. I heard a doctor say that her organs were shutting down, that the venom was killing her and to remove her from the room. I didn’t want to die so I stayed quiet, I lay as still as possible and didn’t make a sound.”

“Later that night… I don’t know how long I had been there, a woman came and unstrapped me. I told her I wasn’t dead, to not take me. She picked me up and carried me down the hall. I thought they were going to throw me in the furnace. I knew what a furnace was. But I didn’t cry. I wouldn’t cry. We walked up to a door, a red door. It was Mother’s room. She set me on the ground and told me to enter. I didn’t know it was Moth… Dr. Hildebrand’s room until I walked in. I had never seen her outside of class or physical examinations. There was another girl, an older girl. She had a lot of scars and I was kind of scared when I saw her. She was naked and kneeling in front of Hildebrand. She had a collar on. Hildebrand was petting her, running her fingers through her hair. The girl was blonde and she had long wavy hair. There was a bite mark over her right breast. She had freckles on her cheeks, light freckles but they stood out. Hildebrand told her to leave. She stood immediately and walked out… she looked at me briefly and I will never forget the look in her eyes. She seemed… scared. And sad. Yes, she was defintely sad.” Bella realized.

“What happened next?” Jasper gently prodded.

“Mother told me to come stand in front of her. She smiled… she had a beautiful smile. She still does as much as I hate to admit it.”

“Her smile made you feel safe, loved, didn’t it?” Jasper asked.

Bella swallowed thickly and nodded her head slightly on the bed.

“She asked me how I was feeling. I told her I hurt. I was burning but I didn’t want to die. She asked me why I hadn’t cried. I told her I didn’t want to. I guess that made her happy because she stood up and pulled back the covers on her bed. I slipped under the sheets and she joined me. She held me tight. I asked her why it burned so bad.”

“She told you it was for your own good, didn’t she?”

Bella let out a deep breath, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

“She told me it was medicine to make me stronger. That it hurt right now but I was going to be so strong and she was so proud of me for being brave and taking my medicine. I feel asleep in her arms. I woke the next morning and she walked me to the group lab. All the girls saw her kiss my cheek and tell me how proud she was of me for not crying, that tears were for the weak. I still hurt… I burned but not as much. I took it and when it was over, I felt proud. It was the first time I ever got to sleep in a big comfortable bed and had Mother hold me… anyone hold me really. It made the pain worth it. I began to understand. If you didn’t cry, Mother loved you.”

“Why do you think she did that? Do you think it was because she truly loved you out of all of the other girls?”

Bella wasn’t sure how to answer. “She told me she did.” she admitted quietly but the doubt was there.

“Why do you think she did that?”

“She wanted me to associate pain with love. The more I took, the stronger I became, the more I was loved by her. No one else cared about us. They called us by our numbers most of the time, but she always knew my name.”

Jasper nodded, glad that Bella realized this.

“She began turning me that day, didn’t she? I had always been an experiment, a little girl who didn’t know love until she hugged me, told me she loved me. But that day, she began grooming me to be her weapon. I wasn’t the only one. I couldn’t have been. Too many of us died to take the chance on bonding one to her. Eventually all the girls had stories, we shared stories, we talked about how good it felt to be on her big mattress, under her warm blankets.”

“That memory is your earliest for a reason. She was beginning to manipulate you, even then. Do you understand that?”

“In my mind I do. I know now that’s what she was doing. I knew it as I grew older. I just didn’t care. It was all I knew.”

“You didn’t have control of your life so you sought love wherever you could find it. You say you knew it in your mind, but tell me in your heart, do you now believe that she ever truly loved you?”

Bella sobbed and sat up, tears brimming over.

“I know she didn’t and it hurts so damn much. I just let it happen. Why did I do that? Why if I am so strong, so savage, so good at fighting, why didn’t I fight her? I know what she did to Julie and I hate her but I also hurt because none of it was real. It feels worse than vampire venom being injected into my veins. Why do I care that it wasn’t real?”

Jasper sat down on the bed beside her and pulled her close to him.

“Because she filled a void in your life. A need for a mother, something all children need. She gave that too you, bonded you to her and now you are realizing you never had it to begin with. Its okay to feel hurt by that. Its okay to feel angry and it is okay to feel sad. You still have to accept it though, in your heart. I wish I cold do it for you but I can’t. Fighting isn’t going to fix this hurt, killing her won’t fix the hurt. Only you can fix it, accept it and allow the love you have around you now to fill where that hole was. I think its time you got some rest. Esme is going to be here at 6:30 like always and is planning on introducing you to French toast. She isn’t doing it for any other reason than love. Start accepting that. Enjoy it.”

Bella nodded her head and pulled away from Jasper moving to the front of the bed and sliding under the covers.

Jasper made for the window but Bella’s voice stopped him.

“Jasper?”

“Yeah Bella?”

“I… I don’t want to be alone. Could you stay… until I fall asleep. Would you mind?”

Jasper sat down in the rocking chair.

“Of course I wouldn’t mind. That’s what family does. We are there for each other because we love each other. No other reason is needed and no pain is involved. Close your eyes and dream of something nice, Bella. I’ll be here. You are safe and you will always be loved.”