Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

The Human Strikes Back

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 28:

JPOV

“So your Jasper’s famous captain.”

“So you’re the guy who took down the Volturi.”

“I’m one of the guys and gals.”

“I hear it was a brilliant plan.”

“I put people in the right places and blew a lot of shit up. My shooters did their jobs and so did my tank crews. The wolves chewed up some, the Cullens shot some, The Volturi helped by being incredibly arrogant. A trait I am finding is common in vampires. All in all it was a pretty easy victory. I’ll even admit it may have been a little overkill but what can I say? I like to blow shit up.”

“Peter what do you and Charlotte do? Are you nomads or have you settled down somewhere?” Bella asked.

“We have houses all over sugar. Right now we are staying in the Hill Country outside of Austin.”

“Why do you live in such a sunny area? Kinda makes you real vampires that only come out at night instead of sparkly vampires.” I asked.

“We stay because we were born in Texas, died in Texas and now live our undead lives as undead Texans.”

“Amen brother. So you guys want a cigar or anything? I think I’m going to have one. We can head to the front porch. Hells Bells won’t let me smoke in the house. New paint and all.”

“Don’t mind if I do Jason.”

“Darlin I’m gonna get me a cigar and a bottle of Jack and get drunk.” I heard Bella say.

Peter looked surprised. “Are you really the girl that used to be engaged to Eddie boy?”

Bella looked him in the eyes. “Nope, I’m not that girl anymore.”

The night went by smoothly. Me and Peter compared kills. He had me beat but not by much. Bella and Char took to each other very well. A little too well. The flirting between the two and Bella’s alcohol (Bella gets a bit bi sexual when drunk) led to some light making out on the couch. Neither I nor Petey was gonna say shit so we just sat there and enjoyed the show. Bella finally sobered up enough to realize it’s not polite to have sex with a girl who you just met on the couch.

This led me to an idea. It was 6 AM by the time the bottle of Jack ran out and since Pete and Char didn’t sleep but we did I carried Bells to bed. She was horny, as a drunk Bella who just finished making out with a hot blonde usually is, so we didn’t get to sleep until around 7:30. At noon I woke up to find Char and Pete in the hallway.

“Your guests have checked into the hotel and are currently downstairs waiting to say hi. Are you ready to put the plan into action?”

“Is he here?”

“Yep” he said poppin the famous P.

Bella woke up moaning and went to brush her teeth. When she came out I explained the plan. It was simple really, childish even. Of course Bella went along with it.

BPOV

My soon to be husband truly is an idiot. But after the conversation that Emo Ed had with Jacob he was going to get what he deserved.

I walked downstairs with my arm around Char. I was wearing tiny cutoffs and a bikini top. This is actually standard summertime dress wear in Galveston through the summer. It was about 80 today so I figured it was appropriate. Char was dressed the same. I saw wolves and Cullens jaws drop. I gave Char a kiss at the bottom of the stairs.

“Thanks for last night Char. It was an eye opening experience.”

“Sugar I should be thanking you. It was definitely a night I’ll never forget.”

“I glanced at Edward who was obviously reading Jason and Peter’s thoughts of what went on. Actually Jason and Peter told me they embellished a story last night and used their combined imaginations to make it look worse than it was. Char was in on this too.

“BELLA! What are you doing with these two? What did you do with her? Jason let you do this? What were you thinking? It’s not natural!”

“Actually son I think I have already explained that I don’t let her do anything. She does what she wants. I don’t really care what she does as long as it isn’t another guy.” Jason told him.

“Don’t call me son! I’m a hundred years older than you!”

“Then act like it.” Jason told him.

“She could have been bit!”

“Actually dear boy Bella was the one who did the biting last night.” Char helpfully added on.

“Edward this isn’t the first time I have had fun with a person of the same sex. Who and what I do is mine and Jason’s business. Not yours. Speaking of, would you like to talk about a conversation you had with Jacob Black back in Forks?”

Silence. The wolves already knew about it I imagined from Jacob. Sam was glaring at Assward.

“I tell you what Edward I’m going to let it go but I better never hear of you even thinking about doing something to Jason or I will kill you. Do you understand?”

“It was a misunderstanding.”

“I understood it just fine. So unless you want to share a cell with the evil three stooges in Hell I suggest it never happen again.”

Peter piped in. “Damn Jasper why didn’t you tell me she was so fun?”

Jasper chuckled. “I figured you four would get along.”

I said my hellos to everyone. Esme asked me what Edward’s conversation with Jacob was about and looking at Edward I told her I would let him explain it another time. For now it was time to go dress shopping. Myself, Kim, Rose, Serenity and Alice and Esme piled into Esme’s huge SUV and made the 45 minute drive to Houston to hit the dress shops.

Leaving the boys alone. Leaving Jason alone. With Jasper, Sam, Jarrod, Emmett, Peter and Edward. Poor Edward. I almost felt sorry for him which pissed me off to no end. At least Jake hadn’t been able to make the trip. That much testosterone in the house was enough without throwing one more into it.

Before I left I reminded Jason that I wanted this to be a nice weekend so Edward had better have all his body parts attached when he returned or Esme would be upset. Jason grudgingly agreed.

JPOV

As soon as the girls left I turned to the crowded living room and we all stared at GQ.

“So Eddy, I hear you go around wondering what life without me around would be like.”

Edwin was mad but didn’t say a word. What a wimp.

“I’m going to let it go because Bella wants this weekend to be fun but know I will be watching you. Now boys what shall we do for fun?”

Jasper spoke up. “Well it is kinda bright today so we had best stay low.”

“Yeah wouldn’t want the Volturi to get you. Oh wait that’s right their fucking dead!” Okay boys I got some long coats and hats you can wear until we get to the docks. I rented a boat for us to take deep sea fishing today so as soon as we get a few miles off the coast I’m sure we will be alone. Me, Sam and Jarrod will wear shades so you sparkling fairies don’t blind us.”

BPOV

After a morning of fruitless dress shopping I was exhausted as were Kim and Emily. Serenity just walked around the shops looking at anything shiny she could find. I love her to death but that girl is weird.

Alice insisted we keep looking but me and the other humans needed lunch. Esme took us to a restaurant in downtown Houston that had a patio. Thankfully in downtown Houston the skyscrapers and smog blot out the sun so it is perpetually shady. Rose, Esme and Alice didn’t have to wear large hats and gloves up to their elbows.

It was after lunch that I found my dress at Bridal Boutiques. It was simple. It was white, strapless form fitting. It fit me snuggly at the top with quite a bit of cleavage but nothing to trashy. It was form fitted all the way to my feet. It would be perfect for a beach wedding as it went just past my ankles and hid my feet just enough. Alice was shocked that I would be barefoot during the wedding but it was on a sandy beach. What the hell did she expect?

I cried when I saw my dress. I think Esme, Rose and Alice would have cried if they could. Emily and Kim were crying. Serenity just smiled. Esme attempted to pay for my dress but I wouldn’t let her. I explained to her that I loved her but this was a dress I hoped to pass on one day to my daughter if I had one and I wanted it to be from me. She understood. Another part of it was that although I loved Esme I still did not like the idea of a Cullen giving me money. I was a semi famous author sort of. At least my books sold well.

Dress taken care of it was time to go taste cakes. I had an appointment at one bakery. If I couldn’t find what I wanted there I would bake it myself. Plus I planned on making Alice try as many bites of cake as I could. Bella Barbie my ass.

JPOV

20 miles out, we stopped and dropped anchor. The sun was bright and so were the sparkly fuckers with me. I was kinda hoping the sparkles on the water would attract some fish. I was shocked to find that Emmett and Jasper had not been fishing since being turned into vamps. Sam and Jarrod on the other hand were old pros. Edwin sat sulking. Peter knew what he was doing. We all cast and sat back and waited. I drank a beer along with Sam and Jarrod.

Emmett yelled out that he felt a tug on his line. I told him to calm down and gently tug on the line to attempt to set the hook. Gently to Emmett and Gently to me have to different meanings apparently. Emmett jerked and the hook was definitely set. Flying through the air was a 300 pound blue marlin heading right towards us. It landed on the deck of the boat and right into Edwin’s lap.

He jumped up, the marlin started thrashing, Sam and Jarrod jumped in the water. Peter was on the deck laughing until the marlin plopped on him. The damn sword on the thing nearly sliced me open. Emmett attempted to grab the fish and wrestle it to the ground but it slipped out of his grasp. Jasper finally laid on it while Peter grabbed the sword. Emmett was all smiles.

Breathlessly I mentioned to Emmett that it usually takes a few hours to bring one of those in and we gaff it before it gets into the boat.

“Why? That was a lot more fun.”

I looked around the deck and saw carnage. The coolers and tables and chairs were knocked over. Sam and Jarrod were enjoying the Gulf water. I was drenched. Edward, Jasper and Peter all smelled like fish. Edwin kept looking at his shoes in shock. I guess they were kind of expensive. I guess I should be thankful it wasn’t a Tiger Shark he caught. What the hell. At least it was memorable.

“Your right Emmett that was a lot of fun. Let’s get a picture taken of you and your catch so you can show Rose when we get back. Then you can get it on ice so you can have it mounted.”

I heard Jasper address Edward.

“Edward is something wrong?”

“I’m sparkling all over the place, I smell like fish and I am pretty sure my shoes are ruined. What the hell is right about this?”

After helping Sam and Jarrod back into the boat we all decided now would be a good time to head back. Wouldn’t want to offend Edwin’s sense of smell much longer.