Wanted
By BetterInTexas
Chapter 07:
BPOV
“I’m not talking to you.”
“Why is that Bella?”
“Why should I tell you anything? You’re just going to tell my Dad. If there is something I want to tell him I will do it directly.”
“So why are you here today then Bella?”
“My Dad said I had to and my Boyfriend agreed.”
“You have a boyfriend now? This is new. Who is he?”
“I’m not telling you anything. Ask my Dad. You two seem to talk a lot.” See how he likes that.
“Bella, I am sorry but you reported a crime to me. I was morally obligated to tell your father.”
“Fine but I won’t tell you anything again.” I can’t believe Embry is making me do this. He was supposed to be on my side. I know this is because of the drinking. I have hardly drank since… okay I have drank quite a bit since I moved back in with Charlie. Because Charlie doesn’t have to work anymore night shifts and Embry is at home or patrolling at night outside my house and around La Push, I can’t sleep well. I keep expecting to wake up and see a Cullen in my room. Sam assures me this won’t happen. But he’s not the one sleeping in my bed. And neither is Embry. And I need Embry to sleep. The alcohol just helps me sleep. This shouldn’t be a big deal.
“Bella I told him nothing else. Nothing. I simply told him that Edward Cullen assaulted you and he should be on the lookout for his return. I am guessing since you know I told your father that Edward did return?”
“Yeah, he returned. His whole damn family returned.”
“Has he attempted to talk to you since he returned?”
“Just the night he came over and got arrested.”
“And the rest of the family?”
“Yes, they have made attempts.” Three by Esme, two more by Alice, One by Emmett and one by Carlisle. Edward remains at large, whereabouts unknown. As usual.
“And how do you feel about that?”
“I told you I wasn’t talking to you.”
“Bella, I am not going to say I’m sorry. But I will promise you that as long as we are talking about anything other than a crime being committed towards you then it will stay between ourselves.”
I took a deep breath. I didn’t know if I believed him. But from what I could tell Charlie had no clue about the other things we talked about. So maybe he is telling the truth. And I did kind of want to talk to him. That damn soothing voice of his. He sounds like Patrick Stewart.
“Fine, but I swear to God you had better never break my confidence again.”
“I promise Bella. And I promise that if there is anything that is going to be said that I am legally obligated to tell your father I will tell you first.”
“Fine.”
“So let’s start with Edward’s family. How do you feel about them wanting to contact you again?”
Okay Bella, truth time.
“A part of me is upset. A part of me is annoyed, and I guess a part of me is flattered.”
“Why flattered?”
“They left me. I felt abandoned and unwanted.”
“Yes…”
“And now they are saying they made a mistake in picking Edward over me.”
“It feels like you are being vindicated?”
“Yeah. Sort of.”
“It feels good to be wanted doesn’t it? You didn’t feel that way for a long time. So how have the attempts by Edward’s family to contact you gone?”
“Almost every time they have tried my boyfriend Embry has been there. He has got them to back off each time. The one time he wasn’t there was after school when Edward’s mother came to see me in the parking lot. She asked me over, or to go somewhere and talk.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told her I wasn’t ready for that.”
“Really? Not that you didn’t want to but that you weren’t ready for that? So you plan to be ready one day?”
“I don’t know. I think I just didn’t want to be mean to her. I mean she is a sweet lady. What do you think? Should I talk to them?”
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then I would say you need to figure that out first.”
“Yeah I suppose.”
“But you should realize that Edward’s family was probably the main draw in getting you to stay with him and allowing him to control you the way he did.”
“No it wasn’t.”
“Bella you were more upset about the family leaving than you were about him leaving. I firmly believe that if Edward had left and his family had stayed you would have been very happy. Do you still love Edward?”
“God no!”
“Do you want to talk to him?”
“No.”
“You say that with conviction. But when I ask about his family you aren’t sure what you want to do. Do you understand what I am saying?”
“Edward used his family to control me?” I think that’s what he was saying.
“No Bella. You allowed yourself to be controlled by Edward because you were afraid if you didn’t he would take his family away from you. His family was the family you always wanted and never got. The brothers, the sisters, the stable parental figures. And you felt this would go away if Edward did. So you let him control you to keep him happy. And when he left, they left and it confirmed your feelings of inadequacy. You felt unwanted. That hit to your self-esteem coupled with Edward’s abuse led to your previous state. Now that the family is back and they say they want you around regardless of Edward you are feeling justified and wanted. The question is, can you allow relationships to develop without them being based off a relationship with Edward?”
Damn. He sure was talkative today. He usually just sits there and nods.
“Can you?” He asked again like I didn’t hear him the first time.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know. A big part of me misses them. Most of them. But I have a new family…”
“You do? Who might that be?”
Shit.
“My boyfriend, Embry, he is so great. And his mother is so cool. She is a single mom and so strong. But Embry has these, friends, and we are kind of close. It’s sort of like a big family. And I like it. I feel comfortable. I don’t feel inadequate.”
“How long have you and Embry known each other?”
“A little under 7 months.”
“And how long have you been going out?”
“Three weeks.” Three of the greatest weeks of my life.
“Are the two of you having sex?”
What the fuck?
“Why does everybody want to know that?”
“I only ask because it may be what’s helping you. I sense a greater confidence in you than was present at our last session. I was afraid that with the return of Edward’s family you would regress. But the opposite seems to have happened. You seem to be stronger.”
“And you figure I must be having sex? You think I need sex to feel good about myself? Like I’m some kind of slut?”
“Are you having sex?” Dammit.
“Yes.” I whispered.
“Outstanding.”
“Excuse me? What, are you getting off on knowing your patients sex lives?”
“Forgive me Bella. I meant it is outstanding but apparently for a different reason than you believe. You see from the moment I met you one thing has stood out about you. You seriously repress yourself; greatly suppress yourself. Sex can be a healthy outlet to break you out of your shell, if done safely of course.”
“Well if you tell my Dad anything else that is said at these sessions, I’m going to tell him you said that.” I told him smiling.
“Then I guess we will have to keep everything to ourselves. Anyway you having sex with your boyfriend is a new step into opening yourself up to others. Not sexually of course. I mean it will have carryover effects in other parts of your life. As long as it is a healthy relationship of course.”
Yeah I opened myself up all right. I have been opening up every chance I get. But lately because of parents and patrols and school the opportunities have been few and far between.
“Tell me about your boyfriend.”
“His name is Embry. He is gorgeous. I met him through my friend Jake 6 months ago. We always liked each other and flirted but since Jake was both our friends and liked me we never did anything about it. He finally had enough and asked me out. We have been making up for lost time. Hey, do you mind if I smoke?”
“I suppose Bella. Give me one too.”
“You’re a high priced therapist. Why the hell do you have to bum cigarettes from an 18 year old girl?”
“If you want to smoke in my office give me one. If you don’t, don’t.”
Asshole. Who is controlling now?
“So describe his personality.”
“He is quiet and laid back. Never raises his voice. But so strong. You can tell he is no pushover. He is just really calm. He’s kind of like a Zen master. A cute, sweet, hot Zen master with a beautiful smile. He is so warm.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“Hopelessly.”
“The same way you were in love with Edward?”
Ouch. I glared at him. He knew it. I hate it when he sets me up for shots like that.
“I didn’t set you up Bella. I can tell that’s what you are thinking. It’s a legitimate question. Do you love Embry the same way you loved Edward?”
“I love Embry more than I ever loved Edward.”
“So how do you know this relationship will be any different? Didn’t you say Edward was sweet and quiet and shy? You mentioned having Embry’s family and friends. You mentioned Edwards’s family. Why do you never talk about your friends, your family?”
“I don’t have any friends of my own. I raised my mother and we really have nothing in common and Charlie is more repressed than I am. What the hell do you want from me?”
“Why so angry?”
“Because you’re pissing me off!”
“Why?”
“Embry is nothing like Edward! He loves me. He doesn’t try to control me! He just loves me the way I am! And I don’t appreciate you comparing him to Edward!”
“It was just a question Bella. Please light up that cigarette before you go into a rage. Light up and think about why you became so defensive.”
I took a deep drag. Dr. Asshole was smirking.
“I’m not mad. It’s just Embry is everything that Edward wasn’t. And I love him for that as such as anything. He hates that I smoke but he doesn’t tell me to stop. Edward would have burned down convenience stores that dared to sell his Bella such nasty things.”
“Fair enough. So what else is going on?”
May as well get this out there.
“I’ve had more than one person insinuate lately that they could see that I may be gay. Why do you think that is?”
“I am not those persons. Why do you think they think this?”
“They say I check women out?”
“Do you?”
“Maybe sometimes. But I am so turned on by my boyfriend. I mean I am completely obsessed with his body. I mean… I should probably shut up now.”
“You know it is possible that you are bi sexual in your sexual preferences and heterosexual in your relationship preferences.”
“You think?”
“I have no clue. You are the only one who knows that. Have you ever thought about having sex with a female?”
“Maybe…”
“Maybe? You either have or you haven’t.”
“I have occasionally.”
“Have you ever acted out on it?”
“No! I told you I have a boyfriend. And the sex I have with him blows my freaking mind! And I am getting a lot better at it. I’ve been doing research on the internet.”
“Bella, that is fine. There is nothing wrong with having urges toward the same sex. Stop worrying about it. There is nothing wrong with you. So maybe you are attracted to other women on occasions. This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. Accept it and stop thinking that something is always wrong. Accept who you are and be happy. Fuck what other people think.”
“Your right. I’m going to stop apologizing for me all the time.”
“Good. Now why does your boyfriend want you here?”
“What?”
“Why does your boyfriend want you here?”
“Who says he does?”
“You said your Dad made you come and your boyfriend agreed. It’s a topic I couldn’t imagine many boyfriends getting involved in. But I saw a guy who wasn’t your father in the waiting room. I’m guessing he came with you. Drove you here to make sure you showed up. So why is he so interested?”
Damn I hate this man.
“He just wants to make sure Edward coming back hasn’t scared me.”
“Bullshit.”
“Bullshit?”
“Bullshit. He’s a sweet cute hot Zen Master remember? He can kick Edward’s ass if he needs to. Why does he want you here? Stop lying to me.”
“I may have increased my drinking lately.”
“How much of an increase?”
“When Edward first showed back up Charlie wanted me to stay at Embry’s. His mom works nights. She is a nurse at the clinic on the reservation. We slept together every night. I don’t mean we had sex every night. I mean we did but what I mean is we actually slept together. And now I am back at Charlie’s and Embry is with his mother twenty minutes away and I can’t sleep. So I drink at night to help me sleep.”
“You can’t sleep because you need him next to you?”
“Yes!” He finally gets it!
“And you are sexually frustrated now.”
“I am not!” Dammit and he was so close!
“Bella was he your first? You told me once before you were a virgin.”
“Yes. Yes he was.”
“Okay so you go through nearly your entire high school period and stay a virgin. Then you have sex and spend the next couple weeks having sex every night. Now you are back under your father’s roof and you aren’t getting laid at night and your man isn’t sleeping next to you. So you can’t sleep. So you drink. You drank before right?”
“Yes. But it slowed down after I met Embry.”
“And started back when you weren’t with Embry every moment.”
“Yes.”
“So you used alcohol to deal with your emotions, then you used sex, or Embry in this case and now you are having to use alcohol again.”
“That’s not true!” What an asshole. That’s not true. Right?
“Okay so why do you need to be drunk to sleep at night?”
“I just… I just miss him. I…”
“Bella, you have got to learn to deal with life on your own terms without using a crutch.”
“Embry is not a crutch!”
“I know. He sounds like he is really good for you. Which is why I don’t want you to use him like a crutch. You need to be able to love and be loved without having your life depend on it.”
I hate this man.
“So what do you suggest?”
“Find something besides booze and sex to put you to sleep. Maybe masturbation if sex is a must?”
“Gross! I am not talking about that with you.”
“I don’t want to hear about it from you. I am saying that is an option if you have to have sex to sleep. Maybe you could take up Yoga? Run? Do something positive for yourself to relieve stress. Maybe you wouldn’t have to rely on cigarettes and booze and your man to feel at peace with yourself.”
“I hate you. You know this right?”
“No you don’t Bella. You wouldn’t talk to anyone you hated.”
“You use cigarettes as a crutch too, you know?”
“Actually I didn’t start smoking until I had my first session with you.” He told me smiling. Asshole.
“Time’s up Bella. We don’t want to keep the Zen Master waiting. Same time next week?”
“Uh I thought we were doing every other week?”
“Yeah well things are getting interesting with you now. You’re not boring me as much. We will go back to once a week until we can get a handle on this drinking. Okay? And Bella, try this. Don’t drink anymore. Just give it a try.”
“I will do that.”
Of course I’m not going to drink any less. But I won’t drink any more. I walked into the lobby and saw my man sitting and reading a deer hunting magazine. Ironic.
He smiled when I walked in and wrapped his arms around me. I felt at home again. I had finally met Kim and Emily and I knew that they felt the same way. How do you explain imprinting to a therapist? Everything is so intense. But maybe he was right. I didn’t want to use any crutches. Was I using Embry as a crutch?
“How did it go Bella?”
“So good I have to come back next week.”
“I’ll be here.”
“I know you will baby. I’ve spent an hour talking about me. How was your day?”
“I missed you.” Awww.
“What else?”
“Jake is being an ass. He keeps hinting to Sam that he is going to take over as alpha and order me away from you.”
“I thought not even an alpha could do that?” This was a concern.
“He can’t. But he can make it difficult for us to have any free time to spend together.”
“Baby don’t worry. I can shoot him in the head of it comes to that.”
He smiled at me. “The scary thing Bella is I’m not sure if you are joking or not.”
“That’s why I’m in therapy Embry. I’m not sure either.” I winked at him and he pulled me tighter in his side.
“So where to now?”
“Uh, the pack is getting together at Sam’s to watch a baseball game tonight? You want to go?”
“Will you take me to our favorite spot first?”
“I’ve been waiting all day to take you there.”
“You drive. I’ll suck your cock while you get me there. Then it’s my turn baby.”
“I think I can handle that.”
Maybe I will start yoga tomorrow.
Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction 
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