Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Seeing Red

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 41: Growing

Kara entered the Fortress calling for Kelex. She had much to do today with her robot… she supposed he had become her friend and not just a machine. The AI had grown over the years, evolved and taken on the better qualities of humans. Today, they had different ankle and wrist bracelets to design. Today would be a busy day, with her first session, done at home by Alex before she returned to work but her second and third awaited with her mother, plus a meeting tonight with her old group one town away from Midvale.

Then there was the family meeting with Jessica. According to Alex, she believed her former therapist was still counseling Barry, but it wasn’t her business. With Connolly no doubt entrenched in Metropolis, it was no concern of hers how often and far the woman traveled or who she saw. The last family meeting was not bad, but perhaps it was because it was Clark’s first and no one brought up any major discussion topics.

Despite the upcoming uncomfortable meetings Kara still had not gotten used to, she felt good today. It had been three days since her trip into the hell dimension that resided on her finger and Constantine had not lied. The ring had not glowed, she did not hunger to use it and she didn’t hear some sort of unintelligible whispering in her ear.

“Good morning Kara.” Kelex greeted her, stepping around a column, startling her greatly. Despite the fact that she had done all the work, seeing her old friend with legs and arms, fingers included, standing nearly six feet tall, freaked her out. She had turned her floating robot into a walking or floating Terminator without the skull face. Instead he still had the one eyed optic lense that could disintegrate any intruders that somehow managed to breach the Fortress as if that was possible.

“Kelex, bracelet, no powers, stop scaring the hell out of me.”

“I understand John Constantine restrained the hell inside you three days ago.” the robot told her. He was still very confused by the concept of magic. Kara did not blame him. It had taken Nyssa over a month to convince her of the power of the Lazarus Pit and Damian Darhk’s abilities.

The blonde shook her head and walked to Justin. She was a bit shocked and then upset that it was monitoring the inside of S.T.A.R. Labs and the Justice League on another screen in some sort of large Hangar.

“What are you doing?! I told you I didn’t want them watched any longer, especially Barry!”

“You stated you did not want to watch, you never said I couldn’t. I miss Barry.” he explained in a reasonable tone that never failed to irritate her.

“You miss him?” she asked.

“It is a new emotion I have been learning about and trying to put into practice.”

Kara walked up to Justin and was about to cut the feed when she saw a fight break out, not a normal training fight but an actual fight, a red blur moving around Curry, who was twisting in a whirlwind with his trident. It appeared Barry hit him but did not affect the large man who grabbed the Flash by his throat and tossed him across the room. As soon as Barry hit the ground, he must have been moving again. Kara could not keep up but she saw a red streak and Curry went flying into a truck that was parked wherever they were. Diana had jumped in front of Curry, holding her hands up, while that damn Green Lantern Stewart wrapped a construct around the man, who looked furious.

“What… why are they fighting?”

“They were training.” Kelex explained. “The League split into teams. Batman, J’onn J’onzz and the Green Lantern were on one team, and Diana Prince, Arthur Curry and Barry Allen were on the other. The idea was to work as separate teams, sparring against each other until one of them dropped. Barry has done quite well. His reflexes are much faster than a month ago. He still has not perfected increasing the density of his body on strikes from an unphased state but has been generating lightning bolts which he can throw with precision.”

Kara did not understand this. Bruce was in front of Barry and outwardly seemed calm but she knew that stance. Batman wasn’t happy. Diana was talking to Curry who looked furious, trying to calm the man, while J’onn stood in the middle watching both. Stewart of course, like all Green Lanterns, backed away from the fight and did not interfere in whatever argument was going on.

“If Barry and Curry were on the same team, why were Barry and Curry sparring each other?”

Kelex looked at Kara and for a moment she swore if the robot had a mouth he would have been smiling.

“Clark has made a habit of online gaming at night with Barry Allen after your parents fall asleep. I have a theory that when Clark told Barry about you and Curry swimming together, the emotion called jealousy came into play, causing Barry to strike Curry with a lightning bolt.”

Kara dropped her head.

She would remain calm. It wasn’t Clark’s fault that he talked too much and gave out information on her life to a guy she considered her ex or anyone else.

Yes, it was Clark’s fault.

He would pay for this. The brat had gone too far this time.

“Turn it off. Don’t watch him again. Is that a clear enough directive for you?”

“But I miss him.” Kelex argued again.

“So do I but get over it! Its done and I am trying to move past it. Do not monitor him anymore, that is a direct order that will not be countermanded. Alex may be in charge of the Fortress but you still answer to the Danvers, including me. Is that understood or do you need further clarification?”

“So I shouldn’t mention that he was on a social engagement last evening with a woman identified as Patricia Spivot, a CSI student who is receiving her education in Keystone City? Barry called her Patty.”

Kara clenched her fists and breathed deeply, counting back from one hundred in her head.

“Kelex,” she finally said, after her breathing had calmed, “you know how important it is that I not become angry, correct? You understand this?”

The robot thought for a moment. “Why would this information make you angry? You are moving past it. Do you feel jealousy?”

“What are your prime directives?” Kara asked, counting in her head once again.

“Protect the Danvers at all costs. Defend the Fortress against any intruders using deadly force. Do not harm sentient life forms unless they enter the Fortress without clearance or I am ordered by one of the Danvers. Provide knowledge and support in any manner requested by authorized personnel. Alert the Danvers if I suspect your mental status has deteriorated to a level in which you are no longer able to make rational decisions. Stop any attempts you make take to end your own life and alert them immediately.”

“Exactly.” Kara agreed, thinking for a second that her AI was becoming out of control. The last thing she wanted was to be responsible for the end of the world by creating Skynet. “I authorized you to study human emotions and assimilate them but that was not a protocol. Attempting to make me jealous and using emotional manipulation because you ‘miss’ someone, is not ethical nor allowed by any standard of human conduct. Cease spying on Barry Allen immediately. I do not want any information on his life nor you to have any.”

Kara sat at her work station and began preparing new designs for red sun bracelets, with a focus on making them lighter weight and less irritable to the skin. After five minutes she gave up.

“Okay, one time and that’s it. How did his date go?” she asked Kelex quietly.

“By your standards of outings involving Dick Grayson and Barry Allen in the past, it was unsuccessful. He returned home alone.” Kelex happily informed her.

Kara shook her head. It wasn’t her business and she had gotten drawn into this conversation by an AI who was growing up too fast.

“Don’t do it again, Kelex. I’m serious.” she told him.

“So you do not want the background information and recent video I have compiled on Patricia Spivot?”

“No!” the girl shouted. “What part of keeping me from getting angry do you not understand? Do I need to get Mom to have a talk with you?”

Kelex shook his head quickly. “I apologize. I can tell by your heart rate and facial expression that I have upset you. That was not my intent but it has caused another emotion I have been assimilating.”

Kara snorted, wishing not for the first time, that she had never allowed the robot to transcend his programming. “What is that? Being an asshole isn’t an emotion, it’s a lifestyle.”

“Guilt.” Kelex told her. “I wish to practice a new technique you refer to as apologizing. You are very familiar with it as it is the primary technique you employ after arguments with your family.”

Kara actually chuckled at that, glad he wasn’t continuing the previous line of questioning and conversation.

“It’s okay, Kelex. I should have been clearer in my instructions. I realize emotions are new to you and I am no expert at controlling them. I recognize the difficulties you will face. Just do not look in on him or the Justice League again.”

“I understand, you should have been clearer. My recent actions in regard to our discussion are not why I wish to apologize.”

Kara turned back to her monitor, trying to focus on her work and ignore the AI.

“Then what are you apologizing for?” she asked, doing her best to sound interested.

“After studying child development, I have come to understand that I harmed you on Krypton. I kept you in isolation from family for days with your only your studies as a consequence of my reports to your father on areas you were not proficient in by his standards. I now realize that the isolation caused feelings of abandonment and what your therapist refers to as low self-esteem and greater anxiety. I did not provide an emotionally healthy atmosphere. I should have been more to you. Since I have come under your command, you have allowed me to grow outside of my original programming and become more. I did not allow you to do the same.”

Kara had not turned to face Kelex while he talked, her attention was not on the screen but on trying not to listen to his explanation for the guilt he felt. She sniffed and felt a single tear roll down her cheek, her eyes feeling a familiar stinging of more tears threatening to fall that she had long become accustomed to. The blonde stood up and turned to the robot, looked up at him now with a gentle smile and placed a hand gently on the side of his head.

“It wasn’t your fault. We both did what we were programmed to do. We never had a choice, Kelex. I am learning that now we do and you are making the best of yours, much better than I am. If it helps, I feel an emotion for you as well. I feel love. You are my friend, not my property. I am asking you, as a friend, not to look in on or bring up anything to do with the Justice League or Barry Allen again.”

Kelex’s neural pathways tried to sort this new information. “You consider me a friend, even though I am an artificial life form?”

Kara patted his newly made broader shoulder.

“You are more than an artificial life form. You are becoming sentient. In many ways, you already are. Recall our first mission?”

“747 in distress, on a crash course with downtown National City that would have caused over ten thousand deaths.”

Kara nodded. “And what did you advise me to do?”

“Use your heat vision to rupture the fuel tanks and cause an explosion in midair limiting loss of life on the ground.”

The blonde chuckled, remembering that day vividly, the day Supergirl was born. “Would you give me the same advice now?”

The robot shook its head. “I have seen you and your sister achieve feats that were against odds of success. I would offer the most probable scenario that could achieve success despite the odds because I have observed your actions and believe in your ability to succeed.”

The girl smiled, already having known this. The change in him over the years had been obvious and her and Alex talked about it often in the past.

“That’s growing. You are better at it than I am, but I am trying to catch up. What does it mean to be alive? I was never human but I feel less so now. I have energy running through my body keeping me alive instead of blood, just as you have the omegahedron powering you. That doesn’t mean we are less alive. I am having to learn this and will continue learning this if I want any hope at living life. You are alive, the same as I am. We think, we feel, we love. I know you love because missing someone is a result of love. We are free of Krypton. Here, on Earth, we are alive. Since we are alive, would you assist me in designing red sun devices that don’t cause me to need lotion on a regular basis?”

Kelex nodded his head and moved in front of the monitor while Kara sat. The two began designing new devices and modifying old designs for the next few hours until Eliza arrived for Kara’s lunchtime session.

The session was effective Kelex supposed, since Kara actually ate the pot stickers Eliza had brought her and did not vomit, seeming to even enjoy them. This was a success in his mind and caused him to feel his favorite emotion, happiness.

S.T.A.R. Labs Hangar

“What the hell was that about?” Bruce asked Barry, once he had gotten him into a separate room, far from Curry who had probably already left.

“What does it matter? I threw a bolt at you, missed and it struck him. Its not like it killed him. If he has a problem, maybe he should be less emotional.”

“You attacked your own teammate in a sparring session.” Bruce pointed out. “You let your emotions take over, you failed to harden your body when you struck him. This caused hesitation which allowed him to grab you and attack. You had a moment of weakness because you could not concentrate! You are allowing emotions to cloud your judgement and ability to fight.”

Barry knew he attacked Curry. He never missed any longer. He didn’t need to run circles to throw lightning bolts now. Yes, he attacked Curry and yes, he did let his emotions cloud his judgement. Despite that, he did not need Batman telling him this. Barry knew what he did but Batman was not the team leader.

No, the team leader had just arrived and kicked the door in as her way of saying hello.

Diana did not often loose her cool, even when attacking opponents viciously. Right now she appeared to have lost her cool.

“Go to Gotham City. I need my Nth metal sharpening block. Be back in five minutes.” she instructed the man.

Barry was confused by that request, the reason for it and time given.

“I can’t make it to Gotham City and back in five minutes. Its half way across the country.” he reminded her.

Diana crossed her arms, the anger that clouded her face not lessening.

“Jordan told Stewart that the Guardians have decided since he is working with us, the Lanterns have no need to protect the sector or give any information on potential threats, even to Jordan. We have an alien sphere that could have come from three different planets that most likely has information on all of us and has sent it back to where it came from. Soon, we will be under attack. We have no idea when, from who, or what we will be facing, but we are on our own. I need people who I can trust, not people who let jealousy cloud their judgement. You are the fastest speedster in this Universe, but right now, I would prefer to have Wally West. I know he would work to get better and never attack his own teammate in a sparring session. The purpose of that exercise was so in the event we had to split up, we would become accustomed to working with different individuals and complement each other’s skills. You failed. Go get the block. If you aren’t back in five minutes you will try again and again, until you succeed or can no longer run.”

Barry shook his head, feeling a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Diana had never spoken to him this way. Batman had walked out of the room thankfully, so one less person to see this dressing down made it slightly better.

Not much better when Diana punched the middle of the table he had been sitting at, splitting it in half.

“We are trying to save the world, because Kara is gone. I will never be caught in a situation where she had to nearly die to kill a monster that should have been our responsibility. Get faster, work harder or bring me Wally West. This is about more than your petty jealousy. Get me the damn block, now. You have five minutes and the clock is ticking.”

Barry did run, not so much because of her order but the need to get away. He ran, not bothering to listen to Cisco in his ear providing him directions. He knew the way to the Batcave, thought of Curry under the water with Kara, and ran harder, anger fueling his movements. He didn’t care about the time limit, didn’t care about zipping around traffic, phasing through everything in his path. He felt the Speedforce wrap around him and reached out, almost seeing the kinetic energy of his body, the people driving, walking, feeling them from a distance.

The Flash was not sure what to do with this new feeling of kinetic energy so he let it go for another time. Right now he just wanted to run. The more he ran the more at peace he felt, until another thought of Curry and Kara popped into his head, causing him to run faster. He knew if he didn’t control his vibrations he could slip into another time or another Earth, so he forced himself to calm down and focus.

The man made it back to the Hangar and handed the sharpening block to the Amazon.

“Eight minutes.” she told him. “Do it again.”

Barry thought of arguing, but instead returned to the Batcave, making it back in what he felt was record time.

“Seven minutes twelve seconds, do it again.” she ordered, sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, no longer armored, but with a stop watch she had found somewhere.

Barry did it again, irritated at her orders, but wanting to prove to her he could do it. He had no reason to, but the idea of failing Diana bothered him greatly.

Six minutes and ten seconds on the fifth try was the best he could do.

On the sixth run, he completed it in nine minutes.

“Stop. Where is the block?”

Barry had forgotten about that, leaving it on a desk at the Batcave.

“I uh… I left it.” he told her, actually beginning to feel winded.

“Do it again.”

On the seventh try, he had made it back in nine minutes and eight seconds and doubled over, trying to catch his breath.

Diana tossed the stone to the floor and motioned to grab a chair and sit across from her.

Seeing she had Barry’s attention once he had regained his breath and sat, she spoke.

“We may be attacked tonight, tomorrow, a year from now. We have no idea how large an attack force could be coming, what weapons they have, what powers they may have. This is just not about the sphere. This is about the life we chose. If we cannot fight the battles two teenage girls once fought what good are we? I have given you time but time is now up. I need warriors, not boys fretting over a girl. You can go faster, you can become stronger, but you are doing none of those things. If you can’t sleep at night, keep running, do something useful. Get better. Learn to work with your teammates, because none of us can do this alone.”

Barry closed his eyes and pulled his mask back, the anger he felt before replaced with embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.”

Diana ignored his apology. “Do you now why the Amazons needed a queen? Why they needed my mother? Because thousands of Amazons, banished to an island for thousands of years didn’t magically get along. There have been disputes, arguments, even bloody fights, but one thing that remained the same was my mother. There was a chain of command and she was the one who settled disputes, stayed calm when anger threatened to split our people. She formed us into what we were, what we are. Because of her, when my Aunt led our army into battle, we all fought as one for the greater good of mankind and for Themyscira and our people. Despite living together for thousands of years, we were one when it counted. Petty arguments went by the wayside.”

“I understand.” Barry promised.

“No, you really don’t. I wanted you on this team because I saw you were capable of great things, not because you were Supergirl’s boyfriend. Once you reach your full potential, you will engage the strongest enemy while we fight the larger force. To fight the strongest enemy, you have to be stronger, physically and mentally. You should feel more pressure than any of us. No one and nothing should be able to defeat a speedster. Atrocitus didn’t stand a chance. He lost his hand and head before he knew what was happening. Right now, I wouldn’t trust you to fight Curry, much less our enemies.”

Barry had a hard time looking at her now. Diana was the one who had always trusted him, always believed in him and now the disappointment in her voice was killing him.

“Kara treats her life like she treats her enemies. She destroys it completely. She attempted to cut you out of her life by doing the one thing she knew you would not forgive her for. I shouldn’t tell you this. I should make you come to peace with it on your own but for the sake of the team I will. Curry turned her down. J’onn saw it in his mind. He even defended you, your toughness, heart, a heart I am beginning to doubt. We live as one, we die as one. If we die, the world dies. This is bigger than your jealousy and heartache. Go to your job during the day and then come here. Work with your team to get better, unlock these abilities Bruce seems to think you can have and constantly push yourself to get faster. Run until you can’t breathe any longer then eat, go to bed, sleep, work and repeat. Do we understand each other?”

Barry nodded his head, finally looking her in the eye.

“I’m sorry.”

“Tell it to Curry. I believe in Barry Allen, I always have and I always will, so start being Barry Allen again.”

Diana left Barry alone, turning out the lights and leaving him in the dark.

He placed his visor down and saw the time was 6 PM. Running into the control room, he was glad to see Cisco and Caitlin were still there. He grabbed two energy bars from the drawer in front of Caitlin and ate them quickly.

“Those were some amazing times you put up man.” Cisco commented, expecting Barry to have been happier.

“No, they weren’t. I have to be faster. We are going to do it again and again, until I can be there and back in under five minutes. Then we are going to make it four minutes and keep going faster.”

Cisco and Caitlin looked at each other, concerned.

“Barry, not even you can go that fast.” Caitlin told him.

“Not yet.” the man agreed. “So we need to figure out how to get there. Caitlin figure out what I need to do. More muscle, better reflexes, examine my stride, my posture, the time my heel spends on the ground, even at a nanosecond level. Cisco, you have full access to my suit, right?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“I need you to reconfigure the outward sensors to pick up kinetic energy. I have figured out how to control static electricity on command. I need to do the same with kinetic energy. Bruce thinks I can control it, absorb it to make me faster, possibly share it one day and even steal it from other moving objects.”

“And you laughed at the idea. You said it was impossible.” Cisco reminded his friend.

Barry nodded grimly. “So let’s make the impossible happen.”

While Barry spent the evening giving Caitlin a baseline on the treadmill to improve, Kara sat in an AA meeting in the back of the room. She sipped a cup of coffee because it was common and she wanted to blend in, but Eliza had her back on her crystal implant diet and Kara was in no mood to argue. That meant cutting down on caffeine for some reason and a more holistic diet meant coffee with specially ground beans would be the norm, only allowed in the morning.

Kara listened as usual but her thoughts were everywhere. She was thinking of Barry, thinking of the offer she had from Evans, wondering if anyone else knew who she was or had been and never said anything. She had no intention of talking tonight, only listening and remembering that despite not being able to get drunk or high, she desperately wanted to. Meetings did this to her often, made her think of alcohol, and drove her crazy with want. Perhaps that was the point. Avoidance was not an acceptable technique in the real world so maybe facing the challenge head on and eventually becoming desensitized in a manner of speaking to the larger issue somehow was the answer.

After the hour long meeting, she walked outside only to hear her name called. She froze, not sure who knew her well enough in this group to even know her name.

Turning she saw a man, perhaps her age, slightly taller than her and muscular with tan skin and close cut dark hair.

“Yes?”

“Kara, right? I like the darker hair. Was this always your natural color or did you color it?”

The girl shook her head, confused.

“I’m sorry, but how do we know each other?”

The man smiled. “We were in choir together for five years.”

Kara looked closely at him. Something was familiar in his eyes but she was never one for looking at people too long.

“Jake?” she guessed, shocked at his appearance.

“You do remember.” he told her, excitedly and wrapped the stiff girl into a hug.

Kara really took him in. Jake had worn glasses like she did. He had been thin, not athletic, his curly hair was always a mess, but he did have a beautiful voice and was always nice to her.

“You look… different.”

The man laughed and shrugged his shoulders. “Marines. I joined out of high school. I never thought I would make it through boot camp but I managed. Guess you could say I picked up some confidence, along with some bad habits, as you can guess by my presence. Are you living in Midvale? I heard you moved to National City?”

Kara smiled, still not quite believing it was him… or that he was here of all places.

“Yeah…” she answered, remembering his question. “I… me and Alex… we built a house near my parents. They moved back too. I guess you could say we are here for good. What about you? You left the Marines I guess. What are you doing back in Midvale?”

The man took a deep breath. “Like I said, saw some bad things, had enough. I left the desert but it didn’t leave me so I tried to drown it out. Never quite works though, does it?”

Kara snorted, thinking about how many problems she had tried to drown out, only to find herself at the bottom of an ocean with the problems still there.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I guess I had enough. My Dad came looking for me in Metropolis when I didn’t answer my phone for a couple days. He found me in a hospital I had been in for two days. I had some fractured ribs and a pretty bad concussion and still have no idea how I got there, just that I was very drunk. He dragged me to rehab, had me sectioned and… anyway, he brought me here, home. Its a good place to start rebuilding, from the beginning, you know?”

Kara did know, only this wasn’t a starting place, this was the end for her. This was home. Despite the people who talked about her in school, she loved the little town.

“So, are you a regular at these meetings? I just started myself. Been sober for three months, but just got out of rehab. What about you?”

“About six months once I left rehab. It’s been… difficult but… you know.” Kara admitted.

Jake did know.

“Kara!” she heard her Dad’s voice from the car, calling to her.

“Is that your Dad?”

Kara’s face turned red. “Yeah, he gave me a ride because… my bike is in the shop.” not mentioning that she still got rides because they didn’t trust her not to leave.

“Kara. We have that thing to do and bedtime is in three hours. Let’s go.” Jeremiah practically shouted. Kara was grateful he didn’t honk the horn.

“Bed time?” Jake asked with a knowing grin.

The girl shrugged her shoulders, not thinking of any graceful explanation for that.

“Hey, I was thinking of taking a trip to Metropolis this weekend. Its a long drive but I could use some company. They are dedicating that monument to Supergirl in downtown, where she fought that monster. I had a friend who was able to get out of there because she kept that thing distracted. Plus, I guess… I don’t know. I feel like I should be there. She is one of us, you know? Maybe Alex can come too? I don’t have any friends here and my ex and I split when I went to rehab… so… its been kind of lonely.”

Warning bells went off in Kara’s head. This was the last thing she needed. She could already hear Leslie calling her an idiot and feel the water she had no doubt the woman would throw on her.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” she told him. Neither going with him or going back there… seemed like a good idea.

Jake must have understood by the look on her face. “Look, I’m not trying to pick you up. You aren’t my type and by that, I mean you aren’t a guy. I really could use some friends. If you and Alex decide you want to go let me know Thursday. I’ll be here. I’ll even drive Saturday. It’s a six hour trip and if I leave at 6 AM it is going to be a lonely trip. Think about it. See you later.”

“I will.” she assured him.

Kara did not speak on the way home, despite Jeremiah’s awkward attempts at starting small talk.

She did not speak, while the family gathered in the living room with Jessica.

When Jessica asked who would like to begin, Kara’s hand shot up so quickly one would think she still had her powers.

“Wow.” Jessica said, surprised. Kara never started meetings. Of course if she was this motivated, things had gone very wrong with something. “Looks like Kara has something…”

“I have a few things actually. I would like to address the first to my father.”

Jess barely heard him mumble a curse word and look away.

“I was talking to someone, an old friend I went to school with since I first came to Midvale, one I spent five years with in choir with. While I was trying to have a short conversation, my father was yelling from the parking lot that I needed to hurry up, because my bedtime was in three hours!”

“Kara. stay calm.” Eliza whispered.

“I am calm. I get that I am treated like I am 15 instead of 25 because of my actions the past few years but I am doing my best and would appreciate not being called out in public. It was embarrassing.”

Jeremiah rubbed his forehead. He had known he had screwed up after he had honked the horn and saw the look on Kara’s face but hoped maybe she would let it slide.

“Jeremiah, would you like to explain to us why you did this?”

“We were in a hurry to get home for this meeting?” he answered, though it sounded like more of a question.

The ones in the room continued staring at him, obviously wanting the truth.

“Fine,” he gave in, “you broke up with Barry not long ago and the last thing you need is to become involved with a man who has the same problems you do. That is bad for recovery, right Jessica? Tell her I am right. Please tell her I am right.”

“He asked me to go to Metropolis this weekend for the unveiling of that stupid statue in downtown. I was going to turn him down because I knew this. Then he told me he was gay! He was looking for a friend and there aren’t many of us who understand what we have to live with.”

“He’s gay?” Jeremiah asked. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“It shouldn’t have mattered.” Kara told him, keeping her voice calm. Clark sped into the kitchen and came back in a second with a bag of chips, obviously enjoying this. “Maybe he could have been asking me on a date. Maybe I turned him down, or maybe I didn’t. Either way, it was something we could have talked about at home, instead of you jumping to conclusions and calling me loudly from the car.”

The man dropped his head. “Yeah, you are right. I’m sorry.” he told her, genuine remorse in his voice. At the time, he saw Kara talking to a handsome guy and his mind drifted to the stunt she tried to pull with Curry less than two days after her and Barry’s argument. He panicked and didn’t realize the mistake until he experienced Kara’s silence on the way home.

“Okay.” Jessica said, relieved that the man just apologized instead of rationalizing his actions.

“I accept.” Kara told him and seemed to be sincere.

“Okay, so we…”

“I’m not done.” Kara told her and turned to Clark who was very nervous considering the look on her face. “Kelex was watching Barry today without anyone’s permission because he missed him apparently. Before I could tell him to stop a fight broke out between Curry and Barry. A real fight. Do you know why, Clark?”

The boy shrugged his shoulder and looked towards Alex, his Mom or Dad, anyone that could get him from under Kara’s withering gaze.

“Fish guy told him you two went on a date?” he hoped.

Kara shook her head. “Fish guy didn’t tell him anything. You did. You have been gaming with him after our parents go to sleep and telling him what I have been doing. You don’t have the right to tell anyone outside this family about any of us, do you?”

Eliza groaned. “Clark, please tell me this is a misunderstanding.”

Clark’s silence spoke volumes.

“You are grounded from video games until I say differently. Kelex will be cutting off any wireless signals you attempt to connect to and informing us. That was crossing a line, young man. Kara’s life or any of ours is not to be discussed with outsiders. Do you understand this?”

Clark did. He knew he was probably taking things too far but like Kelex, he missed Barry.

“I’m sorry, Kara. It won’t happen again.””

Kara’s face softened, recognizing that her brother meant it. She knew his voice, when he was being sarcastic and when he was being genuine. He appeared to be genuinely regretful now.

Jess let out a breath and tried to calm her heart rate. Kara had not lost it yet. This was good.

“Anything else, Kara?”

The blonde thought for a moment and then shook her head.

Alex spoke next. “So Jake is gay? I thought I was the only one in Midvale. Weird. Dad, why would you even worry about it? He is a huge nerd, bigger than the one Kara pretended to be. We are talking about Jake, right? Braces, thick glasses, shaggy hair, this as a weed?”

“Marines.” Kara told her sister. “He wasn’t discharged long ago from what little conversation we had. He does not look like a nerd now. That was all I was able to get before Dad dragged me away. He asked if we would like to go to Metropolis this Saturday for that dedication of the downtown construction and that stupid monument they want to set a park around. I told him I would ask you but we both know, there is no way we are going. I never want to see that place again.”

Jessica was surprised by that. The idea of going back was something she never considered.

“Maybe you should talk to Leslie about that.” Ryan suggested.

“About what?” the girl asked.

Jess shrugged her shoulders and looked at the parents.

“Maybe it would be good for all of you to face it and put it behind you. You were all affected that day, not just Kara. I’m not sure if it is too soon. That’s between Leslie and Kara, but I don’t think it would be a bad idea for the rest of you.”

No one said anything for a moment, even Clark. There were only a few times he had been frightened so much he could hardly think in his life. One was the day that Astra nearly killed him and his parents, then watching Kara nearly die. Another was the day, his father picked him up from school and told him gently that Kara had hurt herself badly and rushed him to the DEO so they could be together. He heard enough from the whispers of agents and the doctors that she had tried to kill herself and wasn’t expected to live.

The last time was recent, stuck in the Fortress at the bottom of the world, the transporters all closed and the headquarters doused in red rays to keep him from escaping to help Kara. He watched that fight from the S.T.A.R. Labs satellite and for the first time saw Kara battle a creature he knew in his gut that she couldn’t beat. That place undid all the hard work the family had done since Kara had been committed, nearly killed Alex, J’onn, even Lobo.

He wasn’t sure he ever wanted to visit that place.

But if his family wanted to, he would be there, he would always be there.

And he hoped Kara’s therapist would tell her it’s a bad idea.

Eliza was the next to bring up an elephant in the room. “Kare, have you given any thought to the offer Miss Evans made? Perhaps at least signing up for classes?”

Kara had given it thought, a lot of thought. “Yes and I won’t be doing them. I realize I would be paying for them and its not a contract with the school but I would be taking someone else’s spot who plans to be a teacher.”

Jeremiah watched her closely, recognizing that defeated tone. “Is it because you aren’t interested, or you think its something you don’t want to do?” he asked carefully.

The girl smiled and shook her head. “How can I be trusted around children, if my own family doesn’t trust leaving me at home alone all day? I can put those bands on myself, Kelex can monitor my brain waves and one of you can go over the numbers in the evening, but that doesn’t matter. I go therapy, I even got a warlock or something to dampen this ring, but I still am not trusted to go to AA by myself. Despite this ring happening, I have not had a drink since before I was taken to the Block though I have had plenty of opportunities. I haven’t hurt myself, but I know I am still checked every time one of you looks at me. When is going to be over? Its been six months. What have I done not to be trusted alone for more than a few hours a day?”

“You tried to kill yourself to make Kelex take that crystal out of you.” the father reminded her.

“That was not a suicide attempt. That was me knowing what I had to do and getting him to do it the only way possible.”

“And you shouldn’t have done it.” the man told her, keeping his voice quiet and calm.

“You would prefer it have gotten to Midvale after all of Gotham and Metropolis were destroyed? After he had taken out J’onn, his entire team, Lobo, the military? No weapon was going to stop that thing. Alex and I discussed this at a rather inconvenient time the other night and I am upset that she became involved, and I am tired of pretending I am not. Has anyone told her she shouldn’t have been there? She came close to death, as close as one can get. But I made a bad decision, when we all knew I had no choice?”

Kara’s voice remained calm, not argumentative, which Jess was grateful for but the woman knew that could end at any time.

“You went toe to toe with that thing like you had a death wish, despite knowing you couldn’t beat it that way.” Alex pointed out. “So yeah, if you were going to fight, the only way you could win was if he was distracted. J’onn was down, Lobo was down, even your Reds were down. I was the only distraction you had left. I was going to be there. I always have been, so deal with it.”

Kara looked at her parent’s opening her hands, expecting them to say anything. As usual, they seemed fine that Alex risked her life to fight the monster while she felt she was blamed for it.

“How much do you have to give up for this world, until it will be enough?” Eliza asked finally, the sadness in her voice evident. “How much pain is my little girl going to put herself through before you realize it isn’t on you to fight this planet’s battles? How much longer are you going to punish yourself?”

Kara took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling, hating seeing the look on Eliza’s face that she had come to know well. It wasn’t anger or judgment but pain, and hurt, mixed with a deep love.

“Zor El made that thing.” she said in almost a whisper. “Krypton had destroyed enough. I was the only one who stood a small chance. I’m sorry, but I would do it again. If Clark or Alex or Dad had been caught in downtown Metropolis, you would have wanted me there too.”

Eliza agreed. “Yes, I would. I would have wanted you there to get us all far away, not take a beating. My family comes first before the world. You always will.”

No one else had anything to say, so Jessica called and end to the session for the night, asking Kara to talk about Saturday with Leslie and the rest of the family to think of it as well.

Central City

Barry sat in his apartment, exhausted. He had spent more time on the treadmill and on the streets of various cities, running and turning as quickly as possible. He still hadn’t made it to Gotham in five minutes or less but he had broken the six minute barrier right after work. After a weight lifting session he had come home and barely had the energy to down the massive amount of pasta in front of him.

All the man wanted to do was collapse in bed and it was only nine PM.

His fatigue was forgotten when he received the text from Cisco.

An explosion had occurred in an apartment building in the worst part of Central City. Barry knew the building. A lot of low income families lived in it. He also knew the police had been investigating some tenants for having a possible methamphetamine lab on the second floor. They had hoped to get a warrant tomorrow.

Either the lab exploded or a separate fire was about to cause the lab to explode.

Barry ran so fast he was in front of the building in a second.

It was so horrible, it caused him to pause. Six stories, and he was sure many had been crushed and dropped to the second. The entire building was engulfed.

“Cisco set me body temp.” he told his friend, referring to his suit. Cisco did and also dropped the polymer hard breather over Barry’s mouth.

The Flash moved into the building to find it a mountain of debris on the first. Moving outside again he then ran through the debris moving up the long fire escape at the end.

Despite moving in and out of the small apartments that were barely standing, he could find no one.

No one alive. Burnt bodies, mangled bodies lay everywhere until sections of the floor gave out and dropped them to the ground floor. The Flash thought he heard a child cry above him and moved quickly through the flames.

He had heard a child cry but it was too late.

Besides that cry, he heard nothing but crumbling concrete, brick and fire.

“Cis… Cisco, use my sonar. Listen for heartbeats, anything. Tell me where the survivors are. I can’t find them, I can’t hear them.”

Cisco said nothing for a moment while Barry checked floor after floor, zig zagging, jumping over falling debris, using it to climb onto the next floor. During his run he saw so many bodies, so many children. He recognized the remains of the meth lab that must have ignited the blast.

“Barry, no one is alive. That explosion, the force of it, those people never had a chance man. Come back to S.T.A.R.”

The man refused to believe that. He had been here, suited up and eight miles away in a second. He knew he had. The bricks were still falling in the streets when he arrived.

Instead of leaving, he began making vortexes with his arms, trying to douse the blazes. Eventually he figured out that this fire would not be blown away. It was too late.

Everyone, men, women and children, were all gone, burnt or torn to pieces. The explosion had been catastrophic and happened so fast nobody, not even him, could have done anything.

The Fire Department arrived on scene, at first happy that the Flash was there, expecting surviving victims to be ran out quickly. That excitement died quickly when they realized the man was walking, not running over the debris pile, through the flames that licked around him but never caught him on fire, and reached the street blockade.

Barry made his way to the Chief, a man he had met on more than a few occasions. Retracting the breathing miraculously into this mask, a trick Cisco had yet to figure out, he stood before the man, defeated.

“They’re all dead. Everyone.” Barry told him quietly.

The man already knew this. The blast was catastrophic and immediate. Those people never stood a chance.

“We need to evacuate the streets. Was it a meth lab?”

The Flash nodded his head. “The chemical cloud, I doubt there will be one. It’s too hot for those gases to have escaped. I’m sorry.”

The Chief patted the Flash on the shoulder. “Nothing to be done. Not even you could have saved those people. You did the best you could.”

Barry knew this in his head. He understood that he couldn’t save them. Nobody would have had that much time. Even if death hadn’t been immediate, even if he had five seconds, the man would have snapped their necks trying to get them all out. There were hundreds of people, families in this run down complex. He had moved people at incredible speeds before without harming them, but never as quickly as he would have had to start and stop in such a short distance around debris.

Barry had faced the one situation he could not beat.

The man prepared to run back to S.T.A.R., for what, he wasn’t sure. There was nothing he could do there. He knew what happened, he knew the body count and he had no bad guy to chase. They were all dead in the building. In the morning he would be on scene, sifting though the wreckage after the fire burned down. As a CSI he would once again see the remains.

Walking down the block instead of running, he wasn’t surprised to see a large, sleek black car, low to the ground. The passenger side door lifted up and Barry slid inside. Batman drove off without a word.

The two had reached the outside of city limits before he pulled over.

“Do you see now?” Bruce asked.

“See what? That I couldn’t do anything, no matter how fast I get?”

“Do you see now? Do you understand? When Kara was 17, she saved a lot of people in a children’s hospital. It was the ones that didn’t make it that haunted her dreams, that she talked to me the most about. You have known loss, seen horrible things, but this was the first time you couldn’t save children, wasn’t it?”

Barry pulled off his mask and lay his head back on the seat, not knowing what to say.

“Diana saw the bodies of innocents in the Great War. J’onn saw his wife and child die, all the children of his species. I have seen children murdered, murdered by people, humans I let live by my code. I use Kara as an excuse to kill Aliens and she stayed away from humans for me, but I am no fool. I know what killing those murderers would have done. It would have ended them, saved more lives. I could never bring myself to do it though. Every victim of a criminal I could have put down permanently haunts my sleep. Curry and Stewart have ever been in that situation. Tonight you were. You probably thought there was nothing worse that could happen after seeing your mother and father die in front of you. Tonight you learned that wasn’t true. This is the life we chose Barry. Its hard, and it will haunt you, forever. I can’t offer you advice on how to deal with it. I push it to the back of my mind, Kara drank and used drugs, tried to kill herself. Alex and Dick keep it bottled inside, tucked away in a corner that will be so full one day they will all escape at once. Diana withdrew from the world. J’onn does his best not to sleep at night. One day this will become very real for Stewart and Curry. Nobody gets out of this world unscarred. No one can save everyone.”

Barry closed his eyes, feeling tears coming and not wanting to cry in front of the man.

“How should I deal with it? I’ve seen dead bodies before in my job, it seems like I see them every week. But tonight, I thought I could stop it, save at least one. It was different tonight. I wasn’t seeing them the day after. I saw them seconds after they were already dead. How do I deal with it, Bruce?”

The man shook his head. “That is something you have to figure out for yourself. It’s different for all of us I suppose. If you want to keep doing this, it won’t be the last time you feel this way.”

The Flash looked out the window, seeing nothing in the dark, starless night.

“Kara… Kara and Alex, they were too young for this.”

Batman let out a deep breath.

“Barry, we are all too young for this. We are all going Saturday to the dedication in Metropolis on Saturday, out of costume of course. I would like you to be there with us.”

The man nodded his head. When he had arrived at the scene of the attack, Kara had already turned into a Red Lantern. They had all been too late. He didn’t want to go back to that place, ever.

But the world owed it to her and her sister. He would be there.

“I’ll meet you there.” he agreed and stepped out of the car, running for home and sleep that he knew would be haunted tonight.