Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

An Imperfect Life

By Midnight Dreamer

Chapter 29: For the Love of Jasper!

(JPOV)

She kissed me! I can’t believe she kissed me! Right in front of Edward. I know Alice didn’t see that because of Simon’s shield. OH GOD ALICE! How am I going to explain this to Alice. Do I even want to try to explain? I’m sure by now that Edward is back at the house telling her everything. Will she let me tell her what happened? That kiss though was unbelievable. The world stopped and all I could see, feel, hear and taste was Bella. I have never felt that way with Alice. What does it mean? I can’t talk to Carlisle about this, he would be so disappointed in me. Simon! He could help me figure this out.

Simon?

Jasper?

Yeah it’s me. I have something to ask.

Ask away Jasper, but I have a pretty good feeling I already know what this is about.

You spoke to Bella didn’t you?

She told me some stuff yes, but Edward gave a pretty good picture of what went on this afternoon.

Oh! I forgot about him.

Easy thing to do when your in that kind of situation.

OK then I will just get to the point. What the hell happened?

Well would you like the long or short version?

Let’s go with the short. I don’t know how long I have before Bella comes looking for me. I told her I would be right in.

Your right you don’t have much time. I told her to come talk to you about the same thing I’m going to tell you. So you will both need to talk this through.

Okay spill.

Well what you are feeling is a connection that is rooted deep in your heart and soul. It is what some call your other half, your missing piece, your soul mate. You have felt the connection with Bella that is unbreakable and should not be taken lightly. Trust me.

So your telling me that Bella is my soul mate? What about Alice? She is my wife? I love her even if we are separated right now.

Are you sure. Do you really love her?

Yes I’m sure?

You don’t sound sure. Are  you absolutely positive that it is Alice and not Bella you love? Have you tried to stay away from Bella like you are away from Alice right now?

Well No.

Give it a try for a day or two and see how that works for you. Go to Seattle for a while think about it. You have my cell. Call when you figure things out. I will explain things to Bella. You two can talk when you get back.

Okay! If your sure . I will trust you. I don’t like feeling confused. I’m so used to being the one with the answers to the emotional shit. This just doesn’t seem right.

No one likes to feel confused. Now go before Bella gets to you.

Fine. And thank you Simon.

I took off for Seattle that very minute. I couldn’t think straight. Was Simon right. I had been avoiding Alice a lot lately. I have also been getting a lot closer to Bella. Do I still love Alice the same way I did before? We did separate. I have a lot to think about over the next couple of days. Simon was right I needed to take myself away from the conflict in order to think clearly. Two days should be enough. What if Bella is my soul mate? Would Alice understand? What about Edward? I know Bella doesn’t love him anymore in a romantic way but he will be crushed, possibly more so then he already is. I need to think this through before I take any action.

(BPOV)

I saw Jasper take off into the trees as I exited the back door to the house. Where is he going? How am I supposed to talk to him about this if he just takes off with out a word. Now what the hell am I going to do?

Bella dearest.

Oh Simon. Do you know where the hell Jasper went? I came out to talk to him like you told me to and he took off into the woods before I could even get a word out.

I told him to go Bella.

What? I thought you told me to come talk to him. I don’t understand?

Jasper asked me the same question you did. However he is far more conflicted because he still loves Alice. You were freer to make a decision cause your feelings for Edward had already been altered. After your fight with him and your kidnapping you drifted away from each other before a strong enough bond could develop. Where as Jasper and Alice have been together for decades. It’s hard for someone, even a vampire to except that what you thought was your forever and eternity is not with the one you thought.

Yeah alright. So where did he go?

I sent him on vacation for two days so he could get his head straight.

Oh good idea maybe I should do the same here. Think there’s a loony bin I could vacation at until I work this out.. “hey doc do you have a way I can work out my feelings over my vampire soul mate who is still in love with his wife who left him, but I just kissed to chase away my stalker ex-boyfriend who is also his brother?”..yeah that would get me brownie points on the normalcy scale.

That Bella is a brilliant idea. I will keep everyone away from your house until Jasper returns and you have your heart to heart.

What? How did you get that out of what I just said?

You said you needed a vacation so take one. Figure out your feelings, what you wanna do next and we will work on it together from there.

Fine.

Wow that was surreal. Jasper is never confused about anything. I must have really thrown him for a loop. I didn’t mean to upset him. I guess I have a lot to work out myself. Do I want to pursue this or just let it go? I don’t want to hurt Alice. I think I do really need some time to think this through.

(APOV)

I don’t know what is going on with Jazzy. I can’t see him when he is with Bella or Simon. Edward came back from Bella’s and he was pissed. He didn’t say anything to anyone. He just went to his room and slammed the door. I’m guessing they either didn’t tell him what he wanted to know or Bella broke up with him for good. I have no idea what is going on and I don’t like it. I always know what’s going to happen. Ever since Bella brought Simon back with her I can’t see anything. I wonder if Bella is in love with Simon and that is why Edward is all pissed. Maybe he walked in on them making out. It could be possible since he can’t read either of their minds so he has no idea what he could be walking into. Shouldn’t Jazzy be home by now? What is taking him so long? He is never gone this long. I know we split but he has never not come home.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hello”

“Alice”

“Oh Jazzy I have been so worried about you. Where are you?”

“You don’t know?”

“No I can’t see you at all”

“Wow I guess Simon’s block works long distance.”

“Oh that is why I can’t see you.”

“Yeah he put it over me to keep Edward from my thoughts so I didn’t have to concentrate on hiding them while I was helping Bella.”

“OH”

“I’m sorry Alice.”

“It’s okay I understand. It must be nice to not have to try and hide your thoughts from Edward all the time. It does get rather tiring.”

“Yeah. Anyway the reason I am calling is because I won’t be home for a few days. I have some research to do for Simon to help him track down the last of his bloodlines. I will call you when I get ready to return.”

“That is fine. I hope you can help Simon. I know it was hard on me when I didn’t know about my family.”

“Yeah. Okay well I gotta go now but I will talk to you later”

“okay Jazzy, I still love you.”

“Yeah me too. Bye.”

Click….

Wow he couldn’t come home and tell me he was leaving he just takes off. I know we haven’t been as close as we were years ago but still. I wonder if I’m pushing him away? I don’t mean to but something doesn’t feel right anymore. It hasn’t for some time now. That’s why I asked for the separation. I still love him but I don’t think it’s the forever kind of love. I used to think it was. I don’t know I don’t feel complete with him. Maybe our relationship was just one of convenience. Now that he can control his blood lust and is comfortable in his own skin perhaps he can find his true mate. Was I just his guide to this way of life? I hope we can figure this out when he comes back. I don’t want to lose him. Not completely anyway. I will always love him.

(JPOV)

I thought having to call and lie to Alice would be hard. I had never had to do that before. It was incredibly easy though. I never thought Simon could block me if I wasn’t close to him. Alice not being able to see me is strange. It is slightly freeing too. Edward can’t get in my head, Alice can’t tell me what I’m gonna do or say. This could make Christmas so much better. Surprises will actually be surprises. Okay I know off topic. I need to think about this…what exactly is this? A love triangle, a soul mate, a relationship? I have no idea. I wonder what Bella is doing? Could Simon be right about the whole soul mate thing. I know Peter and Charlotte are soul mates I could feel it with the emotions flowing between them. I wonder if I could feel it coming from Bella? She hides her emotions from me so often I couldn’t tell you what she was feeling from one moment to the next. I know I don’t feel that strongly about Alice. Not the way Peter feels about Char. I don’t know if I feel that way about Bella either. Maybe I should list the pros and cons. Just like a battle strategy, that I can handle.

Bella Pros

Not controlling

Gives me space

Smiles often

Doesn’t overwhelm me with her emotions

Tells me her secrets

Trusts me completely

Understands me

Thoughtful

Smart

Funny

Caring

Bella Cons

Human (sort of)

Edward loves her

Family will be angry

Alice Pros

Knows all about me

Is already married to me

Family approves

Alice Cons

Sees the future

Tells me what to do

Controls me

Can’t surprise her

Cares more about shopping then me

Selfish

Rude

Controlling toward others

Doesn’t trust me

Drama queen

Smothers me

Calls me Jazzy!

Okay so lets see what I have come up with. Bella is sweet, caring, smart, funny, considerate, and thoughtful of others. Her only major down fall is she is human. Even if it is temporary. Alice is controlling, bossy, selfish, dramatic and doesn’t trust me. Her only major good thing is she already knows me and my quirks (apparently not all or she wouldn’t call me Jazzy).

Bella could learn them quickly though, and she would accept me for who I am, not what she wants me to be. That kiss was amazing. Her eyes, her smile, her smell are all heavenly. I have noticed the temperature of her body is dropping slightly also. If she is anything like Simon though she won’t ever get as cold as the rest of us. I remember noticing that about Carmen also. She was slightly warmer then the rest of us. Bella is special in her own way. The things she does to me when she plays that piano. My emotions go haywire but it’s a nice haywire. I have never felt so…I guess relaxed or better yet peaceful is the word. Alice has never made me feel peaceful. With her I am always on edge. He overly hyper nature makes it hard to relax. I don’t know how the rest of them deal with her in small doses. I know they think I’m crazy for dealing with her all the time. I wonder…

(BPOV)

Pros and Cons…what am I looking for here? If I should pursue Jazz or not. How many will be effected by my decision. Simon says it’s impossible to ignore it if we are soul mates. The longer we avoid it, the more depressed we will become and eventually our souls will wither and we will become entirely different creatures. A vampire without a soul is scary from what Simon said. They are even more pale then normal. Their eyes are dull and cloudy, the beautifully whitened teeth are broken, chipped and stained. It is said that they also look like a skeleton to the point you can see all the bones in their bodies. Gross. I don’t think I want that. Okay pros and cons it is.

Pros

Happiness

Equality

No secrets

No withering away

Trust

Cons

Pissed off Edward and Alice