Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Survivors

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 23: The Cold

“Dante, do you have a girlfriend?”

Dante stopped fighting for a split second, surprised by the question. HIs hesitation was enough for Kara to land a shot to his chest and then follow up with a leg sweep, knocking him to the ground.

The man stood up slowly and took in his tiny blonde charge who was getting much better at controlling the speed and strength of her strikes.

“No… that was kind of a random question. Why do you ask?”

Kara shrugged her shoulders. “Connolly has one, I just wondered if you did. You never leave Midvale except for missions. Don’t you have anyone who misses you?”

The man shook his head. “Not really.”

“How old are you?” Kara continued.

“Uh, 26. I joined the Navy right out of High School and went straight into the Seal program. Most new recruits who were promised a shot at the program didn’t make it. I did.”

“Why the Navy?”

“Why the questions?” the man countered. Kara shrugged her shoulders once again.

“You know about me. You are training me. I want to know something about you. I know nothing.”

Dante decided she had a point. They often spent their time together during Dante’s breaks between sparring sessions talking about her, her life, her schooling, her frustrations.

“I grew up in Arizona. There was nothing but desert and it was beautiful in its own way. Despite the beauty of it I wanted something more. There was a pool at the Rec Center on the Reservation. I would swim every day in the summer and as much as I could in the winters. It never really got cold in Arizona. I enjoyed it and became very good at it. My grandfather raised me and taught me to track, taught me about nature and taught me to shoot a rifle and handgun. I had a girlfriend, only one in my entire life. Her name was Awanita. We had been together since 7th grade. I loved her. When I neared graduation I wanted to leave, see more of the world. I was also tired of the desert. I wanted to see the ocean I had only viewed through pictures on the internet and TV. So I joined the Navy. I wanted her to come with me, to marry me, but she wanted to stay on the Reservation. We fought and she told me if I left to never bother coming back. I haven’t.”

“If you loved her, why did you leave?”

“Because Kara, I felt I had a destiny and I needed to do this. I needed to be here. Ironically I have spent a large majority of my time in the Navy in deserts, but I love swimming, I love the feeling of freedom. One day you will love the feeling of flying, the freedom from worries for just a moment while you are soaring in the sky.”

“I feel that when I hurt myself.” the blonde admitted, causing the man to wince.

“Which is why you need to find another outlet. No one should ever harm themselves. The world is hard enough without you making it harder on yourself.”

“Pain also makes me stronger.” Kara reasoned. The more she felt, the less bothered she was by it.

“Pain does not make you stronger, Kara, love does. You have not progressed in your skills because you want to feel pain. You have made the great progress you have because of love. The love for your adopted parents, for your baby cousin and for your sister. Pain can only get you so far. Love is what makes a hero.”

Kara shook her head but didn’t disagree. She really knew nothing about being a hero.

“What happened to Awanita? Did she mate… marry someone else?”

Dante looked to the sky and then looked down at the short girl. “She had another path to follow. We all have our own paths to travel. Some are full of happiness and some are full of pain. The best paths I think, are the ones that are filled with a bit of both. Pain is something to be learned from, not to be used as an escape. Love is something to learn from as well, not something to be lost in. I think that last combo, which was very good, is the last I want today. You have a birthday party tomorrow night. This weekend should be about fun, not fighting. No more training.”

“I like training.” she argued.

“You like hanging out with Alex, playing with Clark, star gazing with Jeremiah and bird watching with Eliza also. You like making art, capturing the world around you forever on canvas and paper. There is more to life than preparing for a possible future battle that may never happen. Enjoy what you have now Kara. Enjoy these years as much as you can. They go by very fast.”

“I know. I spent 13 years on Krypton and it feels like I never had enough time. Everything about that time seems poisoned now. Poisoned by death, poisoned by shame, poisoned by deceit. Will everyone be at mine and Alex’s party?”

“Yes, except J’onn maybe. He wants to be there but wasn’t sure how you would feel about it.”

“I would like him to be there. He has done a lot for all of us.” Kara admitted.

“Great. I will let him know. He will be very…”

“If he shows up looking like Hank Henshaw I will burn him. He must also give his word as the last of his kind not to read any minds. If I suspect he has, the two of us will battle. He doesn’t need to know about the training Alex and I have been doing. He will give me his word in person before he enters our home. If he lies, I will be done with him.”

Dante shut up for a moment, noting the sunniness Kara usually carried was gone, her face now neutral, almost blank and her words spoken in a matter of fact tone. He wondered exactly how much of her happiness and excitement about life when she was in a good mood was an act. Her anger was very close to the surface at all times. The only time she felt anything other than anger, he suspected, were the days she was very depressed.

“He would not do that Kara. We wouldn’t let him regardless. You seem angry.”

“I am not angry. I did not yell.”

“Anger has many forms. You need to meditate more often, find your peace without causing pain and letting go of your anger. You started this path because of fear. Fear for your family’s safety. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering.”

Dante could not hold a straight face, a grin escaping. Kara for her part was surprised but laughed as well.

“Did you really just quote Yoda? Seriously?”

“You are smiling. It was worth it. I know you love Star Wars.”

“Yeah, but the Sith code makes more sense to me. Through strength I gain power, through power I gain victory. Isn’t this why we train? So I may have victory over my enemies, over all our enemies? We both know what I am doing here. I am not catching bullets, trying to hone my reflexes, using my heat vision to knock clay disks from the sky or flying at high speeds while navigating sharp turns for self defense. Please, Dante, I don’t want there to be lies between us. We both know what we are doing.”

Dante stared at the little girl in front of him, not quite sure what to say. Was this what he was doing? He thought and told himself he trained her so she would be able to defend herself if the worst happened. But was he lying to himself? Were they all? Alex had learned a dozen ways to take down a person, causing serious bodily harm. He knew next year, if allowed, Connolly and Ty would begin teaching her how to shoot a gun, a rifle, turn her into a sniper in skills at least. When had this become more about offensive than defensive skills?

He would think of this later but right now he wondered if the girls, at least Kara, had manipulated them all into what they wanted. Or perhaps they had manipulated themselves into training the girls as they wanted.

And if he was being honest with himself, they were training Alex to be what they needed. They did not need another fighter. The five could fight on their own.

Alex had to be involved in any battles Kara was involved in the future. Alex would be skilled, very capable, very dangerous but that was not why they needed the girl. Her primary value had already been made apparent time and time again.

Alex could calm Kara when the Kryptonian was in danger of going too far. Alex kept Kara sane in a manner of speaking. Only she seemed to be able to pull Kara back from the brink of darkness that was always threatening to break free. Kara may save the world but without Alex no one would be able to save the world from her. The thought of what they may have all been doing made him a bit sick. He would have to talk to Connolly about this. Instead of addressing it with Kara, he attempted to change the subject to one he was very interested in.

“If you don’t want lies between us, why don’t you tell me your secret? The one only you and Alex know? I know the two of you are holding something back. There has been a change in you for the last few weeks. You are more focused than ever and I would guess angrier. What happened?”

Kara froze, wishing the man had not known her so well at the moment. Not even Jeremiah and Eliza had picked up on this.

“Whatever might have happened, and I am not admitting that anything did, is not a lie. If Alex and I ever do have a secret it is ours. Only me and my sister would ever know our secrets, whatever they are. You told me once that you would rather I say nothing at all than lie to you. I am fulfilling your wish by saying nothing at all. Alex is tired. I can hear her breathing heavily. Jeremiah should be putting a stop to this momentarily. If he doesn’t I will ask him to. Alex will never admit she is tired and stop on her own.”

Kara was gone in a second, a blur into the forest. Dante shook his head and began walking towards Connolly, Jeremiah and Alex. He had much to think about.

The next night, the girls stood outside in the backyard, Kara holding Kal who couldn’t get enough of her today. Her cousin could almost sense her moods now and sought her out when she was happy. When she was sad or angry he sought the others out for attention.

“This is pretty cool, right Kal? I bet Jeremiah and Eliza will have a big party for you with lots of gifts when you turn two. I can’t wait to see your face. It will be like Christmas again.”

“Kismas?” Clark asked, remembering that word well. Christmas meant candy, toys and pretty lights.

“Christmas. We have to say it correctly. I don’t want you to develop bad habits. If we were… still there, I would have to sit you in front of a holopad and not let you leave, listening to the word over and over again until you pronounced it correctly. The education system here does not begin until you are five, so some things can slide I suppose.”

“Have you wished Kara a happy birthday, baby boy?” Eliza asked. She loved the sight of Kara smiling with Kal in her arms. At times, when Kara was feeling very down, it felt like she was pulling away from everyone, even her cousin. Times like these reminded her of the beautiful muddy girl who showed up in her yard with a beautiful baby boy wrapped in red and amazingly cleaner than the situation called for. This Kara was the one who went without food but stole for him.

“Happy birthday Kawa!” Clark yelled, followed by a laugh. He and Eliza had worked on that all week. “Happy birthday Alex!”

Present outside were the team, all of them along with a man neither recognized but all knew as J’onn. He was in the form of a middle aged man of oriental decent, dressed casually in a pair of dockers and a blue pullover. Kara greeted him warmly.

“Thank you for being here J’onn.”

“Of course Kara. Thank you for allowing me to be here. Dante said you have made great strides in controlling your powers. Congratulations.”

“Thank you. Did Dante mention that you had to give your word not to read anyones mind here?”

“I give you my word as a Martian, Kara. I will behave.”

Kara smiled and her eyes glowed, thought no one else could see her but the Martian “That is good J’onn. I do not want my family’s private thoughts being read or what goes on in therapy to be known. I am sure I can count on you to uphold your word. I believe Alex is ready to blow out the candles on the cakes. There is a song tradition as well. It should be fun.”

The glow left Kara’s eyes but the smile remained as she turned to her family. J’onn for his part was a bit disturbed, noting how easy it was to bring her power to the forefront but still remain smiling.

Alex on the other hand paid little mind to the Martian. She had taken Clark from Kara and was sneaking him icing from the side of her cake. Eliza finally shooed her off while she lit the candles.

“Alex, I understand you made a summer soccer team. Congratulations.” Webb told her. Jeremiah proudly placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Made it? She was the best player out there. When she had the ball the other girls practically dove out of her way. That kind of speed is amazing.”

Alex’s cheeks grew red and as always she tried to brush the praise off. The girl did admit she was much faster than she thought and the other girls on the field did have a difficult time keeping up with her.

Happy birthday was sung by all as soon as Eliza finished lighting the twenty nine candles. On three Kara and Alex both took deep breaths and blew hard.

No one, not Kara, nor the people around her expected an arctic blast from Kara’s mouth. The blonde continued to blow for a moment, shocked at what she was seeing. Once the table went airborne she closed her mouth.

Everyone stood still, taking in the frozen ground, the frozen table with legs blown off and the frozen cakes on top.

“Sweet. Ice cream cake. I love it… Kara? Kara please don’t get upset…” Alex tried but her good natured acceptance and usual humor when Kara did something impossible did not work this time. Kara was gone, into the house and up the stairs. Alex followed, Jessica behind her, while the rest still tried to come to grips with what had just happened.

“Kawa?”

Jeremiah lowered Clark to the ground.

“Please keep an eye on him.” he asked the Seals and ran, Eliza right behind him. The four found themselves in front of the bathroom door.

“Kara come out. It’s okay. So you discovered a new power. Big deal. Its better than the heat vision. You just can’t blow out candles for a while until you get it under control.”

“Go away Alex and get Jessica out of here. I don’t want to talk. Please go enjoy whats left of your party. Don’t let me take that away from you too.”

Jeremiah tried to push the door in, but it wouldn’t budge even an inch.

“She is sitting against it. We aren’t moving that door.” Alex told her father. She could hear her sister crying quietly on the other side. Only two inches of wood separated them but it felt like a million miles at this moment.

Eliza thought of what to say but before she could make an attempt, Kara screamed. All four at the door jumped back, the sound so shrill and indicating obvious and severe pain. A new set of footsteps were heard on the stairs, the Seals and J’onn running up. No one even noticed the odd sight of Dan Hawk carrying Clark.

“What happened?” J’onn asked, already in his Martian form.

“Kara? Kara what is going on… thats blood. Thats blood!” Alex pointed at the floor. A small amount was seeping from under the door. “Kara, open the damn door!”

“Move!” the Martian ordered, phasing through the door and Kara as well who was on the other side jammed against the wooden entrance. He saw the girl, her eyes closed and breathing heavily. He also saw her nails dug into her left arm, a slice from her elbow to her palm very deep. Had her fingernail been longer he suspected the cut would have been even deeper. This was not self harm he feared. The cut was jagged and bleeding profusely and was not healing. J’onn picked the half unconscious girl up in his arms and told Eliza and Jeremiah to come inside. Alex stepped in first and screamed, seeing the blood covering Kara’s arms. Jeremiah took her from J’onn and rushed the girl to his bedroom, Eliza grabbing towels from the cabinet and following.

Inside the bedroom, Jeremiah wrapped Kara’s arm tightly in a towel, applying as much pressure as possible. Jessica tried to pull Alex out of the room to calm her down. That attempt was shut down when Alex stomped on her foot.

“I think the bleeding is slowing down.” Eliza told her husband. The white towel was no longer steadily turning red. “She is warm, sweating. Kara, can you hear me? Answer me, please?”

Kara moaned but that was all the response she gave. The girl tried to reach for her injured arm but Jeremiah was surprisingly and alarmingly able to hold it against the bed. Had Kara been herself he knew he would have no chance. She was not weak now, just not giving much fight.

“ Go away. All of you please go away.” she mumbled in her native language.

“No one is going away, Kara. I’m not leaving you.” Alex told her, surprising those in the hall who had no idea Alex had improved that much in her Kryptonese.

“ I want it to end. I want this nightmare to end. Why can’t I wake up? When am I going to wake up?”

“ You are awake. You are here and you are safe. We can get through this like everything else.”

I want it to end. I am an abomination. I… I wish you had never met me Alex. I wish I had not ruined your life. I should have left Kal El with you and ran, gone somewhere, anywhere I could hide, forget I exist. Just like in space. Do you think I can fly into space? My parents killed a whole planet and I got to live. Now…”

Kara fell unconscious, no longer mumbling in her native Kryptonese.

“What did she say Alex?” the father asked. Alex shook her head.

“Just that she was scared. She didn’t mean to…”

“Alex, what did she really say?” Jeremiah asked again.

“Basically that she wants to die and wishes she had.” Alex admitted. “Why hasn’t she gotten better?” the sister asked, looking straight at Jessica.

“I know you hate the blame game Alex but maybe if one of you would tell me the secret you two have been hiding I may have a better idea. We were making headway, both of you were until a few weeks ago, and then something changed in her. Since she won’t tell me what, why don’t we go to your room and you can tell me?”

Eliza and Jeremiah looked at their oldest daughter. “Is this true?” the man asked. Alex dropped her head and then ran her fingers through Kara’s sweat matted hair.

“I can’t tell you. She made me swear not to. I just can’t.”

“Then how am I supposed to help her if she isn’t telling me everything, either of you? I am here because everyone can be completely honest with me. I can know everything and keep it a secret. That was the agreement.”

“You said sisters could have secrets between them. Remember? You asked me if I wanted a sister who I could share secrets with?”

“Not this kind of secret Alex! Whatever happened was obviously big. She has not had a response like this in a very long time. Tell me what happened that has made her worse.”

“She wasn’t worse! She hasn’t been. I have been watching her carefully. She is just freaked because of another power. She hates these powers! Just give her time and she will learn to use this one as well. She gets used to things quick, okay?”

“Alex,” Jeremiah asked softly, “please tell us. If there is a secret, something that has maybe put Kara more on edge than she usually is, we need to know.”

“The bleeding has stopped.” Eliza notices. “The cut is healing. I need a wet towel. Ty, can you bring a few wet towels? I need one for her head and a couple to clean the blood off her arm and unde her fingernails.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

Alex waited for the man to return and asked the team and J’onn if they would step outside and go downstairs.

“ Alex?” her father prompted. Alex looked at her sleeping sister and let out a breath.

“A few weeks ago, the Saturday we woke up early and went to the beach so Kara could find her seashells…”

“You didn’t go to the beach?” Eliza guessed.

“No, thats not it. We did, just not for seashells. Kara told me she wanted the crystals back. We went there and she swam out and then dove…”

“You let her swim without telling us? Alex she needs to breathe. She could have drowned.” Jeremiah told her, keeping his voice low and not letting frustration be heard. The man secretly wanted to yell at everyone and everything but he had to stay cool. If he didn’t Eliza and Alex wouldn’t and that was not what Kara needed right now. For a moment, maybe a minute, he had thought that Kara had finally gone too far, not able to heal or found a way to kill herself. He was still freezing cold despite the warmth in the room. His heart had still not slowed down and his stomach was in knots.

“I know! I told her not to but she insisted. I went with her and I was going to go out but she wouldn’t let me. I wanted to tell you, I told her it was a bad idea but she would have snuck off and done it anyway. You know how she gets when she is determined.”

Eliza looked at her daughter, close to losing it herself, but remaining calm. “Alex, what happened? Did she find the crystals?”

“Yeah, she nearly swallowed the whole ocean but she found the bag. We took them to the cave.”

“The cave is flooded.” Jeremiah quickly pointed out.

“It wasn’t when she was done. She evaporated all the water. She had… I helped… she asked me and I took a microscope slide and put a bit of Clark’s blood from the blood sample you had taken Mom. You left it out of the safe while you went to the bathroom and I took it. Kara used the blood to bring back Jor El’s hologram.”

Jessica grabbed her hair with both hands to keep from screaming in frustration. “Yeah, because that worked out well the last time.”

“She was ready this time. Or she thought she was. First she told him that if he didn’t give her access to all the crystals she would destroy them forever, lie to Clark about where he came from and what his father was like or pretend they landed here with no memories. He gave in. Then she asked what happened to Krypton. Why it blew up and stuff.”

“Okay.” her father encouraged. “Keep going.”

“He told her that her family, her grandfather, her father, Clark’s mother and Jor El were the ones who thought that Krypton could be powered by its radioactive core. They miscalculated though. The core became unstable. Instead of warning the people of the planets destruction they kept it a secret, told the council it was a magnetic polar shift. They were the only ones who knew the planet would die. They knew fifteen years before it happened. They lied to everyone about it and started figuring out a way to carry on their race.”

“Through Clark, right?” Eliza guessed, remembering Kara telling her about the last conversation one night.

“Yeah but not the way I thought. I thought it was because he was a boy but Kara figured something else out. Something to do with how Kryptonians were made, grown, developed. She told Jor El that she knew he wouldn’t want Clark to be with a human and asked why he was the hope of a planet. The real reason.”

Alex took the towel off Kara’s forehead and began wiping off a bit of blood still left on her arm.

“So it turns out that the reason Clark was born from his mothers womb was because Daddy needed to make sure his son wasn’t monitored by the baby police. He did something to Clark’s cells. He hardwired the Codex, I guess the DNA and genetic material of future little Kryptonians into Clark. These other crystals can form some sort of technological lab or something. They can tell him how to extract the DNA and begin growing a new race that would eventually set out to find other planets to colonize.”

“Oh my God. He did that to his own son?” Eliza whispered. Jeremiah was angrier now, angry at a long dead man but one he very much wished he had in front of him right now.

“Kara got angry, told him that if a machine like that existed she would destroy it. She forbid him from ever talking to Clark about this in the event Clark somehow found the crystals. She can’t get it out of him but it won’t hurt him. I don’t think… I don’t think he ever loved Clark. Anyway Kara asked how to pray, you know, so her people can have peace and go into Rao’s light. He basically told her there was no god and that it was a trick to ensure the populace stayed docile and dedicated to the planet. She told him there had to be a hell and he had to be in it. He reminded her that her parents were involved in the coverup and she said they were there too. Then she turned the crystal off. But when she turned around she was fine. I have been watching her. She seemed a little more spaced out at times but hasn’t mentioned it. She was fine!”

Jessica moaned, pulling her hair again and looking at the ceiling. “So she found definite proof that not only had her parents known for a very long time about Krypton’s destruction, but also that her House, the one she took so much pride in was directly responsible for the deaths of millions of people, her cousin was as much of a science experiment as she was and the religion she grew up believing in was a lie. Any chance at forgiving or accepting her parents faults were destroyed and her entire spiritual belief system was stripped away and neither of you thought this was important for any of us to know.”

“She didn’t want…”

“Yeah, I got it Alex. I got it. I’ll be by tomorrow morning. These lies and secrets have to stop if you ever want either of you to get better.”

“I am fine…”

“Yeah, because you look like your fine.”

Jess walked out and moved quickly down the stairs, the front door slamming behind her as she left the house. The three knew the team was still down there along with J’onn because Clark was down there somewhere. None of them said anything, Alex lying next to her and Eliza and Jeremiah on the bed next to her. Eliza was glad that Kara’s temperature had gone down. J’onn made his way up and stood in the door, his green form barely fitting under the door frame.

“Has her fever gone down?”

“Can’t you read it in our minds?” Eliza asked, a bit too sharply. “I’m sorry J’onn. Thank you for getting her out of the bathroom.”

“No thanks needed. As far as reading your minds I gave Kara my word I would not do that again. I won’t break my word. Has her cut healed?”

“Yes. It was deep and very long, and she is lucky she didn’t hit an artery. Do you think she was trying?” the father asked.

“I stopped playing psychiatrist at the hangar. I would imagine only she knows that and only Jessica can determine one way or the other. We will all be staying at Dante’s house tonight. Would you like any of us to sleep downstairs? We could help with Clark. He and Dan are playing in the back with frozen cake.”

“No thank you. I will get Clark. He still needs to eat and probably needs another diaper after these events.” Eliza told him. She needed the baby just like she needed Kara and Alex. Kara and Alex were a wreck and she didn’t want Clark to become one either if he was being kept by unfamiliar people.

While the Danvers held vigil over a sleeping Kara, Connolly arrived home on his bike, glad to see that Jessica was there. He knew she was pissed off when she left which was unlike her. She usually kept a cool head at all times.

The door was halfway open and he found her in the living room, drinking from a bottle off vodka.

“I’m not stupid enough to ask if you are okay, so I guess I will settle with want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what? What a great therapist I am? That she won’t open up to me after all this time and has probably progressed from self harm and severe depression to suicidal thoughts and attempts? That I have done nothing right?! She needs someone else! She needs someone who knows what they are doing! Why me? You can bring some other shrink in here and make them keep quiet. Most of them would jump at the opportunity. I am not equipped for this, Connolly!”

“Yes you are. It has to be you, Jess.”

“No, it doesn’t!”

“You are right. There are a million psychologists we could have gotten who would jump at the chance to give therapy to the alien girl. Thats the problem. They wouldn’t see her as a girl, just as an alien. She would be a case study in the hope that one day, if any of this makes the light of day they could be the famous doctor who got inside an alien’s mind. You are the only one I knew who could do this, who could treat her like the person she is. You have been making progress. I know I am not supposed to ask but was tonight just about her discovering she can form a glacier if she blows hard enough?”

Jessica took another long drink, turned around and threw the bottle at the wall, shattering the glass and cracking the plaster.

“You don’t get it. This isn’t an op. I can’t do what you do. This is harder than going in and killing the bad guys. This is delicate and complicated and I am failing! I am out of my league here!”

“Grow up.” Connolly muttered, walking past her to begin picking up the shattered glass.

“What did you say?”

The man stood up, inches from her.

“I said to grow up. You think all I do is kill people? I have a million worries on an op. Did I place Ty in the right place so he isn’t discovered or is his mother getting a flag? Jack can enter with me, he should, but one lucky shot and his daughter doesn’t have a father. Hawk is huge and he makes a big target. Dante goes ahead of us all, giving us scouting intel and having no idea what he is walking into. I see hostages and have to make a decision. Can I get them and my people back safely? Can I save some and not others? Are the ones I can save worth the cost of the ones who aren’t saved? What happens when all hell breaks loose? When do I call in air support? When do I call a fall back or attack? Are there children nearby? Are they going to be hit by stray bullets? I think about this stuff constantly They replay themselves in my head over and over, every failure I have ever had. But I do the job because it needs to be done and I can. This needs to be done and you can do it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself! She needs you, not some angry woman throwing bottles of perfectly good vodka against a wall!”

Jessica looked at him in disbelief. He hardly ever talked to her like this. Yeah they had fights but he never called her out.

“You have no idea what a screwed up situation this is.” she tried.

“Your right. Its not like I tracked her across the country, had to talk to her when she almost became a killer at thirteen. Had to rely on a 14 year old to talk her down. I didn’t see the places she slept on her run. I didn’t see videos of her stealing baby food from a grocery market. I didn’t see the anger in her soul when she found out her murdering aunt was on this planet and worse, her evil uncle. I know nothing. Go to bed, stay up and get drunk, I don’t give a damn. If you decide you can’t do it, let me know in the morning. I’ll find someone else. Thats probably exactly what Kara needs, one more person abandoning her. I’ll be at Dante’s. Let me know by 7 AM. I don’t want to waste any time trying to find another psychologist since judging by the blood, she needs one more now than ever.”

The next morning Kara woke in her adopted parents bed. Eliza and Jeremiah were on either side of her, the mother having her arms wrapped around the blonde’s waist. Kara could hear two heartbeats on the floor and guessed Alex and Clark were sleeping on an air mattress. She checked her arm and though she saw no marks, it did sting, surprising her. The pain usually went away with the cuts. Her memories of the night before came back. She remembered blowing the table and the cakes away with her breath. She was frightened and she ran, hiding in the bathroom.

Her thoughts were not on her new power but on her Kryptonian family. The millions dead, the escape, the Codex and her cousin and then she looked at her fingernail. Kara had cut herself many times but at that moment she wanted to bleed. She had jabbed her nail into the underside of her elbow and screamed from the pain, never having gone that deep before. Still she kept going, not thinking, just watching her nail travel toward her wrist. That is where her memories stopped.

“How are you feeling?” Eliza whispered, brushing her fingers through Kara’s hair.

“I am sorry. I am sorry you have to deal with me.”

“I’m not. I love you. Nothing you do will ever change that. Nothing Kara. I want you to get better but I will never regret having you in my life. I have to ask you, beg you, please never do that again. I was so scared I was going to… I thought I lost you. Don’t take yourself away from us. Please.”

“I am sorry. I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to… I don’t know what I wanted. I never know anymore. I’m lost. I know things about my family. I don’t deserve to be here. Of all Krypton we are the ones who deserved to survive the least. I didn’t tell you or Jeremiah because I was embarrassed. I got the crystals. I…”

“I know. We made Alex tell us. She didn’t want to. Kara, why didn’t you come to me?”

The girl buried her head into Eliza’s shoulder. “I didn’t want you to know.” she mumbled. “I didn’t want you to know what my blood truly was.”

“You aren’t your blood Kara. You are so much more. That is the reason you are here. Not because of anything your family did or didn’t do. I never really believed in a god until I met you and Clark. But since you two have came into our lives… there is something out there, something looking out for us all. You need us and we need you and we were brought together for a reason. We belong together, for better or worse. You have to accept that. You have to let us really in, talk to us. We will always love you, no matter what.”

“I wish you were my mother. You have memories of Alex, her first steps, her first word, her first Christmas. You will have all these memories of Clark as he grows. You don’t have that with me. I wish you did. I wish you and Jeremiah were my blood parents. I wouldn’t be so messed up now. I wish I could give you the memories you have with Alex and will have with Clark.”

“I wish I could have those memories too but that doesn’t mean you are any less my daughter. Your first words, your first steps, they will always be that moment I walked out of the house and saw you in the yard. You looked so lost and tired, you had me from the moment I saw you. Maybe I don’t have those memories your parents had but I love you anyway. You were mine from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

“Thank you. I love you Eliza. I tell you and Jeremiah all the time but you think I am saying thank you. I’m not. I’m saying I love you. I don’t know why I have been afraid to say it in… English. I thought I would be betraying my parents or something. I don’t know. I don’t know why they wanted me to to be born since they knew Krypton would die before I reached adulthood. But you both, you all have been so good to us. I love you both.”

Eliza kissed the girl on her head, noticing for the first time that Jeremiah was awake, staring at Kara’s back and had tears in his eyes.

“Kara, how are you feeling? Be honest.” the mother told her.

“My arm still stings where I cut it. It isn’t bad and is getting better but it still stings.”

“Okay. I have a device at work that I will bring home. It may allow me to look under your skin using a sonogram of a sort and see if there is any damage. If it doesn’t feel better I will get it this afternoon. If it starts to feel better, Jeremiah can bring it home from work tomorrow. Sound okay?”

“Yes. I think it will be better. I… cut myself badly, didn’t I?”

Eliza sighed, pulling Kara closer. “Kara, were you trying to kill yourself? Please be honest.”

“I don’t know. Thats the truth. I really don’t know anymore.”

“Then I suppose we need to figure it out.” a new voice from the door told them. Jessica was standing in the doorway, a thermos of coffee in her hand. “When Alex wakes, I would like to speak to both of you. Since there aren’t any secrets between you two the both of you can spend time with me together. We are going to be talking every day. We are going to get better, all of us. I’ll be in the kitchen starting breakfast.”