Bella MacLeod's Twilight Fanfiction

Seeing Red

By BetterInTexas

Chapter 13: From the beginning.

Kara paced back and forth in the small room, using every bit of the will power that still remained in her not to fly out of what was quickly becoming an underground hell. She felt restless, trapped, bored and needed to do… something.

The physical withdrawals were over. Now she was dealing with the psychological effects. In the past when the girl wanted to relax she could drink, fly, both preferably. Now she had nothing and no idea what to do with her time. She couldn’t work out in the gym any longer because she had to spend at least four hours a day in a sun bed for a week in hopes that her liver would begin to heal. That meant no red sunlight and no hitting things hard that wouldn’t break. Her heart rate was monitored at night as well and since she had not been sleeping, that meant lying in bed, still all night so the leads wouldn’t be jostled.

“Stop pacing and come play video games with me.” Clark ordered. “Mom said its time for a sedative and an anti worry drug. You need to sleep and I need back up. You can help me until you pass out.”

“I don’t want to pass out.” Kara grumbled.

“Yeah but something tells me a sedative, by its very definition, could lead to sleeping. Call of Duty is up and I need a partner. Alex is fighting a wooden dummy so that leaves you.” he argued.

Kara shook her head, her irritation still present, but Clark in the past couple years had gotten over his fear of irritating her.

“Number one, you aren’t supposed to play Call of Duty, especially online here and number two I am not anxious, I am bored.”

“So we play video games.” the boy reasoned. “Kelex can get us a secure connection, and Mom and Dad are in the lab. We put in some Disney movie, play the downloaded version of Call of Duty and when Mom and Dad come to check on you we switch to the Disney movie. We have done this before, Kara. Why are you scared now?”

“I am not scared.” Kara countered, refusing to be baited. “You are spoiled and have become too used to getting what you want.”

“Lets not start on who gets what who wants. Batman built a hospital for you.”

Kara shook her head and continued pacing. “I didn’t want this.”

“No, I know what you wanted and you told me you wouldn’t anymore. Plus I don’t hear you complaining about that piece of junk motorcycle that showed up.”

“That is not a piece of junk! Do you know how much that bike is worth even in the shape it is in now? Its worth six figures now and more when I restore it. The fact that it was found is a miracle. As a piece of art, it is priceless.”

Clark moaned, as he often did when Kara began speaking of the history of machines that were much, much slower than they could move.

“Great, its priceless. Batman had people looking all over Europe to give you a birthday gift and you call me spoiled. Take your medicine and play with me. I’m doing you a favor. You know Alex is better at the game than you are, but since you are bored I am giving up a sure win for you.”

Kara did as instructed, a bit annoyed, She was as good as Alex. Clark was the weak link when the three played together. Granted her and Alex had trained with special forces soldiers from their early teens while thankfully Clark had not needed to learn the same.

Before Kara began, Shay Veritas and Caitlin Snow were in the room, giving her two pills, one, an anti anxiety medication and the other a sedative that should allow her to sleep without nightmares, in theory. It had been decided to find a medication combo while she was powered and then test the designer drugs Caitlin had developed for her when the right combo could be found. Once a set had been approved, the ability to depower as her cells did and then power up would be tested. This was the most worrisome because if Kara lost her powers and the drugs did not react on a cellular level with her solar metabolization, then the large dose of drugs could cause her to crash. In that case yellow sunlight would have to be administered very quickly along with intubation if she stopped breathing followed by Narcan through the breathing tube.

For now, every pill Kara took was a leap of faith. Fortunately and unfortunately if there was anything Kara was not afraid of, it was taking drugs.

Tomorrow she would have her first meeting with a new counselor and have an actual mental health evaluation to determine what other shrinks she would need. To say Kara was not excited about the idea of more therapy would have been an understatement. During the early years with Jessica, Kara had figured her out, figured out what to say and not say to give the woman enough to not push. Once her drinking had been impossible to keep hidden did the woman start pushing again and as was the norm in their relationship, when Jessica pushed, Kara pushed back, became defensive and retreated into herself. She said anything she had to say so her family would not look at her too closely. After Myriad she was supposed to have been alright. She went to college, graduated, did what they wanted. She felt as long as she could be the perfect daughter maybe they wouldn’t have noticed that she was still broken. Lies were her friend and she lived by them.

Now the girl was in a position where she had to be honest. She promised Alex and Kara would be lying again if she said she wasn’t afraid of what this eval would say about her. Yes, Kara knew she was, in her mind, screwed up, even broken. Living in denial worked though and hearing someone she didn’t know, someone neutral, telling her the same thing frightened her.

“So what exactly are these pills?” Kara asked.

“The blue one is a sedative that should help you sleep, and hopefully lessen your dreams, or… nightmares, I guess.” Caitlin explained. “The other is an anti anxiety medication, like Xanax. It should help with some of the restlessness you are feeling. Benzodiazepines are fast acting but could cause drowsiness and possibly nausea so if you could eat something before you fall asleep…”

“I don’t sleep. I never sleep. I don’t even need to eat. Why would I want to eat if it could feel nause…”

“Would you just do what she says?” Clark asked sharply.

Kara took a deep breath and smiled. “I will do my best to eat something. Perhaps a sandwich.”

“Excellent!” Caitlin agreed, and walked off quickly. Kara gave Clark a very pointed look.

“What? She wasn’t going to leave until you agreed, and you said you would do what you are supposed to. Thats what you always sound like when you are bossy with me. Now its your turn. Take your medicine, eat your sandwich and lets play.”

Kara shook her head. “I think I miss the times you were afraid of me.” she mumbled.

“Not me. Ready? Take your pills already.”

Kara swallowed the two pills and quickly moved to the refrigerator in Clark’s room and grabbed a bottle of water, perhaps hoping she could pretend it was her latest favorite drink that was very strong and had no odor. This happened to be water but it did help wash the pills down.

“They are going to start an anti depressant tonight. It will take three weeks probably to build up in your system. Those side effects could be worse…”

“How do you know all this?” Kara asked, stopping his rambling.

“Are you serious?” the boy asked. “I listen to everything. I didn’t come here just so you could lose at video games and watch you snap at everybody. I have been doing some research on this stuff. If they really work, you could sleep better and not have nightmares. You might even get out of bed happy in the mornings or even get out of bed everyday instead of hiding under the covers. We are from space and have a flying robot in an ice castle so anything is possible.”

The blonde shook her head, realizing that her brother knew way too much about mental health medication. More than any 11 year old should know, because of her.

“Shut up and lets play.” she ordered.

It was 20 minutes later, after the two were on a 32 kill streak and Kara had downed a sandwich while watching Clark’s virtual back when she dropped into a deep sleep suddenly. Clark nearly freaked, thinking she had died until she started snoring. The boy called Alex who ran inside and picked Kara’s torso up while Clark grabbed her legs and they deposited her into bed.

“Causes drowsiness, huh? She was awake one second and passed out the next. This is bad.”

“It will be okay, Clark. They are going to…”

“No, she needs sleep. I am surrounded by the red team and need a partner. Take her controller, quick.”

Alex shook her head but did as instructed, helping the boy regain his hold on Nuke City. They played uninterrupted for an hour until he heard his mother coming. Moving at super speed, he closed the game and popped in a Blu Ray. Eliza knowingly took in her innocent son and daughter.

“Good movie?”

“The best.” Clark agreed.

“I didn’t realize you liked Cinderella that much, Clark.”

Neither sibling looked at her.

Eliza took a deep breath, giving up. She knew Clark loved online gaming and her two daughters would not discourage him.

“She fell asleep quickly. Lets hope it lasts.” Eliza noted. “Maybe if she can get four hours now and all night later then… I guess we will see. Good luck killing your online enemies you two. Your father and I will be monitoring Kara. Bruce has had Streaky delivered. I will bring her down soon after she has eaten.”

“Sounds good Mom.” Alex agreed.

“And then perhaps we can have a talk about a League of something or another? I can’t remember but I am sure you do, right Alex?” Eliza asked pointedly, looking at Clark.

“Tonight, after bed time might be a good time. I would just like to say beforehand that I wasn’t present, I didn’t know and its not my fault.”

Clark laughed. “Thats usually my line. It was called the League of Assassins, Mom. I was listening to Kara that night, remember? Assassins, like Assassins Creed, only real. She was the head of them for like five minutes. I know all, I hear all, I see all.”

“Good, you can see my face and hear me when I ground you and know that I will mean it if you eavesdrop one more time on anyone, understand Mr. Know It All?”

“Yes Ma’am. Sorry.” the boy quickly agreed.

Kara did wake four hours later and promptly ran to the bathroom, vomiting the sandwich she had consumed before she fell asleep. She also broke a sink in frustration, hitting it and causing the porcelain to shatter. Thankfully Jeremiah was able to shut off the water quickly. Eliza handed Kara a mop. Instead of using it, Kara lit her eyes up just a bit for the water in the bathroom to evaporate. Neither parent was amused.

Caitlin and Shay shook their heads, deciding it would be back to the lab for adjustments. No one forced the blonde to eat again that night but did give her a sedative, leaving the benzo off the list for now. They knew it wouldn’t be easy and this was only the beginning. Though neither would admit it, they had both secretly hoped they would get it right the first time and wondered what side effects Kara would have to live with and if she could ever be as effective as she once was at battling threats to the world.

It didn’t matter. They were treating Kara, not Supergirl and the goal was effective treatment with as few side effects as possible.

Back to the drawing board.

National City

“Kara! My office now!” Cat Grant screamed.

J’onn in the familiar form of a dark red haired, green eyed girl wearing glasses walked in quickly.

“Yes Miss Grant?”

Cat took a look at the perfect likeness of Kara. It still creeped her out.

“Close the door.” she ordered.

Once the door was closed Cat motioned for the girl / Martian to sit on the couch across from her.

“You said you would be seen around the office and then take a sabbatical, Fake Kara. You did not want her sudden disappearance to be noted by any coworkers. I said fine, walk around, do as little as possible and surf the internet. That is what Kara does, so you shouldn’t be noticed.”

“I think I have done an outstanding job at being incompetent and uncaring.” J’onn defended himself.

“You have done a poor job at all aspects of her life. You have been friendly with James Olsen. Kara is always passively aggressive and sarcastic with him, often throwing General Lane and Lois Jr in his face. He seems to think Kara is warming to him now. You are also not using my private elevator.”

“Its… your elevator. You let Kara use your elevator?”

“Of course not. She does it anyway. I threatened to fire her once for it and she flew to Metropolis. Remember the series of interviews she gave Chloe Sullivan of the Daily Planet? That hack reporter won multiple awards for those interviews. Since that day I have never said a word. Everyone knows that Kara uses that elevator and I pretend not to notice. My schedule has been in disarray because Sheri or whatever her name is cannot keep track of my appointments.”

“Kara organized your schedule?” J’onn asked. From everything he had gleamed from others minds, Kara did not do much in the way of actually being a personal assistant.

“Of course not but her personal robot was excellent. She does not make eye contact with the other employees. Most of them think she believes herself above them but the truth is outside of Lois, Jimmy and I, she doesn’t like to look anyone directly in the eye. You have been acting like a High School student running for Student Body President and pandering for votes. Where is my Kara? I want her back. I need her robot and for some odd reason I miss her complete disregard for my wishes. I haven’t had a cheeseburger since she has disappeared.”

J’onn rubbed his forehead, knocking the glasses off the bridge if his nose because he could never remember they were there. He had shown up a week ago, hoping to cover for various aspects of Kara’s life so she would not be completely missed. His first morning he had made the mistake of bringing Cat her favorite latte and it was hot. Miss Grant immediately demanded to know where Kara was and what whatever he was had done to her.

Once the Martian explained that she was on a secret mission and that he was actually the flying green man that assisted her in battles at times, the woman demanded to know more. In exchange for the list of sick kids Kara visited, he had to provide some information on a fake mission but not enough for the woman to dig further. The Martian had shown up three times at work this week, never for more than a couple hours after he figured out that Kara was not exactly an excellent employee with high aspirations in the media world.

“I will try to be more disrespectful for the remainder of the week, Miss Grant. I will let it slip to Lane that I am taking vacation time starting next week and you and Siobhan, if you were wondering her actual name…”

“I wasn’t.”

“… can continue on with your life.”

Cat glared at Fake Kara. This respectful, but vague version of her was not acceptable. She wanted the disrespectful, brutally honest version of Kara. She also knew this Martian was hiding something. Kara did not take secret missions. She hated the idea of working with any Government agency and only assisted the Men in Black at times.

“You have been failing as Supergirl as well. You were at a robbery yesterday, a jewelry store, correct?”

“Yes… and I caught the suspects.”

“Yes, but there was a fire ten miles away, an apartment building. Kara always stops to ask the Captain in charge if they need assistance. You ignored it.”

J’onn clenched his jaw, already preparing for the berating on another aspect of Kara’s life. Not for the first time, J’onn wondered if Kara’s desire to be around this woman was just another form of self harm she practised.

“I did not know that. I do not have an advanced supercomputer in my ear keeping me abreast of every emergency situation.”

“You should have heard it. Is your green hearing not on par with hers?”

“No, it is not.” the man grumbled, the fake smile leaving his face quickly.

“I want to know where she is.” Cat ordered.

“Need to know information. You don’t need to know.” he responded… again. He had read enough of Cat Grant’s mind and knew quite a bit about the woman. What surprised him the most, is she actually cared for Kara, not just as Supergirl who made headlines for her reporters, specifically Lois Lane. He also knew that Cat suspected Kara had serious drinking problems and had been losing weight, as well as how red her eyes had been from lack of sleep.

“I need to know. Tell me.”

J’onn took a deep breath and wondered what he should say. If he failed, if the Government figured out that he wasn’t Supergirl, the most logical place for them to investigate what was going on with her was Cat Grant. Kara may as well have worn a Catco logo on her cape and the Catco building should have had a big S on its side. If someone important needed to get a hold of Supergirl, they simply went through Lois Lane or Cat Grant. Catco ran Kara’s charity, she had a division fielding calls from hospitals and Make a Wish Foundations across the world with requests for Supergirl. Catco was Supergirl Central and Cat Grant and Lois Lane would be first in line if anyone suspected something was wrong.

“I won’t tell you her location. If anyone figures out that I am not Supergirl, you and Lois are the first targets for information.”

“And neither of us would tell anyone.”

“Even if a guy in a black suit had a gun to Carter’s head?”

J’onn’s question shocked Cat momentarily. The woman just realized how much of a target her son could be. The men after information would not care who she was.

Saying nothing, not knowing what to say, J’onn finally answered the question to an extent.

“She is in a rehab faciltiy. She will be for some months. I will be making appearances over major cities and helping as I can but Supergirl will not be seen as much. Just enough so the bad guys of the world don’t think she is gone and they can do as they please.”

Cat sat in silence for a moment and then stood, walking towards her desk and finally having a seat. Closing her eyes, she laid her head back and tried to clear her mind. What a mess. The last time Supergirl had been gone for an extended period of time, crime had risen across the nation. Kara started working for her shortly after she came back onto the scene but Cat never could get her whereabouts from her.

And the woman doubted she needed to. It was obvious to her that somehow the invincible girl had tried to commit suicide. The woman had seen all the signs and ignored them, not admitting it to herself at the time. Every time a child she had been visiting in a cancer ward died, Kara always found herself on Cat’s balcony and it seemed a bit of her soul died as well. Cat wished many times that she had ever told Kara about the first child who wanted to see her on her death bed. It was too much for any 18 year old to take, much less one who already had the weight of the world on her shoulders.

“Did she try to kill herself again?” Cat asked quietly.

J’onn was surprised. “She told you about that?”

“She didn’t have to.” Grant answered. “So did she?”

“No. As I said she was taken to a secret rehab facility. She could be gone for some time.”

Cat shook her head and smiled. “I know that girl. How did you force the most powerful person in the Universe into a facility? Because Kara would never agree to go to one, believe me. It was enough of a struggle to get her to go to therapy. So what is next? I am assuming you can’t help at fires because the world will expect her to use her very cold breath. Since I have never seen you use space vision, that is out as well. How much trouble will you have dealing with aliens?”

“No trouble. Actually it might not be that easy, since my skill set is different than Kara’s as you have noted. But I will take them out of city limits somewhere private and deal with them.”

The woman considered this and nodded her head. “Give me prior knowledge of your whereabouts and Olsen can take photos at times of you flying. We print enough that the world thinks she is still around. Lets talk about the children. I will start easing off the requests for her time. There cannot be anymore visits as a child is dying. That is too much. I have received three concerned calls in the last few days. When you are visiting with children in hospitals or on the street, please watch more video of Kara and try to act as she does. Kara does not stand with her fists on her hips in some weird pose. Also the smile has to seem natural. Yours is so big it is scaring children. One social worker asked me if she had been hit with some drug by that psychotic clown in Gotham.”

“Noted.” the Martian agreed. Connolly had made comments about him looking a bit psychotic when he smiled. The superhero pose was a bit much but he had thought Kara would always look stronger and more confident if she tried it. Perhaps in hindsight it was a mistake. The Martian had perfected the Superhero landing and hair flip, however. It was not as easy as Kara made it look and he considered that a huge win.

“I am going to let it slip that your vacation, sabbatical, whatever we call it, begins tomorrow. Tell her she will have a job or at least a place to relax and for some reason be paid for it when she is ready. If possible, I would like to see her. I realize this most likely is a difficult time but as soon as she is somewhat…”

Cat stopped speaking and J’onn was shocked to see a tear on her cheek. The woman quickly wiped it off and sat straight.

“Keep me informed. Good day Fake Kara. Please do not bother me anymore. Her incompetence can be charming. Yours is annoying. Ease up on the smile. I will email Kelex her appearance schedule and start trimming it back until she is no longer having appointments. She can decide what she wants to do after she is better. Now be gone.”

J’onn walked out quickly, feeling much better now that he was done with the Kara Danvers facade. Cat Grant knowing was actually a blessing but having to push off Jimmy Olsen’s advances had been getting old. The Martian had considered lobotomizing him more than once.

Central City

The best friends sat side by side on Cisco’s couch, having nothing to do. It had been two days since Barry had seen Kara and had no doubt she was in the middle of multiple medication tests and therapy. After work he and Cisco had come to the his apartment, since S.T.A.R. labs was basically as silent as a graveyard. With Caitlin gone, and Harry and Jessie back on their Earth, there was no reason to hang out there.

Instead they watched TV while devouring pizzas. Perhaps Cisco eating a slice and Barry devouring the rest would be a more apt description.

“So… how was it?” Cisco started.

“How was what? The pizza?”

“No… how was therapy? You had your first session with that shrink Super sister recommended, right? What was it like? Is she hot? A cougar? What did she ask you? Give me details.”

Barry shook his head, already irritated and ready to leave.

“The whole point of therapy is that it is confidential. It was just a get to know each other session. Nothing more.”

Cisco shook his head, knowing Barry wasn’t telling him everything but he probably shouldn’t push. It wasn’t his business.

“So what did she ask to get to know you?” he asked anyway.

Barry shook his head and did not respond. There was really nothing to say even if he had wanted to. He and Jessica had talked for two hours but it was nothing more than a get to know you session. Of course getting to know Barry Allen’s life since he was ten could take a while even with an abridged version so the one hour session turned into two.

“Normal stuff. My life, my parents, Thawne, my job, Zoom, Joe and Iris. Just general stuff.”

“Oh, okay.” Cisco told him letting it go. He wanted to know everything but understood that whatever was going on with Barry was private. Barry hadn’t given details but Cisco had a feeling his last meeting with Kara had not gone well. He had been gone the entire weekend and Cisco wondered several times if he was making up for lost time with the hottest alien on Earth but by the look on Barry’s face when he returned, it was obvious not everything was okay. Barry also showed no surprise or concern about Caitlin being gone, only saying she was working and was safe… and probably rich now.

Something was up with Supergirl. After the visit from Batman the day Barry and Supergirl reconnected, Cisco had time to really think. At the time he was having a hard time keeping multiple emotions in check.

He was scared that Batman was waiting for him in the dark. After his fear passed he fought himself to not ask a million questions about the man’s suit. He struggled not to mention how hot Supergirl looked in that all blue, abs baring costume. He feared for Joe when the man aimed a gun at Batman who did not seem concerned in the least. He didn’t know what to feel when Joe’s arm was bent back and his gun taken by a thin girl who looked a lot like the National City vigilante that worked with Supergirl. Then of course she brought Nightwing who pretty much claimed Kara in front of them all. Cisco was a bit surprised he didn’t try to brand the blonde with some Bat symbol… or wing. Whatever that symbol was. The Nightwing name made no sense and not for the first time he wondered what idiot came up with it.

After some time had passed, he was able to analyze the events, mainly the events around Supergirl.

When Batman had told them he needed to take Harrison Wells in because he was the best chance the man had of staying alive, Cisco had not given it much thought. Afterwards, it was obvious Batman was insinuating that Supergirl would have killed Wells if she had the chance.

But Supergirl didn’t kill bad guys.

Next Barry arrived and asked Batman why he shouldn’t throw him out.

Enter Supergirl, threatening to rip Barry apart if she touched her black clad friend. At least until she knew who the Flash really was. A change came over her then, but before she realized it was Barry, that blonde hero had a murderous look in her eye. She wanted a fight and if she couldn’t have gotten Harrison Wells, she would have taken down the Flash and had been looking forward to it.

Now some superstrong, demon resembling alien arrives and helps Barry out with Killer Croc. Apparently this guy is a friend of Supergirl.

Cisco was quickly figuring out that what the public knew about her was not the whole story and may be a completely false story. Yes, she had done a lot of good, no one doubted that. But there was something about her that the world was not getting and he had a feeling Barry found out about it the weekend he went to meet her parents.

The two sat through three Indiana Jones films before Cisco dragged himself to bed, telling Barry to lock up on his way out or if he decided to pass out on the couch. Finally alone, Barry thought of his options. He could run. He could go home and go to sleep. He could go home and not sleep as the case had been lately.

His dilemma on what to do after midnight was solved when his phone rang. The number was unknown but he knew who it was.

Kelex.

“Kara?” he answered, hoping it wouldn’t be just an update from Tom HIddleston’s voice.

“Do I look like Kara?” Clark asked.

Barry put his head in his hands but kept the phone to his ear.

“I can’t exactly see what you look like…”

“Oh right because you don’t have our super telescopic vision. Do you know we don’t even need microscopes if we try hard enough? Thats some great eyesight we have. But hey, you still have the running thing down so thats… something.”

“Clark, its after midnight here, after 1 AM where you are. What are you doing up and why are you calling me?”

“Because Kara is actually sleeping, meaning Alex, Mom and Dad are sleeping. I can’t sleep because I am bored and I was going to sleep in Kara’s room with her but she has super snoring down too. Alex is next to her. I don’t know how she can stand it but apparently after all these years, she has gotten used to those sounds Kara makes. The doctors and staff are working, Batman is brooding in the basement and I have absolutely no one to play X Box with. I knew you would be up, so Kelex hooked me up with a secure signal. Kelex says there is an X Box where you are at. He is about to turn on your TV and X Box. Grab a controller.”

“He can’t…”

Barry stopped speaking when the TV switched on and Cisco’s X Box lit up.

“How did you… did he do that?” the man asked quietly.

“Magic. Oh and technology a few thousand light years ahead of this planet. Kelex keeps this world safe from digital attacks by off worlders. You seriously think he can’t break into your little grunge friend’s low tech? How are you feeling about Destiny 2?”

“Fine.” Barry grumbled. He actually didn’t have anything better to do and talking to Clark could be fun… and made him feel closer to Kara. “So uh… how have you been doing/”

“How is she doing you mean but thanks for the effort. She is doing okay. The sleeping pills are helping her. Just got to get her some serious nasal strips and we should be good. She did shatter a sink because she was mad about puking up a sandwich so the temper issues are still being resolved and everything else is in the early stages. I’ll keep you updated as long as you keep these late night contests to yourself.”

“Deal.” the man agreed. Clark’s avatar appeared on his screen…

“Stinky? Your player name is Stinky?” he asked, trying not to laugh.

“Alex is in control of the Fortress, meaning she controls Kelex and Justin and all the other toys we have. When she is in control she sets the Avatar names. When Kara is in control she usually has Alex’s as Daxamite Harlot. Not sure what that is all about. Something about Alex letting Kara drink ocean water when she first arrived and short skirts. I don’t know, they giggle a lot and I lose interest. Get on my six and watch my back. I am going in.”

The two played for ten minutes before Clark spoke again.

“Nice shooting back there. Hey, I don’t want you to worry, but Batman, I guess you know who he is, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Yeah, so he didn’t just have this hospital, secret base, bunker thing built for Kara, he also had guys searching European junk yards for this really rare and expensive bike. Kara actually broke her bad mood and smiled. May have been a few tears invovled. Apparently this piece of junk is worth six figures in the pathetic shape its in. Once she fixes it up the thing will probably make her a millionaire if she ever sells it. I just wanted to give you a heads up, let you know what you are up against.”

“Hey thats great. I know she loves rebuilding… what I am up against? What do you mean?”

Barry swore if he could see the kid he would have an evil grin on his face right now, despite how calm and serious he sounded.

“Nothing! She really likes you. I didn’t think Nightwing would be a threat. Nobody really liked him but Kara… okay Alex and him are pretty tight. But hey, you had no worries there. I always kind of had you as the front runner, because Batman is old enough to be her Dad.”

“Yeah… yeah, he is.”

“Then I thought, wait a second, don’t old billionaires marry young blondes? Yep, pretty sure its common practice. So I looked up some details on him. He isn’t as old as I thought. I think the grumpiness makes him seem old but he isn’t much older than Dante and I always kind of heard there was or wasn’t something going on with her about him. I’m not one to gossip though… hey would you watch your back? I can’t take this level if you are constantly regenerating! Anyway, yeah, he isn’t as old as I thought he was and him and Kara have been in some pretty tense situations together. They fought crazy clowns and crazy aliens together. Him and Nightwing have always kind of hung out with Kara and Alex. We had their birthday party one year on his yacht. So just wanted to give you a heads up. I am pretty sure you having superpowers would be more impressive to her than some rich, good-looking guy who is a superhero even though he doesn’t have any superpowers and has gone to war by her side.”

Barry shook his head, enjoying Clark’s constant attempts to get a reaction from him and annoyed at the same time. Batman? As if. Just because the tabloids were always starting rumors did not make it true.

“Kara does not need to worry about anything but herself. You need to stop worrying about her dating life. Or mine for that matter.”

“Just trying to be helpful. Do it your way. Just when you do it your way, try not to open any anomalies or travel back in time, okay? Do you know he hasn’t left this building since she was brought in? He steps outside with Alex or my parents at times but spends most of his time doing Bat stuff and talking to Kara. I’m sure he just sees her as a daughter or something.”

“Exactly…”

“But he doesn’t seem to be the parenting type. It doesn’t matter. You are right, all she needs to focus on is me and herself. Its not like even if he was interested he would use this opportunity to bond with her more than he already has. I doubt he would ever try anything like that, even if she is the only person who can really understand him. Thats what he tells her all the time, anyway. He probably buys priceless bikes and has parties on yachts for all his friends… but I don’t think he really has any friends. Probably nothing.”

Barry sat in silence, focusing on the game. After five minutes he shot Clark in the back of virtual head.

“What the heck was that?”

“That was me shooting your Avatar in the head, Stinky. I am out. I have work in a few hours.”

The Block, Kentucky

In the morning, Kara had a visitor she had been waiting on since she arrived here.

“Hey. I was wondering when you would come.” Kara greeted her long time therapist.

Jess shrugged her shoulders. “I wasn’t sure you would want to see me.”

Kara motioned her to a seat in her room and took one across from her. Alex was still asleep on the bed and judging by her heartbeat she was not faking.

“I wasn’t sure if you would want to see me.” the blonde admitted. “Guess you were told about the other stuff?”

Jessica shook her head. “What other stuff? I have been talking to your mother but she didn’t say anything about other problems? How much damage have you done to your…”

“Stop.” Kara told her. “It isn’t about that. I can heal… I hope. I was talking about the other stuff. The box cutter, the drug use. I guess you didn’t know.”

Ryan dropped her head, disappointed in herself and wondering what else Kara had slipped past her over the years. She had been so focused on Kara’s anger and alcohol use, she had never thought of other drugs or the girl resuming cutting herself.

“I’m sorry.” the woman whispered, surprising Kara.

“Why are you sorry? I’m the one who did it. I lied to you, I lied to everyone. I figured you found out and were keeping your distance…”

“I failed you.” Jessica told her.

Kara shook her head and moved up in her seat, placing a hand on Jessica’s shoulder, she met the woman’s eyes.

“Everything I have done is on me. I lied to you and everyone else. That isn’t your fault. It’s just… who I am, I guess.”

Jessica took a deep breath to control her emotions. “I was the one who was supposed to know when you were lying. It was my responsibility. What… what drugs were you using? Human?”

“Alien.” Kara answered, hating to see the flash of pain that crossed the woman’s face.

“I… Kara…”

“Jess, its my fault. I could have told you a lot the last few years but I chose not to. You got me through my teen years. You let me tell you things I never would have told anyone, even Alex.”

Jessica smiled, knowing that was not true.

“Alex knows more about you than anyone ever will.”

“True but she hasn’t known most of the stuff I have done the past year either. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it had gotten. I wanted to be strong and I wasn’t. So… are we going to…”

Jessica shook her head.

“I can’t be impartial with you, Kara. You need more than I can give. You are going to have to settle for me being your friend. I’ll be with you, anytime you want to talk but for therapy to work you are going to have to be honest. We have fallen into patterns where we both maybe have some denial. There is a woman here, I don’t know her, but Bruce wouldn’t have hired her if she wasn’t good. You have to open up to her, Kara. She will know when you are lying. She won’t let things slide like I apparently did. Not if you want this to work. We finally have a chance to get you the medication you have needed since you were 13. You are going to have a few different therapists and you have to be honest. You have a chance here, Kara. A real chance, so don’t screw it up. People who love you are staying by your side in a hole in the ground. Don’t take that for granted.”

Kara nodded her head, expecting as much. The girl knew when she heard about different therapists seeing her that Jess had most likely taken her as far as Kara let her.

And she was not sure how she felt about that. For the past decade, nearly her entire time on Earth, Jessica had been a constant in her life. She saw the woman at least two times a week, often three and during really bad patches, every day.

Jessica was the one who convinced her she could beat her fear of thunder, beat panic attacks at times. Kara showed the woman every picture she had ever drawn of her nightmares.

At times Kara liked her, loved her, and at others she tolerated her. There were many times after especially difficult sessions Kara swore she hated the woman and told her as much.

But talking to her was a constant in Kara’s life. Yes, she had started lying shortly before her second suicide attempt but Jess was comfortable. Kara knew how to act, what to say, what to do with the woman.

Which was probably why Jessica Ryan would not be her therapist anymore.

“I won’t. So you are going to just be my friend? Does that mean since you aren’t getting paid, if I scream that I hate you, you are going to have to stick around for free?”

Jessica shook her head. “No, I am finally going to get to scream back at you. It should be fun.” she told the girl with a smile. “You are going to try an anti depressant this morning. I understand the meds are effecting you, at least in a negative manner. This is good. All medicines have side effects. If you are getting side effects that means they have a chance of working. They just have to figure out how to minimize the side effects. This afternoon you are meeting with Dr. Leslie Thompkins. She has worked as a MD, and a therapist. I understand she runs a clinic in Gotham. I would like to give her some information on you so she can be a little prepared this afternoon. If you aren’t okay with that, I understand and won’t. I told you no one would ever see my notes.”

“Thanks Jess,” Kara told her. “But she is going to find out everything anyway. I don’t want to rehash my life, so if you could give her the Cliff Notes version that would be great. I am due a cheeseburger and a sedative, meaning I will eat, fall asleep quickly and then wake up and puke. One of many attractive qualities that may attract a husband one day.”

Kara sounded as if she was joking but Jess knew better.

“You can have that one day, Kara. You can have the life you always wanted. You just have to decide how badly you want it. If they cannot figure out how to design the drug dosage to increase and decrease with the solar power in your cells, have you given any thought to what you will do?”

Kara shrugged her shoulders and turned her head to the right, her habit when she was deflecting. Since Jessica didn’t say anything she decided her new friend should have an answer.

“Yeah, I have. I won’t live the next six years without red sunlight. Its probably selfish, but if they can only work under red sunlight I am having the crystal implanted. I overheard Dad mentioning that if I asked for it he would implant it under my femur. Its really small, so I should never notice it. He told Mom he considered putting it just next to my spine near my tailbone but was worried it would be too exposed, especially since I have no plans to give up my motorcycle.”

Jessica dropped her head and shoulders in relief. Maybe being here was the wake up call Kara needed if the girl was actually considering giving up if it meant she would live.

“Thats good, Kara. Thats really, really good.”

“Not for the people I won’t be saving.” Kara reminded her. “But I can’t focus on Clark being safe if I am dead and… I don’t know how much more I could have taken. I still don’t know. I am going to try and have faith in the doctors though. Shay is being nice even if I did threaten to send the League of Assassins after her the first time I met her. Caitlin is the doctor who treats Barry when he gets hurt and is brilliant from what Alex says. The meds will work. My only problem right now is boredom. I need to be doing something. All I do is sit here in the one place that reminds me I can never drink again. I still want a drink. Even after the hell I went through to dry out I still want a drink.”

Jess nodded her head in understanding. “Kara, you probably always will. Just like you started cutting yourself again, alcohol was something you used, not just to forget but to punish yourself for things that are not your fault. One day you are going to have to realize that you are not a god.”

“Yeah,” the girl admitted. “That has become crystal clear to me.”

The two women hugged and Jessica walked away to find Kara’s new chief therapist. After a few minutes of staring at the walls, Alex woke up.

Kara noted she had a bruise her cheek.

“Who hit you!?”

Alex laughed good naturally and rubbed the blue spot.

“You did last night, idiot. You asked me to sleep with you. You were tossing and turning, I wasn’t quick enough and got launched out of bed when your hand became acquainted with my back. I wasn’t able to stop in midair like some people so, my cheek became acquainted with the floor.”

Alex’s smile went away when she saw the look on Kara’s face.

“Hey Blondie, calm down. You didn’t mean it. It is just one of those things that happens. I can usually duck and cover but I guess we have been both been sleeping better. You weren’t moaning. No bad dreams?”

The blonde shook her head, making a note to not ask Alex to sleep with her again unless it was under red lights. She had already beat the hell out of her sister during withdrawals and didn’t know how much more Alex could take.

“Not that I can remember.” Kara told her. “I guess I am just restless and its coming out in my sleep.”

“Well, you won’t be bored today. I am going to grab your first anti depressant so seeing if you turn blue with pink spots or fly in circles should be fun. Then its a nap with the one drug that seems to be working fine and your first session with your new best friend. A nurse is bringing breakfast. Eat with the antidepressant. It could cause nausea but maybe not. Anything is possible.”

Kara took the pill Alex brought back and swallowed, aided with a bottle of water from the fridge. True to word, her breakfast was served shortly after. Despite not really being hungry, the food was too good to put down. Bruce Wayne did not do anything halfway, meaning his hospital food would be the best hospital food in the country.

“Speaking of my new best friend, have you heard from my actual best friend?”

Alex tensed, not wanting to get into this.

“I sent her a text last night letting her know you were staying here of your own free will and she can come anytime, provided…”

“Provided?” Kara nudged, not happy about any provisions.

“Provided she not talk about any superhero, or crime or League of Assassins stuff. You agreed while you were here you would not focus on that stuff. Barry hasn’t told you about metas, Bruce is watching the world and all is still fine and we haven’t talked about any dangers in the world. This is time for just you.”

Kara felt her cheeks grow warm, not from embarrassment.

“You are seriously censoring what I can and cannot know?”

Alex nodded her head slightly. “You promised up top that you would only focus on you. I told you it wouldn’t work if you worried about everything else and you agreed. If something happened that you didn’t trust others to handle, it would take you two seconds to bust through six layers and fly off towards trouble. She agreed regardless. She doesn’t want you to worry about everything. She has some work for a couple days and then wants to see you, if its okay with you. Oh by the way, I had to tell Mom and Dad about the League of Assassins thing. You mentioned using them to kill Veritas and Bruce when you first got here. They were curious.”

“Great.” the blonde mumbled, no longer hungry.

“Hey, they aren’t upset. I mean… they didn’t throw a party or anything but…”

“Its exactly the kind of thing they would have expected from me.” Kara finished.

“Kara…”

“Its fine, Alex. I know I am not exactly… I know that they know what I do. Its… its fine.”

Neither women said anything else, Kara turning on a Blu Ray, seeing that Cinderella was in the X Box for some reason. After an hour of watching Mama Mia, which didn’t lift her spirits as it used to, her mother and father walked in with hugs, and a sedative. They also had a tweaked version of the Benzo that had made her sick before. Before taking the pills, she asked for a com link which Alex happily gave her. This meant Alex was still in control, some sort of protocol was in place to not give Kara control until she was deemed mentally stable and no doubt Kelex was forbidden from telling her news of the outside world.

It didn’t matter.

“Kelex, connect me to Barry Allen.”

“And a good morning to you as well, Kara. One nerdy speedster coming right up.”

Kara shook her head, wishing she had never instructed the robot to learn the nuances of sarcasm.

After a few minutes of patient waiting, she heard Barry’s voice.

“Kara?”

“Hi. I’m about to have a busy day of being drugged and wanted to just… say hi, I guess. Are you busy? Is this a bad time?’

“Of course not. Nothing going on here thats important.” the man answered. He did not tell her he was at the scene of a triple homicide, being stared at by Joe and Captain Singh who were not amused as Barry walked past the crime scene tape and stepped outside to talk.

“Thats good. I was just wondering how you were doing. I’m about to take a medicine that could make me, vomit, space out or fly upside down. Of course it could work but I’m not even sure what work would be in this case.”

Barry didn’t laugh, catching the sadness in her forced light tone.

“Maybe its just being happy. Isn’t that enough?”

Kara thought about it. What would be happy? She had seen the place where she was most happy and in that place, that life, there was nothing to do with being an alien, being Supergirl, killing enemies, taking part in life or death battles, or harming herself by cutting, burning or substance abuse.

In other words that perfect world was unattainable. It always had been. So what would the new happy be? To live everyday, not wondering half the time if she would ever find some enemy that had a chance of killing her or the vague thoughts of whether her family would be better off without her. She did not focus on these thoughts every moment of every day but they were always there in the background.

She would be playing with Clark, having fun but there was always something in the back of her mind, that little voice that said she didn’t deserve it, that they would all be better off without her.

Having that voice shut up would be a good start.

“Yeah, that would be nice, if I knew what happy was.”

Barry said nothing for a moment, thinking about this. What would be happy for her? He thought he may have an idea.

“That look on your face when you are on your bike or driving a stolen car, that seems like something you can strive for. Maybe its the little things that add up to something big.”

Kara was surprised. “Look who turned into a wise man. Been going to therapy yourself?” she joked.

“Yeah, I have. I mean, I started, with Jessica. If it bothers you I won’t go to her. I wasn’t sure how you would feel about it so I didn’t want to bring it up when I saw you because you had so much going on.”

The girl shook her head, partly pleased but another part wondered if even having limited contact with her caused people to seek therapy.

But it had nothing to do with her. Barry had lost a lot, and recently his father. You wouldn’t know it by the way he acted, at least around her, but it had to be screwing him up. She couldn’t imagine what she would do if something happened to any of her family.

“Barry that isn’t my decision but I think it is a good one. Jess got me through a lot of stuff. She thinks she let me down but she didn’t. I kind of let everyone down. But yeah, I think its great. She is the one person you wouldn’t have to keep big secrets from.”

In the background, Kara heard a man yell at Barry to get back to the dead bodies. He didn’t sound amused.

“Sounds like I did catch you in the middle of something important.”

“Nothing is more important. They aren’t going anywhere. I should probably get back tot he murder investigation. Give me call tonight, maybe?”

Kara agreed and reluctantly ended the transmission, took her pills and lay down. She opened her eyes a short time later to discover she had actually been asleep for five hours. Eliza was next to her, running her fingers through the blonde hair and Streaky was on the other side of Kara, claws clinging to Kara’s silken hair the cat loved so much.

“Time to meet Dr. Thompkins.” her mother whispered. “You need a moment to get ready? Do you want to get up? She can come in here.”

The girl shook her head and stood up on shaky legs, something she was not used to while powered unless she was drunk.

“It will take a bit for your body to get used to the medication. I think this is more of a result of the sedative and benzo together. We will get it right, sweetie. Don’t give up.”

Kara smiled at the woman. “I won’t. Promise. Give me ten minutes and I will be ready.”

Once inside the bathroom, she was pleasantly surprised she did not need to vomit and her legs became more steady. Walking out, still not bothering to dress in anything other than pajamas, she followed Eliza to an office. Kara checked it and saw it was sound proof and no recording devices were inside.

“I made Clark swear he wouldn’t listen. No one else will know anything going on in there. I promise, Kara. It is safe. Just be… honest.”

Kara nodded her head, promising she would and wondering to herself if she really could. Honestly had not been a friend of hers in a long time.

She kept her head down until she closed the door. Looking up, she saw a woman in her fifties, perhaps early sixties, dressed casually in old blue jeans and a red flannel shirt.

“Kara Danvers, I am Leslie. I went over your history, while you were sleeping. Did you know that you snore? Sounded like a damn buzz saw was cutting through the base. Impressive work. So take a seat in this semi comfortable chair in front of me. I thought about a couch but didn’t want to be completely cliche. So you are Supergirl, huh?”

Kara shrugged her shoulders. “I guess, I was, am… yeah, thats me.”

“I thought you always did a number on your enemies. They got off easy considering what you have done to yourself. So stop me if I have anything wrong.”

“Okay…”

“PTSD, severe anxiety, manic depression, extreme anger management issues, homicidal and suicidal impulses, two suicided attempts, self harming behavior, drug and alcohol abuse and… wow, yeah there are more but I am forgetting… oh yes, a fear of intimacy.”

“I do not have a fear of intimacy!” Kara told her quickly.

“You do use sex to make yourself forget or cope and have no emotional attachment to your partners because that would be too much for you to handle. You do not like close bonds outside of your family and a few friends. Lets face it, Kara, outside of your parents and siblings the only friends you have are a guy who dresses like a bat for most of his life, a Czarnian bounty hunter and the head of the League of Assassins. You also have been having sexual relations with Dick Grayson for six years and have told him at every opportunity that you don’t love him or want him around.”

“I don’t love him.”

“I believe you. You used him and he let himself be used. It doesn’t change the fact that you have a fear of intimacy not just in your sexual relations but in most relations. Am I wrong?”

The blonde looked to her right…

“Stop that. Your file says you look to the right if you want to avoid uncomfortable questions and look to the left if you are planning on denying or lying about something. I have no patience for lies, so I will make a deal with you. When we talk, I will look you in the eyes and you will look me in the eyes. That way if you lie to me you can at least be brave about it. Sounds good? Great, glad you agreed. So, everything else, you can admit you have a problems with?”

“Sure.” Kara told her, indeed looking her in the eyes.

“Good. The fact that you are voluntarily staying in Bruce’s hole in the ground is proof of your commitment, but this has to work because you want it to. You can’t do it for them, not your family, not your friends and certainly not for the world. Are you committed for you?”

“Yes.”

“Great, then lets start at the beginning. The next few days I want to hear everything about your life, the good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. I will return the favor by not telling you anything about mine. It would only make you more depressed.”

Kara took a deep breath.

“Okay. My cousin and I landed when I was thirteen on this…”

“Stop. I said the beginning. You and everyone assumes everything that led to now, started when you landed. Maybe you are right but I am not taking that for granted. Tell me everything from the beginning. I want to know your earliest memory and we can go from there.”

Kara opened her mouth and then closed it.

“Thats… when I was a child, I thought my world was perfect. There is not point in rehashing it.”

Leslie nodded.

“I can understand why you think that. But since I am the one with the PhD and MD why don’t you humor me? Tell me everything, from the beginning.