Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Seeing Red

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 20: Days Off.

Barry Allen was very annoyed today. It was Saturday. He should be half way through a cross-country run to see Kara. Since he last spoke to her the weekend before, Alex had assured him this week the antipsychotics had been adjusted and she no longer had trouble distinguishing real memories from false ones. He spoke to her every night and she seemed better, even dare he say, joyous on a few occasions. She also sounded spaced out, drowsy, and this was becoming more frequent when he heard her voice.

He also heard the sadness in her voice she tried to hide when he told her he had to work today and wouldn’t be there until sometime next week.

So now he looked around the giant warehouse, his trainers surrounding him from above and didn’t see anything special about today. It was the same as any other day of the week. Lift weights, drink a lot of juiced up protein shakes, fight, or getting his ass kicked in the speed dampening room and then phasing, or working on lightning.

“Okay, I am here. Is there some reason we have to do this today?” he asked Connolly.

“Evil doesn’t take the weekend off, Barry.” the man told him.

“No, but I do, and I use it to see Kara.”

“We got some special guests here, that could only make it today. Today, you get to spar.” Hawk told him, and Barry did not like the grin on his face. “Meet your competition, superhero.”

The ceiling opened, and two figures flew in. One he recognized as the Martian Manhunter as Cat Grant had taken to calling him. The other…

“What are you doing here?”

Clark stood in the air, old jeans and a Halo 2 t shirt on, arms crossed with an evil smile.

“I am supposed to be at the beach with Jessica. If you don’t tell my parents I am here, I won’t tell your girlfriend you are at Superhero Kindergarten.”

Barry shook his head and pulled on his mask. The suit was beginning to feel natural for him and he wondered not for the first time if he would be able to give it up for his old one.

“I’m not fighting Clark.” he told Connolly.

“Just don’t use any lightning bolts on him. Other than that, you can’t hurt him. I would be more worried about yourself. Survive in here for ten minutes with J’onn and Clark, don’t run outside and you win. If you give up, they win. Simple enough, Flash? Good. The exercise begins now.”

“You are about to get your butt kicked so hard.” Clark told him.

“What?”

“That was Kryptonese for good luck.”

Barry never heard the wind move behind him, focused on Clark, he forgot somehow about the large Green Martian behind him.

He remembered when he felt the fist to his back, sending him to the ground. He looked up just in time to see Clark diving for him and twisted to the side, the little boy straightening and flying a foot above the floor until he stopped.

J’onn attacked once more, but it was no use. The Martian was fast, but Barry had slight problem getting out of his way. After the third missed swing, Barry struck, sending a fist into where the Martian’s chest should have been.

Instead J’onn was gone. Barry turned quickly, seeing J’onn behind him and this time his fist did connect with Barry’s chin.

“Stay moving!” he heard one of the men above shout. Another fist swung through Barry who was now vibrating at unreal speed. He side stepped the man, and almost solidified to strike until he was solidified by force.

Clark’s very cold breath was raining down on him, chilling the air and causing his form to return to solid. Barry thought J’onn smiled then felt the man’s fist strike his chin again, sending him across the room.

Keeping an eye on the Martian, he did not feel his chances brightening when… a T Rex appeared?

“Alex Special.” someone, maybe Ty said. Barry did feel the wind this time and leaned back, Clark’s fist barely missing him as the boy flew by. Instead of continuing to fly, Clark stopped and kicked back, sending Barry sliding to the dinosaur’s large legs. Taking a glance up he relived the Jurassic Park bathroom scene as large teeth crashed down on him.

He was not ashamed to admit he may have slightly screamed as he rolled out of the way.

The Flash decided to take the offensive, running up the walls and on their sides, circling the room. This plan worked, gave him time to come up with a plan for survival in the next eight minutes. HIs plan was cut short when a large green monster struck the wall near him, the debris making him stumble to the ground.

He was not on the ground for long as he felt small hands grabbing him, and pulling him up. When he was near the top, Clark dropped him.

The Flash began twirling his arms, making a vortex to cushion his fall. Once he reached the ground, he made another vortex, into an oncoming Clark. Barry found out what Kara already knew. The boy had not mastered flying in rough winds without a cape.

Clark nearly hit the ground, but Barry caught him. This turned out to be a mistake when Clark’s elbow caught the Flash’s chin. Raising himself off the ground again, Barry stiffened, a sharp pain went through his head and stayed.

He couldn’t move. J’onn walked up to him slowly, eyes glowing redder than usual.

“Stop letting me do this.” a voice in Barry’s head said, one he knew was J’onn’s.

“I’m can’t.” the man whispered. “It hurts.”

“Grodd nearly took you out.” J’onn told him out loud “You had to use neural blockers to defeat him. You can’t be mind controlled, not if you don’t want to. It’s easy. Think, think of everything and nothing but do it quickly and don’t stop. Think of equations, formulas, theories, childhood memories, loves, loss, whatever you can, but think of them quickly. I can control minds because I can grab onto a person’s thought processes, read their minds, plant suggestions and in some cases, freeze a body and cause severe pain. I have never been able to read Kara’s mind. Like you, her brain and her thoughts can move at incredible speeds. Think quickly and no one will be able to control your mind.”

Barry did as instructed, thinking of several things at once, even going through files he had been studying last night. Whether J’onn let up or he was being successful, Barry felt the pain go away and began to regain movement. Soon he was blurring and across the room, staring at his two foes.

“Good.” J’onn nodded in approval and with what Barry thought was a smile.

Clark was not smiling next to him and moved fast, faster than Barry had seen him before, heading straight for him. Barry dodged as Clark’s fist went into the concrete wall directly behind him, shattering it. Before he could be impressed with the strength, Clark attacked again, standing in front of the Flash and putting everything he had into it. Barry remained a blur, but the little boy danced side to side, crushing concrete on either side of him.

He was also yelling and had a look of complete fury on his face.

“Clark! That’s enough!” Webb yelled from above. Barry was busy just ducking and weaving side to side. Clark finally hit the same side twice and he sipped out from between the wall and the boy.

To his surprise, Clark never turned around, instead continuing to punch the wall and sending concrete debris everywhere.

He was still yelling, more like screaming, screaming in a rage.

“Clark!” Hawk yelled.

Clark did stop screaming, instead unleashing his heat vision into the wall, hot enough that Barry broke out in a sweat and zipped back from him to stand next to J’onn.

“I’ve had it! She is a liar! All she does is lie!” the boy screamed, heat vision gone but eyes still glowing. Without another word he took off, through the roof and out of sight.

“I’ll…” J’onn started before Barry stopped him.

“I’ve got this.”

The Flash ran outside and saw the little boy flying off in the distance. Luckily, they were in a desert location where there were no onlookers. Barry doubted the boy would care if the entire world saw him at that moment.

Catching up to him was easy. He hoped Clark stopped before they reached a city and he was rewarded when the boy finally landed in the desert and sat on the ground. Barry stopped a few feet behind the kid.

“Go away.”

Instead of doing so, Barry sat next to the boy on the ground but didn’t say anything.

“I always thought that symbol she wore meant something.” Clark finally said. “I always thought I have these cool sisters and cool parents and even my birth parents were heroes. That was why Kara wore it, because she was proud. But she wasn’t. She never was. She lied to me, Alex lied to me, even Mom and Dad, they knew. My parents on Krypton were scum.”

“Clark…”

“They were! You don’t know the things they did. You only know what Kara told you. She told you they killed a planet and told no one. How many people do you think lived on Krypton, Barry? Any idea? I know. Kelex told me once. Over three million Kryptonians died. Three million. My family was responsible for killing three million people and Kara let me think they were heroes! She lied! It’s all Kara ever does! She lies, and I can’t say anything because if I do she will cut her wrists again! She knew the truth and instead of telling me she kept it to herself and it drove her crazy! Alex knew! Alex should have told me! Mom and Dad knew! Nobody told me! They let me think those people were heroes! Now what? The only connection I had to Krypton is taking crazy drugs in a hole in the ground! She should have told me! She lied to me!”

“Clark, please calm down and let’s talk.”

“They didn’t even love me. Jor El, Lara? They used me! They put some sort of Codex thing in me, so I could recreate Krypton. They wanted to use me to take over this planet. Who… what kind of people could they be? I came from them? That stupid symbol. You know I have a suit with that symbol in the Fortress? I couldn’t wait to be big enough, to be old enough to wear it. It made me proud. I had dreams about putting that thing on and flying next to Kara, saving people with her, fighting bad guys. Now the thought of putting it on makes me want to puke.”

Barry sat in silence until he heard Clark begin to cry. Moving closer to the boy, he carefully wrapped an arm around him, not saying a word, hoping he would get it all out.

Clark finally wiped his eyes.

“Kara said it was the symbol of our house. It’s a stupid S. It doesn’t mean hope. It doesn’t mean anything. She wore it as a target, to get aliens to come after her. Now they won’t. They are scared of her. She is a killer. She lies, and she kills, and she uses drugs and won’t stop drinking. Every alien in the world and a lot of people are scared of her. They probably should be. They had to kidnap her to get her to stop drinking!”

The two sat for the next twenty minutes, neither saying anything, Barry with his arm wrapped around the kid and Clark leaning into him slightly.

“Why did she lie to me? Both of them, all of them? Mom and Dad, Alex, they would have told me. I know Kara said not to. Why? Why didn’t she tell me? Kara thinks she knows everything. She always has. She snorts drugs, but she is always right, ask anybody. She thinks she knows what’s best for me? She can’t even take care of herself! When I was five I was in the back yard with Mom. She ran out of the house screaming and used her heat vision on herself. Her arm turned black. I thought she was going to burn to death. She thinks she knows best? She can’t stop killing herself, hurting herself, hurting everybody else, but she decided what I needed to know? Who does she think she is?!”

Barry took a deep breath, aware that whatever he said could set the boy off more.

“Change positions with her.” he suggested.

Clark looked at him curiously.

“What are talking about?”

“If the positions were reversed. Say you were thirteen and you had a one-year old girl to take care of on a strange world. It was just the two of you, and you were responsible for her happiness. As soon as she was old enough, would you tell her how horrible her parents were? Would you want her to feel the way you are feeling now?”

Clark said nothing for a moment, thinking, trying to imagine it.

“I would have told her eventually. She would have deserved to know the truth.”

“What age?” Barry asked.

“What do you mean?”

“At what age? When she was four? Five? Ten? What if you weren’t sure but the older she got the harder it would have been to tell her? What if you loved her too much to hurt her, ever? What if you never wanted her to feel the pain that the truth brought? When would you do it, Clark? How old would she be?”

Clark thought for a moment, a moment that stretched into minutes of silence as Barry patiently waited for his answer.

“I don’t know.” the boy finally admitted.

“Look, I won’t pretend to know what you are feeling. I can’t. I know Kara is far from perfect. She drank too much, she tried to kill herself, a couple times and I won’t try to lie to you, I know she is an addict. She has lied, hurt herself, hurt others and yeah, she used that symbol to bring the worst out to get her, so you wouldn’t have to fight them one day. The more I learn about her the more I realize how far from perfect she is. We all are, Clark. None of us are perfect. Not her, not Alex and not me. But we don’t love people because they are perfect. One thing I know, one thing I would stake my life on, is that Kara and Alex would die for you. They almost have, fighting battles so you wouldn’t have to.”

Clark shook his head. “I never asked them to. I deserved to know.”

“That’s what love is. When you love someone, they don’t have to be asked. They do it anyway. You are right, she is all you said but she is so much more than that. That symbol she wears, it means something to the world.”

Clark shrugged his shoulders. “It is the symbol of the House of El. I used to be proud when I saw her wearing it. I thought Krypton may be dead, but our House is still helping people. Now when I look at it all I see is a reminder of what my so-called hero parents did to our planet. Three million people, Barry.”

Barry could understand why he would feel that way.

“Remember that high rise fire in Metropolis? Those people were trapped on the eighty first floor. There was smoke rolling out the windows, and people couldn’t even be seen but they took down drapes, found some paint from a maintenance closet and painted that symbol on it? They hung it out the window because they were about to die and needed hope. Hope came in wearing a red cape and a skirt. She saved those people. The entire world saw that symbol for what is was. Remember the flood in Taiwan last year? This people were on top of that house and they took debris floating by and made that symbol on the roof?”

“Yeah.” Clark admitted, laughing at the memory. “There were six of them and the house was about to collapse so Kara lifted a minivan from the water and had them climb inside, then flew them to high ground.”

“Right. That was cool. Yeah, Kara does lie, has lied about a lot of stuff. She did all the stuff you said. But she also loves. She loves you and she loves innocent people and she goes to extreme measures with those who aren’t innocent, but that symbol means something. That is going to be your symbol. Kara is done. She has brought a lot of hope to the people of this world. The rest of us are going to have to step up but in a few years, quicker than you know, people are going to see that symbol on you. They aren’t going to think about Krypton being destroyed because of it. They are going to remember the hope that symbol inspired. That isn’t the symbol of the House of El anymore. It’s yours now. Kara started it and you are going to continue it.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Barry shrugged. “Then don’t. It’s your decision but I think I have come to know you pretty well. It won’t be a decision at all. Where you came from doesn’t matter. You and your sisters came from your real parents, Jeremiah and Eliza. All the crap they have been through, the reason the world looks to Kara in hope and not fear is because inside where it counts, she is good. Your family, your real family, is where she got that from and where you got it from. It’s a symbol now of your house, your real family. Yeah, she lied. I won’t tell you to forgive her because I think you know deep down why she did it, just like you know if you were in her place, you would have done the same thing.”

Clark stood up and began walking, nowhere in particular, just moving in circles slowly, looking at the ground and occasionally kicking small rocks.

“The thing is, she didn’t have to carry it. She could have told me, and I would have helped her. She tried to kill herself, Barry. I really thought she had died. No matter what she does, even if she quits drinking and taking drugs, I am always going to worry about that. No matter what, I am going to wonder if this is the day Mom tells me she died. I have nightmares too, you know? She isn’t the only one. Alex does to. Why would she do that? Why would she hurt herself so bad if she loves me? Why try and leave me? Why?”

Barry looked at the sky, hoping an answer would fall to him. He had no idea what to say but knew Clark needed to hear something.

“Because Clark, even the strongest of us can fall. We all have a point where we just can’t take it anymore. Kara… I don’t know why she did it. But I can guess. She has carried this lie with her all these years. She has had to tell you how great people were who she hated. She has seen a lot of terrible things. I bet she hardly thinks about the people she saves. She probably thinks about the ones she didn’t. I know I do. I have saved a lot of people but the ones who have died, those are the ones I dream about, think about constantly. That’s kind of something you have to deal with, if you are going to be a hero. And all heroes, even the greatest, can fall. I have. I have gone to some low places in my life.”

“You did?” the boy asked.

“Yeah. I used to think my father would never get out of prison. I was in college and traveling all over, trying to find something, some proof of the impossible and nothing I did mattered. I was close to giving up.”

Clark was watching Barry closely now. He knew about the black holes and stuff but never knew about Barry’s father.

“My father was convicted of a crime he didn’t commit. They said he killed my Mom, but I knew he didn’t. No one believed me, not even my best friend. I was beginning to think I was crazy. I almost gave up.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I met Kara and she told me she believed me. That… she was the first to ever tell me that. Sometimes its little things that can change your life.”

“But she lied to you. She didn’t tell you where we were from. She could have told you.”

Barry nodded. He had thought the same thing at times over the years. Not often because the answer was obvious.

“She didn’t really know me and if she told me that would have meant you and your parents could be in danger. Kara would never do anything to put you in danger. I know she isn’t perfect, Clark. Everything you said about her is true, but never think she doesn’t love you. She looks at you like you are her entire world. She never wanted you to know because she didn’t want you hurt. Telling you was probably one of the hardest things she has ever done. You have every right to be mad, mad at everybody. But don’t think they don’t love you. I wish I had the family you have had growing up. I know the story. Alex told her parents that you two were aliens and they believed her without even seeing the two of you. I told the people closest to me that something strange killed my Mom and even after Kara came out as Supergirl they still didn’t believe me. She could have told me I was crazy. It would have been the smart thing to do, but instead she gave me hope. That symbol does mean hope, whether you admit it or not.”

Clark sat on the sand, not moving an inch but staring out at the distance, probably at something only he could see in the distance or in his head.

“I am so scared.” he finally whispered.

“Yeah, so am I.” the man admitted. “But that is what people like us do, Clark. We get scared, but we move ahead anyway. That’s what makes a hero. Doing what’s right, no matter the cost. I do know that right now, she needs you to be her hero. She would do anything in the world for you and I think you are the same. I want you to know, if you ever want to yell at someone about this, you can always call me.”

“I don’t want you to leave her. She is different around you.” the boy admitted.

Barry laughed quietly.

“I’m different around her. I know she isn’t perfect, but I am crazy about her. Even now, going through all this… nothing you can say is going to change that. Besides, I know you are saying this here because you would never want her to hear you, her or Alex. It’s okay to let it out. I would rather you do it with me than with anyone else.”

Clark’s eyes, shimmered again, unshed tears threatening to fall.

“Don’t tell her. I don’t hate her or Alex, I shouldn’t have said that. Please never tell her. I didn’t mean it. I know she did it to protect me, but it drove her crazy, Barry. You know Mom has nightmares about her being dead? I don’t want her to know. I do love her. Just don’t tell her, please.”

“I’ll never tell anyone the things you tell me, Clark. I know you don’t hate them. When I took you there all you wanted to do was be near her. I know you love them. Kara has been in a bad place for a very long time. I don’t even know if she remembers when she was in a good place. But coming back from that, it isn’t easy. I know she lied about your parents and it hurt her too. I bet there were a lot of times she wanted to tell you but couldn’t. She wanted you to be proud of where you came from.”

“Even if I shouldn’t have been?”

“Especially if you shouldn’t have been. Kara looks at you like you are her entire world. I bet she has always looked at you that way.”

Clark shrugged his shoulders. “She was real bossy when I was young. Mom told me later that Kara was like that because it was the way she was raised. I would hate to be raised like that. She did take care of me though. I just wish she had never learned any of this stuff. Maybe she wouldn’t be crazy now.”

Clark wiped his nose with the back of his hand and shook his head, taking the cloudless sky in. After a few minutes of silence, he seemed to Barry to have come to some sort of peace.

“I guess we should get back, huh? You have to have your butt kicked some more.”

Barry shook his head.

“Training is over. You are going to the beach where you are supposed to be, have some fun. I think I may go with you. I haven’t swum in the ocean in a long time. Dan is worried about you too. Go on back and I will follow if I can keep up.”

Clark rolled his eyes. “I know you are faster than me Barry, alright? Get over it already.”

The Block

Kara walked the deserted halls of the Block and found it eerie. She had never been up at 2 AM, roaming the place. She could hear voices occasionally but had a tough time pinpointing them since they were mostly echoes. A few times she reached for her wrist to remove a bracelet, so she could use her hearing and X ray vision to determine where she was and what was going on, then remembered there was no bracelet. It was easy to forget.

Kara had always cheated. She said she loved being without her powers but if she was sore without them, or didn’t feel well, or just wanted to get over a hangover from drinking human alcohol, she would slip the bracelet or necklace off and all would be right in the world. Now she could no longer do that. She would have to live with bruises and other injuries, just like Alex did. She was okay with that. It was what she wanted.

But at times like this she realized how much she had come to rely on her powers for trivial things.

Finally, she found her parents lab, so she had a point of reference to the elevator. Kara wanted to find her way to the screening room and watch another movie. She had a lot on her mind as usual and wanted to relax a bit. She always slept at night and during the day was always surrounded by people. The girl needed some personal time.

She was surprised to see the lights on in her parents’ lab and walked slowly and quietly towards it. No one should be in this lab. All the information that was transmitted from her doctors to Kelex and vice versa came through this lab.

Kara looked through the glass window and saw Caitlin Snow inside and relaxed, for a moment.

The moment ended when she saw Caitlin focusing intently on her hand, a hand that was turning to ice, her hair turning white and frost falling off her. Luckily Caitlin had her back to the window and couldn’t hear her sharp gasp.

She continued to watch, seeing Caitlin’s face concentrate almost desperately, trying to get a handle she supposed. Eventually the frost from her hand went away and the woman returned to her previous appearance, almost collapsing with the effort.

Kara knew she probably shouldn’t get involved. If the woman wanted anyone to know she would have told someone.

So of course, she did what she knew she shouldn’t. She walked inside, causing Caitlin to nearly jump out of her seat as if she were a child with her hand in the cookie jar.

“Hi.” the blonde started, then took a seat.

“Ka… Kara, what are you doing up? Is the sleeping pill not working?” she asked nervously.

“No, it works great. The antipsychotic and antidepressant are better. I know which memories are real and fake now. Thanks for fixing that. I just needed some time to myself tonight.”

Caitlin shook her head, calming down and hoping perhaps Kara had not witnessed her show.

“The nurses are supposed to…” the woman started then stopped, not wanting to say the wrong thing.

“Yeah, I know. They stay around and make sure I swallow my pills. I’ve seen that on TV. I also know how easy it is to put a pill under your tongue and take it out when the nurse is gone.”

“Kara…”

“I won’t do it again.” the blonde assured her. “I took my other four pills. I just needed some time to myself tonight. I have been surrounded by people since I have been here, and I love it but… in the months leading up to this Alex was living with her girlfriend and I had a lot of time to myself. Sure, I drank and snorted powder or flew around beating up aliens, but I also had a lot of time to think. It won’t happen again.”

Caitlin shook her head. “I understand you wanting to be alone, but you are given those pills for a reason. You need sleep. Let me walk you back to your room and…”

“Does Barry know?” Kara asked.

Caitlin said nothing for a moment, her hopes that Kara had not witnessed her session, dashed.

“No. I would rather he not. Only your parents know. Your Mom and Dad just left. They are helping me isolate the metahuman gene. I… don’t have the best control. I can turn it on, but it is so hard to stop. It’s like I become this different person, a person I don’t like.”

Kara could understand that. She had lived with two sides of herself for a long time.

“Would you tell me how it happened? Maybe I could help.”

Caitlin shook her head quickly. “You are here to work on you. You have enough problems to deal with… no offense. I just mean the reason you are here is you, not to focus on anything else.”

Kara chuckled a bit.

“Do you have any idea how much I would love to help someone and not feel like a patient all the time? I feel useless here. I won’t tell Barry, I won’t tell anyone. Answer a question for me. When Barry realized he had his powers, was he scared of them?”

Caitlin smiled, remembering that time when everything had been simple, no Thawne No Zoom, just her, Cisco and Barry, saving the world.

“He loved them. He would play around so much in the beginning, work so hard to get better, to save more people. He was so happy, it was contagious.”

Kara had expected as much. “That’s why he will never understand. No one on Earth understands better than I do what it is like, having powers that scare the hell out of you, make you feel like a different person, a person you don’t recognize or like. Please Caitlin, let me try and help you. Mom and Dad may be able to get rid of these powers but if they can’t, you are going to have to learn to control them, so they don’t control you. That is what Dante always told me.”

Caitlin sat for a moment, looking at the floor, then her hand. Then she began telling Kara her version of what happened.

Kara had heard Barry’s version of events but never heard it from Caitlin’s point of view. She listened to the woman for an hour, her heart breaking over what she had been through.

“So it is possible the gene was a result of the particle accelerator explosion but never activated until a couple months ago, after everything with Zoom was nearing the end.” she guessed.

“Yeah,” Caitlin admitted, “I suppose it is possible but if it had to do with emotions why didn’t it activate when Ronnie died, or died the second time? Why not when I was betrayed by my mentor?”

“Maybe Zoom was your breaking point. Maybe you finally had enough and decided to stop feeling like a victim or helpless. It could be why only anger seems to bring it out. Can I tell you a story?”

Caitlin nodded her head slightly, wondering if she should. Kara’s stories were sometimes best talked about in therapy, but she wanted to hear it. She wanted to know, really know the woman she had been treating and not just the addict.

“After I landed of course, I was going to school, working on my heat vision, things like that. Dante worked with me a lot. At first, I had to make myself angry or afraid for it to work. We exercised it, like a muscle, starting and stopping repeatedly. I hated it, but it was something I needed to learn.

After couple months Hank Henshaw found us. Me and Alex came back from the beach and DEO agents surrounded us, Mom and Dad were in our house with Clark, guns to their heads.”

Caitlin shivered at the thought of what that must have been like for the family.

“The guys, they saved us, killed the DEO agents except for Henshaw. When I saw he was alone I attacked him. I used my heat vision for the first time with the intent to harm someone, to kill someone. I crushed his bones to make him feel pain and I burned his arm off. Yeah, I had thought of anger before to activate my heat vision but this time it wasn’t just anger, it was hate. I hated myself, hated my birth parents, hated the universe, hated whatever high power had done this to me and I definitely hated him.”

Caitlin tried to swallow but her mouth was very dry. Kara was lost, lost in the past and Dr. Snow desperately wished she hadn’t brought this up. But still… she couldn’t stop herself from listening.

“I wanted so badly to kill him. I was 13 and I wanted him to suffer. I don’t remember much after that. I remember Alex’s hand on my shoulder, asking me not to. She was the only one who could break through to me.

The point of this, is that something woke up inside me. A monster that refused to be a victim any longer. I struggled everyday with who I had become. It was at that moment, I knew I would never be the same. I never had a problem using my heat vision again. Sure, I couldn’t control the temperature but bringing it out, using it as a weapon, I never had a problem. Dante taught me how to really control it. I can help you. If my parents can’t help you get rid of these powers you are going to have to learn to control them before they control you. All that anger and pain inside of you, if you keep it hid, you are going to become me, Caitlin, and that is someone you don’t want to be. Look where it has gotten me. That’s why you feel like a different person. The powers are just another side of you. I can help you. Let me.”

Caitlin took a deep breath, knowing she was probably right. But still…

“When are we supposed to work on this? You can’t do this, Kara. You must take your pills. All of them are given to you for a reason, meaning you need sleep.”

“Then we can tell Alex. She won’t say anything, and she has a pretty good idea about controlling powers. She helped me keep mine under control for a long time. Every morning instead of sleeping till 10 AM, I will get up at 6. I need exercise and fresh air. The three of us can go for walks in the forest. With my powers gone and Alex with me, no one is going to worry about me running off. When we are alone, we can work on them.”

The woman shook her head. “Bruce has cameras all over the place, especially in the forest around this compound.”

“That Alex can have Kelex easily manipulate. What do you say? I need this, you need this.”

Caitlin met her eyes and nodded slightly. “Only under certain conditions.”

“Name them.”

“You never, ever spit a pill out again and don’t miss any medication again. They are given to you for a reason. If you start spitting them out, any trust your family has begun to give you will be destroyed. They don’t deserve that, do they?”

The blonde shook her head, her cheeks turning red.

“You don’t deserve it either. You have gone through hell yourself to get where you are. Don’t screw it up. If you keep taking your meds and doing what you are supposed to do then yes, we can do this. I won’t take chances with your recovery.”

“Recovery?” Kara asked, a bit humored at that term.

“Yes, that is exactly what this is. A disease destroyed you and you are recovering. It may have been a disease you brought onto yourself, but it is still a disease. If I think this is interfering I end it, got it?”

“Whatever you say, promise. No more skipping sleeping pills.”

“And you ask your parents if you can. If they say no, then its no.”

“Agreed.”

Caitlin nodded, satisfied that she seemed to be genuine.

“Then go get some sleep and maybe I won’t tell anyone that you didn’t take a pill.”

Kara smiled and snapped a salute than walked out quickly. Caitlin watched her go, not sure how to feel. Tonight was the first time she had spoken to Kara Danvers, really talked to her about things besides how she was feeling. Like this, alone, she seemed like any other girl, one who looked very tired but not someone Caitlin would be afraid of.

But Caitlin was not fooled. Kara had a long way to go before she would become someone who wasn’t dangerous. Even without her powers and her desire to get better, Caitlin knew that Kara Danvers could be a very dangerous person. She had trained for years not just with her superpowers and knew the girl could be deadly in a fight, super powered or not.

But so could she. That was what scared her the most. Becoming Killer Frost and possibly becoming in a way, like Supergirl, was the worst thing she could imagine happening.

The next afternoon, Eliza and Kara, who had finally woken up around noon, were holding hands and quietly walking through the surrounding forest, on the lookout for wildlife.

“It’s been a while since we have done this. I missed our walks.” Eliza told her.

“I miss being able to see birds from miles away, nesting. As much as I hated my powers, they did have some benefit.” Kara grumbled.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I am walking through mud. Why do I feel so… slow? I get that my powers are gone, I’m used to that, but my body doesn’t feel right. I tried to hit the training dummy yesterday and couldn’t get into a rhythm. Am I going to always feel like this?” she asked.

Eliza squeezed her hand. “For a while until we can get everything right. You may have to deal with some sluggishness for the rest of your life. Or some other side effect. We are going to work to make your medicines as effective as possible but no drug, especially those that affect the mind, are perfect. Kara… I wouldn’t be jealous.”

That statement caught Kara off guard.

“Jealous? What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s okay to love your mother.”

“You are my mother.” she told her quickly.

“Yes I am. I always will be. It’s okay to love her too.” Eliza said, not needing to say who her was. “She loved you. I know I will always be grateful to her. She did everything in her power to bring you to me. You haven’t really talked about Alura, have you?”

Kara shook her head.

“Leslie brought it up in therapy, but honestly I don’t know what to feel. I… if there is an afterlife… if she is really with me, watching over me, the things I have said about her… The way I have felt about her… I guess I am just scared to think about it too much. That would bring guilt and I don’t want to feel guilty about anything else right now. I know I will have to deal with it one day, but I am just not ready.”

Eliza stopped walking and pulled Kara towards her.

“She would understand. You didn’t know the whole story. You didn’t know what she did for you. Now you do, and I know you don’t hate her if you are talking about feeling guilty. She would understand. I promise you, there is an afterlife and she has been watching you, looking out for you.”

Kara smiled and looked to the sky. “She must be real proud of what she has seen.”

“Yes, she has been proud of some of the things she has seen, and others have probably made her cry. She did what I would have done. She protected her child. You have always said the family comes first even before the world. That’s what she did. Jeremiah and I, we will never forget the day you asked us if you could call us Mom and Dad. Jeremiah cried for an hour on the beach. But that was not the first time you called me Mom.”

Kara remembered that day well. She had watched Clark playing with Jeremiah, calling out Daddy every five seconds and laughing, while trying to avoid being tickled. The blonde had felt an overwhelming sense of jealousy and sadness. That night while Alex showered, and Clark was asleep, she asked them, nervously of course and in the most awkward fashion ever. That was just the way Kara handled situations like that one.

“When did I call you Mom before that?”

“You actually called me Mommy. You had a nightmare, but you didn’t scream and wake Alex. Instead you came to our room. You were still half asleep, but you said, Mommy, I’m scared. Can I sleep with you? I held you so tight that night.”

“I don’t remember.” Kara admitted.

“I do. It was one of the greatest moments of my life. Kara, you know I have a habit of checking on you every night, right?”

Kara cringed inwardly, not having expected this.

“Yeah, whenever I slept over you would still wake up and check my arms… why?”

“Because when you are near me, I still do. It’s like a magnet wakes me up and pulls me to you. So, imagine my surprise when you weren’t in bed at 3 AM.”

Her suspicions had been confirmed. She had been busted.

“Yeah, I wanted some time to myself, just to kind of think and relax. I didn’t go up top or anything. I just went for a walk.”

“Did the sleeping pills not work last night?” Eliza asked, sounding casual but Kara knew better.

She decided there was no point in lying. She had done that enough to the woman.

“I didn’t take it.”

Eliza placed her hands on both of Kara’s shoulders and faced her.

“The nurses are supposed to watch you take your pills.”

“She did.” the girl admitted. “and when she left I spit out the sedative. I took the others though. I just didn’t want to go to sleep right away.”

The mother understood, expecting as much. She was pleased Kara had been honest. The trust wasn’t there, not yet. Eliza would watch Kara, like she did when she was 14 and 15 for a while but at least this was a start.

“Thank you for being honest. That means a lot to me.”

Kara smiled but it was short lived.

“If you ever spit out another pill I will force feed them to you myself. Understand?”

Kara nodded quickly, knowing the woman meant it.

“Good. In my wanderings, searching for my missing daughter, I found you in our lab with Caitlin Snow. You saw her, didn’t you? You saw her… problem?”

“Yeah,” Kara admitted. “I saw her hand turn to ice. I talked to her about it. I think it’s great what you and Dad are doing but if you can’t get rid of the metahuman gene…”

“No.”

“But…”

“I said no. You are here to work on you. Your father and I will figure this out. This is not something for you to worry about.”

Kara persisted. “I can help her. I helped Clark. You trusted me… but you don’t trust me now, do you?”

Eliza took her hands off Kara’s shoulders and grabbed her hand instead, continuing their walk.

“Trust will come, Kara. You are 24 and I will treat you like you are 14 for a while. Do I think you could help her? Absolutely. But not now, not at this time. If she told you the story she told us, then you know these powers, they come from somewhere dark, a place in her heart that she will have to come to terms with. You can’t look into that darkness. You aren’t ready to go there, Kara. You are still trying to climb out of your own darkness. You can’t dive into hers.”

Kara shook her head. “The woman has done a lot for us, for me. I can’t let her do this alone.”

“I know. That’s why Dante will be coming here. You can meditate, teach her the things he taught you, but when it comes to her tapping her power, that must be him. He taught you to come to grips with yours and he will teach her. I am not saying you should abandon her. But when it comes to control that is him. You can’t control your darkness yet, Kara. How are you supposed to help control hers?”

The Blonde knew her mother was probably right, but she had promised.

“I need to feel like I am helping someone. This is the only way I know how I can do that.” she argued.

“I understand, but not now. Be present but Dante takes the lead and Alex will help if needed. You can’t do anything to jeopardize your recovery. I called him this morning and already talked to Caitlin. He will be here this afternoon. I am so glad you two reconciled. I don’t suppose you will ever tell anyone what the split was about?”

Kara shook her head.

“It was just another one of my lows, probably one of the lowest things I have ever done. I don’t want to think about it, much less talk about it.”

Eliza didn’t push, instead steering the girl back towards the cabin. She had hoped to find some sort of wildlife, something to put a smile on her daughter’s face but with Kara feeling sluggish and making a lot of noise on top of them talking, that idea was probably not the best. In all honesty, Eliza just wanted to get her from that base and enjoy some sunshine.

“I have a surprise for you.” Eliza told her as the cabin came into sight. “Your glasses are in the cabin. Leslie thinks it might be a good idea for you to take a field trip, see a little of the world again.”

Kara stiffened immediately. She should have been happy, but the girl had been in the Black for so long the idea of facing the real world was not appealing.

“I’m not ready for that.” Kara told her, anxiety obvious in her voice.

Eliza understood and had sort of expected this reaction.

“I’m not throwing you to the wolves. Just for an hour, have a healthy lunch that comes from a restaurant instead of a cafeteria. Alex is already in Louisville. She is going to be with you the entire time.”

Kara was still not sure. The anxiety meds had helped but now she would be taking a brief trip to the real world. Even with Alex there…

“How did Alex get there? Did her jet land? I thought we only flew those in at night? I know Bruce has been gone for days with his.”

“She got a ride from a friend. Here he is now.” the mother said, hoping his appearance might help her relax.

Kara could not keep up with him, without her super eyesight and quick reflexes. She barely saw the streak but just like that, Barry was there in front of her.

“I’ll take it slow, no burning clothes.”

Kara shook her head, having a hard time believing he was there.

“You said you were working this weekend.”

“Yeah and I worked yesterday. Today I brought Clark back, carried Alex to Louisville where she is waiting for you and am now back to get you. I should charge fares. You ride for free though.”

Before Kara could say another word, her glasses were on her face and she was in his arms.

“What do you say Miss Danvers? Ice cream with a salad? You can’t eat healthy all the time.” Barry pointed out. Eliza disagreed but it was to no avail. Kara nodded and smiled and the two were off. This time, instead of looking where they were going, she simply closed her eyes and enjoyed the ride.

Two minutes later they arrived at the park he had left Alex. Barry grabbed a bag from Alex’s hand and was gone, back in ten seconds, dressed normally, casually, jeans, and black button-down shirt. Perhaps the DEO was rubbing off on him.

“You okay?” Alex asked Kara, who was staring wide eyed at the city in front of her. They were on the outskirts in a park that was somewhat deserted, so there was no one around.

Kara took in the high-rises in downtown. She couldn’t hear the millions of voices floating towards her, she didn’t have to drown out most and concentrate on one or two.

“I guess. I haven’t been around people, I mean, strangers, you know? It’s been a while? I don’t know if I should do this. I don’t feel that great. My body feels kind go sluggish and I don’t know…”

“Are you nervous?” Alex asked, watching her closely.

Kara just nodded her head. She didn’t feel close to having a panic attack. The meds seemed to be working on that front. Still she did sense in the back of her mind a foreboding almost, that reminded her of the first time she went school shopping and was surrounded by thousands.

“Okay, let’s go back.” Alex decided. We can always try this again another time.”

“No!” Kara told her quickly. Screw that. I am tired of being afraid. We can go for a while. But I wasn’t kidding when I said I felt tired. I don’t know if my body is up for a long walk to get to the city.”

Alex smiled at her and ran her fingers through Kara’s hair, brushing a strand off her shoulder. She hadn’t seen her sister in glasses in a long time it seemed.

“We don’t have to walk. Our ride should be here any second.”

Barry hadn’t been told of this development. “You called a cab?”

“Better.” Alex replied with a wink. On cue it seemed a stretch limo pulled up, and Bruce Wayne stepped out.

“Who is ready to see the city?” he asked. “I’ve never spent time in Louisville. I’m looking forward to it.”

Barry internally groaned but kept a smile on his face. He stepped up and took Kara’s hand.

“Can’t wait.” he replied. “It’s been a few weeks since I have been in a limo.”