Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Seeing Red

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 15: Old Secrets and Decisions

18 Months ago

Dante had been through hell the past two months. At times, moments seemed too fast to understand what was happening. At others, more recently, days drifted by as if they would never end.

It started with a night shift.

He and Ty were scheduled to be agents in charge that evening, in the field at least. It seemed J’onn never left and not for the first time he wondered if the Martian actually could sleep. Trying to get some sleep himself, he managed to drift off about nine thirty AM.

At 9:45 AM he received an emergency call, the tone reserved for DEO imminent attacks, meaning he had to answer. This tone was only used in the worst case scenarios. Connolly told him that Eliza was in Kara’s apartment, screaming, frantic and needing help. He couldn’t understand exactly what she was saying but it was obviously bad. The man was on his way but Dante needed to move now.

He had bypassed the elevator, taking the stairs to the floor above. The door was unlocked but he didn’t realize this and kicked it in regardless.

Connolly had not been lying. Eliza was screaming, wailing even. She sounded as if she were dying.

Rushing to the bathroom, gun in hand, it took all of his years of training not to begin screaming as well.

Kara lay on the floor on her back in the slightly darkened room, a puddle of blood under her and on the sides of her body, Eliza covered in blood and pressing bright red drenched towels to Kara’s wrists. Dante forced himself to stay calm, assessing the scene like he would any battlefield, looking for a potential enemy who could have done this.

In his assessment, he noted that the light that was present in the room was from the bedroom. There was shattered glass on the bathroom floor.

That the broken glass had been a red sun bulb became clear immediately. There was no enemy. Kara had done this to herself.

“Keep pressure on her. I’m going to carry her to the window. She needs as much sunlight as possible.”

The man scooped her up, a shaking Eliza following while trying to hold blood soaked towels on Kara’s wrists.

A DEO medical transport arrived, Connolly and two medics assisting and took her to the DEO quickly, Eliza still not calm in the back, Dante trying to comfort her and clean the blood off her face with his own bloody hands.

When they arrived, Hamilton told the family that her blood pressure was so low it was a miracle she was alive. Kara was given blood transfusions of her own stored blood kept in a hidden safe in Jeremiah’s lab. She was placed in a solar bed, turned to its highest setting, a breathing tube put in place and that was it.

Nothing else could be done. It was up to whatever higher power existed to decide if Kara Danvers would follow her people into Rao’s light or stay with her family.

The fast paced fury of the last hour gave way to time grinding to a halt, nothing to do but wait until Kara decided whether she would live or die.

They all figured out that Kara had lied about the apartment fire the night before the suicide attempt. Having a close up view of a repeat of what she considered the biggest failure of her life pushed her over the edge.

Kara woke up after seven days, the breathing tube having been pulled out two days before when it was decided she would pull through.

The girl didn’t speak for two weeks, practically catatonic. Eventually she spoke to Alex, then Jessica. She had been too ashamed to speak to her parents… or him.

Once she had finally been released from her parents house, determined to be no longer suicidal according to Ryan, he had hoped to speak to her. The man approached her apartment, the door opening, giving him hope that Alex may be leaving and he could speak to Kara alone. Instead he ran into Dick Grayson walking out. The door closed behind him and the two men stared at each other in the hall.

“So… Dante… how are you doing?”

Dante stood rigid, wishing he had a knife in his hand.

“We can talk, you know? She has a red bracelet on. Or at least she had one. I doubt she can hear us if you have something you need to say.”

The man shook his head and found his center, calming himself before he completely lost it.

“She is not supposed to have any red sunlight devices on her.” he settled for.

Grayson shrugged his shoulders, not seeing the big deal. If she was still suicidal she never would have been released from the house arrest Jeremiah and Eliza placed her in.

“You know Kara. She tends to find a way to get what she wants.”

The former Seal stepped very close to the vigilante. “She hasn’t been home a week and you are already here? Couldn’t wait another day, huh? She tried to kill herself two months ago and I guess you think you are what she needs now. Or is it that she is finally available to give you what you need?”

Dick Grayson moved to step around the man but Dante placed a hand on his chest, stopping him.

“Stay the hell away from her or I will kill you. Your daddy in a bat costume won’t be able to save you.”

Grayson shoved the hand off of him.

“Maybe you should mind your own damn business. You may have been with her since she was 13 but I think I know her better than you now. I know things about her you will never know. Why don’t you think about staying away from her? You have supposedly been her guide since she was a young girl and she still tried to kill herself. Good job.”

Dick Grayson left, leaving Dante shaking in anger, fists clenched and seriously considering shooting the man in the head from his apartment window as he drove off.

Instead he left from Kara’s door and made the trip to the beach. Instead of seeing Connolly he walked next door into the Danvers residence. Looking back, it may not have been the best or even a good choice but it was either involve Jeremiah or kill Dick Grayson and the man had no idea what Kara’s response would be to that.

So it was, two nights later, coming in from work, he found his door unlocked. Pulling his firearm, he quietly opened the door and slipped inside.

He dropped his gun when he saw Kara with her back to him, staring out the window at the city, a glowing red crystal bracelet on her left wrist and a drink in her right hand.

Dante also noted that she had a very short, nearly see through white negligee on. The girl turned towards him and he could tell she was drunk by her eyes.

“I was wondering when you would make it home, dear.” Kara told him quietly, smiling a bit.

Every warning bell was going off in his mind. He remembered when Kara was 17, telling him that she loved him, wanting to get married, be bonded, trying to explain that they were the only ones who could understand each other.

“Kara… you aren’t supposed to have any red sunlight crystals,”

The blonde shrugged her shoulders and stepped towards him unsteadily.

“Yeah, here is the thing. You guys told me when I landed that I could be anything I wanted to be, do what I wanted to do. So this is me doing what I want to do. Or did you all mean I could do what you wanted me to do?”

“You’re drunk.” he told her, avoiding that question and the argument that would come from it.

The blonde simply shrugged her shoulders, took a drink and sat the glass on the end table.

“Don’t worry, its just good old fashioned human bourbon. I take my bracelet off and I am as steady as a rock. The thing is, I don’t want to be steady right now. You can come closer. I promise the smell of alien alcohol won’t kill you.”

Dante stepped around her and moved to the bathroom, coming out quickly with a large cotton robe, tossing it to her.

“Maybe you haven’t noticed in your inebriated state, but you forgot to put clothes on. Put on the robe, take off that damn bracelet before I take it off and tell me what the hell is going on with you.”

Kara laughed softly and threw the robe on the couch.

“If you are going to take something off, the bracelet shouldn’t be the first thing. You are going to want it on for what I have…”

“Kara! What the hell has gotten into you?”

Dante kept his distance, standing on one side of the room, the couch between them.

The blonde shrugged her shoulders and moved around the couch slowly. He wasn’t going to run from her in his own place and Kara took that as an invitation to enter his personal space.

She placed a finger on his chest, shakily running it down.

“You had a talk with my Daddy. A talk about Dick Grayson? He was very nice about it, because he is afraid I will try and off myself again but the point is, Daddy doesn’t want me around Nightwing anymore. Seems to think he is taking advantage of me. Thats what you told Daddy, right?”

The man looked at the floor before meeting Kara’s eyes. He suspected she would be angry. What he saw wasn’t anger though.

“He is using you.”

“I’m using him. He is a toy I like. I never got any toys when I was on Krypton and I am having fun with this one. So I can’t get laid unless he meets your approval, is that it? Or are you jealous? All you had to do was say the word. Its all you ever had to do.”

Dante stepped around her again, walking across the room, a couch in between them again. Kara was obviously drunk, drunker than he had thought and it was not a good time for this conversation. Somehow he needed to figure out how to get a robe on her and back to her apartment. Perhaps taking the bracelet off of her might do the trick. Of course he could be faced with a furious, fully powered Kryptonian instead of a depowered intoxicated girl.

“You are too special to have meaningless… with some pretty boy Batman wannabe. Why can’t you try to find someone you love? You are disrespecting yourself by doing what you are doing. You deserve better.”

“Why the hell do you get to decide what I deserve? I told you I loved you and you told me no! You want me to be with someone I love? Fine Dante! Stop playing games and be with me! Don’t run to my Dad just because you are jealous of what you didn’t have the guts to take for yourself!”

“Kara, I don’t love you like that. We have had this conversation before.”

“Then don’t expect me to be with someone I love. You can take me now, or leave me the hell alone. Unless you want to claim me I will go to the street and grab the first guy I see and it is none of your business!”

Kara walked to the end table and finished her drink, then moved past Dante to the kitchen, grabbing the half empty bottle of bourbon from the bar and taking a drink straight from it.

“You are the only one I love. I’m not capable of loving anyone else. What is it going to be, Dante? Do you want me or not?”

The man was at a loss. In the past, the last time they had this discussion he had been caught completely off guard. He had always seen her as a little sister, the girl he watched grow into a young woman and a warrior. He had not been prepared for her declaration but they had handled it later on. He thought they had come to an understanding. That was apparently not the case.

“I am not the only one you have ever loved, Kara. Where is the necklace you always have on?” he asked, referring to the golden lightning bolt she always wore around her neck.

The girl took another drink and shook her head.

“I always take it off before I… I can respect him that much at least.”

“You could love him. You could have Barry Allen in your life and you could love him. He has to know you are… Supergirl. He has never said a word. You could have him in your life…”

“So he can be killed?! He has beautiful eyes and great hair and the last I checked he wasn’t exactly equipped to take on aliens and hit men who might go after him to get to me. He isn’t Alex and he isn’t you! He is innocent! He doesn’t deserve to be brought into the hell that is this life! Its you or no one. If you can’t do it then, leave me the hell alone and stop bringing my Dad into this every time I want to use Dick Grayson! What is it going to be? I’m here. Do you not think I am beautiful enough? Is it because I’m an alien or not some old girlfriend who told you to get lost? I’m not that kid in a cave anymore, Dante! Right now, yes or no? Are we doing this?”

“No we are not!” the man shouted, unable to keep his cool any longer. “I will always be by your side but I will not be some tool for you to hurt yourself more! That is not what we are and just because you think you need me in that way does not mean you are going to get what you want.”

Kara threw the bottle at him. He ducked just in time, letting it strike the wall and shatter.

Then she ripped off her bracelet and threw it to the floor. From her eyes it was apparent that she was no longer intoxicated.

“Great.” the girl mumbled, grabbing the robe form the couch and putting it on. She moved quickly in front of Dante, inches from him.

“I took that bracelet off so there would be no mistaking this or blaming the alcohol. I want you gone. Gone from this apartment building, gone from my life. I am sick of you. You don’t love me? Fine, then stay the hell away from me. Don’t see my parents to complain about how I live my life, don’t ask Alex behind my back how I am doing, just go. I never want to see your face again. If you are at the DEO I will stay away.”

The man was shocked at the conviction in her voice. They had arguments before but she had never sounded like this.

“Kara…”

“Leave Dante. Get out of my life. What I do, who I do is not your business. You had your chance, again! Believe me, I get it this time. Stay the hell out of my life and I will stay out of yours.”

“You don’t mean that.”

But from her eyes, it was clear to him. She did mean it.

“Get out of this building, get out of National City and never try to contact me again.”

Kara walked out of his life for all intents and purposes, slamming the door behind her.

The man sat on his couch, head in his hands, wondering why that had happened. It was obvious of course. He told Jeremiah to talk to Kara, get her to stay away from Dick Grayson. The boy was a tool she used and that brat gladly allowed it. He knew she wouldn’t be happy about him interfering but he didn’t think she would have this reaction.

Dante honestly had no idea what to do at this point. He had no doubt the girl was flying to her favorite bar right now and it wouldn’t be regular bourbon she was partaking in. She may not have been deemed suicidal any longer but Dante worried, had worried for a while about the increase in her drinking. Perhaps it was his imagination. He hoped that she was on her way to the Fortress for some… solitude he supposed.

The man turned out the lights and sat in the dark, trying to sort his thoughts. Had she meant what she said? In the past, he would have said no, but he also never would have guessed she would cut her own wrists.

Could being in her life be beneficial or would this always be between them, hurting her?

By the time the sun had risen, he had come to his decision. He would heed her wishes. Being here would only hurt her more.

By three that afternoon, Dante arranged for his bags to be picked up and walked out of Kara Danvers life.

Present Day, The Block

Kara sat on her bed in her new room curled into Jeremiah, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. It was one of her happy places. She really didn’t give a damn if she had daddy issues.

“Why are we watching this series? It always depresses you. You trying to give the antidepressants a test drive?” her father asked, three episodes into the animated Clone Wars series.

“They do depress me, sort of. Knowing how it turns out, Anakin and Padme and… but I love Snips.”

Jeremiah chuckled. “Too bad she died in Rebels.”

Kara clenched her jaw and squinted her eyes playfully towards the man.

“There is no evidence she died in that temple. Vader survived so she could have as well. She is assumed alive until I see an animated body. There will be no further discussion about that.”

The man shook his head but didn’t argue, just happy that she was happy. Last night had been slightly terrifying. He admitted to Eliza that his first thought had been Kara losing her temper and rampaging, or worse, a repeat of withdrawals. As bad as it was to think, the man was relieved it was a hallucination she had no control over. He was also relieved that she remembered the event in the morning and admitted what she saw instead of keeping it to herself. Her vision of Astra encouraging her to kill herself had the doctors reevaluating the antipsychotic even more closely.

Despite that, Kara seemed to be in a good mood this morning. She wouldn’t be medicated today because Veritas and Snow needed samples of her blood, but he hoped by tonight she would be able to have a sedative and anti depressant. The antipsychotics were on hold.

“You hungry?” he asked, hoping she was. She really needed to eat more, especially with all these meds going through her.

“I will eat after my suntanning session. How much longer am I going to have to do that? Believe it or not, lying under a big sunlamp for hours, doing nothing, can be incredibly boring.”

Jeremiah kissed the top of her head.

“I think they are going to do another scan today. As soon as the damage to your liver is completely gone and you decide to lay still for couple days with an EKG so we can check your heart then you will be done. The last scan of your liver looked good.”

Kara took a deep breath and tried to focus on the television, not wanting to think about what she had done to herself and worse, the effect it had on her loved ones.

“I haven’t seen Bruce in a couple days. He has been spending a lot of time in the basement. You two are playing nice, right?”

Jeremiah scowled lightly but let it go. He knew Bruce Wayne and his two daughters were close and came to peace with it long ago. The important thing was Wayne cared about them, as evidenced by this facility. He also could no longer disapprove of Bruce’s methods without being a hypocrite. He always defended Kara’s choices in dealing with enemies and Alex was known to cause the occasional alien fatality. The man recognized he could not have a problem with Wayne’s tactics and defend Kara beating aliens to death. The recent knowledge that his daughter was a member of the League of Assassins and had killed the former head and was now best friends with the current head, made it difficult to look down on Batman losing his cool and branding people who really upset him.

Compared to Lobo, Batman was a saint.

“Yeah, we have been playing nice. He has… I don’t have a problem with him, Kara. Not anymore, probably not in a while. The man has done a lot for all of us. I’m sure he is just busy keeping an eye on the world. He refuses to leave and since this is his place, we can’t exactly kick him out.”

Kara saw an opening and took it.

“Anything interesting going on in the world?” she asked, trying to sound only casually interested.

Jeremiah nearly answered then paused, looking at his innocent daughter who was staring at the Clone Wars.

“Nice try. You aren’t supposed to ask about that stuff. If there is a problem other people can take care of it.”

“Does that mean there is a problem?”

Jeremiah ruffled the girl’s hair.

“Kara, don’t. Focus on you. The world can take care of itself.”

Kara realized her attempt was not getting her what she wanted. Instead she tried the honest approach.

“Is Barry okay? I thought maybe… maybe he would be back to see me. He talked about bringing this TV show for me to watch. Please tell me he isn’t fighting some meta he can’t handle.”

The man took a deep breath, understanding her worry. The last thing he needed was her worried.

“Kara, I haven’t heard anything. I assume he is fine and have no doubt if something was going on, Batman would be on his way. He knows Barry is your… friend and you care about him a lot. I am sure Barry knows you are going through different medications and doesn’t want to just show up. I’m not even sure if he has a number to call, now that I think about it. I believe Alex has been using Kelex to keep him updated.”

Kara silently agreed. It had been a rough few days and Barry did have his own life. He couldn’t just run to Kentucky whenever she wanted.

Streaky jumped on the bed and curled into her lap, amusing Jeremiah.

“Do you have any idea how much these hospital employees hate a cat having free run of the place?”

Getting no answer and sensing Kara’s good mood slipping he acted quickly.

“Why don’t I see about getting a secure phone for both of you? That way you can talk whenever you want and not have to worry about going through Kelex? I’m sure Bruce has something that will work even underground.”

“Really?” the girl asked excitedly.

“Yeah, really. Just promise me…”

“I won’t ask about anything superhero related, I swear… I guess that really doesn’t mean much, does it?”

He wrapped both arms around her.

“Kara, you are here, you are trying, you re going to beat this. I believe in you.”

Kara recognized that wasn’t exactly a vote of confidence.

“But you wouldn’t believe me. Do you think you will ever trust me again?”

Jeremiah thought about if for a moment. Relaxing moments could turn into traps quickly when Kara was involved.

“Let me put it this way. Right now, this early, I am keeping a very close eye on you. If you tell me you aren’t hurting yourself, I am going to check. For a while, I will be watching you closely to make sure you aren’t drinking or… taking drugs. If you are sad I am going to watch you closely and I will be very nervous about there being any sharp objects around. But in regards to everything else, I do trust you. If you tell me you won’t ask Barry about aliens or metahumans I believe you. Eventually we will all trust you again. Your mother may take the longest, she will hover, she will be watching you closely. She loves you so much and she almost…”

“It was bad, wasn’t it?” Kara interrupted. “When she found me, it was bad. She never told me details but I know it must have been bad.”

“It was her worst nightmare. She was more frightened than when you and Alex entered an alien spaceship and fought alien mercenaries. It was worse than when Astra broke into our house and threatened to kill Clark. I know she can seem a bit more…”

“She would wrap me in cushions and keep me in a cell if she could.” Kara grumbled. She loved Eliza’s protectiveness at times but after her suicide attempt, her mother became nearly obsessed with Kara’s behavior. The blonde knew about the times Eliza sneaked over during the work day after Alex moved out and searched everywhere in the apartment, looking for blades, red sunlight devices and alcohol. Kara had figured out her patterns and hid her contraband effectively though.

“Can you blame her?”

“I guess not…”

Kara stopped talking, hearing a person above ground, walking towards the cabin. Alex was on ground level now. She was telling somebody that Kara had her powers and could likely hear everything.

Wanting to know who had come to see her, she looked up through the layers. Hoping it was Barry or Nyssa, she was shocked to see Dante above. He was whispering to Alex, nothing she could make out. She saw her sister hug the man and he began to walk away.

“Dad, would you please grab a com and tell Alex to… ask him if he wants to come down… no, I will go up.”

Jeremiah was surprised. He suspected whoever him was, would be Barry Allen but there was a definite lack of excitement in her voice. Standing up to do as she requested, Kara stood also, going into her closet and changing into a pair of old jeans, slippers and a t shirt. Dante had seen her in worse.

Ten minutes later, the elevator in the cabin opened and Kara stepped out. Alex asked her if she wanted her to stay up top but Kara shook her head. She had to do this on her own and Alex understood. No one knew what happened that night, the night she told Dante to disappear. Alex didn’t even know but she knew it was something bad for Dante to leave Kara.

Kara walked out of the cabin, enjoying for a second the feel of actual sunshine instead of the artificial light she felt all the time. Her brief joy was broken when she saw a face she was sure she would never see again.

Kara had thought often how she would feel if she ever saw him again. Relief, anger, joy, it could be any of those.

Instead she felt shame, a deep shame.

“Hi.” she started, not sure what else to say.

Hey. You look like you’ve been dragged through hell.”

Dante always was blunt with her.

“I haven’t had my coffee this morning. Kind of had a psychotic episode last night, destroyed a wall, took out a nurse and needed my baby cousin to hold me down.”

Dante nodded his head. ‘So a typical Friday night?”

Kara couldn’t help but grin, despite the embarrassment she was feeling.

“So…” she started, not sure where she was going with this.

“Yeah. I know you didn’t want to see me ever again. I thought maybe you were under red light and wouldn’t know I was here. I just wanted to talk to Alex, to make sure you were doing okay. I thought if I came in person… it would make me feel better. Stupid I guess, but I like to think I can pick up your moods.”

Kara walked to the edge of the small clearing and sat on the ground. Dante joined her.

“How did you know where I was?”

“You think I don’t keep tabs on you? Besides, Bruce told me. He didn’t want me hunting him down I suppose, or Grayson. Grayson doesn’t know anything by the way.”

Kara was confused. Dante and Bruce had never been exactly friends or enemies. They hardly knew or spoke to each other. When Kara worked with Batman, the DEO was never involved and vice versa.

“You talked to Bruce?”

“Of course. I do work for him. He pays a lot better than the DEO.”

To say she was surprised would be an understatement. She had always assumed Dante had gone back to Arizona when he left, try to win back his long lost ex girlfriend he had not seen in years. Apparently Bruce had his own secrets he kept from Kara.

“What do you do for Bruce?”

“I handle Metropolis. You have back up in National City and he helps you out in Gotham when you go there. But when you are in Metropolis with Alex on the other side of the country, he wanted you to have immediate back up. So mostly I train, sometimes I follow Lex Luthor’s investigators, keep my ear to the ground around alien bars, running alien spies in and out to make sure no uprising against you is being planned. That sort of thing.”

Kara didn’t say anything for a moment, trying to digest that.

“After everything I said to you, everything I did, you were still watching out for me?”

“Always.” the man said.

Kara did not know how to respond to that so she sat in silence until she could no longer hold back the tears.

The girl began sobbing, her head in her hands, not even noticing Dante putting his arm around her and holding her tight.

“Its okay.” he whispered.

“No its not.” she told him, trying to catch her breath. “I am so sorry. I acted like a… how can you forgive me? You can’t,”

“I forgave you the moment you left. I have told you before, I will always be there, in the open or in the shadows. I don’t break my promises, Kara. I thought it would hurt you more if I stayed in the open. I kept an eye on National City from Coast City and moved to Metropolis when Bruce found me and made an offer. I’m not going anywhere. I never have.”

Kara wrapped her arms around the man and held him as tightly as was safe. Dante didn’t grunt though he wanted to. It was worth it. He had missed her. The man remembered the times she had held him like this before. Her bright blue eyes and smile, the first time she was able to heat a pizza with her vision without burning it. It was the worst tasting pizza he had ever eaten but the look of joy on the young girl’s face made it worth it. Seeing her and Alex in their prom dresses escorting each other of course, the first time she had made a sharp turn in the air without ramming and destroying a tree. Kara spent much of her life sad but he would always hold onto the joy and her extremely tight hugs were worth the temporary discomfort.

This was more a hug of desperation, her tears flowing once again and back shaking with sobs. He hoped and prayed that being here may be the turning point her, a path to possible lasting happiness.

It took her minutes to calm down and her face was as red as her cape but that was fine. She was smiling.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Kara. So… I see you still have your lightning bolt around your neck. A little bat told me Barry Allen is the Flash. Crazy world we live in. You two have seen each other?”

Kara nodded her head. “A few times before I got… taken to rehab. I told him everything about me. I was drunk… of course, and kind of laid it all out. I… don’t know. He still came to see me, called me, even brought Clark here.”

“Of course he did. The boy loved you from the moment he laid eyes on you. He kept the biggest secret in the world, your identity. He could have made a fortune off that information but the thought never crossed his mind. Fate is giving you a chance to do something you should have done a long time ago. No more excuses about him not being able to take care of himself. You can have it all, Kara. Don’t screw it up, okay?”

Kara smiled, thinking about Barry and wondering if she really could have it all.

“Screwing up is kind of my specialty.”

“I don’t think the thousands of people you have helped would agree. Nobody is perfect. None of us. But being happy, really happy? You can have that. You didn’t think you would ever control your heat vision, you didn’t think you would ever be able to fly in anything other than a straight line. You didn’t think you could stop Myriad. You have always been capable of more than you gave yourself credit before.”

“Yeah, maybe. Dante… I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I… have some physical damage. Its getting better but… I wasn’t just drinking. I was doing… other stuff. This stuff called… it gave me an edge when I was drunk and fighting. I…”

“Just say it, Kara.”

“I was snorting it. I was also cutting myself, I mean, again. I uh… I kept letting Grayson in whenever he showed up. I should have told him to stop coming over but I never did. I mean I did but I would always let him back in. I used him. Every time I did I felt like trash, but I kept doing it. It was like I couldn’t stop.”

Dante nodded his head, looking up at the sky, his fears confirmed.

“Kara, I realize for someone who can fly this is hard to believe, but sometimes people fall. They may fall slowly or they might fall hard and fast but it happens. You were lucky that you had a parachute to slow the fall, your kept you from dying when you hit the ground. But even parachutes can only do so much. Eventually a person is going to land and land hard. Its going to hurt and you will wonder how in the hell a few minutes ago, you were so free, nothing but the wind, open space,the thrill of the act, but then reality sets back in. Your feet are on the ground now and you have to decide if you are going to keep fighting or curl up into a ball and hide. You jumped and landed in a war zone. I’ve done it myself more than a few times. The important thing is whether you are going to keep fighting. Are you?”

“I want to. I don’t know if I will be the same after this.I don’t know if I can keep being… her.”

“Thats not the fighting I am talking about. Those are battles you fight and as intense as battles are, they always have to end. The war I am talking about is for your soul. Not for the human race, not for this planet but for you. You are going to have to prioritize what is more important to you. Is losing your soul, yourself, those around you watching you crumble, worth trying to save the world? All our battles have to end at some point, even yours, Kara. But it doesn’t have to end in death.”

Kara looked at him closely, realizing how much she had missed him. She drove him away, cut off another lifeline that was trying to keep her from drowning. Dante taught her more than how to fight. He made her think, about wars, about good and evil and about deciding for yourself, how far you were willing to go.

He was her best friend. She had a friend in the past, Lena Luthor before J’onn wiped her memory at Kara’s request. But Dante was the one person outside her family that knew her better than she knew herself.

“I’m jut not sure I have it in me anymore. I don’t know if I have had it in me for a while.” she finally admitted. “I don’t want to cause my family anymore pain. I really don’t.”

Dante stood up and offered her a hand to help her up, knowing full well she didn’t need one, but doing it anyway.

“Then I guess you have your answer. You bring love to your family. You bring a role model to Clark and something that is even closer than sisterhood with Alex. You don’t need to fly to be a hero or to be free. You can do that all on your own. I am going to go so you can go back downstairs and do what your doctors tell you.”

“Will you be back?” she asked quickly.

“Always.”

Kara stood still, watching him silently walk into the surrounding wild and seeming to disappear in it as always. Wiping her eyes and trying to shake the shame she still felt, she moved back downstairs to spend another day, learning how to fight.

National City, DEO Downtown headquarters

Barry Allen had arrived the day before, checked into the hotel he was told he would be staying and this morning stood in front of the FBI Federal Office Building. It was an impressive building, and those passing by would not think much about it, just another skyscraper in Downtown National City.

Walking inside, it was obvious how different it actually was. There was a metal detector, he suspected of being an X ray as well. There were no men or women walking around the lobby in business clothes, hustling in and out as you would expect to see in a busy, giant Federal building. There were two guards at a desk by the metal detector, both dressed in black combat fatigues and only one elevator behind them.

Not knowing what else to do and beginning to be freaked about by the silence of the lobby and the echo of his footsteps, he approached the guards and placed his loose change and watch on the conveyor belt for X ray. Stepping through the walkthrough detector, he relaxed when the thing went off. He would really hate to dodge bullets on his first day.

“Hi, I’m…”

“Barry Allen. Director Webb and Agent Connolly are waiting for you on the tenth floor, operations level. Go the the elevator and place your palm on the pad next to it. Once inside look at the camera in the ceiling for visual identification. If the visual identification fails the elevator will fill with cyanide gas. Place your palm on the reader inside and then press the button for 10. Once you reach the floor an agent will escort you to Director Webb’s office.”

Not having much to say or focusing on anything past cyanide gas, he walked slowly to the door and followed directions, making sure to stare at the camera for at least a minute, wondering if he would have to phase out of the space that felt very confined at the moment.

Once he reached the top, he was greeted by a man he had only seen once with Clark, the night of the dinner party. Dan Hawk.

“Welcome to the DEO, Stick. Follow me and don’t touch anything.”

The Flash followed him into a large office. He walked out as soon as Barry was in. Jack Webb was at his desk, feet kicked up on it with his hands behind his head. Connolly stood in the corner, one hand holding a file. Barry took the seat in front of the desk.

“So you showed up. We knew you were coming but weren’t sure if you would follow through with it.” Webb told him.

“Uh… yeah. I guess I wanted to find out why you guys needed me to take out an alien force you were more than capable of taking care of.”

It was Connolly who spoke up.

“Because I wanted to see if you could do it. I wanted to see if you could kill. We haven’t really had time to get to know each other. This is Jack as you know, recently promoted to Director because he is better at paperwork and dealing with scum like politicians than I am. I’m Connolly as you are aware and I handle the engagements, contacts, training the agents so they don’t get killed, those kind of things. I am also the guy who turned a skinny 14 year old girl named Alex Danvers into a living weapon. In the field what I say, goes. I’ve been fighting wars since I was 18 years old. You didn’t come to find out why we wanted you to kill. You could have asked Jessica. You are here because you know you can be more, better, faster, deadlier. Take a look at these sheets.”

Connolly tossed the file on the desk. Barry opened it up carefully and looked at the first list.

“Who are these people? Enemies?” he asked, seeing a list with 22 names.

“You have heard of the Joker? Those are the names of the people he killed before he was caught by Batman and sentenced to Arkham Asylum. Look at the next sheet.”

Barry took it and saw a list of 24 names.

“Those are the people he killed after he escaped Arkham, before Batman caught him again. There is a sheet of ten names under that, people of all ages, all walks of life who died after his second escape, simply because he wasn’t put down the first time he was caught. A rabid dog is put down once he is found because it will attack people until he dies. People like this are rabid dogs. Batman has a certain philosophy. That is his business. He does what the cops can’t, namely catching these guys and trying to hold them but those tactics aren’t always enough to save lives. Look at the next sheet.”

The man picked up that one, noting the name at the top. Slade Wilson, Deathstroke.

“He killed 32 people in his vendetta against Oliver Queen. Oliver Queen let him live and he was place in an A.R.G.U.S. facility on the island your friend in green grew up on. The two names at the bottom are the two guards he killed during his escape. He planned to wait for a security team to arrive when the guards did not report in, kill them all and take the plane. Instead, Kara’s tech that watches prisons and threats around the world, picked up his escape. Twenty minutes after he began to plan his trap for the security team, Kara landed and killed him. No hesitation. He had been warned by her in the past that if he tried to escape she would kill him and she always follows through on her promises. Guess what? Since she killed him, he hasn’t killed anymore innocent people. See how that works?”

Barry closed the file, not wanting to look at the other names. He got the idea.

“So I should kill? Is that what you are saying?” he asked.

“I am saying you shouldn’t be afraid of it.” Connolly told him. “I am not suggesting you turn into a mass murderer. I am suggesting that if you truly want to protect this world, to use what you have been given, you need to get these unrealistic ideas out of your head and start facing the real world. What did you plan to do with Zoom? You had him beat and you hesitated. If your Speedforce ghost friends hadn’t shown up to tear him apart, what would you have done? From what we understand, and we know more than you think, that monster came close to destroying billions of lives by merging alternate universes. He killed your father, he almost killed Caitlin Snow, he almost killed you. What were you planning on doing with him, Barry? Arresting him? How well do you think that would have worked? Do you really think he wouldn’t have escaped? Would you want to explain to the wife or husband or mother or father of his next victim that you didn’t think killing him was the right thing to do?”

“I… I have no idea. I… wasn’t sure. I wanted to stop him but afterward…”

“You didn’t have a clue.” Webb finished for him. “If you want to play this game, that is not a mistake you can make. You go into a fight, you have a plan and you execute that me tell you a story about young Kara and Alex. They asked to start training when Alex was 14 and Kara was 13. They are both sweet kids and didn’t have a violent bone in their body. At least until Hank Henshaw showed up on the doorstep. Something woke up in Kara, something dark and very dangerous. She never came back from that place, not completely. From that point on, the danger in their life became very real to Alex and Kara. They knew at that young age what it would take to make their world, their family safe. They trained obsessively.”

“Yep.” Connolly finished. “And when Astra showed up, Kara had known, known for years what she would have to do. She never wanted to do it, talked about talking her out of her path, maybe capturing her alive but she knew in her heart what would have to happen. When the time came, she snapped her aunt’s neck and never hesitated. She then detonated a bomb to kill all but one of the remaining Kryptonians. Kara almost died herself. Alex had never been in a battle before but she shot a Kryptonian through the head on that beach.

Connolly looked closely at the man, going he could understand and would stay. If not he would be having a conversation about how badly he really wanted to protect the ones who came into his life, namely Kara. Seeing he had his complete attention the man carried on.

“We are saying if you want to do this, really protect this world, stop worrying about being the hero. You want to be a hero, do what Kara did. Play the game, kiss the babies, do all the good deeds you can in public, catch the bank robbers, put out the fires. But when it comes to war you need to decide if you are going to be a warrior or someone on the sidelines, watching the real heroes protect the innocent by any means necessary.”

Barry shook his head, understanding his point but also remembering the things he had told Oliver about killing, not killing, being different.

It also did not escape his attention that Connolly said what Kara did, not what she does.

They don’t think she will make it back, he realized.

“Bat… Batman… I get what you are saying about the Joker but he doesn’t kill. He goes to extremes but…”

“He doesn’t want to be like the person who killed his parents.” Webb guessed. “Despite this he has killed aliens, not because he doesn’t think they are less than humans. He would never think that after knowing Kara and J’onn. It was just an agreement he and Kara had. She didn’t kill the threats he wanted taken in and he killed aliens she went against. Despite this, don’t think he doesn’t approve of Kara’s methods deep down. Alex has killed aliens and though she has never had a need to kill humans, you can bet if she thought Lex Luthor was a serious threat to Kara, Clark or her parents, she would blow his head off with a big grin on her face. Thats something Kara and Alex understand. You protect family first by any means necessary. Batman left a trail of bodies in the Myriad base. Don’t be fooled Barry. This world is bloody, whether you are wearing a mask running through the streets or you are an 18 year old solider carrying a gun in some Middle Eastern desert.”

Barry sat back, no longer nervous about being in the DEO. He had too much on his mind. Despite knowing what he was walking into, hearing the reality in this office in a secure facility was another thing all together.

“You said she did.” Barry told them quietly. “You asked if I wanted to do what Kara did? She isn’t coming back as Supergirl, is she?”

Both men looked uncomfortably at each other, not sure what to say. The silence was enough for Barry.

They weren’t expecting her back. The Martian would not cover for her forever.

“We don’t know, Barry. Thats the truth. No one knows.” Webb told him. “But personally, I hope she never wears a cape again. I hope Alex quits the DEO and this vigilante stuff. I hope they can find some peace.” Connolly admitted. “But that means the world is going to be looking for new heroes, people to carry on what she started. Bruce Wayne has been making plans for the last few years to form an organized team, identifying metahumans and others with special combat skills. He will ask you to join and I think you should.”

“Why? For years? Why would he want this when he had Kara? What metahuman or alien or human could beat her? She has no weaknesses.” Barry pointed out.

“Because Batman has been hoping since her suicide attempt that she would quit. She is her own weakness and you know it.” Webb told him. “You want to be with her. You kept her secret for years, owing her nothing. You fell for her the first time you looked at her and I suspect she felt the same. She needs peace, happiness and you could be a key to that. But you are going to have to protect her and her family, no matter what it takes. Are you in or out? We don’t want you to join the DEO. We don’t even want you working with us. We want to make you what you could be. We owe it to Kara and Alex. You haven’t even begun to reach your potential, Barry.”

The man tried to think of everything he had heard. He seriously thought about asking for time to think about it.

But he didn’t need time, did he? Not really. How many times had Barry wished he were faster, or stronger. How many times had he been indecisive while fighting metahumans?

What would he do to protect the ones he loved?

What wouldn’t he do?

What would he do if he had a chance to stop some other kid from losing their parents?

“When do we start?” he asked. Neither men smiled, but he suspected they were happy.

Webb stood up and walked to his file cabinet, pulling a thick file and tossing it in front of Barry.

“What is this?”

“The most dangerous aliens in the universe who could be a threat to this planet. At least the ones Kara, Alex and Kelex know about. Some may be dead but we assume they are alive until proven differently.” the Director told him.

The Flash took a look, seeing names like Brainiac, Zod, Mongul, one that was short and listed as rumor with not much information. That one was titled Darkseid. Bloodlines parasites, Draal and the list went on.

“Study these over the next couple days.” Connolly told him. “Read all of them, take your time and don’t speed read. When you are done with this file you can move on to the next one I will bring to you. Every one of them has as much information as Kara’s Kryptonian databanks has. There are also plans Alex and Kara have come up with, hypothetical battle plans, ideas of what could work to destroy them if they decided to show up here. Learn them, front and back, add your own ideas if you have any. You will be staying at Dante’s old apartment. You will not come back to the DEO. Run to Central City if you are desperately needed but otherwise be here. You will be given an address for a black site only known to the five of us and J’onn. That is where you will train. You are going to get faster, stronger, tougher and we can figure out what else you can do. We start in two days.”

Barry nodded his head, committing himself to this. If this is what it took, he would do it. Webb handed him a cell phone.

“Here is a phone we have been told to provide for you. We can contact you on it and it is completely secure, Kelex approved. We were told about ten minutes before you showed that Kara will also have a phone. Her number is in contacts and you can call her whenever you want.”

“Okay…”

“Do not mention anything about metahumans or alien threats or crime in general.” Webb continued. “I wouldn’t ask you to lie to her but if she doesn’t ask about this training it would be better not to bring it up. If she does ask… thats up to you, I guess.”

Taking a key to the apartment, Barry raced to his new residence, very excited. He finally had a way to contact Kara without having to go through her little brother o X Box or older sister. She answered on the first ring.

“Hey.”

Barry immediately noticed her voice sounded tired.

“Is this a bad time?”

“For you, never. I just took a sedative and when I wake up I get to spend time with one of my new team of counselors. I think this one is about PTSD. My last one came to the conclusion I had Daddy issues and wasn’t hugged enough as a child. How have you been?”

Barry thought of where he was and what he was doing.

“Been good. Nothing exciting going on. You think… you think I might be able to see you this weekend? If not, its cool…”

“I would like that. You sure you wouldn’t mind being holed up in an underground facility with my little brother?” she asked teasingly.

“Nah, I can handle…” Barry almost called him Stinky but wasn’t sure if Clark wanted her to know about their late night conversations… “the little guy.”

He heard Kara take a deep breath. He hoped it was a yawn.

“Barry… last night I was given a new antipsychotic. I had a hallucination, one that felt very real. I thought I was being attacked and kind of fought someone who wasn’t there. I destroyed a wall. I had to be sedated. I can’t promise if you see me that you won’t see things… you may not want to see. Things I wouldn’t want you to see. Are you sure?”

“I’ll be there Saturday morning, unless you want to see me sooner? I can be there in an hour or less.”

“No, you have work. I have an appointment with a guy who is going to tell me it isn’t my fault and I have Daddy issues.”

Barry shook his head, wondering what that was about. Kara sounded… a bit drunk, but he knew that wasn’t the case. As he suspected, the meds were having an effect on her.

“Okay, if you get the chance, you think you could call me tonight?” he asked, hoping to hear her when she was a bit more lucid.

“I promise. I don’t take my sedative for the night until nine. I will cal you at 8:30, okay?”

“I look forward to it. Talk to you tonight.” Barry hung up the phone, grinning for the first time in days. She sounded slightly spacey but seemed to be in better spirits than the last time he spoke to her.

He also understood if she was ever going to have any peace, he would have to step up his game. Contacting Bruce Wayne may be in his immediate future.

The Block

Kara hung up the phone with a lazy smile and drifted off to sleep. She had taken a mild sedative as opposed to the ones she took at night and fell into a dream free sleep for a few hours. When she woke up the girl was greeted by the sight of a somber Alex petting Streaky with one hand and running her hands through Kara’s hair with the other.

“Here to get me ready for my next session of talking about the worst moments of my life?” Kara guessed.

Alex shook her head.

“We need to have a family meeting. Caitlin and Shay want to talk to us. There is a problem… they don’t think it is possible… we have checked over the data as well… we don’t think it is possible to develop a drug that can power up or down with the amount of solar radiation in your body. Maybe with years to work on it… but for now a drug won’t be able to lessen or increase its own potency based on whether you are under yellow or red sunlight.”

“You mean…”

“You are going to have to make a decision. We have a few days until your liver is healed completely but at that point, they need a decision so the medication dosages can be adjusted to your body, depending on whether you want to continue to metabolize solar energy.”

Kara shook her head. She knew she may not come out of this as sharp as before and suspected she may have to give up her powers but hearing it…

“Tell Clark. He deserves to be in this meeting. He should have been involved before this. After we talk about this, I’m going to need you with me, Alex. I’m going to need you all.”

“I know, Kara. No matter what you decide we are going to support you.”

“Thats not it. I know you all will. The meds… yeah, I have to think about it. But I don’t want to lie anymore. If he is going to hate me, I would rather get it out of the way now.”

“Clark would never hate you, Kara.”

“He might. I’m telling him, Alex. I’m telling him about Krypton. I’m going to tell him everything. I’m tired of carrying it on my own and I am tired of the secrets. For better or worse, he deserves to know the truth.”