Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Reborn

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 13:

Alex slowly came to herself, noting the feel of a cool breeze blowing off the ocean, smelling the salt in the air. Smiling, she opened her eyes and took in the familiar surroundings, not surprised that Kara’s mind would take them to Midvale. She stood on the bluff outside her parents’ home trying to place the memory but not having anything to go on. Judging by the sun’s elevation, the nip in the air and the green vegetation, it was an early summer morning. Looking around, she couldn’t see Kara, but she knew she was close.

Moving towards the front porch of her childhood home, Alex was startled to hear her mother’s voice calling out from within as a young girl stomped out the front door, determination in every step. Alex watched in fascination as her younger self muttered under her breath while moving purposefully towards the path along the bluff leading to where Kara and Alex’s house now stood.

“You know, I’m not sure this is one of my memories.” Alex jumped, twisting around as Kara was suddenly standing next to her, an impish grin on her face. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.”

Alex rolled her eyes in disbelief, while reaching out to grasp her sister’s hand. “I was just trying to figure out when we were, when I saw little me… although I don’t know why you aren’t with me. We were always together.”

Kara pulled at Alex and they began walking the path behind the grumbling young Alex. “Yes, we were. That’s one reason why I don’t think this memory is mine. Another is I can make out what your little self is complaining about… the bird-watching project your mom gave you the day we met. You are not at all happy about wasting your time in the woods when you can be playing on the beach.”

Alex slowed her pace at the realization Kara was probably right, but the ramifications were troubling. “Kara, we aren’t supposed to be in my mind, we’re supposed to be in yours. How can this be happening?”

Kara matched her pace with Alex while reassuring her sister, obviously hoping to calm her, all while keeping little Alex in view. “I have a theory, but let’s test this first. To some extent, I was able to control what I was seeing in my mind when I was under with Leslie. That’s how I uncovered the repressed memory of my mother killing my father, aunt and uncle. If this is your memory, you should be able to do the same thing.”

Thinking over what her sister was saying, Alex really wasn’t troubled that Kara was sharing her mind, but she wondered how it could happen when Kelex was controlling the crystals and matching their brainwaves. Concentrating, she mentally ordered her younger self to stop, essentially freezing the scene like hitting pause on a movie. Not only did her younger self stop, every movement surrounding them ceased as well.

“Yep… your memory.” Kara said, sighing, lightly squeezing Alex’s hand. “I can tell you’re frustrated, but let’s just go with it and see what happens.”

Alex turned to Kara, worried over this unforeseen turn of events. “This doesn’t concern you? We’re supposed to be unlocking your memories, not mine. My memories aren’t locked.”

Kara’s expression relaxed, a small smile forming as she said, “Maybe they are and you don’t realize it. Or maybe this isn’t only about unlocking my memories, but about us, you and me.”

Kara’s smile grew, her eyes sparkling in the light of this remembered morning as she continued. “As to how it happened, our minds have merged. Like everything else where the two of us are concerned, we’re stronger together so our connection linked our consciousnesses. There is a reason you brought us here, why we came here first. We need to let the memory play out to discover what it is.”

Alex absorbed everything her sister believed, and it made so much sense. It both thrilled her and scared her to death. “You knew this would happen?”

Kara laughed. “No dork, but I’m not surprised really. We never did things the way we were supposed to, much to Mom and Dad’s dismay. They’re probably freaking out right now, but it can’t be helped.”

Alex chucked, agreeing with that assessment. “Well, you’re probably right about that. They’ll just have to get over it, nothing much we can do about it now.”

She looked back at her younger self, realizing something as she mentally released the memory to continue. “Kara, this memory… this memory represents the beginning, our beginning. That has to mean something, I just don’t know what.”

She continued speaking quietly as she walked by Kara’s side reflecting on the memory she now knew this to be. “One thing I do know… this day represents one of the best memories I have because it’s the day you came into my life, you and Clark.”

Kara squeezed her hand again, obviously more relaxed than Alex judging by the look of contentment on her face. Alex hoped that look remained but knew it wouldn’t when they began unlocking Kara’s suppressed memories.

The two walked side-by-side, easily keeping pace with the young girl, when she suddenly stopped, gazing intently toward the trees that opened onto the beach. Easing up behind the girl, the sisters watched a blonde child carrying a bright red bundle move toward the beach area through the trees. Alex heard Kara’s breath hitch as she realized her sister was seeing herself through Alex’s eyes.

A jolt shot through Alex as she watched her younger self begin to move unerringly toward the bedraggled waif. The pull was strong as the girl stopped moving again, starring at the blonde while the girl searched around the mouth of the cave.

As she and Kara stood beside her younger self, time seemed to slow as a warmth spread throughout her body, causing her to shudder. Her younger self stood unmoving, transfixed on the two figures below. The girl’s next words left her soul electrified as she heard herself whisper, “There you are…”

Alex was confused, she couldn’t recall this happening. She began to be overwhelmed by the emotions rolling off her younger self, when she felt Kara stiffen at her side.

“Alex…” Kara began before she started to tremble, gripping her sister’s hand tighter.

Alex watched through squinted eyes as her younger self moved towards the cave entrance the blonde had entered when the scene slowly faded out, shifting again…

The two abruptly found themselves in their parents’ kitchen, young Alex sitting in a chair, staring at nothing, playing with her cereal. The youngster’s face was blotchy and red, her eyes hollow, the sorrow palatable as it poured out of her, making Alex’s soul ache.

Kara spoke softly, still shaking slightly, but it was obvious to Alex that her younger self’s misery was distressing her sister. “You were in such pain. I can feel it… what’s happening here?”

“This is three days after you ran from me, after I told you Mom and Dad discovered I’d been hiding you two. They wouldn’t listen to me then either. I told them you would run, and you did. I was pretty messed up as you can see. I was missing you… so, so much.” Alex explained, her heart also aching in tune with her younger self.

Suddenly, the door flew open as a much younger Jeremiah came flying in, pulling little Alex from her chair. “Alex! Come here… umm, come with me! Please… Come now!”

The confusion and anger on young Alex’s face was evident, even as she tried to pull away from her Dad who was dragging her out of her chair. Jeremiah refused, gripping her around the shoulders and propelling her out the door onto the porch. The two sisters followed them out to see Eliza talking with a filthy, beaten down blonde who entire demeanor brightened significantly, tears welling up in her eyes as she zeroed in on the only person who had shown her kindness, the one person she trusted.

Young Alex bolted from the porch, running towards the young blonde and wrapped her small arms around the smaller girl and baby. Both girls were crying as the parents looked on in obvious disbelief.

Alex explained. “I think this is the point where Mom and Dad realized I wasn’t lying or pretending about how much I needed you, how important you were to me. I barely talked to them after you ran off. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, barely left my room. They were so worried about me they took those days off. This was the first day they were going back to work, and the only reason they agreed to was I ate some breakfast and told them to leave me. I didn’t want them around… their hovering was starting to really annoy me.”

Not wanting to be too judgmental, Alex continued. “I don’t know that I ever told you, but they were so apologetic, Dad was beating himself up over how he handled things, how he pushed me to go back to you that night. He was so worried about the two of you out there on your own. Mom was constantly trying to get me to cheer up, knowing nothing she was saying was going to work.”

Kara put her arm around Alex, pulling her sister in close. “No matter what I told myself after I ran, wanting to keep you and your family safe, my feet kept bringing me back to you. I remember how relieved I was when I saw you again, even though I knew how much danger I was putting your family in. I told myself I would do whatever it took to protect your family, just like I had sworn to protect Clark.”

Alex looked affectionately at her sister, seeing Kara’s eyes shining bright with the love she had for her found family. “Alex, these are your memories, I’m feeling what you are in this moment. I feel the same, I always have whether I’ve shown it or not. I just… I have this feeling that I haven’t been the best sister to you and let you down… not from what I’ve read and discovered about my life, it’s something I know deep down. Mom, Dad, even Clark, I love them more than I could ever put into words. But you are the one who was always there for me, you are the reason I came back. In this moment, at this place in time, you called me back whether you knew it or not… the same way you called out to me across the void of space and I heard you. You are so much more than my sister… you are my home.”

Alex engulfed her sister in what amounted to a bone-breaking hug in their dreamscape. “You are mine too.”

As the two stood comfortably resting in their bond, the landscape of their minds shifted yet again.

“Not this,” Kara whispered, “I don’t want to remember this.”

She was looking at her younger self by a road. She had just run towards the sound of the crash, only running as fast as humanly possible.

Kara looked inside the car then glanced to her right due the sound of electricity on pavement, the sound of gas leaking from the vehicle pouring onto the ground, a stream moving towards the downed powerline.

“Stay back, Kara.” a younger Alex said. “We don’t know what electricity can do to you.”

Alex had told her no, but young Kara was focused on the mother inside the car trying to reach her baby.

“There was a baby inside.” Kara whispered, watching her younger self along with Alex, looking towards the car.

Kara and Alex flinched, seeing and hearing the explosion, young Kara, grabbing Alex and throwing her to the ground, covering her older sister with her body, protecting her from flying metal and flames.

The older blonde watched as her younger self stared at the wreck and was shocked by the guilt she felt.

“I feel your guilt, Kara, but you have absolutely nothing to be guilty about.” Alex told her. “Look at it from my eyes, Kara… look at my memory.”

Kara did. She saw Alex watching her younger self run to the car, Alex holding her back, the fear Alex felt, not only at what she was seeing but worried for her, afraid she would try and pick up the powerline.

Then blind terror only seconds later, a brief glimpse of metal flying towards her, finding herself under Kara, her head slammed against the pavement.

“It happened too fast.” Kara whispered.

Alex nodded. “Now you understand. You couldn’t have gotten them out without killing them. The electricity would have gone right through you. It took less than five seconds from the time the gas was ignited to the explosion. To you it may have seemed like an eternity, but it was only five seconds. No one, not even you, could have saved them. Look at her, look at the girl who just saved my life. Feel the guilt she is feeling.”

“Of course, I feel the guilt. I feel everything.” Kara whispered.

“But do you think that little girl deserves this?” Alex asked. “Do you really think there was anything you could have done? Look at her, Kara, she doesn’t deserve this guilt. Tell her what she could have done. Tell her she was wrong. What would you have done? Was she really that fast? Did she really have enough control to open that door and remove two humans who were strapped inside without killing them anyway? Should she have touched the powerline, not knowing what it would do? Could she have really stopped this? Less than five seconds, Kara.”

Alex put her hand on Kara’s cheek, gently turning her head towards her to ensure she had Kara’s attention. “All I remember is worry and then fear, but I felt safe when you covered me. But the guilt? Is that something she should have to feel? Look at her. Look at her broken face. Go to her, tell her it’s all her fault. Tell her she was a god and had control over everything. Tell her she let that woman and child die.”

The scene changed, the view shifting to a graveyard, the little blonde girl sitting on a stone bench watching a funeral at the bottom of the hill.

Kara moved towards the blonde child and had a seat next to her, putting her arm around the small shoulders.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Kara whispered to the child who had tears shimmering in her bright blue eyes.

“I could have stopped it. Death follows me everywhere and I do nothing.” The young girl told her.

Kara shook her head. “We aren’t gods, there was no way we had enough control, or even speed to stop this from happening. It wasn’t your fault.”

“We have great power. Mother told us that.” The girl continued to stare at the coffins as tears fell unchecked down her cheeks.

“Our power doesn’t matter. We are still subject to the laws of physics. There’s nothing you could have done. It happened too quickly. You must let it go. You can’t forgive yourself, because there is nothing to forgive. You did the one thing you could that was in your control… you saved Alex. And one day… one day you are going to save a lot of people, but some… some can’t be saved. I know it hurts, I can feel the pain inside you, but you must let it go. It’s not your fault, it never was.”

The girl looked once more at the funeral below, watching the tears of the loved ones, the woman’s husband, the baby’s father.

“Why did you come here?” Kara asked her younger self.

“If I stay, maybe Dad… Jeremiah or Eliza will come with Alex. Maybe they will come take me home. I don’t want them to send me away. I’m sure they think I could have stopped this. I failed. Maybe they don’t want me anymore.”

“Look.” Kara pointed to Jeremiah walking towards the bench.

“He loves you. They all do. Alex is sick with worry at home, thinking you have run. I can feel her. So can you, right? They know there was nothing you could do. This isn’t on you. We let this moment define us… but no more, you need to move on, we both do. Kara, you have to let it go.”

“How?” her younger self asked.

Kara was not sure. She obviously hadn’t let it go her entire life. “What happened was meant to be. They are together, at peace. You didn’t kill them, Kara. No one did. Everyone dies… even us. You did nothing wrong. You have to let it go.”

Kara stepped back and watched the small girl being lifted in Jeremiah’s arms and wavered a bit at the feeling. She felt safe, loved, wanted.

“We have always wanted you. Did you really think I wouldn’t want you?” Alex asked her, tears glistening in her eyes.

Kara shook her head. “I was… I felt like I let down another father, let down my mother. I never wanted to be around death, but I couldn’t stop it. I see now though… it really wasn’t my fault.”

“You saved me, though.” Alex told her. “If you had never come into my life, I would have still been on that beach, trying to impress people who didn’t matter, looking to belong somewhere to fill that place in my heart that only you could. I would have died. That car door was coming straight for my head. Instead, it hit your back. You saved me.”

“I guess I did.” Kara admitted. “It wasn’t my fault at all, was it?”

Alex smiled brightly, knowing much of a breakthrough it was for Kara to truly admit that. “No… and I’m so happy that you finally see it.”

Still smiling, she noticed they were no longer in the graveyard. “Huh. Wonder where our minds will take us next.”

In answer to that question, the sisters found themselves in the Hangar in Raleigh. They arrived at the point where a furious young Kara was standing over and screaming at a sprawling J’onn, little Alex running towards her, reaching out and calming her down.

As their younger selves made their way to the Hanger door, Alex remarked, “You were so angry with him. You wanted him to train you to fight, but he wasn’t going to because he was afraid you’d go after Non and Astra. Two days later, it became very real to me and you just how badly we needed to learn.”

Kara sighed, still shaken somewhat by reliving the car crash. “So, what happened? He obviously changed his mind.”

“No, he didn’t.” Alex said, inwardly sighing as she recalled the memory she knew they needed to face next. “But what happened gave us the ammunition to convince the guys to train us on the down low… although now that I think about it, we blackmailed Connolly using your insane ability to cry on command. Then Jess somehow convinced Mom and Dad to let us learn to fight so at least we didn’t have to lie to them… well, mostly. Anyway, J’onn wasn’t told even though he admitted to Dad years later he knew they were doing it.”

She looked around the now empty cavernous room, her focus settling on the Hanger door. “I’ll show you, but first… are you okay? Do we need to slow down, maybe play through a happy memory? Or something?”

“I’m ok.” Kara said, her voice stronger now, reaching for her sister’s hand. “Let’s do this.”

Holding on to each other, they stepped through the door to find themselves alongside the tree line in their parents’ backyard. They watched closely as their younger selves walked up the path towards the house from the beach. The sun had set a few minutes ago and dusk was quickly turning into night.

“This is the moment it all became real, the danger, the need to hide, to learn to fight.” Alex told her sister as the youngsters abruptly stopped, younger Kara rigid, tension almost visibly rolling off her. Movement in the trees rooted the older Danvers in place as they watched the scene unfold.

Young Kara was screaming at Alex to run, Alex refusing when the two were surrounded by Henshaw’s men. Intense anger and fear hit the two spectators… young Alex was shaking in fury while her sister, fidgeted, resigned at their predicament. Seeing Henshaw walk out of their house, the swagger in his steps made Alex angry all over again.

Kara whispered, even though there was no need. “This really happened, Alex? My worst nightmare? This… my fears of someone coming to take you all away from me, or using you to get to me, maybe even killing you… this happened? Why am I just standing there…? I don’t understand. All I feel is right now is anger, but I don’t really look angry, just upset.”

“That’s because this isn’t your memory, it’s mine. That’s my anger you’re feeling right now… you were resigned to the fact something like this was bound to happen, so you were trying to figure out how to get them to only take you while leaving the rest of us alone. You were afraid for us, not yourself. Place yourself for a moment in your memory.” Alex told her, knowing by the extreme look of guilt Kara had done so. “I don’t want you to feel guilty, that was something no one could ever convince you of, that none of this was your fault. I want you to come back into my memory and see this unfold from my perspective.”

Alex placed her hand on Kara’s arm to help her settle. When she felt her sister relax slightly, Alex said, “Keep watching. It’s about to get brutal.”

As the two watched Henshaw roughly cuffing young Kara’s wrists behind her, the anger transformed into fear, but under the fear burned a deep, all-consuming rage. From the pained look on her sister’s face, she knew Kara was feeling everything little Alex was. Alex focused back on the scene, recalling this as the moment she lost her innocence, facing true horrors as the reality of her life irrevocably changed forever.

They heard Henshaw telling Kara she was going to tell him everything, that she was now his… right before the agent standing nearest him suffered extreme blood loss from the hole in his torso spurting all over Henshaw’s face and clothes. Screams were heard coming from the house as two more agents lost their heads. Little Alex exploded into action, trying to pull little Kara away, her rage falling away to be subsumed by panic and absolute fear.

Their older selves saw Connolly race around the edge of the house dropping the remaining three agents while Hawk cut down the three who emerged from the woods behind Connolly leaving only Henshaw alive. Both girls had the blood of the massacred agents splattered all over them. Alex felt the fear emanating from her younger self, fear for herself, but mostly fear for her sister. The same sister who snapped the cuffs, seeing Henshaw trying to pull his gun before she slammed into him hard enough to break his ribs, almost propelling him over the cliff to the rocks below.

Little Alex’s terror and panic increased greatly when she was grabbed around the waist by Hawk and physically hauled away from her sister. Her anger was returning as she fought the soldier’s grip, flailing, kicking and screaming, her efforts succeeding when Hawk lost his hold on her. She swiftly ran back to the cliff where her sister had unleashed her heat vision on Henshaw’s arm, leaving nothing but a stump and molten metal. Little Kara’s face was a mask of rage induced hatred, eyes glowing brightly as she prepared to incinerate what remained of the doomed DEO director.

“Look at me!” Older Kara muttered obviously distressed, voice breaking. “How are you not afraid of me? I could have killed you, but there you are, right behind me, talking me down, pulling me back… “

Alex squeezed her sister’s hand, bringing her back into their bubble, even as the horror before them played out. “I have never been afraid of you… but I’ve been absolutely terrified for you. More than I would ever admit to you or anyone. You weren’t the only one to keep secrets, Kara. But now you know.”

Looking back to the scene, Alex said, “Focus on little me, what I’m feeling… you’ll know.”

Though apprehensive, Kara did as Alex asked. She focused her attention on her sister’s younger self. She felt how scared little Alex was, not of Kara, but of what Henshaw and his goons had put her family through, what they had pushed Kara to do. She felt the panic in her sister’s entire being, fearing Kara would kill Henshaw, fearing she would run in the belief that her new family would see her as a monster.

What Kara found in abundance in little Alex though, beneath the terror at what they had witnessed, was an unwavering belief in Kara and what they could accomplish together. Alex’s belief in her was mind blowing, her sister’s love for her all-consuming. There was no rational explanation, but their connection pulled her back to herself and kept her from killing Henshaw. Kara was stunned.

“From the time I first met you, we were a team, us against the world. This was the first time I truly realized how much I had to lose… the dangers we were in became vividly real to me… not some abstract notion, but life or death.” Alex hesitated a moment before she continued. “This was the point that the rage that lives in me, that has become a constant companion, was born. It was fueled by those who wanted to take you from me… Henshaw, Lex and Lillian Luthor, Non, Astra, Sam Lane, Waller, Lord… all of them.”

Kara shook her head, still not quite able to accept her sister’s unconditional faith in her. “But I wanted Henshaw dead, I wanted him to feel pain, but mostly I wanted to kill him myself. I didn’t because I couldn’t stand the thought of seeing fear in your eyes… fear in your parents’ eyes. Fear of me. You brought me back to myself, Alex, I see that now… but how could you not be afraid of me and afraid of the horror I brought to your life?”

Alex reached out to grip Kara’s shoulders, needing her sister to not only hear, but understand her words once and for all. “The massacre of those men, the blood, the screaming, the death… believe me when I say that stuff really didn’t bother me. They deserved to die. Just remember, I would’ve happily been giving kittens heart transplants if Mom and Dad would’ve let me.”

Seeking she had Kara’s full attention, Alex continued. “Just accept that none of those things frightened me. To this day, my biggest fear, the one that keeps me up at night, the one I could truly never overcome… the one that literally destroyed me, is losing you. Kara, you are not a monster. You are a beautiful, loving person and you’ve always had the biggest heart towards helping those who needed a hero.”

“Thanks, Alex. I’m sorry I left you… I never wanted to cause you pain.” Kara said, pulling Alex in for another hug. Given the subjects they were unlocking in their mind palace, Kara could see many more hugs before they reached the end.

The blonde stepped back, seeing they were now standing alone on the bluff. She was about to ask Alex what she thought they should do next when she felt a chill move down her spine, causing her to shiver. Suddenly, both girls were screaming in agony as they experienced a burning, severe pain. Kara looked down in shock at her forearm and the back of her hand which were turning red and blistering, Alex showing similar burns on hers.

“What happened? What caused this?” Kara asked. Her sister was unable to speak, anguish clear on her face.

The vision shifted again, their merged consciousness sending them into a welcomed state of oblivion, free from the intense pain and smell of burning flesh.